Last night Detroit Tiger’s pitcher Justin Verlander threw a complete game shutout, leading his team into the American League Championship Series. And that’s not even the best news. After much rumor and speculation, the champion baseballer’s family has confirmed that he is also dating bikini goddess Kate Upton! Let’s just pause and reflect on the fact that this guy is living out every 13 year-old’s fantasy. Thank you.
Celebuzz spoke to Justin’s grandfather, who confirmed the rumor as any proud pop-pop would. “I heard he has been on dates with a Sports Illustrated girl. I saw a photo, she’s beautiful,” he said, in a voice we imagine sounding like the grandfather from Rugrats. “They make a good looking pair because he’s a good looking man too.” Because he takes after my side of the family, we added in his mind. “I do know he’s on the dating scene. Justin is a fine boy and whoever he ends up with is lucky. He’s not only a great baseball player, he’s a great guy.” Gawwww, grandpa.
Well, if today’s conspiracy theorists are to be believed, we may have to wait a little longer for that Justin Bieber sex tape/spaghetti-and-milk recipe. Several sites, such as Oh No They Didn’t, are pointing to a number of clues on Twitter and VEVO that seem to indicate that the whole story of Bieber’s stolen laptop and phone — news he broke himself on Twitter earlier this week — is actually all a publicity stunt leading up to the release of his video with Nicki Minaj, “Beauty and a Beat.”
Again, it was Bieber himself who broke the news of the theft and then complained that there was personal footage on the lost devices.
That same night, a Twitter user named @gexwy tweeted at Bieber that he’d accessed his videos.
But those videos are just the kind of cute backstage antics that Bieber is always taking part in.
We’re sure there are very nice people who go to the Dream Downtown Hotel and who do not then get arrested or have their photos plastered across gossip sites for otherwise undesirable reasons. But also, we’re starting to believe that we should relocate VH1 Celebrity’s headquarters to the downtown NYC hotel, just to eliminate the middle man. Taryn Manning — star of 8 Mile, Hawaii Five-O, Crossroads, and/or Hustle & Flow, depending on your demographic — was arrested in her room at the Dream last night after being accused of punching and kicking her makeup artist, according to TMZ.
In case you’ve been in a cave for the past three weeks, here’s a little recap of what’s gone down at Dream and its nightclub, Electric Room: Lindsay Lohan was accused of a hit and run; Robert Pattinson sat next to a person of the opposite sex and talked to her; and Lindsay and Dina partied and began the fight that ended in a 911 call. But on the bright side, Scarlett Johansson went there on Wednesday night, dressed down so that she was barely recognizable, and hung out with some friends, including Sam Rockwell. But then someone went and told the New York Post that it looked like she was “flirting” with LiLo’s friend, Domingo Zapata. Excuse us, while we go see about their lobby’s WiFi strength.
We know it can be hard to nail down specific facts about a Lindsay Lohan news story. Honestly, there seems to be only one constant: Michael Lohan is the worst person ever. Allegedly. After her dad leaked the frantic phone call Lilo placed to him while fighting with her motherDina Lohan in a limo this week, Lindsay told TMZ Live today that dad Michael “doesn’t know what it means to be a father. He doesn’t want to be a dad.” Duh, girl! We’re going to go ahead and suggest you take that man’s number out of your cell phone. Better yet, just throw that sucker into the back of a garbage truck and keep on walking! The phone, we mean!
Of course, Lindsay also apparently made some highly questionable decisions during the aforementioned limo feud. “I told my dad a really hurtful and untruthful lie about my mom,. She was not on cocaine.” the Liz & Dick star now claims, directly contradicting to what she sobbed during their tearful argument. Scoffs Lindsay, “Daughters have fights with their moms. It happens a lot. It’s normal.” Sure, but we don’t think whether or not “fighting is normal” is the question on everyone’s mind here. That question would be something like, “Whaaaaa?”
Olivia Wilde, please! There’s no need to apologize just because you said your “vagina died” at the end of your first marriage, or revealed you and Jason Sudeikis have “sex like Kenyan marathon runners.” Hearing you admit those facts just made us like you even more than before! “The These Girls monologues at Joe’s Pub were not meant for publication, and, in context, were a celebration of love, girls, and honesty,” the Butter star tweeted after quotes from her monologue blew up on the Interweb this week. “Sneaky recorders are everywhere these days, but performance art doesn’t always translate accurately to tabloid interpretation.” Ah, but what if said tabloids interpreted them as being completely awesome? What then, Wilde?
We’re assuming that Olivia is trying to clarify her statements as to not upset ex-husband Tao Ruspoli or anyone else who might take offense at her comments. But you know what? We’ve all been in a relationship that ended and we’ve all heard at least one stand-up comedian get real about their sex life. The only necessary part of Wilde’s apology was that it forced us to check her Twitter and peep this amazing tweet from last night: “Just did a whopper of a Revlon shoot with the gloriously awesome Emma Stone. My damn skull is so big, her head looks like my head’s moon.” Wow, to think we barely registered Olivia when she was on House, and now we straight-up love her.
The Biebs is bummed today. Yes, Justin Bieber, the young zillionaire (estimate), boyfriend of the mega-hot Selena Gomez and driver of a seriously badass car is super pissed off because someone stole his laptop and camera. Sure that’s a pretty crappy thing to have happen, but for a little bit there we had a hard time figuring out why he was so mad. Surely the kid could afford to find a way to bring Steve Jobs back to life and ask him to personally build him a brand new one-of-a-kind super computer. What’s the problem? Then Justin posted a series of tweets, and it all started to come together. The comp and camera contained “personal footage.” Hmmm, our reading comprehension skill aren’t so great, but that sounds an awful lot like “sex tape.” JK! But not really.
“Sucks when you take personal footage and people don’t respect your privacy,” he angrily wrote on twitter on Wednesday. “Yesterday during the show me and my tour manager josh had some stuff stolen. really sucks. people should respect other’s property. I had a lot of personal footage on that computer and camera and that is what bothers me the most. #lame #norespect” Things got even worse for the 18-year-old a few hours later when a nude photo surfaced that appeared the show his lower torso and his, err, “Scooter Braun,” if you catch our drift. However, his loyal band of Belieber fans are quick to point out that his belly button and nipples don’t match those of the real Bieber. This may prove that the photos are fake, but definitely proves that these folks spend far too much time studying Justin Bieber’s nipples.
Here’s a reality TV hook that tops them all! Bobbi Kristina Brown announced her engagement to “adopted brother” Nick Gordon to her family as the cameras rolled for her new Lifetime series The Houstons: On Our Own. Umm…ok, we’ll bite. The first trailer for the show has dropped, and Bobbi’s relationship with Nick is featured front and center. The clip starts off with the couple being cringe-ily couple-y, snugging and donning matching outfits as her family diagnose her with a bad case of “Nick-itis.” Emotions are already raw between the relatives as they cope with the recent passing of Bobbi’s mother Whitney Houston as well as her father Bobby Brown’s substance problems. So the Bobbi-Nick shack-up is probably not helping matters much.
“There’s more to life than having a boyfriend,” her aunt Pat insists to her. But Bobbi isn’t having it. “It’s kind of like Charlie Brown, all I hear is ‘wah wah wah.’” the 19-year-old deadpans to the camera. But s–t gets real when she drops the engagement bomb on the Houston clan. Some of the crew don’t seem happy with Bobbi’s decision, and discuss the weirdness of having Nick go from being a godson to being a son-in-law. Bobbi Kristina may not have carried on the musical legacy of her famous parents, but she definitely is carrying on the tradition of giving us amazingly train-wrecky reality shows.
UPDATE: A rep told CNN today that this teaser does not necessarily confirm that Bobbi and Nick are engaged. Uh-huh.
Uh…ex-squeeze us? Since when does the world not want to see Ben Affleck toweling off after a shower scene? We spent our adolescence watching Ben Affleck rub down Jennifer Lopez on a yacht, and now we’re supposed to want less semi-nude Affleck? The Argo director joked about his nakedness on the Daily Show, imitating producers who asked that less Affleck flesh be on display in the film: “‘I don’t have any notes, except…do you want to tell him or should I? You know the shower scene? Maybe…trim that a little bit.” Agreed Jon Stewart, “At the time I was thinking, ‘Ah…it’s a little gratuitous.’” How dare you, Hollywood! You do not spend the early 2000s convincing teen girls that Ben Affleck is the hottest man alive, only to switch up the narrative a decade or so later. We demand you stick to your story!
Wanna have sex like a rock star? Umm, no you don’t. At least not like these rock stars, movie stars and other stars in the Hollywood galaxy. Many celebs have described their night moves to us in great detail, and the results were less “sexy,” and more “cringe-y.” Olivia Wilde is that latest famous face to have offended our not-so-delicate sensibilities. After telling an audience on Monday that her “vagina died” after the wind-down of her marriage and subsequent divorce, Wilde gave the crowd a happy ending by informing them that she and SNL‘s Jason Sudeikis “have sex like Kenyan marathon runners.” OK, we’re not really offended, but that line definitely gives your brain the bad touch and makes us want to grab our non-existent pearls just a tiny bit. Yet a part of us loves it anyway! Head on down to the gallery below and check out more celebrities who have hit our TMI button with tales of their sexual exploits. Enjoy!