So we’re taking away our name on the cup!
That’s cool. It’s not a Pepsi or Gap disaster. Though, I fail to see the point. Were the Starbucks execs sitting around and said, “We have too much money. Let’s pay a branding firm an exorbitant amount to slightly tweak our image and maybe try and make us less recognizable. If such a thing is possible!!!” (Hearty laughter for ten minutes, wiping happy tears away with hundred dollar bills)
Arbiter of class Vanity Fair, clearly aware that Justin Bieber is not going away, a la Lady Gaga, is putting him on their February cover. Here’s a behind the scenes video they put together of his photo shoot. As you will see, their stylist liked very much when Bieber busted out the hipster glasses and styled him, among other things (chest baring checkers player being one of them) as one of the original hipsters, Buddy Holly. Or Buddy Holly-ish.
Little girls are cute with their crushes. Especially if they’re wearing tiny sweater sets. Until, you know, they start with the death threats.
You think You Got Served already went quietly into the night? You think everyone’s already been served? Several times over? THINK AGAIN. Because you know who hasn’t yet been served? Mother effing Topol hasn’t been served and it’s about time he was. It’s The Fiddler On The Roof + You Got Served Mashup!! Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeemiiiiiiiiiiiiiiix!!
Courtney Love is getting sued over her Twitter feed. Reports NME:
The Hole singer, who is a prolific user of Twitter, posted a series of tweets criticising fashion designer Dawn Simorangkir via her page, Twitter.com/courtneyloveuk.
Love has allegedly accused Simorangkir of being a drug-pushing prostitute with a history of assault and battery who lost custody of her own child. Love wrote: “She has received a vast amount of money from me over $40,000 dollars and I do not make people famous and get raped too!”
Wait, whom is she calling a “drug-pushing prostitute with a history of assault and battery who lost custody of her own child”? Simorangkir or herself? I do love a Love Tweet. However, let’s call a spade a spade, Love, and say that your record is not so much flawless as not. You know, drug/sexing/assault/losing custody of child-wise. Please don’t kill me. Unless it’s the sex competition that leads to my death that we were talking about earlier.
Love’s lawyer, James Janowitz said: “We don’t believe there’s any defamation, and even if there were defamatory statements, there was no damage.”
There were no defamatory statements. BUT EVEN IF THERE WERE, even though there WASN’T, there was no damage. So THERE. God speed to you, James Janowitz. The cool thing is that this is the first lawsuit of its kind, in that she is the first celebrity to be sued over her Twitter. I hope it goes all the way to the Supreme Court and ends up as precedent that law students cite. “In the case of Simorangkir vs. Love we see that when the defendant is clearly unstable, her Twitter feeds are rendered moot for reasons of insanity and she cannot be charged with defamation. Also, side angle side.”‘ That’s how law students talk, right?
Listen, it’s a boring day. But here’s a thing you can do: Type something or someone’s name into Google followed by the word “is,” and see what the internet thinks of them. Do it. You’ll learn a lot. Did you know that many people think of Justin Bieber as a 51 year old gay man?
Holy sh*t, there’s proof?! Sounds gross.
And while most of us are aware that a lot of insane people out there think Barack Obama is some sort of idiot Antichrist Muslim, you probably did not know that, for the most part, he is just a fun way of getting around.
“Oh, you have a Huffy? Psht. My bike is the president.” – Kids
So far 2011 is looking great! You know how nobody in the world has not had the idea to make it so all phones can use the same type of charger charger? Well, over the next year, most mobile device companies will finally start producing their phones so that they can all use the same type of charger. From hothardware.com:
14 of the most prominent mobile phone manufacturers agreed to use a single standard. Although the agreement was made, there’s still a lot of background work to be done before consumers enjoy the full benefits of this agreement. Recently, the European Commission sent out details for the standard in preparation for the switch.
The technical specifications for the connection are based on the microUSB connector that many mobile phone manufacturers are already using. You’ll find many of your favorite phone brands among the list of manufacturers that have agreed to adopt the standard, including Samsung, Apple, Nokia, and Research in Motion.
It’s so satisfying when a thing that should obviously get done finally gets done. Next up: jars of salsa that are wide and shallow so you can use the jar as a bowl without getting salsa all over your knuckles.
And while we’re on the subject of obvious inventions, can we come up with something better than toilet paper? If you got sh*t on your coffee table, would you just scrape it off with a piece of paper and then go get a soda? No. Then, how is it possible that it’s 2011 and we’re still happy doing that with OUR BODIES?! This should actually take precedence over the cell phone charger thing. Get to work, science.
How far back is 1993, you ask? Let’s put it this way: It’s two years before the movie The Net came out and blew us all away with its special effects. But way back when, 18 years ago (kill me), AT&T had the foresight to put out the following ad campaign called “You Will,” predicting all the things the future has in store for us. Thinks like sending faxes from the beach, or taking meetings on your beachside patio. In other words, in the future, we are all douchebags:
Pretty accurate, Tom Selleck! The only thing you forgot is that it’s now possibly to masturbate basically anywhere. Future!
2010 has been a year of great happiness and great, grave disappointments. But before we all ring in what will hopefully be a much perkier and upbeat 2011, I thought I’d take the time to apologize to some people whose feelings I may have hurt this year. Presenting my Giant List of 2010 Apologies.
Sincere “I’m Sorries” to the following people and things:
• To Lindsay Lohan. For calling you an assh*le on the red carpet at the MTV Movie Awards. Bright side? I did say “Nice pants.”
• To All The Dogs At Westminster. We are sorry your owners have in-breeded you to the point of r-tardation and that we laugh at your pain. On the bright side, we would crush you to death with affection. (link)
• To Glee. For giving up on you this season. (link)
• To Every Other Celebrity I Attacked On The Red Carpet. Especially you, Quentin Tarantino, for forcing you to look at my feet.
• To Fans of Chris Brown. I’m sorry you guys got so mad at me for posting photos of Chris Brown fake crying at the BET Awards this year. “It’s not your fault that you’re so gap-toothed.” — Mean Girls. Also, really sorry your idol likes to tenderize lady face meat with his hands. (link)
• To Twilight Fans. Look, you guys aren’t as terrifying as I may have thought. So, OK, you’re 40, you have Robert Pattinson cut-outs in your room, threw your marriage to the wind in the hopes of meeting an immortal hot British man, and, wait *rustle* did you hear that? What was that? *turns around* — Thus ending my new play, “How I Was Murdered By A Twilight Fan.” (link)
Spotted this license plate traveling on the 405 today:
What a genius website to collect church donations with.