by (@JordanRuntagh)

Chris Brown Gets Yelled At By His Own Lawyer During Probation Hearing: “I Don’t Dance, You Don’t Talk!”

Chris Brown attends his probation hearing

We’re not sure, but we’re willing to bet that there are a lot of people who’ve wanted to snap at Chris Brown over the years. So when his lawyer laid a verbal smack-down on the singer yesterday in court, it felt pretty cathartic. Sadly, it wasn’t about his horrendous Halloween costume, but we take what we can get. Brown was in the midst of yet another probation hearing for his 2009 assault case against Rihanna, this one stemming from the drug use suspicions back in September.

While seeking permission from the judge to go on a world concert tour, Breezy made the mistake of trying to address the court himself. His attorney Mark Geragos didn’t like this idea and shut Chris down immediately. “I don’t dance, you don’t talk,” he told the 23-year-old star. Pwned. Even Judge Patricia Schnegg got a kick out of it, remarking with a laugh that she would enjoy seeing Geragos try to dance. She granted him permission to travel abroad, with the understanding that he check in afterwards to give a progress update. For the time being he remains under supervised probation, but this courtroom visit did not address the concerns raised during his last hearing that he didn’t complete his community service. He is due back in court on January 17th for another hearing.

[Photo: Getty Images]

by (@shalapitcher)

Amanda Bynes Suing In Touch For Naked Tanning Story

Amanda Bynes says she's suing In Touch for a story about her walking around naked in a tanning salon

We thought the story from In Touch yesterday about Amanda Bynes wandering around at a New York tanning salon in nothing but a pair of goggles sounded fishy — then again, so did the stories about her talking to herself at the gym and locking herself in a dressing room — and decided not to re-report the tale yesterday. Maybe we were right? Speaking to Us Weekly yesterday, Bynes denied the rumor.

“I’m suing In Touch for printing a fake story,” she said. “I’m not ‘troubled.’ I don’t get naked in public.”

But the best part of this is her defense: “I’m 26, a multi-millionaire, retired. Please respect my privacy.” Because naturally, 26-year-old retired multi-millionaires wouldn’t dare get naked in public? But they do drive around L.A. randomly and get stoned before shopping at Home Depot. OK. This is new logic.

One a side note, how great is the expression of the woman to the left of Amanda in the photo above?

Another side note: We bet our intern Erin is happy the tanning story came out after Halloween.

[Photo: Splash News Online]

Related: Be An Unhinged DUI-Era Amanda Bynes (For $20 Or Less): A Celebrity Halloween How-To

by (@shalapitcher)

George Clooney Is Related To Abraham Lincoln, And These Photos Totally Prove It

George Clooney and Abraham Lincoln

We were totally ready to ignore Ancestry.com’s latest “everyone famous is related to everyone else famous” announcement — after all, what could top Justin Bieber and Ryan Gosling being cousins? — but then we discovered the above two photos. It took the site extensive digging through the family histories of George Clooney and Abraham Lincoln to come up with a connection in Kentucky, through Lincoln’s maternal grandmother Lucy Hanks. Ancestry’s Michelle Ercanbrack told People that they are half-first cousins five times removed. That may sound distant, but look at how much their expressions match! Despite his prankster rep, there’s always been something stately about Clooney, especially when he’s fighting for a cause.

Incidentally, Tom Hanks has also said he’s related to Lincoln via that maternal side. And Clooney now shares something in common with BFF Brad Pitt, who’s a distant cousin of Barack Obama. Personally, we like imagining that Honest Abe really was a vampire hunter too, making his family forever a mortal enemy to the likes of Robert Pattinson and Prince William, who are distant relatives of Vlad the Impaler. We have very active imaginations sometimes.

[Photos: Getty Images]

Related: Justin Bieber, Ryan Gosling, Celine Dion, Avril Lavigne And Maybe All Other Famous Canadians Are Related

by (@shalapitcher)

Evan Rachel Wood, Jamie Bell Get Married; We Can’t Wait For Their Vampire Ballerina Babies

Jamie Bell and Evan Rachel Wood got married in California earlier this week

Our hearty congrats go out to actors Evan Rachel Wood and Jamie Bell, the latest celebrity couple to get married in secret. The pair tied the knot in front of family and friends in California on Tuesday, Wood’s rep told E! Online. The former True Blood actress, who wore a Carolina Herrera gown, tweeted about it yesterday:

Evan, 25, and Jamie, 26, first met back in 2005, when they starred in a Green Day video together. After dating for a brief time, they broke up and Evan moved on to Marilyn Manson for four years. She reunited with the Billy Elliot star last year. Is it wrong that we can’t wait to see their beautiful, ethereal babies? OK, we’ll just hope for them to make a movie together first. Just look at how sweet they look together:

View Photo Gallery

[Photo: Splash News Online]

by (@hallekiefer)

Shooter Jennings Is The New Taylor Swift, Rips John Mayer For “Banging Katy Perry”

Shooter Jennings Rips On John Mayer

How long have we been been saying it: musician Shooter Jennings is the new Taylor Swift! At least when it comes to his interpersonal relationship with John Mayer at least. In fact, it was the very Rolling Stone article where Mayer discussed Swift’s “humiliating” “Dear John” song that set Jennings off on a truly delightful Twitter tirade. “I love how the “neil young of our generation” self-naming king douche grows his hair out + buys a place in Montana just to do RS article,” the country music DJ and songwriter snarled this evening. “Claims he’s “done w hollywood game” and has “roots” and then immediately cuts hair, goes back to hollywood clubs + starts banging Katy Perry.” Yikes! That does sound like great material for yet another anti-John Taylor Swift song though, doesn’t it? Unless Shooter wants it? You guys will work it out!

Jennings makes no claims about actually knowing John Mayer in real life, which sort of makes this rant even funnier. Oh, in addition to John Mayer not having a Twitter, meaning he’ll have to make some kind of official statement if he wants to even comment on Shooter’s rant. “That’s enough, John Mayer.” Shooter concluded. “Sorry to s– talk. Lord knows not everybody likes my ass. But seeing that RS in my friggin bathroom & reading the narcissistic drivel…” We’re calling it now: Shooter Jennings/Taylor Swift duet 2013. Count it!

[Photo: Getty Images]

by (@shalapitcher)

Did Katy Perry And Russell Brand Curse The Lakers With Their Awkward Reunion?

Ex-spouses Katy Perry and Russell Brand attended the Lakers game

We wonder if the Lakers’ publicists planned this one: Ex-spouses Katy Perry and Russell Brand both attended the Lakers’ season opener at the Staples Center last night. We’re pretty sure that was the first time they’ve been spotted in the same place since their split was announced last December, so of course, all eyes were on them. And according to E! Online, they were on opposite sides of the court and didn’t speak to each other all night. Which makes us really sad. We thought things were amicable between them. Russell has said nothing but nice things about Katy, and both quickly moved onto new objects of affection. We lost track of Russell’s models, artists and Spice Girls. And Katy’s been a serial monogamist — first with Florence and the Machine guitarist Robert Ackroyd and then with John Mayer guitarist John Mayer. So why the icy public display?

And can we blame them for the fact that the Lakers lost to the Dallas Mavericks 99-91? The team probably hopes so.

Related: Happy 28th Birthday, Katy Perry! Here Are 28 Ways She Is Trying To Seduce The Entire World
Why Do John Mayer And Katy Perry Look So Sad?

by (@hallekiefer)

As Long As They’re Not Going To The Same Party: 7 Celeb Halloween Costume Suggestions…For Celebs

Candy and punch-based drunkenness aside, the best part of Halloween has to be the celebrity costume. First of all, it tricks the lost souls that roam the earth on All Hollow’s Eve into thinking you’re Ryan Gosling from Drive. Second of all, it helps pay homage to celebrities, a group of people who entertain us all year long with their movies, their nip slips and their mug shots. So why should other celebrities have to miss out on that joy, forever forced to be a sexy witch or a sexy cat or a sexy key grip? As long as they don’t happen to be going to the same shindig, we think it’s more than okay for famous people to go as other famous people. If Deryck Whibley can go as ex-wife Avril Lavgine, we say everything is game.
Read more…

by (@JordanRuntagh)

Casting Fail: Kim Kardashian’s Ex-Husband To Appear On X Factor With Khloe Kardashian

Damon Thomas joins the cast of X Factor with ex-sister-in-law Khloe Kardashian

It’s no surprise that Simon Cowell is big on the drama. Whether it’s between Nicki Minaj and Mariah Carey, or even with himself and young Demi Lovato, the master media maker knows that nothing gets viewers like a big brawl. And it looks like there’s another storm brewing soon, as reports surface that Cowell hired music producer Damon Thomas  to appear on X Factor, along side Khloe Kardashian. What’s the big deal? He used to be married to Khloe’s sister, Kim. Ooof. Clever casting, or serious slip up? You be the judge.

Kim’s other ex has not exactly been keeping up with the Kardashian’s over the years, repeatedly slamming them in interviews. “She can’t write or sing or dance, so she does harmful things in order to validate herself in the media,” he said to In Touch 2010. And now that he’s going to be appearing as a mentor on the reality show with his former sister-in-law, we’re expecting the fists to fly. Or at least some seriously icy glares. “We’re sure Simon is going to have great fun with this,” an insider told RadarOnline. “You know the tension is going to be unbelievable between Khloe and Damon.” Let’s get ready to rumble…

[Photo: Getty Images]

by (@shalapitcher)

Congrats, Kat Graham! If She Did, In Fact, Just Get Engaged?

Kat Graham and Cottrell Guidry got engaged recently, according to some reports

If the rumors are true, Kat Graham is having the best year ever. E! Online reports that Cottrell Guidry, boyfriend of the Vampire Diaries witch/infectious pop star, posted and then deleted their engagement announcement on Facebook. He also recently posted an Instagram of his feet and dog with the caption #WaitingforWifey, which some are taking as a confirmation.
An Instagram post from Cottrell Guidry

Read more…

by (@shalapitcher)

Katie Holmes And Suri Cruise Demonstrate The Awkward Dangers Of Halloween

Katie Holmes and Suri Cruise ate dinner next to people dressed as them for Halloween.

Katie Holmes and Suri Cruise were out for dinner at NYC’s Mr. Chow on Saturday night, when they encountered the most awkward of situations, per the New York Post: Three people were seated next to them wearing a “Free Katie” shirt, a “Save Suri” shirt and a Top Gun-era Tom Cruise costume. An onlooker said that Katie didn’t “lose her cool” and the T-shirt wearers covered up their clever slogans before Suri could see.

Let this serve as a warning for all of you clever revelers tomorrow night — and we ourselves are included, as we’ve been fully advocating celebrity costumes since last week — you might want to avoid star-frequented hot spots in L.A. and New York (assuming any are up and running tomorrow), if you plan on spoofing someone famous. Option 2: Embrace the awkwardness, pose for a photo with the celeb in question and SEND IT TO US!

[Photo: Getty Images]

Related: Stacey Dash’s Photo Op With Paul Ryan Looks Like Your Next Halloween Costume
Crying Carrie Mathison & Caring Saul Berenson (For $20 Or Less): A Homeland Halloween How-To
She’s Not A Regular Mom, She’s A Tan Mom (For $20 Or Less): A Celebrity Halloween How-To
In A World Of Honey Boo Boos, Be A Mama…For $20 Or Less: A Celebrity Halloween How-To
Be Clint Eastwood And His Chair For $20 Or Less: A Celebrity Halloween How-To