Say what you want about Lindsay Lohan‘s tumultuous life, at least it’s filled with surprises. Every news story about Lilo is sort of like an episode of Law & Order: SVU. Just when you think Stabler and Benson have it all wrapped up, you find out in the last five minutes that the accused stalker was actually the judge’s long-lost kidnapped son the entire time. While we’re assuming Christian LaBella, Lindsay’s alleged attacker from an incident at the W Hotel Union Square early Sunday morning, is not her secret lost child, the fact he and Lindsay have both filed harassment charges against one another seems almost as bizarre. While assault charges against LaBella were dropped due to an apparently lack of evidence, according to NYPD Deputy Commissioner Paul Browne, “Cross complaints for harassment were filed and LaBella’s assault arrest was voided after detectives investigated further.” Cross complaints for harassment? Over a fight that broke out because LaBella allegedly took secret photos and video of Lindsay? What does that even mean? And does anyone else suspect we just narrowly avoided a Prince Harry moment starring one Miss Lindsay Lohan?
As if that wasn’t odd enough, LaBella’s uncle Peter Jessop randomly decided to weight in on the incident, telling the New York Daily News, “It’s shameful that a celebrity with a personal publicist can persecute a nice guy like Christian. He’s a decent kid who met her at a nightclub and she invited him back to her hotel room with other people. And now she’s using her celebrity to launch a full-scale witch hunt against him just to be relevant again.” Man, uncles really do not understand what makes people relevant, do they? Amanda Bynes’ uncle, you know what we’re talking about! Haha, we’re kidding of course. No one knows what we’re talking about, least of all us.
Hope you guys have room in your brain-stomachs for more Seth MacFarlane! After hosting this fall’s SNL season premiere and dating the Kahleesi, the Family Guy creator has just been announced as the new host of the 2013 Oscars. We were a little hesitant to sign on for another heaping helping of Seth, but the exceedingly sweet announcement video MacFarlane made with his bathing suit-obsessed dad has our hopes up: “I wore them only once and I had underwear underneath there, so nothing of important ever touched the mesh.” Victory is his!
Additionally, we also know Seth can really sing, based on his album of pop standards, a requirement for memorable Oscar hosts. That being said, let’s get down to brass tacks here, people: Seth MacFarlane is going to voice some of his characters on stage at the Oscars. You know it, we know it, the American people know it, and as a collective group that has been listening to Family Guy jokes since 1999, we’d like to cast our votes as to which MacFarlane characters we would be delighted to have at the Academy Awards…and which will turned away at the door. Hmmm, we guess we’ll have to have Seth draw and voice the security guards too…man, there is so much to get done before February 24!
Paris Hilton kissed a girl and she liked it, but her boyfriend apparently didn’t. In a story made in sleazy tabloid hell, the socialite’s new beau River Viiperi was arrested early this morning for allegedly punching the boyfriend of a girl who was making out with Paris at a club. Yeah, we’ll repeat all that. According to TMZ, a man filed a report with the Las Vegas Police Department accusing River of punching him in the face after his girlfriend and Paris starting kissing on the dance floor at the XS Nightclub at the Encore Hotel.
The scuffle resulted in the unnamed man needing medical attention, and police were called to the hotel around 2:30 AM. They arrested River and cited him with misdemeanor criminal battery. We’re guessing the Las Vegas police have bigger fish to fry, because River was cited on the scene without even getting booked. Police say that the incident is still under investigation, but Paris has reportedly been cleared of any wrong doing. No word on how the whole girl-on-girl thing got started. Maybe it was Paris’ misguided way of apologizing for those homophobic slurs she made in the back of a New York taxi cab last month? Errr, yeah, we’re pretty sure that’s not how it works…
It’s no surprise to us that Taylor Swift covers the November “Hair Issue” of Glamour. We’d probably kill for her luscious blond waves, if such a deal could be made. Still, the singer looks surprised in the photo — though this time it’s not, her “Gosh! You picked me?” surprise face, it’s more, “Oh, you caught me! It’s a good thing I had my hair all done and this pretty gold dress on.” In all seriousness, she looks as awesome as ever — with her fave red lipstick matching her nails, belt and a random swath of tulle — and we want lessons in how to apply blush so perfectly. We also want lessons in playing coy the way she did with the interviewer.
When the Glamour writer brought up “Dear John” and her ex-boyfriend John Mayer’s comment to Rolling Stone that it was about him, she responded, “How presumptuous! I never disclose who my songs are about.” And apparently, she managed to shield herself from anything Mayer said to RS about feeling “humiliated” by the song. “No! I don’t want to know, I don’t want to know,” she said as his quote was about to be read to her. I know it wasn’t good, so I don’t want to know. I put a high priority on staying happy, and I know what I can’t handle. … It’s not that I’m this egomaniac and I don’t want to hear anything negative, because I do keep myself in check. But I’ve never developed that thick a skin.” Read more…
This has been one crazy weekend for Lindsay Lohan. She called the police early Saturday morning claiming a man she had just met and brought to her hotel room — Christian LaBella — had attacked her. The chain of events happened after the two got to know each other at the Chelsea club, 1Oak, but things got ugly when LiLo saw him taking photographs of her when they were in her hotel room later, with some other friends. According to TMZ, she told the cops that when she confronted him about the photos, he got violent and pushed her on her bed. She said she sustained scratches because of his assault. Apparently, she found approximately 50 pictures and videos of her on his phone that he had been emailing to his friends. It gets worse: she ran out of the room, supposedly, but upon her return, reports suggest that he assaulted her again, choked her and then threw her on the ground and then got on top of her. As mentioned earlier, her friends were present through this episode, and one of them succeeded pulling him off. Lindsay then claims she pulled the fire alarm to signal distress and police arrived on the scene to arrest LaBella on two misdemeanor counts of assault and two charges of harassment. Her spokesperson, Steve Honig had this to say, “Lindsay was assaulted early this morning in a New York hotel. While she did sustain some injuries, she was not hospitalized. The assailant was arrested and is currently in police custody. Lindsay has spoken with police and is fully cooperating with the investigation.”
But here’s a new wrinkle: Charges have been dropped against LaBella as there is insufficient evidence against him to build a case, and detectives can’t prosecute him on Lindsay’s story without proper cause. This sounds particularly worrying. While Lindsay isn’t exactly the straight arm of the law, would she really make something like this up? Where are the pictures and videos he took? Are there bruises and scratches on her body to prove what happened? What about eyewitness accounts, since her friends were present? Or was Lindsay exaggerating? We need to hear more of this story to put the pieces together.
Obviously, we are biased, since some of us would get to see her walk past our cubicle every day, but truthfully we’re on board with Amanda Bynes potentially joining VH1′s Big Morning Buzz Live. If she wants to return to TV, that is. “We read that Amanda was in New York and that she may not have any projects on her plate so we thought inviting her to be a part of our team could be perfect timing,” show producer Shane Farley explained to VH1 Celebrity today, after news that BMBL wants Amanda surfaced on Thursday. “We report on all things Hollywood and she actually lives that life. We think it could be great partnership.”
So do we, and not just because we’d get to make awkward small talk with her in the elevators. (No official offer has been sent to her, just to be clear, since, you know, she no longer has a regular management team and all. The show runners are hoping that this idea gets to her somehow, though.)
First of all, anyone who grew up during the ’90s knows Amanda Bynes is a talented performer. If she wants to be on camera again, she’s got a wealth of experience/charisma/good teeth to draw on. Also, let’s be honest: If anyone knows how your celebrity gossip sausage is made, it’s definitely Amanda Bynes. It would be more than little meta to have to weigh in on pop culture news … seeing as how she herself has been pop culture news. Honestly … we’re into it. Finally, plenty of celebrities go through an extremely rough patch and rebound with another project: Charlie Sheen is starring on FX’s Anger Management, while Lindsay Lohan‘s wig game in Liz & Dick is, from all appearances, applause-worthy. We all want to see Amanda Bynes working on a project that makes her happy. If that also means she’ll be buying peanut M&Ms out the same vending machine as us, we are more than OKwith that.
Remember Britney Spears‘ former manager Sam Lutfi? We know it’s been awhile. He was last spotted attempting to sue her mom Lynne Spears for defamation…oh, and allegedly stalking Lindsay Lohan. According to TMZ, Lutfi is currently bringing defamation claims against Brit, Lynne and father Jamie Spears after the family claimed he “drugged” Spears while working with her. As part of the suit, Sam apparently wants Britney to testify about a bizarre incident in 2007 in which he allegedly “brought drug-sniffing dogs into her home … and they found a cache of crystal methedrine, which was destroyed.” What does he mean, he “brought drug-sniffing dogs to her home”? Who, other than the police, hasaccess to drug-sniffing dogs? You can’t just say something like that and have people accept it like it’s a thing that actually happens!
Reportedly Lutfi also thinks “Britney should further testify that drug dogs found ‘hot spots’ of drug residue in the carpeting, where her young sons [ages 1 and 3] played during visits.” He also alleges that he covered for Britney by replacing said carpet. Okay, we’re to believe that not only did Britney Spears have what sounds like a suitcase of crystal meth in her home, she also just…put it directly on the carpet? Are we sure the dogs weren’t just smelling hot dogs particles? This is some Breaking Bad ish right here. Of course, as of right now Britney Spears is still under a conservatorship and allegedly “mental incapable” of testifying about anything, which now that we think about it…is almost as bizarre as Sam Lutfi’s claims. Almost.
You know, there’s something about fame that makes people think celebrities can never truly be down on their luck. If everyone and their mother knows an actor or actress’s name, we just go ahead and assume that person must be enjoying some kind of carefree, financially secure high life. Sadly, as stories like Nick Stahl’s disappearance (or any number of heartrending celeb stories) demonstrates, fame is no safeguard against the everyday hardships of life. To wit, according to RadarOnline and the National Enquirer, former sitcom star Erin Moran and her husband Steve Fleischmann are currently struggling with homeless in Indiana. Best known as Joanie in Happy Days and its spin-off Joanie Loves Chachi, Moran and her husband were allegedly forced out of the trailer they shared with her husband’s mother and are now living out of hotels in the area; the couple had moved into the trailer after losing their house to foreclosure in 2010. Celebrities…unfortunately, they really are just like us. Even the tragic parts.
Those who watched Celebrity Fit Club in 2010 might remember Moran’s erratic behavior, which was compounded by drinking. According to a source, the actress had allegedly been “going out and coming home at all hours of the night, sometimes with her rowdy bar friends, and Steve’s mom just couldn’t take it anymore, so she told Erin to leave.” According to a statement made by her rep to ABC back in June, however, Moran and her spouse were in fact assisting his mother. “They are helping take care of her, as any loving family would do,” the rep explained. Either way, we hope Erin and her husband are able to get back on their feet soon. We’re not saying Scott Baio should get involved, but that would probably be the one thing that would make this story slightly less heart-breaking…
We’re still getting shivers every time we think about what could make someone dismember a cat with his bare hands, as Johnny Lewis is said to have done before allegedly murdering his landlady and then jumping or falling to his death on Wednesday. But what’s even more confusing is reconciling that with the quotes coming from many fellow actors who remember the 28-year-old as an entirely different person.
“He was the nicest guy,” Nikki Reed told E! Online of Lewis, who appeared with her on The O.C. back in 2006. “I never thought anything but great things about him. I have nothing to say except that he was a really nice guy. It’s just crazy.”
Raising Hope star Shannon Woodward — who we think knew Lewis through his ex-girlfriend Katy Perry —tweeted yesterday, “Johnny Lewis, I love you deeply and madly and always. My heart is broken in a million little pieces. I will miss you every day.” She also said, “He was very, very ill. His actions were a despicable result of that. It was not who he was.”
And meanwhile a source told Us Weekly that Perry knew he had problems back when they dated from 2005-2006.
Who is out there making fun of Rebel Wilson and what is wrong with you? Do people honestly think they’re “adding to the conversation” by calling the Pitch Perfectstar “morbidly obese” on the Internet? According to Rebel’s Jenny Craig Australia campaign, it’s comments like those that compelled her start losing weight. “Of course I go on the internet all the time and look up what people say about you,” Rebel says in one of her videos. “One person wrote, ‘What’s her problem? Besides her morbid obesity?’ I read that and I was like…ugh. Like, it is really hurtful. When you read comments like that you think, ‘This is something I can fix. So I should probably fix it.’” Coincidentally, they’re also comments that make us want to shut down the internet and start civilization all over again from scratch. Who’s with us?
In her video journal for the weight loss company, the Bridesmaids actress reveals how she’s lost over 33 pounds, but hopes to drop much more. “I guess with being this size you kind of put yourself into the friend zone. You never think anyone will be attracted to you at this weight,” she admits. “So you don’t really go out.” So…filled…with…empathy…and…rage…In all honesty, we’re kind of torn about Rebel’s weight loss campaign. On one hand, it’s her life and her body. On the other hand, we want to imagine Rebel hanging out in that bikini pube shirt from the MTV VMAS 24/7, just laughing and not giving an eff what anyone thinks. On the other other hand (which we realize is actually the first hand again), we hope Rebel gets everything she wants in life, including never having to need “elasticized pants.” Just don’t wear pants at all, girl! We will support you in this!