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“Oh yeah, I used to have a Mac. Then one day I realized, hey, it is just way too quiet in here! I need some kind of constant mechanical clatter to be really productive! So that’s why I got this USB typewriter. It not only gives me the deafening clickity-clack of a typewriter key that I crave, but also immediately let’s everyone know that I’m that guy. It’s a win-win! Clickity-clickity-clack!”

(Photos via Splash News Online)

Okay, so you really blew it by not going to that 826NYC Scrabble tournament this weekend, but are you just going to lay down and die over it? Hell no! Just like John Hodgman in this photo tweeted from 826 by his Scrabble buddy Michael Showalter, you’re going to rip off your t-shirt, grease up your mustache and wrestle the future to the ground, hairless chest gleaming.

WWSJHD?

(Via @mshowalter)

Caine Monroy has a business to run, people! Yes, that business is a cardboard arcade that he made out in his dad’s auto-parts shop in East L.A., but still! Caine has a business card, an employee uniform and a bunch of calculators taped to the boxes for security. So, do you want to play the claw machine that he made himself out of a hook and some yarn, or do you want to stand there crying silently at all the heartbreaking sweetness in the world?

Yes, it’s sweet that Caine’s only customer Nirvan Mullick made a short film about him, and then organized a flash mob on Reddit to stop by and play all of Caine’s cardboard games, but he’s got to make sure there’s a steady flow of nickels into this business. Caine isn’t made out of money here! He’s made out goodness and hope and adorable crooked-tooth smiles.

(Caine’s Arcade, via losangeles.neighborhoodr)

Beyonce’s new Tumblr dropped today and, per usual, Hova is keeping an extremely low profile next to his insanely famous wife. Or, you know, behind his insanely famous wife. Jay-Z‘s profile is so low, in fact, that as far as I can tell he only appears in a tiny baby handful of photos on the site and, for some unfathomable reason, this is one of them:

The inclusion of this snapshot suggest to me that either:

1. Bey has been a cutting-edge animatronic puppet operated by Jay this entire time, or
2. They are both secretly hilarious jokesters who are forced to keep their highjinks under wraps due to strict orders from their people.

Can we just go with puppet, then? I am so over those Illuminati rumors, and puppets is really hitting the spot right now.

(Beyonce.tumblr.com)

While most of us are shackled to a tradition that demands pants have a zipper and pockets and some sort of structural integrity, The Rock is capitalizing on the best part of being famous while shooting Michael Bay‘s Pain and Gain in Miami: the ability to wear soft pants in public, with none of the accompanying shame the rest of humanity would rightly feel.

Because isn’t that the best part of being a celebrity? Once you have a Golden Globe, pajama jeans are on the table. If you manage to land an EGOT, you are permitted to coat your bare legs with a thick layer of Greek yogurt, with no legal or social ramifications. Yes, you will probably ruin the seats in your maroon Chrystler Prowler that way, but there will always be more leather. Softness…softness is a limited commodity.

(Splash News Online)