Do we even have to make the requisite Dazed and Confused joke? You know, the one that goes “actor Jason London must have been Dazed and Confused after he was arrested following a bar fight in Scotsdale, Arizona”? Seriously though, something confusing must have happened to the ’90s actor for him to have allegedly punched a bouncer, made a homophobic slur at police officers responding to the brawl and…um…pooped his pants in a cop car following his arrest. “Guess what f—–? I f—ing love this. I f—ing own you guys so hard. I’m rich and I’m a motherf—ing famous actor! F—ing look me up, bitch,” TMZ claims London told the police before soiling himself. This kind of puts brother Jeremy London‘s whole “I was kidnapped and forced to take drugs” incident in perspective, but what if we were to tell you that this isn’t even the most baffling part of this story? The most baffling part is London later went to Twitter to address the incident.
Hey, remember those two things you hoped to God you would never have to see? Well, it turns out they both exist and could at any point surface on the Internet. They’re like Internet Jaws: you never know when they’re going to strike! First of this evening’s nightmares is a nude vintage sex photo of Arnold Schwarzenegger that surfaced in Penthouse founder Bob Guiccione‘s storage locker, a locker which we’re betting smells so, so, so gross. The New York Post reports that the pic involved the former governor “performing a sex act,” a description we find terrifying in its vagueness. There’s no word as to whether the storage unit’s new owner plans to publish the image, but considering he bought Bob Guccione’s storage unit after the famed pornographer went bankrupt, we’re assuming it’s only a matter of time until we know even more about a man we know way too much about…
Karrueche Tran, what have you been doing since Chris Brown allegedly dumped you in October? It took you this long to realize what a pile of celeb gossip gold you have in your back pocket? You are the other woman in the Chris Brown/Rihanna drama, after all. We would be more surprised if you didn’t use the exposure to further your career, like posing topless for the cover of Rolling Out magazine.
Taking a break from helping the homeless and spending millions on billowing harem pants, Russell Brand continued his transformation into a hairier Mother Teresa last week by staging a walkout at L.A.’s Golden Bridge yoga studio. No, it wasn’t to support a free Tibet or protest the use of non-organic sage in the community cleansing ceremonies. Instead, Russell rallied his fellow yoga students to storm out of class in support of his yoga teacher friendTej Kaur Kalsa because the studio wouldn’t let her out of her contract. Yes, we know it’s not as sexy a cause as we would have hoped, but still. This is the same guy from Get Him To The Greek! Baby steps, people.
In the saga of Whitney Houston’s life, her one-time husband Bobby Brown is consistently portrayed as the doomed lover, the bad influence who corrupted the superstar with the drugs that precipitated her decline and eventually took her life. For more than a decade the pair became the self destructive Sid and Nancy of R&B, and their chemical-fueled exploits became fodder for tabloids and reality television. Fans and family alike have placed the blame on Brown’s shoulders, but now Whitney’s brother Michael Houston is coming forward with a stunning revelation that completely changes her story.
Sorry, folks, our lawyers won’t let us post the actual photo in question here, but you know how to click links, so hop over to ONTD for a second and come back here to discuss what the heck is going on with Justin Bieber and his roaming hands. Or not. According to Gawker, this photo was originally posted on Bieber’s fan site and was taken at a fan meet and greet. He may have accidentally grabbed her boob as he was going in for a hug, she may have asked him to grab her boob and he obliged, OR he may have taken a cheap feel because he’s Justin Bieber. Or there’s also option 4: This is another faked photo in a grand tradition of faked Bieber photos.
Update: OK, so Jocelynn, the supposed subject of the supposed groping is on Twitter, and told her followers that Bieber never touched her boob, that it just looks like that in the photo.
IM DYING HAHAHAHHAHA IT LOOKS LIKE JUSTIN'S TOUCHING MY BOOB IN THE PICTURE AHAHAHAHHA I CANT
Still, we maintain that this could all be a big fake. It’s happened before. Last week, a photo of Biebs holding hands with Kylie Jenner was proved to be a doctored old pic of him and Selena Gomez. There was the prank he pulled last year, in advance of his “Beauty and the Beat” video, in which he claimed a laptop had been stolen and released a suspicious nude pic. Read more…
Here’s an unfortunate one-step-forward, two-steps-back scenario. As gays are serving openly in the military and the Boy Scouts are considering a teeny-tiny advancement toward allowing gay members and leaders in the don’t-ask-don’t-tell vein, gay men in sports are still overwhelmingly remaining in the closet. And now they’ve got the story of former Oakland Raider/ San Francisco 49-er Kwame Harris as an example of what not to follow. According to the San Mateo Daily Journal, Harris is charged with felony domestic violence and is being sued for assault and battery by an ex-boyfriend over an altercation that allegedly began over an argument about soy sauce and stolen underwear. Really.
In August 2012, Harris and Dimitri Geier, who were no longer romantically involved, their lawyers say, were having dinner at a Chinese restaurant before Harris was going to take Geier to the airport. Apparently Geier upset Harris by pouring soy sauce on a plate of rice. Which, again, this is really doing a lot to advance the public’s perception of gay men. The argument continued outside, where Harris reportedly pulled down Geier’s pants and accused him of stealing his underwear (OK, now this is sounding like a fight among sorority girls or something). Read more…
Hey, everybody, Kris Humphries doesn’t have herpes. Happy Tuesday! Yes, the former Mr. Kardashian just received the all-clear from doctors, proclaiming him STD free for all to see. Kris submitted to the blood tests after getting slapped with a lawsuit over the summer accusing him of knowingly giving herpes to a one-night-stand. The suit was filed by a woman named Kayla Goldberg, who claims the condom-less “encounter” took place in August of 2010, and resulted in her contracting the illness.
You know a really great way to win public support for yourself? Compare yourself to Jesus Christ on the cross. At least that’s what Chris Brown in his notorious foot-in-mouth social media manner must have been thinking yesterday when he posted a painting of (a very muscular) Jesus on Instagram with the caption, “Painting the way I feel today. Focus on what matters.” This was after we all learned that his posse got into an altercation with Frank Ocean’s posse in the parking lot of a recording studio on Sunday night.
If we’re to believe CB’s lawyer, Mark Geragos (and/or the sources who spoke to TMZ), there is some truth to the Christ analogy. Reportedly, there is surveillance footage that shows both Brown and Ocean stayed out of the melee and left any fighting up to their entourages. The only glitch being that this video didn’t capture the beginning of the fight, so it basically proves nothing. These sources also explained to TMZ that Chris didn’t stick around to talk to the sheriff’s department because his lawyer had advised him to get far, far away from any site of trouble.
Except we think he meant before any fights started, not after.
Let’s be real, shall we? Some of the Mean Girls actors have moved on to better things. Amanda Seyfried has literally blown up in the past six months (well, not literally), Rachel McAdams is firmly on the A-list and Tina Fey is now writing a Mean Girls musical with her musician husband Jeff Richmond, which is pretty much the pinnacle of human achievement. “I’m trying to develop it with my husband, who does all the music for 30 Rock and I think Paramount’s onboard,” Fey told E! at the SAG Awards. After gushing about her love of Mariah Carey, Tina added, “Maybe she can play Amy Poehler’s part in the musical.” Oh wow, Mariah singing “You Girls Keep Me Young” with a Chihuahua chewing up her bazooms would go perfectly with the show-stopping number “The Limit Does Not Exist” and the Unfriendly Black Hotties choir. (Yes, we’ve been writing this musical in our heads for the past eight years. What’s your point?)