by (@hallekiefer)

What Life Lessons Should Lindsay Lohan Pass Onto Her New Brother Or Sister? She’s Learned A Lot!

Michael Lohan And Kate Major Expecting A Baby

There’s a new Lohan in town! No, it’s not some original Lohan Dina has been keeping on ice for when Michael Lohan Jr. finally ends puberty. TMZ reports that Lindsay Lohan‘s dad Michael Lohan is allegedly expecting a child with on-again, in-court-again girlfriend Kate Major. According to their sources, Majors is in her first trimester. Considering the fact Michael and Kate have a long, gruesome history of protective orders, domestic abuse charges and arrests between them, we can only imagine Baby Lohan is going to need as much help from her relatively stable relatives as he or she can. We’ve certainly learned a lot from Lindsay, so if you wanted to just print this out and tape it up in his or her crib, girl, we really just cut out the middle man for you!

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by (@hallekiefer)

Brad Pitt Refusing To Talk To World War Z Director: Diva Move Or Completely Understandable?

Brad Pitt Not Talking To World War Z Director

Oh, but can’t it be both? While we understand almost all moves made by divas, Brad Pitt‘s alleged decision to stop talking to World War Z director Marc Forster is a head-scratcher indeed. According to Vulture, the actor has become so annoyed with Forster, “he stopped speaking to him altogether as the production heads into at least three weeks of reshoots.” You fool! Don’t you know that communication is the only way to survive a zombie apocalypse…movie? The two apparently communicate via “messages relayed through an intermediary.” Yikes, this movie has been having problems since last October when a SWAT team seized “85 fully functional guns” being unlawfully used as props. Did you hear us? The film has been shooting since last October! In some cases, literally!

All of which makes Pitt’s refusal to talk to Forster make complete and utter sense…if Brad was determined to drag filming out and/or make the situation a whole lot worse. The movie’s budget has apparently ballooned to $170 million, you have weeks of re-shoots and you’re going to make someone run Post-It notes to the director? Brad, baby. Let’s stop this foolishness and go kill some zombies. We promise we’ll all see it when it hits theaters. We’re sure everything will work out just…what’s that? The ending of the movie itself is “still in flux?” Oh. Oh no.

[Photo: Getty Images]

by (@hallekiefer)

Dude (Looks Like He’s Leaving American Idol): An Ode To Steven Tyler’s Wackiest A.I. Moments

Steven Tyler Allegedly Leaving American Idol

Steven Tyler, we’re going to miss you. We tried to drape our great-grandma in scarves and seat her next to a DVD of Gigli, but it just wasn’t the same. American Idol definitely won’t be the same now that the Aerosmith singer decided not to return as an A.I. judge next season. Meanwhile, Jennifer Lopez seems to be on the fence about her involvement as well. “I am thinking that maybe it’s time for me to go and do other things that I really love to do,” JLo explained on Today…today. “Like films, and right now I’m on tour and performing — all the things that I do.” Cut to Randy Jackson hurling a chair through his dressing room mirror. Hey, that sounds like something Steven Tyler would do! While no greenrooms got trashed during his tenure (wait, were there any? We probably just didn’t hear about it), the Aerosmith singer did have a lot of insane moments during his tenure on the show. For example…

[Photo: Getty Images]

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by (@hallekiefer)

Now He’s Teaming Up With Family Guy? We’re Seriously Enjoying Johnny Depp’s Mid-Life Crisis

We’re not saying that every guy who gets divorced and wears that many rings and necklaces has to be going through some kind of stereotypical mid-life crisis. But a guy who dumps his baby mama, rocks out with Marilyn Manson on stage and allegedly starts dating a beautiful blond 23 years his junior in addition to wearing that many rings and necklaces? Come on, people. Personally we’re enjoying the new, playful Johnny Depp, especially since it was announced today that he’s resurrecting Edward Scissorhands for a cut-away joke in an upcoming episode of Family Guy. Johnny’s cameo will be followed by a symphony of armpit farts and several hours of Diablo 3.

“When he was in the booth, he said that he felt like he hadn’t done that voice since he did it in front of the camera,” Family Guy executive producer Mark Hentemann told EW about the Lone Ranger actor. “He was able to snap right back into Edward Scissorhands once we pulled up a clip from the movie,” adding that “[h]e was amazing — and demonstrated extraordinary patience with all the fawning women in our office who swarmed him.” Uh huh, and did Depp roar away in a cherry red Mustang after offering them all unfettered access to his hot tub? We thought as much. Oh Johnny, you so crazy! Your glasses tried to tell us all along, but we weren’t able to hear it until now!

[Photo: Getty Images]

by (@shalapitcher)

Katie Holmes Used A Disposable Cell: 5 Other Tactics She And Tom Learned From The Movies

Katie Holmes, Suri Cruise and Kathleen Holmes

We thought we were nearing the end of our coverage of the super-fast divorce of Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise, but then we read this interesting tidbit in the Los Angeles Times: Katie reportedly used a disposable cell phone to talk to lawyers when she began planning to file for divorce. Because, we guess, Tom and the Scientologists had her regular phone tapped? So creepy and intriguing! So straight out of a movie starring either Katie Holmes or Tom Cruise!

What else did these two probably learn from TV and movies? Here are our wild speculations:

1. Radar says Tom duct-taped all the hallway security cameras in his Iceland hotel the last time Katie stayed there. We’re not sure who he thought would be watching them, but he probably should have taped photos that look exactly like the hallway instead. That’s what Ethan Hunt would have done.

2. Katie made sure to file in New York, where she could make the divorce public and wouldn’t have to follow the prenup — it’s just like how Sally Field wouldn’t fled Iran before letting her husband divorce her in Not Without My Daughter!
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Quit Bugging Blake Lively And Ryan Reynolds In The ‘Burbs, People … And Try These Exciting Bedford, NY Activities Instead!

Can’t Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds just find some peace in the suburbs? It seems the town of Bedford, New York, may not be the answer to these A-list stars’ attempt to live normal, private lives. Since purchasing a $2.3 million home the Westchester town in April, the couple has been apparently treated more like the celebrities they are and less like the Bedford citizens they are trying to be. Not only have they dealt with noisy neighbors and photographers, but Blake and Ryan were allegedly followed by another vehicle. After Reynolds called the police, the pursuer was identified as a photographer. Maybe this couple is being a tad over-dramatic and paranoid about maintaining their privacy, but let’s be honest, it doesn’t really come as a surprise that the people of Bedford would want to get in on this beautiful romance. But in the interest of respecting Blake and Ryan’s wishes, we’d like to propose some more, er, productive ways to spend your time in town:

  • If you have a knack for identifying birds, attend Bedford Audobon’s Annual Birdathon!
  • Get in touch with nature and join the Bedford Farmers Club!
  • Catch up on your reading at Bedford Free Library.
  • Start planning for the Historical Society’s treasure hunt on September 8! It’s bound to get pretty competitive!
  • Acquire new interior design skills at Bedford’s antiques and design show weekend on October 14!

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by (@missmuttoo)

Rumor We Love: Sofia Vergara Is Engaged!

Sofia Vergara Shows Off Engagement Ring In Twitpic

A picture is worth a thousand words. In this day and age, that can be translated into, a Twitpic is worth a thousand words. But we’d really like Sofia Vergara to fess up and tell us what those thousand words exactly are, because curious minds want to know. Sofia’s celebrating her 40th birthday in Mexico, where she’s been partying it up since Saturday in Cozumel and Playa Del Carmen with co-stars Julie BowenJesse Tyler FergusonSarah Hyland and others. Sounds like mad fun, and her twitter account reflects that, with tons of photographs and updates as well. A friend of hers tweeted the photograph you see above of Sofia holding a glass of champagne with some friends. Look at the hand holding the glass, though. It’s her left hand, and it has a giant diamond ring on it! Engagement, much? Did her recently on-again boyfriend Nick Loeb pop the question?

E! seems to definitely think so, even though we haven’t got a confirmation from either Loeb’s or Vergara’s people. They’re reporting that Nick popped the question on Monday night, during the celebrations, and a source has also said that she was “bouncing around and showing everyone the ring” the next day while at the Rosewood Mayakoba resort, which is where they’re staying. If this is true, then what a wonderful story it’s turned out to be. Vergara and Loeb split briefly two months ago, and while everyone thought they were completely kaput, they got back together a month later. That rock does look like the engagement sort, so even though their reps aren’t talking just yet, may we offer our congratulations to the happy couple!

[Photo via Twitter]

Related: Sofia Vergara Turns 40! Celebrate With Her 40 Hottest Looks
Sofia Vergara Is A Single Lady Again, Splits With Boyfriend Nick Loeb 

by (@hallekiefer)

Nicki Minaj’s Groping Saga Begs The Question: What Is Up With Celebrities And Airports?

Nicki Minaj Tweets About Getting Groped At Airport

When it comes to famous people, airports often end up acting the fool. Take Nicki Minaj‘s distressing run-in at London’s Heathrow’s security checkpoint for example. “Pretty sure I was just overtly fondled @ this check point. By a very old lady w/an accent. Word?,” the rapper tweeted yesterday. Nicki also posted a photo of the alleged groper, adding after the fact: “So TSA always takes pics of me while doing their job! But wld u believe they just told ME EYE couldn’t take pics???? Wow. ‪#luckyIMsick.” Yikes, what ever happened to “the customer is always right. And shouldn’t be fondled against their will”?

Nicki Minaj Tweeted Alleged Airport Groper Photo

Now, as far as we can see, there is no way that woman wouldn’t know she was getting overly familiar with the Nicki Minaj. This isn’t Blythe Danner we’re talking about; Nicki’s luggage is probably made out of neon-colored Barbie clothes. We’re not suggesting that famous people deserve to be treated differently during air travel; sometimes that’s the worst idea imaginable (Gerard Depardieu’s urine-soaked adventure, anyone?). That being said, a huge number of celebrity/airline run-ins are just baffling to us. Don’t they know the public cares about celebrities more than anything? Haven’t they heard about the devastating power of Twitter? In addition to Minaj’s bizarro pat down, a host of other celebs have flown the unfriendly skies. Celebs such as:

[Photo: Getty Images]

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by (@hallekiefer)

Kris Humphries’ Ex May Not Be Pregnant After All; We Feel A Teensy Bit Sorry For Him

Kris Humphries' Ex Myla Sinanaj Posts Photo Sans Baby Bump

Aw, Kris Humphries. Now we feel sort of terrible for some of the hilariously mean things we said about you. Last week we were laughing cruelly right alongside Kim Kardashian after hearing that your new ex-girlfriend Myla Sinanaj was allegedly pregnant (though Kim probably didn’t accidentally spray her monitor with Arby’s when she started guffawing about it). Turns out? We were all enjoying our schadenfreude a little prematurely. “Uhhh ooooo Loook No babyy bump! ‪#Shocker‬ yes I’m a thick curvy girl *All natural I’m comfortable in my skin,” Sinanaj tweeted yesterday, in addition to photographic evidence of her complete lack of a baby bump. So, unless Myla can suck it in harder than anyone has ever sucked it in…we’re pretty sure Kris is off the hook on this one.

As if that wasn’t enough for us to start feeling Humphries’ pain, RadarOnline reports that during their marriage, Kim would all but shove her life partner off the red carpet in order to get herself a good photo opp. “Kris plans on testifying at the upcoming divorce trial that Kim would often tell him to get out of the shot when photographers would descend upon them,” their source claims. “Kim would complain that because of Kris’ height, he was blocking the photographers clear shot of her. Kim would get very upset if he didn’t move quickly enough.” Yeah, that sounds…incredibly plausible. Incredibly plausible and mean. Well, we guess we misjudged you, Humphries, and for that we’re….oh, wait, there’s still all that weird stuff about trying to silence Myla after  your break-up. Plus how you acted on Keeping Up With The Kardashians. Plus a bunch of other unpleasantness that will undoubtedly come out during the divorce aaaaaaaand now we’re ready to laugh again! Thank goodness! It’s the only thing that makes us feel alive.

[Photo: Getty Images/Twitter]

by (@shalapitcher)

Mick Jagger, David Bowie Love Story Reminds Us How Conservative We’ve Gotten Since The ’70s

Mick Jagger and David Bowie

We’ve kind of heard forever that rock gods David Bowie and Mick Jagger were a little more than friends and duet partners back in the day. I mean, “Dancing in the Street” was an abomination to music, but those two had chemistry in that video. So, we weren’t exactly shocked to read the excerpt of Christopher Anderson’s Mick: The Wild Life and Mad Genius of Jagger in the New York Daily News yesterday that spills details about their mutual admiration. The two became friends at the height of the androgenous glam rock era (circa 1973), when Bowie performed as Ziggy Stardust. The book quotes several of their friends, as well as Bowie’s then-wife Angie Bowie, as having witnessed their closeness. Angie says she walked in on them hanging out naked in bed together. Bowie backup singer Ava Cherry reportedly told a friend that she’d even been in bed with Mick and David while they had sex with each other. Still, we were kind of more surprised to read about Mick’s crush on Angelina Jolie than any of this.

What is interesting is to speculate how we’d react if any of today’s big artists displayed similar proclivities. We’re all cool with Lady Gaga saying she’s bisexual, but what if we heard that she was getting it on regularly with a married or engaged peer — say, Pink or Britney? Gasp! And think about how much whispering there was last week when rumors were flying that Katie Holmes walked in on Tom Cruise and David Beckham. If this were the ’70s, maybe we’d be saying, “Duh. Why wouldn’t two such hot beings want to enjoy each other’s company?” This is a weird thing to be nostalgic about, we know. But still fun! And now, torture yourselves with this video:
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