Full confession: We have almost come to blows with people over parking spots. Almost. But apparently, if you’re Chris Brown and Frank Ocean, accompanied by you’re entourage, and the spot in question is outside a recording studio, that “almost” turns into full-on fight with the sheriff’s department being called. Who hit whom and who started it? Here’s what we know so far:
Chris’ version: According to TMZ, sources close to Brown say the singer was leaving the Westlake Studio on Sunday night when Ocean and Co. blocked him from getting out, saying, “This is my studio, this is my parking spot.” When Brown went to shake his hand, a member of Ocean’s entourage went in for the attack, and one of Brown’s guys stepped in and hit Ocean’s guy. That’s when Frank went after Chris. Brown and his reps haven’t commented directly on the altercation, but he did post a photo of himself in the studio on Instagram with the caption: “Working on my album. Not working on negativity. Focus on feeding ya family. Bulls— will forever be in the shadows.”
Tonight’s Screen Actors Guild Awards were not as tipsy-casual as the Golden Globes nor as formal as the Oscars almost certainly will be, but they were still chock full of funny, touching quotes from everyone from Amy Poehler to Tina Fey to Dick Van Dyke. And while it technically was not “out loud” and therefore does not count as a quote, did everyone see Bryan Cranston‘s adorable daughter mouth “I love you, Dad” while he was onstage? After we finished dying over how cute that was, we rounded up all our favorite bon mots from tonight’s ceremony for your reading pleasure:
Uh, Ronaiah Tuiasosopo? We don’t really know you or what you’re about or understand your role in the Manti Te’o fake girlfriend saga. Heck, we barely understand any part of the Manti Te’o fake girlfriend saga. We do, however, know Dr. Phil and as such we are cringing at your decision to sit down with the good doctor to discuss your side of the story. We know you want to respond to Manti’s Katie Couric interview, but dude, did you not see Dr. Phil’s interview with Dina Lohan last fall? Where Lindsay Lohan‘s mom came across as defensive, evasive and potentially inebriated? Based on that interview alone, we can say with some confidence that Dr. Phil is not the person you want to sit down with if you don’t want to run the risk of seeming like a total nutburger. He will hang you out to dry if you get weird.
We are dying at what an adorable little fancy man Katy Perry makes in drag. The singer stopped by Ellen today to celebrate Ellen DeGeneres‘ 55th birthday (did Ellen make some kind of deal with an evil wizard to look that good?), and to channel her inner dude in an amazing three-piece suit, toupee and mustache. We could honestly watch Katy dance her silly gentleman dance all day, but we had to take a break to round up the other female celebs from Lady Gaga to Gwyneth Paltrow to Amanda Bynes who look amazing in drag. And by “amazing,” we mean “like Daniel Radcliffe with a weird, sparse goatee.” Seriously, take a look.
We didn’t fully realize until today just how angry Kris Humphries was about whole Kim Kardashian divorce drama. How mad, you ask? Mad enough to turn down $10 million. So yeah, that’s pretty mad. According to RadarOnline, Kim offered the Brooklyn Net a $10 million settlement to end the legal stalemate in their divorce. Yes, $10 million. But Kris turned her down, because he’s not out for money, he’s out for some cold courtroom vengeance.
“After Kim filed for divorce, she offered Kris a $10 million payoff with the agreement that he would not continue to pursue an annulment to their marriage on the grounds of fraud,” and insider told the website. An annulment is basically the marriage-equivalent of a “freebie oops” card (that’s a thing, right?), which voids a marriage in any spiritual or religious capacity. ”He wants to be able to marry in a church again, with a clear conscience, when he finds someone special. Kris is deeply religious and he believes that the only way he can do that is if his marriage to Kim is annulled.”
“Taylor was desperate to meet up with Harry in London, but he totally ignored her,” a friend close to the two told RadarOnline. “He told her he had too much going on, even though she purposely arranged to stay at a hotel that wasn’t too far away from his home.” The source went on to add that Harry was a little freaked out by Taylor’s intensity, which probably isn’t helped by her habit of purchasing real estate near to her suitors. ”Harry found Taylor a little too full-on and scary, and he was put off by how serious she was about him after such a short period of time.”
The fact we’re even writing about Sylvester Stallone‘s personal life lets you know this story is going to be jacked. Our skin just crawled right out of our cubicle after learning that the Bullet to the Head actor allegedly paid his half-sister Toni-Ann Filiti millions of dollars in blackmail to hush up her accusations of “claims for personal injury, including physical injury” allegedly perpetrated by Stallone. According to the New York Post, in 1987 the Expendables II star paid Filiti $2 million dollars, with an agreement to maintain a $50,000 annual trust and a $16,666.66 per month stipend in the future. Is anyone else even more weirded out that the Number of the Beast happens to be in the stipend amount? Just us? Why would anyone ever pay such a bizarre amount, even in blackmail money?
Now, we know what you’re thinking: don’t you need some kind of evidence to blackmail someone? If someone called us demanding money in exchange for silence about abusing our half-sister, we would point out we don’t have any half-siblings and hang up. According to Stallone’s mom, however, the story is kind of par for the course for the now deceased Filiti. “This was nothing more than a shakedown,” Jaqueline Stallone told the Post, claiming Filiti was a drug addict attempting to finagle money out of her rich relative. “Toni-Ann was on 65 Oxycontin pills a day, and she threatened Sylvester. A drug addict will do anything. When Sylvester became famous, she didn’t have to hook. He was trying to help her. He caved in,” she alleges. A drug addict? Oh yes, there it is: the only thing as sad as if her allegations against Sylvester Stallone turned out to be true.
Oh Justin Bieber! Not a day goes by where we don’t laugh at the many, many scandals that drop in your lap. Like the one reported by Radar today, in which you allegedly cheated on Selena Gomez with a 22-year-old nursing student named Milyn “Mimi” Jenson after smoking a bunch of pot. According to the site, Bieber retired to the Four Seasons with Jenson and rapper pal Lil Twist on December 21…before his split from Selena was a done deal. “Justin surprised her by saying, ‘I want to know if you taste good.’ He started kissing her cheek and ear and neck and then her whole body,” their source claims, after which they totally did it. While Radar emphasizes the “debauchery-filled” details of the evening, the whole thing sounds pretty normal and lame as infidelities go…provided it’s true, of course. Remember Mariah Yeater, the fan who claimed she was pregnant with Justin Bieber’s baby for months? Except no, of course she wasn’t? That’s all we’re saying.
Over on TMZ, the Justin Bieber gossip gets significantly less sexy. According to Nortth Carolina radio host Colette Harrington, Bieber and his posse mocked her in the Ritz-Carlton gym, telling her to “shut the f— up” when she counted reps out loud and, even worse, spat blue Gatorade into her water bottle. “I did not look at my water bottle before taking a drink,” Harrington confirmed in case you were wondering, but plans to sell the bottle to benefit her local Ronald McDonald House. Of course, Harrington never actually saw Justin Bieber spit into her water bottle or knew for certain who he or his friends were talking to; Justin’s rep has since denied the allegations. On the other hand…you just know someone is going to buy that disgusting backwash-filled water bottle. Ronald McDonald House: 1. Justin Bieber: 0.
You know how The Secret suggests you make a vision board decorated with all your deepest desires so that the Universe will know you want a new dishwasher or a pony or a smaller brain tumor? Twitter is kind of like that, but instead of a cork board, you use the Internet and instead of the Universe, you are telling us. Plus it actually works! Alexa Vega knows what we’re talking about at least, and her wish seems to be “for everyone in America to know I’m hot.” The Machete Kills actress posted a booty shot yesterday, bragging “Cliff jumping in #Maui.” While we would personally be worried about all the coral, rock and stuff that could scrape our bare butts, what easier way is there to tell people you are an adult babe than with a thong picture? There is none.
You might recall how the internet blew up when the Spy Kids actress first announced her attractiveness via Twitter photo this past summer. Since then she’s been keeping up her Twitter game, what with her Machete Kills outfit and her Halloween costume and what appears to be a smattering of other photos on Instagram. You put your hotness out into the world, and the world recognizes your hotness. It makes a lot of sense. We should tell Oprah about this. What are we saying? Oprah already knows. Oprah has already been knowing.
There’s a lot of eye-brow raising details about the alleged Robert Kardashian diaries his widow Ellen Kardashian gave In Touch Magazine this week. For example, the fact she gave them her late husband’s personal diaries at all. Or the fact that Ellen did not immediately turn said diaries over to the police as evidence of alleged child abuse committed by Kris Jenner. “Kris was kicking and beating her and said she was going to kill [Kim]!” a diary entry dated Aug. 24, 1989 claims. “Kim was hysterical.” Good lord!
The diaries, allegedly written by the Kardashian sisters’ late lawyer father, also claim that Kris Jenner had an affair with soccer player Todd Waterman and left her children at home for days a time. “She doesn’t leave a number in case of emergency. She doesn’t care!” Robert allegedly wrote on Dec. 15, 1989. “She left [the] kids and screwed all night!” If any of this is true, the Kardashians must have undergone years and years of family counseling in order to be friends with their mother at all. Or maybe they didn’t, which might explain at lot…
As you might recall, last January Ellen Kardashian told the media Robert had admitted to her that daughter Khloe Kardashian is not his biological child. Khloe’s paternity drama has continued until today. “The continuous spread of egregious misinformation is just plain wrong, and it would be irresponsible of me and a disservice to my family to not address it at this point,” Khloe said of the rumors last week. ‘I want to say loud and clear that these are toxic, baseless and disgusting rumors and none of them are true.” As for these new Kardashian rumors….toxic? Check. Disgusting? Check. Baseless? Well, if the diaries are handwritten, that proves beyond the shadow of a doubt that they are real, right? No one could possibly write something with a pen if it wasn’t true!