Starbucks, Krispy Kreme, and Ben n’ Jerry’s are honoring election day by giving away free products to people who somehow have enough time to stand in a voting line for four hours then brave a Starbucks madhouse to save $1 on a product they can purchase easily any other day of the year.
A new study finds that teens who watch ‘sexually-charged tv’ are more likely to become pregnant. The study found that approximately 100% of television is ‘sexually-charged,” and about 100% of teens watch television, meaning an astonishing 100% of teens who get pregnant watch sexually-charged tv.
Some Hindu officials weren’t thrilled with Heidi Klum’s “Goddess Kali” Halloween costume. Between that and Love Guru, it’s been a rough year for that religion.
And finally, the most important news story of the day by far — Keith Urban believes Nicole Kidmanlooks good topless. I expect follow-ups to this news all day and evening today on CNN.
Peter Jackson and Steven Spielberg are lining up financiers for a three-movie series based on the Tintin comic books. The trilogy will star Viggo Mortensen as Captain Haddock, with a CGI’d Andy Serkis playing Tintin, Snowy, Captain Haddock, and Rastapopoulos the orc.
Simon Cowellsplit with his longtime girlfriendTerri Seymour, calling her companionship “like a pathetic imitation of Whitney Houston that none of the voters will remember.”
High School Musical 3topped the box office for the second straight week, edging out the far less blatantly pornographic Zack and Mirri Make a Porno.
Jessica Simpson’s hairstylist was rushed to the hospital after being hit in the face by a paparazzi camera. We’ll have minute-by-minute updates on the patient’s status as soon as we hear back from our 650 reporters stationed in his hospital room.
NBC fired the two co-executive producers of Heroes yesterday, marking either the biggest staff shakeup or the most bizarre, meta plot twist in the show’s history.
Ice-T and his wife Coco were looking mighty classy at the Soul Men premiere. When asked what she was going to be for Halloween, Coco said “It’s my day! I get to get naked! Finally!!!” Really. I have no idea what that means, especially coming from someone who is probably naked about 89% of the time.
Madonna made Guy Ritchie follow a marriage contract, which included such conditions as making him read Kabbalah texts with her, not yelling at her, and also the all-important rule, that Guy must never, never, never feed Madonna after midnight.
Us did it! The Phillies won the world series, their first in almost 30 years! Us so happy. Us never feel so alive. Us poo in our pants and burn down the Liberty Bell!
British actor Robert Pattinson plays Salvador Dali in the upcoming biopic, Little Ashes. I had no idea Salvador Dali looked like this guy.
A court has granted Britney Spears’ dad permanent control of her affairs. But she was doing so well! What? Video? Rolling around naked? Covered in baby oil? Oh. Okay.
Joaquin Phoenix has stated that he is done making films, and will instead concentrate on his music. Better hurry up and get your copies of Space Camp – that sh*t’s about to get real valuable.
Dancing With The Stars contestant Julianne Houghhas endometriosis and will be out for 2 weeks. When she returns, she’ll be doing an exotic, rarely performed dance called the Wandering Uterus.
Jessica Simpson is box office gold!! …in Russia. Remember her movie Major Movie Star, possibly the worst movie ever made? It’s a huge hit in Russia. What does this say about Russians? More relevant question: what does this say about Jessica Simpson’s boobs? They’re huge. That’s what.
The Jonas Brothers will make their first feature film, which is called Walter The Farting Dog. The brothers are musicians who have to take care of Walter, “a dog with severe flatulence problems.” Ugh. First they ruin music, now they have to ruin potty humor, too??
Charles Barkley plans to run for governor of Alabama. His campaign slogan? “Charles Barkley: Take A Gamble On Me. Because I have a gambling problem.”
Rick Astley is set to perform at the MTV European Music Awards on November 6. I’m really hoping that everytime they announce a presenter or musical act, he comes out instead. It’s the only thing that might make a music awards show interesting and relevant.
Bono was seen partying with two teenage girls in Saint Tropez. He says it was just part of his anti-poverty campaign…look at these children! They’re so poor they have to wear mis-matched crystal-encrusted bikinis!
Amy Poehler and Will Arnettwelcomed their first child into the world, and named him Archie. Gaaaah! So cute. No word on when the little fella will be getting his development deal, but we’re assuming it will be any minute now.
Lindsay Lohan is telling all her friends repeatedly that she is NOT a lesbian, and Sam’s the only woman she would ever go to. Sigh. One day, maybe our children’s children will live in a world where a Lindsay Lohan can love whoever she wants, and no one gives a sh*t.
Yes! Alan Rickman will play The Catepillar, and Crispin Glover will be The Knave of Hearts in Tim Burton’s Alice In Wonderland, and there are more roles that have been cast. Looks like we’re moving full steam ahead for Burton’s creepiest film yet.
If you missed the premiere of the latest season of Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew… please please watch it. Gary Busey AND Jeff Conway! Someone is clearly going to get strangled by bare hands before the end of the season. Check out this interview with Dr. Drew and celebrity patient Rodney King (who we hope gets the help he needs.)
Beyonce’s new album will be entitled “I Am… Sasha Fierce”, just beating out the alternate album name “This Is An… Unnecessary Dramatic Pause.”
Guy Ritchie is all broken up over seeing son Rocco in a Yankees t-shirt, the team ex-wife Madonna’s new boyfriend Alex Rodriguez plays on. (Well… one of the teams he plays on.) When asked if perhaps this was too soon, Madonna put down the two testicles she was juggling, punched deep into the reporter’s chest cavity, ripped said reporter’s heart out, and marched around the room, holding the still beating heart over her head, all while singing a moving rendition of “Borderline”.