We’re sure Britney Spears‘ parents, Jamie and Lynne Spears, are breathing a big sigh of relief after Los Angeles Superior Court Judge Suzanne Bruguera threw out Sam Lutfi’s lawsuit against them yesterday. But if we were Britney, we’d also be hopping mad at the judge for waiting until now to decide there was insufficient evidence. You know AFTER Lutfi had thrown out all these allegations about his former client/girlfriend and her parents. Because as we all know, even if an allegation turns out to be false or unfounded, once it’s out there, it sticks. So now we will forever suspect that maybe Britney shaved her head because she was scared of a drug test, and possibly his drug-sniffing dogs found crystal meth in her house, and that entire downward spiral of 2007 was still the result of her breakup with Justin Timberlake (and that one was from Lynne’s lawyer!).
Those are just the sorts of things you want people talking about when you’ve finally gotten back on your feet, you’re engaged to a pretty normal guy and you’re doing a bang-up job convincing people of your smarts and sanity on live national television every week and your kids are starting to reach an age where they can understand that mommy’s in the news. Gee, thanks a lot, Judge.
OK, we might just be projecting there. Sorry.
[Photo: Getty Images]
While Cee Lo Green is still being investigated for sexual battery by the LAPD, we thought we’d recap some of the he-said-she-said we’ve learned from TMZ over the past few days. After all, this is a guy gracing our homes on The Voice twice a week, and we’d like to know what’s going on, whether he’s guilty or innocent.
She said: Cee Lo took her to a Los Angeles sushi restaurant in July and they had drinks together. She blacked out and woke up in a bed with the “F— You” singer in the room. She went to the police and filed a report. Then then called Cee Lo and recorded the conversation in which he apologized to her and made references to MDNA (a.k.a. ecstasy), according to TMZ’s source. But he didn’t actually say he’d given it to her. Read more…
We’re not sure, but we’re willing to bet that there are a lot of people who’ve wanted to snap at Chris Brown over the years. So when his lawyer laid a verbal smack-down on the singer yesterday in court, it felt pretty cathartic. Sadly, it wasn’t about his horrendous Halloween costume, but we take what we can get. Brown was in the midst of yet another probation hearing for his 2009 assault case against Rihanna, this one stemming from the drug use suspicions back in September.
While seeking permission from the judge to go on a world concert tour, Breezy made the mistake of trying to address the court himself. His attorney Mark Geragos didn’t like this idea and shut Chris down immediately. ”I don’t dance, you don’t talk,” he told the 23-year-old star. Pwned. Even Judge Patricia Schnegg got a kick out of it, remarking with a laugh that she would enjoy seeing Geragos try to dance. She granted him permission to travel abroad, with the understanding that he check in afterwards to give a progress update. For the time being he remains under supervised probation, but this courtroom visit did not address the concerns raised during his last hearing that he didn’t complete his community service. He is due back in court on January 17th for another hearing.
[Photo: Getty Images]
We thought the story from In Touch yesterday about Amanda Bynes wandering around at a New York tanning salon in nothing but a pair of goggles sounded fishy — then again, so did the stories about her talking to herself at the gym and locking herself in a dressing room — and decided not to re-report the tale yesterday. Maybe we were right? Speaking to Us Weekly yesterday, Bynes denied the rumor.
“I’m suing In Touch for printing a fake story,” she said. “I’m not ‘troubled.’ I don’t get naked in public.”
But the best part of this is her defense: “I’m 26, a multi-millionaire, retired. Please respect my privacy.” Because naturally, 26-year-old retired multi-millionaires wouldn’t dare get naked in public? But they do drive around L.A. randomly and get stoned before shopping at Home Depot. OK. This is new logic.
One a side note, how great is the expression of the woman to the left of Amanda in the photo above?
Another side note: We bet our intern Erin is happy the tanning story came out after Halloween.
[Photo: Splash News Online]
Related: Be An Unhinged DUI-Era Amanda Bynes (For $20 Or Less): A Celebrity Halloween How-To
We were totally ready to ignore Ancestry.com’s latest “everyone famous is related to everyone else famous” announcement — after all, what could top Justin Bieber and Ryan Gosling being cousins? — but then we discovered the above two photos. It took the site extensive digging through the family histories of George Clooney and Abraham Lincoln to come up with a connection in Kentucky, through Lincoln’s maternal grandmother Lucy Hanks. Ancestry’s Michelle Ercanbrack told People that they are half-first cousins five times removed. That may sound distant, but look at how much their expressions match! Despite his prankster rep, there’s always been something stately about Clooney, especially when he’s fighting for a cause.
Incidentally, Tom Hanks has also said he’s related to Lincoln via that maternal side. And Clooney now shares something in common with BFF Brad Pitt, who’s a distant cousin of Barack Obama. Personally, we like imagining that Honest Abe really was a vampire hunter too, making his family forever a mortal enemy to the likes of Robert Pattinson and Prince William, who are distant relatives of Vlad the Impaler. We have very active imaginations sometimes.
[Photos: Getty Images]
Related: Justin Bieber, Ryan Gosling, Celine Dion, Avril Lavigne And Maybe All Other Famous Canadians Are Related
Our hearty congrats go out to actors Evan Rachel Wood and Jamie Bell, the latest celebrity couple to get married in secret. The pair tied the knot in front of family and friends in California on Tuesday, Wood’s rep told E! Online. The former True Blood actress, who wore a Carolina Herrera gown, tweeted about it yesterday:
Evan, 25, and Jamie, 26, first met back in 2005, when they starred in a Green Day video together. After dating for a brief time, they broke up and Evan moved on to Marilyn Manson for four years. She reunited with the Billy Elliot star last year. Is it wrong that we can’t wait to see their beautiful, ethereal babies? OK, we’ll just hope for them to make a movie together first. Just look at how sweet they look together:
[Photo: Splash News Online]
How long have we been been saying it: musician Shooter Jennings is the new Taylor Swift! At least when it comes to his interpersonal relationship with John Mayer at least. In fact, it was the very Rolling Stone article where Mayer discussed Swift’s “humiliating” “Dear John” song that set Jennings off on a truly delightful Twitter tirade. “I love how the “neil young of our generation” self-naming king douche grows his hair out + buys a place in Montana just to do RS article,” the country music DJ and songwriter snarled this evening. “Claims he’s “done w hollywood game” and has “roots” and then immediately cuts hair, goes back to hollywood clubs + starts banging Katy Perry.” Yikes! That does sound like great material for yet another anti-John Taylor Swift song though, doesn’t it? Unless Shooter wants it? You guys will work it out!
Jennings makes no claims about actually knowing John Mayer in real life, which sort of makes this rant even funnier. Oh, in addition to John Mayer not having a Twitter, meaning he’ll have to make some kind of official statement if he wants to even comment on Shooter’s rant. “That’s enough, John Mayer.” Shooter concluded. “Sorry to s– talk. Lord knows not everybody likes my ass. But seeing that RS in my friggin bathroom & reading the narcissistic drivel…” We’re calling it now: Shooter Jennings/Taylor Swift duet 2013. Count it!
[Photo: Getty Images]
We wonder if the Lakers’ publicists planned this one: Ex-spouses Katy Perry and Russell Brand both attended the Lakers’ season opener at the Staples Center last night. We’re pretty sure that was the first time they’ve been spotted in the same place since their split was announced last December, so of course, all eyes were on them. And according to E! Online, they were on opposite sides of the court and didn’t speak to each other all night. Which makes us really sad. We thought things were amicable between them. Russell has said nothing but nice things about Katy, and both quickly moved onto new objects of affection. We lost track of Russell’s models, artists and Spice Girls. And Katy’s been a serial monogamist — first with Florence and the Machine guitarist Robert Ackroyd and then with John Mayer guitarist John Mayer. So why the icy public display?
And can we blame them for the fact that the Lakers lost to the Dallas Mavericks 99-91? The team probably hopes so.
Related: Happy 28th Birthday, Katy Perry! Here Are 28 Ways She Is Trying To Seduce The Entire World
Why Do John Mayer And Katy Perry Look So Sad?
Candy and punch-based drunkenness aside, the best part of Halloween has to be the celebrity costume. First of all, it tricks the lost souls that roam the earth on All Hollow’s Eve into thinking you’re Ryan Gosling from Drive. Second of all, it helps pay homage to celebrities, a group of people who entertain us all year long with their movies, their nip slips and their mug shots. So why should other celebrities have to miss out on that joy, forever forced to be a sexy witch or a sexy cat or a sexy key grip? As long as they don’t happen to be going to the same shindig, we think it’s more than okay for famous people to go as other famous people. If Deryck Whibley can go as ex-wife Avril Lavgine, we say everything is game.
It’s no surprise that Simon Cowell is big on the drama. Whether it’s between Nicki Minaj and Mariah Carey, or even with himself and young Demi Lovato, the master media maker knows that nothing gets viewers like a big brawl. And it looks like there’s another storm brewing soon, as reports surface that Cowell hired music producer Damon Thomas to appear on X Factor, along side Khloe Kardashian. What’s the big deal? He used to be married to Khloe’s sister, Kim. Ooof. Clever casting, or serious slip up? You be the judge.
Kim’s other ex has not exactly been keeping up with the Kardashian’s over the years, repeatedly slamming them in interviews. ”She can’t write or sing or dance, so she does harmful things in order to validate herself in the media,” he said to In Touch 2010. And now that he’s going to be appearing as a mentor on the reality show with his former sister-in-law, we’re expecting the fists to fly. Or at least some seriously icy glares. “We’re sure Simon is going to have great fun with this,” an insider told RadarOnline. “You know the tension is going to be unbelievable between Khloe and Damon.” Let’s get ready to rumble…
[Photo: Getty Images]