Honestly, we felt a little bad for Kris Humphries after that whole married-to-Kim Kardashian-for-72-days thing. Public break-ups are always embarrassing, and it’s easy to make someone look bad on reality TV. Which is why we cut him some slack when he came off looking like such a goon on Keeping Up With The Kardashians. The more we learn about Humphries’ feud with ex-maybe-girlfriend Myla Sinanaj, however, the more we’re convinced that he is, in fact, just a complete asshat. Case in point: according to Sinanaj’s lawyer Joe Tacopina, Kris and his lawyers claimed that Myla was basically prostituting herself to clients at the hotel where she’s employed in an attempt to get Myla to keep quiet about their alleged relationship. 72 days of marriage with this guy? We can barely take 72 minutes of such awfulness.
Meanwhile, TMZ reports that the hotel did their own investigation of the scandalous allegations against Sinanaj and determined that they were false. First of all…ew. Second of all, why would Kris even bother with this public drama? To avoid having to admit he’s been dating someone during his divorce proceedings? That certainly hasn’t stopped Kim and Kanye from shmoodling all over the continental United States. We really didn’t understand why any of this unnecessary fighting was going on in the first place…until we considered that Kris might actually just be a bona fide jerk. Allegedly! That might be the the only reasonable explanation. And even then? It’s completely unreasonable!
[Photo: Splash News Online]
Knowing that her first offspring got an unusual moniker, we’ve been waiting with baited breath to see if Alyson Hannigan‘s second-born would rake in a similarly odd and/or awesome name. We knew she’d come through. Hannigan and husband Alexis Denisof welcomed their second daughter Keeva Jane Denisof on Wednesday, May 23. “They are all doing well,” their rep told People. Little Keeva Jane joins 3-year-old sis Satyana in the ever-increasing pool of child who will never, ever, ever find a magnet or a keychain with their name on it at Disney World. Not ever.
The How I Met Your Mother actress announced her pregnancy back in December, and we’re glad she used her second and third trimesters wisely. Wisely looking through baby name books, that is. Maybe Alyson and Alexis only waited until now to announce the baby’s arrival because they’ve been locked in a death match over which vaguely action hero-ish name to give her? We wouldn’t be surprised. The only downside to such unusual baby names? if we name our kids Satyana and Keeva, it’s going to be so obvious how much we love Alyson Hannigan, including her work in American Reunion. Oh lord, we didn’t mean to type that! Um…uh…we hated that movie! It was so sophomoric and…gah…forget we said anything! Look at this photo Alyson posted to Instagram of her baby girl’s hand instead!
[Photo: Getty Images]
You might find this news unfathomable, but it’s true: David Arquette and Courteney Cox are still legally married, despite having separated all the way back in October 2010. That’s like being separated for a millennium in HMT (Hollywood Marriage Time)! Factoring in Arquette’s erratic appearance on Jimmy Kimmel last month, intermittent rumors about Cox getting it on with her Cougar Town costar Josh Hopkins and mutual overshares with Howard Stern last year, it’s a wonder it took until now for David Arquette to officially file divorce papers. Do you think he literally forgot he was married? We would honestly not put it past the man…
According to TMZ, Arquette cited “irreconcilable differences” on the filing he submitted last Friday; he is asking for joint legal and physical custody of the couple’s daughter Coco, and did not request spousal or child support. Overall, looks like a quiet end to a crazy…wait, what’s that? Arquette is representing himself in the divorce? He’s not getting a lawyer? Plus the papers he filed are dated March 23, implying that he just sat on them for three months? Oh boy. Well, we look forward to finding out the outcome of their divorce. Or rather, we look forward to our great-great-grandchildren finding out the outcome of their divorce, seeing as how we’ll be dead and gone for any number of decades at that point.
[Photo: Getty Images]
We’ve all been there before: you walk out of the house, completely certain your high-waisted white satin sea creature-themed hot pants will cover up your business, then all of a sudden you find yourself having to to bend over slightly. You guys know what we’re talking about! Selena Gomez certainly does, having stepped out in a pair of painfully short bottoms while promoting her new self-titled fragrance at Macy’s in New York today. Booty shorts? More like booty TOO-shorts! Are we right, or are we right? Seriously though, the inseam on those things has to be like .05 inches. How did Selena manage to get out of the car? And we don’t even have time to discus that matching starfish bikini top. There just aren’t enough hours in the day!
We guess Justin Bieber‘s lady really is committed to bringing the scandalousness in 2012, as her sexy Elle shoot and soaking wet perfume campaign suggested, though she’s drawing the line at starring in a film version of the salacious hit 50 Shades of Grey. “I don’t think so. I know I’m taking risks, but I don’t think I could do that!” Gomez told MTV. “That would be a little too much for me. I think someone older should do that part.” We’ll admit this booty shorts fail doesn’t look entirely intentional. What do you think of your minor wardrobe malfunction, Selena?
[Photo: Splash News Online]
Ten and a half years of marriage for celebrities is a huge accomplishment. Let’s face it, staying together in Hollywood is not the easiest thing to do. Despite Vanessa Bryant owning the deeds to three mansions and being entitled to half of Kobe Bryant’s money, it looks like the two are working toward a reconciliation, according to TMZ. The site reports that Vanessa will not sign the paperwork that would make her divorce from the Lakerstar final. Vanessa may have had a change of heart about the man she’s been with since she was 17-years-old, but the two have yet to move back in together.
California law mandates a six month waiting period from the date of filing before the divorce is officially final. This weekend marks the six month period for the couple. When Vanessa filed for divorce in December the ‘net went bananas about the non-existent prenup. It even prompted Drake to rap in “Stay Schemin,” “Kobe ’bout to lose a hundred fifty M’s/Kobe my n***a I hate it had to be him/B**** you wasn’t with me shooting in the gym.” Well, Drake may get his wish if the two decide to save the marriage. Only time will tell if these two are headed back to marital bliss, but in the meantime take a look at the timeline of their relationship.
November 1999: Kobe and Vanessa met while Vanessa was working as a backup dancer on the set of Tha Eastsidaz “G’d Up” video and he was shooting his own video that was never released. Although Vanessa was a 17-year-old high school student, Bryant courted her anyway — for a whole six months before tying the knot.
May 2000: In the longest courtship ever (we kid, we kid) the couple announced their engagement while Vanessa was still a senior at Marina High School in Huntington Beach. High school graduation and an engagement to a millionaire ball player in the same year must be sweet!
Well, this is going to make the engagement party awkward…not to mention the bi-monthly family screening of The Social Network! Just days after Miley Cyrus announced her engagement to boyfriend Liam Hemsworth, brother Trace Cyrus reveals that he and actress Brenda Song are calling it quits. “Brenda and I have decided to go our separate ways,” Trace said in a statement. “We split up a couple of months ago. We will continue to focus on our careers.” Hmm…could it be that only one Cyrus can be engaged at one time in order to maintain order in the universe? Has anyone seen Cabin In The Woods? No spoilers, but….really makes you think, doesn’t it?
Song and Cyrus have been engaged since last October, a fact made even more tragic by our realization that Song & Cyrus would make an amazing band name. Meanwhile, we’re wondering what happened to those Trace/Brenda pregnancy rumors that were swirling around last summer? “I wish Brenda the best and much success in the future,” Trace concludes. “I hope everyone can respect our privacy about this situation.” Oh, don’t worry, Trace. As soon as the paps catch Miley trying on veils, no one’s going to remember your heartbreaking romance even existed.
[Photo: Getty Images]
After seeing Paris Jackson and her brothers on a Jet Blue flight last Christmas, I’ve felt like I was in on a secret: Michael Jackson’s children have an enormous capacity to act like regular kids. I mean, she’s a “regular kid” with extraordinarily mesmerizing blue eyes, a tragic past and a lead role in an upcoming movie, but you get my drift. If you watched her interview on last night’s Oprah’s Next Chapter you might agree with me. Or disagree, because the 14-year-old also showed us that she’s incredibly strong and self-aware for her age. Anyway, here are some great, super-normal things we learned about Paris:
- “People have tried [to bully me] but it doesn’t always work,” Paris said about the “drama” she faces in school. “A lot of people don’t like me. … Kids talk so bad behind my back.” We want to give these jealous girls quite a talkin’ to right now.She’s not allowed to date yet, but she can “date in groups,” like at the mall. (I freaking love that Oprah asked her this.)
- She loves acting because “you can take on a new character.” What teenage girl doesn’t want to try on a new persona for size once in a while?
They’re ba-ack! We’re not sure if this is a good thing, but for better or worse, the cast of Jersey Shore are up to shenanigans again, during what seemed to be quite a busy weekend. First up, is Deena Cortese. The photograph you see on the right is of her being escorted out of the Seaside Heights Police Department by her parents after being detained by the cops for disorderly conduct. TMZ also has a video of her being arrested after filming her, possibly drunkenly, walking and dancing in the middle of the street. The police didn’t find her behavior amusing at all, and cuffed her, as cast mates Ronnie and Sammi watched.
Then we saw these photographs of Jenni “JWoww” Farley hobbling around on crutches with her ankle all bandaged up. We would have total sympathy for her if it wasn’t for the fact that her injury was sustained during a bar brawl over the weekend, again. Ronnie, Roger, Pauly D and The Situation got into a fight with two dudes, who are planning on suing them now. They claim that Ronnie and Roger attacked them, but now sources say that the two men were provoking the Jersey Shore dudes all night. The sources also say that one of the two guys said he would “knock them out” and tried to punch Pauly. That’s when everything got heavy and the Shore guys are claiming self defence. JWoww was there too and ended up as collateral damage! We feel bad, but at the same time … getting into a fight at a bar? Again?
[Photos: Splash News Online]
Yes, Robert Pattinson and Adele hang out together and discuss their craft, just like you imagined in your more elaborate albeit kind of boring fantasies. Did your fantasies also include RPatz quietly and firmly putting his food in his mouth while trying to tell Adele how to live? “I had this argument with Adele, which is probably the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever said,” the Cosmopolis star told Canadian talk show host George Stoumboulopoulos. “[I told her] you know, you can really just reach for it!’ And she was like, ‘You do realize I’m, like, the biggest selling female artist ever.’ And for some reason, I decided to get into an argument with her about it.” Why would anyone voluntarily get into a fight with A-Town? The woman can set fire to the rain. Luckily Pattinson had a host of other adorable quotes from his interview that if Adele heard, we’re sure would inspire her to immediately forgive him:
Note to the easily humiliated: you will cringe during this post. As you might have read earlier this week, some particularly fishy information emerged about America’s Got Talent contestant Timothy Poe. For example, the singer apparently did not receive the Purple Heart for grenade injuries sustained while serving in Afghanistan as he had claimed. In fact, the Texas crooner might not have actually sustained significant brain injuries at all. The singer also inexplicably submitted a photo of another soldier for the show to air during his segment, which begs the question: why would anyone in their right mind do that? Did he not know other people can see with their eyes? Sgt. Norman Bone eventually came forward and identified himself as the man in the image, an image which had been publicly available on the U.S. Department of Defense website. We’re already so embarrassed for everyone involved, we could barely type that sentence.