by (@hallekiefer)

Michael Phelps Earns Record 19th Medal; What Kind Of Future Career Could Possibly Top That?

Michael Phelps Earns 19th Medal

Wow! Color us impressed, Michael Phelps. The only way we’re getting into the record books is if we gain 1,700 lbs or bake the world’s largest cookie. Now that we think of it…we could probably kill two birds with one stone with that scheme… While we have the flour dispensary on hold, let’s take a moment to celebrate Phelps’ mind-shattering 19th career Olympic medal, the most won by any other Olympian in the history of the universe. After receiving a disappointing silver for the 200-meter butterfly earlier today, Phelps went on to win the gold for his 4×200-meter freestyle relay team. “Congrats to @MichaelPhelps for making Olympic history again tonight. Glad I had the honor of competing on the same stage as you. #TeamUSA,” teammate and total sweetheart Ryan Lochte just tweeted.

As awesome as Phelps’ achievement is, we have to wonder: how can he ever top this? The guy is only 27 and he’s basically at the height of human achievement. Well, don’t worry, Mike. We’ve given this a lot of thought, and we have some solid suggestions for possible future careers. We mean, you can’t swim forever! Though of course, if anyone could it would be you.

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by (@hallekiefer)

In Case You’re Wondering What He’s Been Up To: Cuba Gooding Jr. Wanted For Arrest Over Shoving Bartender

Cuba Gooding Jr. Wanted Over Bar BrawlWe interrupt your heart-warming, drool-inducing Olympic coverage for a story that will bring tears to your eyes in a different way. In the bad way, is what we’re saying. Academy Award-winner Cuba Gooding Jr. currently has a warrant out for his arrest for “municipal battery”; the charge is due to an alleged altercation early this morning between Gooding and a New Orleans bartender. “He was apparently getting rowdy when people were trying to take photos, and he got aggravated,” NOPD Director of Public Affairs Remi Braden told Celebuzz. “The bartender tried to calm him down, at which time he allegedly pushed her, and before he left the bar he pushed her again.” So we guess that answers what Cuba’s been up to lately. We don’t mean to be glib, but we honestly blame Snow Dogs for this. And Boat Trip. And Radio. And…

Gooding might currently be a wanted man, but we doubt it’ll be too difficult for the authorities to track hm down. He’s currently in the Big Easy filming Lee Daniels‘ history drama The Butler with Oprah, Forest Whitaker, Nicole Kidman and just about every other A-lister in Hollywood. This is going to make conversation around the craft services table just a teensy bit awkward this week. Hopefully Cuba will turn himself in soon and we can all get back to some good old floor routines! Look, over here! Forget about that Oscar-winner-about-to-be-arrested stuff! Floor routines!

[Photo: Getty Images]

by (@katespencer)

Taylor Swift Dating Conor Kennedy – Has Massachusetts Found Its New Queen Of Camelot?

To the rest of the world, the news that Taylor Swift, 22, is dating Conor Kennedy, the 18-year-old son of Robert Kennedy Jr, is just another juicy gossip story. But to us Massachusetts natives, this is THE love story of the year. Liking the Kennedys is just what we do. It’s an unexplained and unquestioned rule of growing up in the Bay State, like calling milkshakes frappes and liquor stores packies. They are are our royals, holding court at the top alongside James Taylor, Tom Brady, and Mr. Dunkin Donuts. 

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by (@shalapitcher)

Nina Dobrev Says She And Ian Somerhalder Won’t Be Getting Hitched Soon, Kinda Disses Miley Cyrus

Ian Somerhalder and Nina Dobrev

While the Twi-hard world struggles to put the pieces back together following last week’s Kristen Stewart cheating news, fans of another vampire couple might be understandably wary of putting too much faith in their real-life romance. So far as we know, The Vampire Diaries stars Nina Dobrev and Ian Somerhalder are still going strong. (And we’re reeeeallly hoping that now that Elena is a vampire, she’ll follow in the L.J. Smith books’ plot and fully fall for Damon onscreen too.) But that doesn’t mean that there are wedding bells in their near future, either.

“Eventually I am going to marry and have a family but not anytime soon,” she told Canada’s Fashion magazine, via UsMagazine.com. “I’m not going to pull a Miley.”
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by (@shalapitcher)

Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson Breakup Rumors Spread To Poor Pup Bear

Kristen Stewart and Bear Pattinson

Believe us when we say, we really, really want these depressing Robsten headlines to stop arriving in our inboxes/news feeds/brain-implanted gossip receptors. But as long as they come, it’s our job to report them, with a bit of a reality check, of course. Today’s comes from RadarOnline, which reports that the latest bit of collateral damage in the possible breakup is Bear, the mixed-breed dog that Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart adopted from a shelter in New Orleans.

“After Rob moved his things out of their Los Angeles apartment, he then told Kristen he wanted Bear,” an insider reportedly told the gossip site. “She was heartbroken — they adopted Bear together and she always felt that he was their little baby.”
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by (@hallekiefer)

KStew And Rupert Sanders’ Red Carpet GIF Offers Insight Into Their Affair Except No It Doesn’t

Kristen Stewart Rupert Sanders Snow White Gif Sparks Rumors

Look at the way Kristen Stewart kind of lifts her hand! Look at the way Rupert Sanders takes a step toward her! Clearly there must have been something tawdy going on between these two at Snow White and the Huntsman premiere May 14, what with all the raw sexual energy coursing through this red carpet gif posted by Gawker. Or not. Yeah, almost certainly not.

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by (@JordanRuntagh)

Kristen Stewart Moves Out Of Her Robsten Lovenest, World’s Largest Frowny Face To Follow

Kristen Stewart moves out of her home with Robert Pattinson

The home that Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson shared in the Los Angeles neighborhood of Los Feliz now stands empty. K-Stew packed her bags over the weekend after Rob did the same late last week. The move-out follows news that the two are no longer on speaking terms in the wake of Kristen’s affair with her Snow White And The Huntsman director Rupert Sanders. Allegedly the two have only exchanged terse texts in recent days.

The story of their once golden romance seems to be going from bad to worse, as rumors are surfacing that Kristen’s “momentary indescrision” with Sanders has actually been going on for quite some time. Photos of the pair having what appears to be a romantic dinner back in May are coming to night, and even Rupert’s own friends and family suspect that this was no one-night-stand. His wife Liberty Ross believes that it has been going on since filming began, while her brother Leopold tells the British People.Co.UK that “It was from the last half of filming and all through post-production, clear into last week.”

Perhaps the biggest question on the Twi-Hard community’s mind is: Why would Kristen do this to Rob? Of course there are so many shades of gray (at least 50), but sources close to Stewart are saying that it was done as a result of jealousy over Rob’s friendship with his Remember Me co-star Emilie de Ravin. The Lost actress was going through a divorce during filming in 2009, and Rob apparently provided a sympathetic ear and made her laugh during the rough time.

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by (@hallekiefer)

We Feel Like We’re Taking Crazy Pills: Katy Perry Is (Allegedly) Hooking Up With John Mayer…Again

We don’t get it. We just do not get it. Our minds and hearts must not be able to process the powerful sexual voodoo performed by John Mayer, because we find it baffling that Katy Perry is allegedly hooking up with him…again. Is she the only person in American who hasn’t heard Taylor Swift’s “Dear John”? Apparently so, because according to Us Weekly the two were spotted canoodling at the Soho House in West Hollywood. “They were affectionate, holding hands and cuddling!” their source claims. But…but that Playboy interview! And his hat, Katy! His hat!

As we regrettably mentioned, this isn’t the first time Katy and John have cuddled and held hands. That’s all they were doing; we refuse to believe otherwise. On the night before she met her ex-husband-to-be Russell Brand at the 2009 VMAs, Perry allegedly indulged in the baffling charms of Mr. Mayer. Whoa…has John Mayer just been waiting in the wings this entire time, just hoping that Perry would one day be single again? Apparently no marriage can withstand Mayer’s raw animal charisma! We just threw up in our mouths a little bit typing that!

by (@hallekiefer)

Dane Cook Apologized For Dark Knight Shooting Joke, Should Have Learned From His Fellow Comics

Dane Cook Jokes About Dark Knight Rises Shooting

Read the room, dude! One week after the Dark Knight Rises shooting killed 12 movie goers in Aurora, Colorado, Dane Cook took the stage at L.A.’s Laugh Factory and joked, “I know that if none of that would have happened, pretty sure that somebody in that theater, about 25 minutes in, realizing it was a piece of crap, was probably like ‘ugh f—ing shoot me.’” Regardless of whether his bit even made sense (everyone liked The Dark Knight Rises, didn’t they?), Cook eventually realized his mistake, tweeting today: “I made a bad judgment call with my material last night & regret making a joke at such a sensitive time. My heart goes out to all of the families & friends of the victims.” We can’t say we’re surprised, either that Dane Cook would make a shooting joke or that he apologized for it. You think he would have learned from his fellow comedians who had to deal with a “too much/too soon” backlash to their material:

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by (@hallekiefer)

Fred Willard Jokes About Arrest On Fallon, Might Join Lucky Celebs Who Survive Their Scandals

Most of us would have been cast out of society if we’d been caught in a compromising position at an adult movie theater, but not Fred Willard! Despite being fired from PBS, Willard seems to be taking his (seriously gross) scandal in stride, even joking about it on Fallon last night. “The movie you went to see..was it The Firm? Was it Free Willy? Was it Anaconda?” Jimmy Fallon cracked. “No, sadly it was Get Shorty,” Willard joked back. Dang, son! That takes some serious stones. Of course, if Fred rides this out like we think he will, he certainly won’t be the first celeb to survive a scandal. Celebs like…

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