Members of the Short Celebrity Marriage Club have got to stick together! Who else will understand the trials and tribulations that come with relationships that wear out quicker than a pair of flip-flops? We’re assuming that’s why Katy Perry took time off from looking gorgeous and unburdening her soul in the latest issue of The Hollywood Reporter to give a shout-out to Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries. “Nobody knows what really happened except the two people who are in it,” the “Wide Awake” singer told the magazine about the couple’s 72-day marriage. The last time Kim and Katy were referenced together was…oh, at the MTV Movie Awards, where Russell Brand brought up short celebrity marriage and laughed about it in front of the entire world. Um, well…at least you two will always have this special bond! No one can take that from you! It’s not like you can go back and be married longer!
In case you were hoping Katy would share more details about her soon-to-be-ex-husband, we have good news for you, you creep. “There were times when what was going on in my personal life was so overwhelming that I had to bend over to let those tears fall straight out of my eyes and not my false lashes just as I’m about to go up on that ramp and sing ‘Teenage Dream,’” Katy admits now. You can also go ahead and listen to her next album, which will likely discuss Russell at length. “Like how I write my songs, honesty has always worked for me,” Perry explains. “So if it ain’t broke, why f—ing fix it?” Why fix it? Yikes…that’s a little on the nose, don’t you think?
[Photo: The Hollywood Reporter]
Demi, Demi, Demi. We seem to remember having this conversation with you before: Getting back together with your ex when you’re in this still-fragile, post-rehab state, is a terrible idea. Even though you’re looking sooo much healthier, and you’re doing an awesome job as the producer of Amanda De Cadenet’s The Conversation, we still think this rumor we heard from Grazia magazine (via ContactMusic) this morning, points to disaster: According to an unnamed source, estranged spouses Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher are going on a “sex-free” retreat on the advice of Rabbi Yehuda Berg, their Kabbalah teacher. They’ll be staying in separate rooms and monitored by Berg, the source says.
This is all, of course, still in the realm of gossip and we have no idea if it’s true — but they did go on that camping trip to patch things up before, and they haven’t filed for divorce yet, so it’s within the realm of possibility. But we rather prefer this other possibility, courtesy of Heat magazine (via the Daily Mail): Demi, 49, was getting cozy with our favorite werewolf stripper Joe Manganiello, 35, at the afterparty for the premiere of That’s My Boy earlier this month. No one is saying they hooked up just yet, just that they had “amazing chemistry.” They apparently met back when Moore set to appear in Magic Mike, and stayed in touch even though she dropped out of the project. Coincidentally, Joe split with fiancee Audra Marie last September. So, A) he knows what Demi’s going through, kinda; and B) he looks like Joe Manganiello. Sounds like the perfect rebound to us!
[Photos: Getty Images]
This just in from the reliable news source that we call the World Wide Web: Leonardo DiCaprio is actually a time traveling she-vampire from the 1960s. We know, we were surprised too! But the evidence is pretty convincing. See for yourself in the photo above! On the right is standard issue Leo circa 1996. And on the left is a photo found by a Tumblogger in her grandmother’s vintage yearbook, depicting a woman known as Judy Zipper in 1960. The resemblance is pretty eerie. That smile, those mischievous eyes, it’s all pure DiCaprio! Or should we say, pure Zipper…? Who knows when he switched genders, but we’re guessing it was sometime in the 1980s.
This is not the first case of Hollywood celebs turning out to be time traveling swashbucklers. Nicolas Cage was famously outed as a time-traveling vampire last fall, and a photo of John Travolta in 1860 turned up on eBay around the same time. Thank god we have the internet to expose all of these era-jumping Oscar-nominated immortals! But the important question is, what do they want? Elaborate tombs for resting? The blood of masseurs? Outrageously expensive hybrid cars? We may never know. Maybe they just want a part in Twilight?
[Photo: Tumblr/Getty Images]
The Internets are abuzz this morning with a rumor that the producers of the long-in-the-works Baywatch movie are considering Justin Timberlake for the lead. According to TwitchFilm.com, he’d play “a disgraced former Olympic swimmer who tries out for the Baywatch crew.” This sounds like awesomeness along the lines of Jonah Hill’s and Channing Tatum’s 21 Jump Street characters, which renewed our faith in all TV-show-to-movie adaptations. Also, we are already planning many Justin Timberlake shirtless galleries, slo-mo running videos and GIFs.
Alas, some industry experts, like Indiewire, think JT would never go for the part, since he’s all into serious movies that prove his acting chops (like Friends With Benefits?) And maybe that’s a good thing. If he made a movie like this, and we all went to see it, since we are powerless in the face of his charms, it would mean he would keep acting all the time … which in turn means that he’ll continue NOT RECORDING MUSIC. So now, hear us, Hollywood (especially you, Baywatch studio Paramount, since we’re the same company and all, and should be working together for the greater good). DO NOT sign Justin onto your movie unless there’s a clause in his contract that requires him to record at least 14 new tracks. (None of this “music supervising” for Jessica Biel’s next movie stuff either; we want the real “Sexyback” deal.) /Rant off.
[Photos: Getty Images, Pearson All-American Television]
Kristen Stewart is more than just a beautiful, frowny face. She’s a beautiful, frowny face who could sleep on a pile of $1,000 bills if she wanted to. And why wouldn’t she want to? The woman is human after all. Earlier today. Forbes ranked KStew number one on their newly released list of the highest paid actresses; adding up the estimated $12.5 million she pulled in for each Breaking Dawn flick and her leading role in Snow White and the Huntsman, Kristen raked in a cool $34.5 over the past 12 months. There are some very familiar faces on the list (which we’re going to make you ponder before you click the jump, because we like to keep you guessing), but our question is: guys…why the fudge isn’t Scarlett Johansson in the top ten?
Let’s think about this, shall we? Johansson was a lead character in last month’s The Avengers, which has so far earned $1,421,000,000 worldwide, not to mention her turn in the admittedly forgettable We Bought A Zoo last December. If Forbes is counting the money KStew made off this month’s Snow White, clearly they should have counted ScarJo’s Avengers paycheck. If ScarJo earned less than $11 million (the amount pulled in by the lady in the #10 spot) in the last year, we will quit our jobs and become her agent ourselves. We will, so help us Blog!
And now you may see the other women! We doubt you’ll be surprised by most of them. Well, maybe one funny lady…
People deal with divorce in different ways. Katy Perry found solace in the arms of Florence + the Machine guitarist Robert Ackroyd, while Russell Brand…well, we’ll get to him in a minute. “She’s the real deal. She loves London, so I’m just showing her the sights,” Ackroyd gushed to British mag Heat about Perry, whom he has been romancing since at least April. When asked by his interviewer if their relationship was first either coupledom, or “purely about sex,” he replied, “No, no, it’s not like that. Um, more like the other one.” We love how much Rob stuttered over the question, though we guess it’s an awkward query no matter what the answer is: “Why, yes! It is all about sex! Hot, sweaty sex!” or “Why, yes! I’m in love with Katy Perry and haven’t discussed it with her yet, so why not reveal it in this magazine right now?” See what we mean?
Meanwhile, Russell Brand bought a gun! Allegedly! He’s also gotten deep into meditation, so hey, whatever it takes to make ‘em happy. “I’ve been learning to fire guns. My mother said, ‘Don’t learn to fire guns, Russell.’ Well, I’ve learnt and now I’ve got one. I mean, me, own a gun? I shouldn’t really have access to hair gel but I can fire a gun if I need to,” the Rock of Ages star joked with Britain’s OK! Magazine. Meanwhile, “I’m dedicating myself to all sorts of interesting things you know,” the U.K. paper The Sun quotes him as saying. “Transcendental meditation, kundalini yoga, these things are right good for the old spirit.” Hey, go for it, you guys! More Kleenex, Ben & Jerry’s and hysterical crying for us then!
[Photo: Getty Images/ Splash News Online]
We’ll readily admit that we are complete ghouls and goblins for looking forward to the Kim Kardashian/Kris Humphries divorce proceedings. We can just tell they’re going to be insane! How are we so certain? According to TMZ, Kim Kardashian just subpoenaed Kris Humphries’ alleged ex-girlfriend Myla Sinanaj to find out what, if any, dirty secrets Myla might have learned while dating Kim’s soon-to-be-former husband; Sinanaj’s lawyer Joe Tacopina said his client would comply with the request. On a related note, if you hear maniacal cackling and the smell of brimstone over the next few months, you can pretty much guarantee that’s us!
While we initially didn’t understand why Humphries would try to keep his lady friend Myla under wraps (Kim gave Kanye a $380,000 birthday Lamborghini and doesn’t seem to care who knows it), TMZ postulates that Myla might have some information regarding Humphries’ claim that Kardashian defrauded him. Or as they put it, “did he blow his cover during pillow talk?” In that case, Kris’ paranoia makes some sense. Man, money makes everything complicated, doesn’t it? We are so luckily to be single and broke as a joke. Hey…we’ve never typed that sentence before. There’s an upside to everything after all!
[Photo: Getty Images/ Splash News Online]
We regret to inform you that Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis have officially split after 14 years of togetherness. Excuse us as we dry our tears off the keyboard. The celeb couple we thought would stand strong throughout the years has called it quits “amicably” according to Depp’s spokeswoman. The statement released to Entertainment Tonight also asks that everyone “respect their privacy and, more importantly, the privacy of their children.”
Both of them have said in the past that they do not need a piece of paper to prove their mutual respect and love for one another. Paradis once told Elle “I love the romance of ‘let’s get married,’ but then, when you have it so perfect … I mean, I’m more married than anybody can be – we have two kids. Maybe one day, but it’s something I can really do without.” But last few years have clearly been rocky for the couple, who have not graced any red carpet together in over a year. They reportedly even live in different homes on different continents, with Depp in Hollywood and Paradis in France.
The pair got together in June of 1998, when Depp saw Paradis sitting at a bar in the Costes Hotel in Paris. He was apparently so stunned by her beauty that he asked a friend to invite her to their table. In that first meeting they spoke for 2 hours. And before we knew it, 2 hours turned into 14 years! We can only hope for the best for them and their children, but would it be so bad for us to break out the ice cream and a rom-com so we could cry for a little?
[Photo: Getty Images]
Bobby Brown married to his manager Alicia Etheredge yesterday at a ceremony in Hawaii while on tour with his group New Edition. We’re guessing the couple have a soft spot for concerts, considering Bobby proposed to her in the middle of a 2010 Florida gig! “I got my passion back for music and for loving myself because of her,” he told People back in 2011. Brown dressed down for the occasion, wearing a fly red tracksuit and white sneakers that matched his new wife’s gorgeous cream-colored gown. They were surrounded by family, including Brown’s children Landon, 23, La’Princia, 22, and Bobby Jr., 19, and 3 year old Cassius, who served as the ring bearer.
But as with most things in the Brown family these days, it wasn’t a totally joyous occasion. Bobbi Kristina, Bobby’s 19-year-old daughter with the late diva Whitney Houston, was not there to see his dad tie the knot. Reportedly there’s a lot of bad blood between the two at the moment, and she opted to remain in NYC to shoot her reality show The Houston Chronicles instead.
Of course it was the women folk who caused the Chris Brown/Drake fight! It’s always the ladies that start smashing bottle over obscene notes written about Rihanna. “Chris and Drake, them two was there, but it’s other people that be around that take s— to the next level,” Meek Mill told XXLMag about the now notorious nightclub brawl. “Things just happen in the club. I seen girls in there throwing bottles, all types of s—. All types of people. I never seen Chris Brown or Drake throw a bottle and I was there.” Interestingly, Mill’s claim seems to contradict Breezy’s lawyer Mark Geragos, who claimed last Friday, “I turned over evidence that clearly demonstrates that it is Drake who instigated all of this. I think it’s clear that the cops view Chris, (bodyguard) Pat and (girlfriend) Karrueche as victims.” So are we to believe that Drake has some sort of army of bottle-hurling lady fighters he can dispatch at will? We’ll believe that right now if we have to! Knowing Drake, that is more than plausible.
Meanwhile, the club that hosted the brawl has been shut down. In an article by the New York Observer, (entailed “What Rihanna Hath Wrought,” because of course. That woman must have caused all this trouble despite the fact she wasn’t even there), NYPD spokesperson Paul J. Browne is quoted as saying that Club W.i.P. is currently “closed as a result of several violations in a stipulation agreement that was made by the owners and the N.Y.P.D.” So did that stipulated agreement say that at no time will a militia of bottle-throwing girl warriors be deployed into the V.I.P. section? If not…something to think about for next time, everybody.
[Photo: Getty Images/Splash News Online]