Even though it’s our final week here at BWE.tv, we still have a full 2012 budget for Getty Images, the photo website that provides us with the high-res stock photos necessary to create masterpieces like this. So, rather than just let the site fizzle with a bunch of photo-money left unused, Halle Kiefer and I have taken the liberty of blowing our remaining 2012 photo allotment on the following list of 60 Completely Random Stock Photos For The Sole Purpose Of Using Up Our Photo Budget.
I think we can all agree, VH1′s money has never been better spent:
I remember when I was in college, I visited New York City and one of the things on my to-do list was to watch an episode of The Robin Byrd Show, the famous local-access show that was parodied on SNL. I wanted to know everything about being a “REAL” New Yorker, and apparently, watching this show was an important piece of that puzzle. But to all of you aspiring New Yorkers, let me advise you, don’t be like me. Late night cable access is not where it’s at anymore. What makes you a true New Yorker is an obsessive knowledge of our local commercials. Our local cable station, NY1 (and its glorious morning anchor Pat Kiernan) do a great job of running some real classics, and we’ve picked our favorites through the years so you can get acquainted with what to expect when you move into your new apartment in SqaViNetA (that’s the new, hot neighborhood, it stands for the Squatters Village In Nets Arena).
10. Grand Prospect Hall
The Grand Prospect Hall. This is the mother of all New York television spots. Trust me when I say that all New Yorkers are conditioned to say “The Gran’ Prospeh Hall…We make you dreams cahm true!” the instant that Vivaldi starts playing.
9. Raymour & Flanigan
My only goal in life, other than to be a world-famous blogger of local TV commercials, is to sing in a local TV commercial. Specifically, I want to be one of the “Oh..Oh” singers in the Raymour And Flanigan spot.
“Oh yeah, I used to have a Mac. Then one day I realized, hey, it is just way too quiet in here! I need some kind of constant mechanical clatter to be really productive! So that’s why I got this USB typewriter. It not only gives me the deafening clickity-clack of a typewriter key that I crave, but also immediately let’s everyone know that I’m that guy. It’s a win-win! Clickity-clickity-clack!”
(Photos via Splash News Online)
Okay, so you really blew it by not going to that 826NYC Scrabble tournament this weekend, but are you just going to lay down and die over it? Hell no! Just like John Hodgman in this photo tweeted from 826 by his Scrabble buddy Michael Showalter, you’re going to rip off your t-shirt, grease up your mustache and wrestle the future to the ground, hairless chest gleaming.
Everyone knows that not paying taxes can become a celebrity’s legacy. (Go with me on this.) When someone mentions Willie Nelson or Wesley Snipes, if you don’t automatically make a joke about weed or Passenger 57, the next easy go-to in your bag of Nelson-Snipes jokes is totally about tax evasion, I just know it. But stars who don’t abide by the tax code are such a common thing that it’s not that shocking anymore once you hear who’s been in hot water for it. Martha Stewart. Snoop Dogg. Val Kilmer. Teri Polo! Clearly she wasn’t reporting her income from being a Miss America judge.
So sure, lots of celebs get in trouble for it, but haven’t we all wondered who the sexiest tax evaders are? We sure have:
12. Burt Reynolds
This centerfold was no angel (see what I did there?), Burt owed the state of California $225,000 back in 1996.
11. Sophia Loren
Back in the early 1980′s, Sophia owed Italy over $600,000. You know if Berlusconi was president back then, she would have gotten away with it.
Caine Monroy has a business to run, people! Yes, that business is a cardboard arcade that he made out in his dad’s auto-parts shop in East L.A., but still! Caine has a business card, an employee uniform and a bunch of calculators taped to the boxes for security. So, do you want to play the claw machine that he made himself out of a hook and some yarn, or do you want to stand there crying silently at all the heartbreaking sweetness in the world?
Yes, it’s sweet that Caine’s only customer Nirvan Mullick made a short film about him, and then organized a flash mob on Reddit to stop by and play all of Caine’s cardboard games, but he’s got to make sure there’s a steady flow of nickels into this business. Caine isn’t made out of money here! He’s made out goodness and hope and adorable crooked-tooth smiles.
(Caine’s Arcade, via losangeles.neighborhoodr)
I remember ovulating for the first time to “I’m Like A Bird” like every other woman of my generation. Then eventually Nelly Furtado got bangs and turned up the gyrating and I thought, sure, it’s 2006, so many things are in a state of flux. You do you, girl. Now Furtado is shooting a new music video in L.A. this week and I guess we’re going with tuxedo stilts.
Ugh, I hate being such a pessimistic though. Maybe the combination of menswear, perturbing insectoid limbs and stub feet are about to get huge? I’ve certainly been wrong before. Remember when Pink really got into aerial acrobatics and everyone’s aunt and uncle lost their shit. Maybe I’m just sublimating some horrible circus-related memory. I would not surprise me in the least.
(Splash News Online)
Maybe if Bill Murray spontaneously ran the bases at every Major League Baseball game, as he did before throwing out the first pitch at the Cubs game at Wrigley Field last night, maybe then I could finally get emotionally involved with sports.
Ah, but then there’s football, basketball, hockey, tennis, water polo and track and field, and I just can’t imagine the man has that kind of spare time. On a somewhat related note, Dr. Venkman can really get those knees up, right? My exercise-induced asthma is acting up just watching this.
Beyonce’s new Tumblr dropped today and, per usual, Hova is keeping an extremely low profile next to his insanely famous wife. Or, you know, behind his insanely famous wife. Jay-Z‘s profile is so low, in fact, that as far as I can tell he only appears in a tiny baby handful of photos on the site and, for some unfathomable reason, this is one of them:
The inclusion of this snapshot suggest to me that either:
- Bey has been a cutting-edge animatronic puppet operated by Jay this entire time, or
- They are both secretly hilarious jokesters who are forced to keep their highjinks under wraps due to strict orders from their people.
Can we just go with puppet, then? I am so over those Illuminati rumors, and puppets is really hitting the spot right now.
While most of us are shackled to a tradition that demands pants have a zipper and pockets and some sort of structural integrity, The Rock is capitalizing on the best part of being famous while shooting Michael Bay‘s Pain and Gain in Miami: the ability to wear soft pants in public, with none of the accompanying shame the rest of humanity would rightly feel.
Because isn’t that the best part of being a celebrity? Once you have a Golden Globe, pajama jeans are on the table. If you manage to land an EGOT, you are permitted to coat your bare legs with a thick layer of Greek yogurt, with no legal or social ramifications. Yes, you will probably ruin the seats in your maroon Chrystler Prowler that way, but there will always be more leather. Softness…softness is a limited commodity.
(Splash News Online)