Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck are parents again! To a baby girl. Proving that celebrities can still give birth to babies in 9 months or less, Katie Holmes.
Sure, people are pretty excited about Obama taking over the White House. But you know a fast and easy way to cause absolute joy mayhem around this country? Hire CNN celebridoc Sanjay Gupta to a cabinet position.
Jessica Simpson has contributed a recipe to the Dallas Cowboys Family cookbook. And trust us: When you crack open a pie of “Jessica Simpson Surprise”, you’ll probably find a pair of plastic keys and a boot heel in there.
And a little Wednesday mood brightener for you: Here’s a post detailing the lives of the cast members from what is perhaps The Greatest Movie of Our Time… (or One of the Top 30, at least)… Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. Sure, Mr. Rooney might be a c-molestor and all, but check out all those hilarious animated GIFs!
Here’s the creepiest list we’ve seen in a long while: The 10 Sexiest Lady Puppets. You know, when someone asks us “What’s the one place on the body you wouldn’t want to be tweezing splinters out of?” our first reaction is usually “The balls.”
If you’re in New York tonight and are in the mood for a little lite-hearty laughter, I’ll be performing at Sweet on the LES at 9 PM alongside noneotherthan Janeane Garofalo.
It’s been a long break, but there’s a lot to catch up on! Namely: Gary Oldmangot married for the fourth time. Meaning those of you wishing to live out you True Romance pimp roleplaying games will have to wait somewhere around 3 to 5 years until the union collapses.
Tragedy struck this weekend when John Travolta‘s son passed away after reportedly suffering a seizure and hitting his head. Blog speculation is of course running amok, but we’ll choose to stay out of the fray and say the only appropriate thing there is to say: Our sincerest condolences to the family during this heart-breaking time.
President Bush approved a $13.4 billion rescue plan for General Motors and Chrysler, which will include immediate federal loan funding available to both companies, as well as a required 468 zooming shots of the GMC logo in the next Transformers movie.
A new movie featuring the Tom Clancy character Jack Ryan is on the way, though no one has been tabbed to play the role as of yet. Needless to say, LaBeouf has been checking his email by the minute.
Arkansas couple Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar just had their eighteenth kid, keeping those “Idiocracy will definitely come true sooner than we think” wheels in motion.
The long-anonymous Watergate informant “Deep Throat” passed away today at the age of 95. Now that he’s gone, can we all finally admit how ridiculous it is that we actually chose that name for him and it made it onto straight-faced news reports?
Tom Cruisearranged for a cake to be delivered to Katie Holmes on her birthday while onstage at the end of an All My Sons performance, and the audience sang “Happy Birthday”. All in all, it was the exact dramatic impact Arthur Miller always intended.
All the Batman III casting rumors that have been floating around the ‘net for the past couple days are completely false. Apparently, the story about Heath Ledger returning through CGI to play Catwoman is totally unconfirmed.
Scarlett Johansson is selling her used tissues on eBay to raise money for charity, and if you ask me, that’s pretty damn hot. Wait, Scarlett Johansson? I thought it said “Sue Johansson.” Eh, almost as hot, I guess.
Oprah’s production company has signed a deal to make movies, documentaries, and series with HBO in an ongoing effort to win Emmys until the earth’s gold supply runs out.
The Steven Soderbergh biopic about the life of Liberaceis underway, with Michael Douglas playing Liberace and Matt Damon playing the pianist’s longtime companion. Hopefully there’s still some gold left after the Oprah / HBO Emmys to construct a skyscraper-sized Oscar for this thing.
Penn State football coach Joe Paterno signed a 3-year contract extension that will keep him coaching through the age of 85. Paterno also added several members of the family from Tuck Everlasting to be assistant coaches.
Crooked-looking Hollywood dude Anthony Pellicano was sentenced to 15 years in jail. Apparently the judge didn’t buy his story that he was only tapping Sylvester Stallone’s phone because he’s such a devoted fan of Over The Top.
And finally, I think we have a new champion for Most Ridiculous Baby Name. Liev Schreiber and Naomi Watts have named their son — are you ready for this? It’s gonna blow your frickin’ mind. I don’t think you’re ready for it. Sit down, strap yourself in, and if you don’t have straps, like, pull a belt around yourself or something because my God, this is a new level of celebrity baby-naming craziness — they named their kid……..Samuel!!!!!!!
Hugh Jackman will host the 2009 Oscars. Current Vegas over/under for number of musical medleys in the Oscars broadcast this year: 5,000.
Amy Poehlerofficially left Saturday Night Live over the weekend, and let me be the first to say omy god thast shows sucxksss so much now i havent watched in 9 yars but itss so fing stupid f that show ahhhhhhh!11111!!!!!!!
Tom Cruiseadmitted when looking back at his 2005 interview with Matt Lauer, “Okay, I could have absolutely handled that better.” He added, “I guess I was just acting….rather……glib.
Cameron Diaz says she has no plans to appear in Shrek: The Musical on Broadway, adding “I’m perfectly fine scraping the bottom of the barrel for romantic comedy scripts that Reese Witherspoon, Kate Hudson, and Drew Barrymore all passed on, thank you very much.”
SPOILER ALERT: The winner of Survivor Gabon iiiiiiiiis…… Bob!!! Wait, let me back up. The show Survivor is still on the air, and the most recent cycle just concluded, and one of the contestant’s names was “Bob,” and apparently that dude won. Spoiler!!!
Grace Jones had some chocolate busts made of her own head to promote her new album. Is there anything that this woman does that isn’t simultaneously awesome and terrifying? No word yet on who gets to eat the heads.
Private Practice star Kate Walsh is getting a divorce. The reasons cited are “irreconcilable differences” but we’re pretty sure it has something to do with that incredibly annoying Cadillac commercial she did. You know, the one where the car turns her on?
Legendary pin-up girl Bettie Page has died at the age of 85. Classy ladies everywhere mourn the loss of what being a tasteful sex-pot was all about. All that’s left now are pictures of Carmen Electra wearing the nip-vag-kini.
Britain’s oldest human brain was discovered during an excavation at York University. Scientists claim the brain is over 2,000 years old. Wow. I had no idea Larry King was British! BOOM! Ahem. Sorry…happy Friday.