“Twilight! Hunger Games!” Russell Brand called out throughout his MTV Movie Awards opening monologue, knowing it’d be the tried and true way to get cheers, no matter what tasteless joke he made just before. Not that we don’t love those jokes too, especially this time, when they took a decidedly self-deprecating turn. First, after he praised Justin Bieber for allegedly beating up a paparazzo, with a nod to his own phone-tossing encounter with a photographer.
“If, after recent events you think it’s hypocritical of me to joke about celebrities beating up a paparazzi, wait till you see what I have to say about short lived celebrity marriages,” Russell quipped. Which would have been funnier, had the show producers not cut away to Jennifer Aniston, making things just, awkward.
Russell then decided to pick on/praise Kanye West and Kim Kardashian for “taking the pressure off” him — Kanye for making headlines the last time Russell hosted an MTV awards show at the 2009 VMAs, and Kim for having an even shorter marriage end just before his did. He also encouraged the new couple to return to the skill that made Kim famous in the first place: making a sex tape. Only, he cautioned Kanye against drinking before turning on the camera. “Learn the lessons of the VMAs: When you’re drunk, you do have a propensity to pounce on unsuspecting girls from the rear with a bottle in your hand.”
Though he said Charlie Sheen was on hand to take even more pressure off of him in the crazy antics department, Russell provided one more joke at his own expense, reminding everyone of how he met Katy Perry when he hosted the VMAs. “Last time I did an awards show I did end up marrying someone that was there. I’ll keep my eyes peeled for my next wife. Fassbender, it has to be,” he said, eying Michael Fassbender in the audience.
After having what for most people would be the worst week of their life, Lost actor Matthew Fox some good news today. Of course, no news could be good enough to counterbalance the awfulness he was accused of on Wednesday, so take that into consideration. After being arrested for a DUI in Oregon earlier this month, TMZ reports that Fox struck a plea deal with prosecutors which will ensure he doesn’t get jail time; as part of the deal Matthew pled no contest to one count of DUI, lost his license for a year and has to undergo drug and alcohol treatment. Oh, boy. Actually, that news is kind of a mixed bag, too.
That being said, the actor had to be pleased that Heather Bormann, the Cleveland party bus driver who accused Fox of assaulting her last year, had her case recently withdrawn by her lawyer after she allegedly “intentionally failed and refused to provide full and timely cooperation and information.” Boy, that’s kind of unsettling too, right? Oh, and then there’s the part where his former Lost costar Dominic Monaghan took to Twitter and claimed that Fox “beats women.” You know what? Forget we said anything. Matthew Fox’s whole situation is still coming out deep in the negative column.
Looks like Adam Levine found a way to soothe his broken heart after breaking up with his girlfriend of two years, Victoria’s Secret model Anne V: Dating another Victoria’s Secret model! The singer/Voice judge/super-hot-lady magnet was snapped kissing, holding hands and joking around with 23-year-old Namibian VS Pink girl Behati Prinsloo earlier this week, where he was attending a friend’s wedding.
While the Daily Mail brings up how awkward it’ll be in the dressing room for the next VS shoot, we would like to focus on something else: How absolutely adorable Prinsloo is. The model, who’s covered several European Vogue and Elle issues and posed for everyone from the Gap to Zac Posen, not only tweets out super cute pics of herself, she seems to have a blast in front of the cameras at red carpets and on the runway. Check out this little collection we put together, and insert a “Moves Like Jagger” joke here:
She just doesn’t know how to quit you, bro. Jersey Shore‘s preeminent love birds Sammi and Ronnie were caught canoodling outside a hotel in New Jersey today on this, the first day of filming for JS‘s new season. Call us crazy, but we’re pretty certain that kiss is the real deal. After seeing their relationship unfold almost entirely in public, we think it’s fair to say these guys are basically our generation’s Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton. Or they definitely are, seeing as how virtually no one who watches Jersey Shore will understand or care about that reference.
Maybe we’re the only ones that didn’t see this coming, but we were 99% certain these two were over and done and had already moved on as of last year. “We are not together,” Sammi declared in October after the gang had returned from their fourth season abroad in Italy. During this spring’s Jerseyliciousfifth season, Sam and Ron were so laid-back about their love, we…well, we assumed they had quietly broken up and the show just didn’t get into it. How could we not think that? Remember how insane their relationship was in the third season? Remember The Incident With Sammi’s Glasses? We still wake up in a cold sweat just thinking about it, but good luck, you two! It’s like everyone says: sixth season’s the charm!
Christian Bale‘s former assistant Harrison Cheung seems like he’s out for blood with his new tell-all Christian Bale: The Inside Story of the Darkest Batman, claiming, “It only took me five years of therapy to get past my Bale years. My therapist would describe my condition as post-traumatic stress disorder.” While the details like the fact Christian refused to pay Cheung unless he signed a confidentiality agreement after Cheung started working for him seemed profoundly sketch, other bizarro specifics…actually make us like Bale more. Let’s be real, after the world heard his rant from the set of Terminator: Salvation, we all knew this guy was a little nuts. Certain anecdotes from Cheung’s tell-all, however, make Christian seem nuts in an fabulous, eccentric movie star way. For example…
Bales’ on-going rivalry with Leo DiCaprio: DiCaprio snapped up roles Bale wanted from What’s Eating Gilbert Grape? to Romeo & Juliet to Titanic. After temporarily losing his American Psycho role to DiCaprio, Bale ranted to Cheung, “Losing this role is like having a pencil shoved through my brain.” That sentence just proves they ended up going with the right guy! Read more…
Although they’ve only been public for less than two months, kontroversial kouple Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are apparently preparing to move in together. According to a report on TMZ, both Kim and Yeezy have secretly listed their respective homes for sale with a “pocket listing,” which doesn’t show up in official real estate paperwork. Sneaky! Unnamed sources claim that the pair are now searching for a rental home to share. This probably shouldn’t come as a huge surprise considering that the two have allegedly been talking about marriage. Everyone who’s kinda bummed that Kim wasted all that camera coverage on Kris Humphries, raise your hand. We thought so. Come on Kardashians, watching Kim and Kanye go house-hunting would be the greatest reality show OF ALL TIME!
The news has been circulating for some time now but there were no confirmations till yesterday. Jessica announced the news on her Facebook page, saying, “It’s official, I’m joining Weight Watchers! The cool thing about the program is that it focuses on healthy habits for the long-term (and I can still indulge in my guilty pleasures every now and then too). I have actually gotten a group of friends together who are going to be doing it with me. You can join me too and we can share our experiences!” She also shared an update on Twitter, writing, “So excited to be a part of the WeightWatchers family!” According to sources, she’s pretty serious about getting back into fighting shape as well. One informant has revealed, “As soon as Jessica heals from the C-section, she is extremely determined to get back in the gym and work out. She wants to show the world and is excited to do it.” We have a feeling she’s going to get back into Daisy Dukes in no time!
Practically every celebrity has to have a sex scandal at some point in their careers, but a multimillion dollar one? That’s one for the Sex Scandal Hall Of Fame. Why hasn’t someone built that get? We’ll start looking into zoning laws; in the meantime, Chinese actress Zhang Ziyi, star of Crouching Tiger, Rush Hour 2 and Memoirs Of A Geisha, is fending off claims by the Chinese media that she prostituted herself to various Chinese politicians and bigwigs to the tune of $110 million. It’s wrong that we’re impressed by that number, right? Okay, cheerfully withdrawn!
The Daily Mail reports that Beijing businessman Xu Ming claims to have slept with the actress for $945,000; other accusations allege that Zhang slept with politician Bo Xilai on multiple occasions for money. “We read this outrageous report in the Hong Kong’s Apple Daily. It sent stone-cold chills down our spines and has left us with a feeling of deep sadness,” Zhang’s reps said in a statement. “This time, we are telling those rumor-makers that we will respond. We will prove our side of the story; we’ll seek legal justice; we’ll find you in the darkest corner and go after you.” Get ‘em, girl! Don’t let anyone spread lies about you. On the other hand, if the gossip were to be true … well, you’d still have $110 million. Is it wrong that we think that wouldn’t be such a bad consolation prize? Sorry! We’re the worst! That’s just so much money!
Like many teens, Diddy‘s son Justin Combs is headed to UCLA this fall on a football scholarship. Unlike almost any other teen, however, Justin is also the focus of a debate over whether he should give the $54,000 scholarship he received back to the university, seeing as how he really, really does not need it. And we thought shopping for XL-Twin sheets was hard! It wasn’t, of course; we were just brats. But still!
The debate has grown so wide that CNN even featured their education contributor Dr. Steve Perry’s take on the controversy. Perry pointed out that Combs had earned the scholarship due to his hard work and promise of commitment to the football team. “He’s done what he needs to do to be successful and in ‘Ameritocracy’ we have to accept that no matter who your father is, whether he be rich, poor or absent, that you can in fact be successful on your own merit,” he declared. On the other hand…seriously, Justin really, really, really does not need that money; his dad is worth approximately $550 million. One percent problems, ya’ll! We’re still debating the issue with our checking account, but what do you think?
Chrew? Dristian? BarryBale? We swear we would have done a way better of coming up with clever couple nicknames if Christian Bale and Drew Barrymore‘s teen romance had actually panned out. “We went to see some bloody awful horror film, and that was the end of it,” Bale allegedly told GQ Australia about the actress. “She never called again.” First of all….you know you can call too, right? What if their entire romantic history fell by the wayside because Christian just didn’t know American dating etiquette? Second of all, that’s kind of a shame. We like imagining Bale’s gruff method actor commitment paired with Drew’s sunny disposition. They would make a perfect couple! Or a perfect crime-solving duo on an ABC prime time crime procedural! They’d be great doing something together, is what we’re trying to say.
Also…we find the whole “Drew didn’t call” thing a little hard to believe. This is the same woman who called Tom Green. Repeatedly. Until they were married for a year. That being said, obviously it was for the best. Christian is happily married to spouse Sibi Blazic, with whom he has seven-year-old daughter Emmeline; Drew is pregnant with her first child with fiance Will Kopelman. You guys could still solve crimes together though! Christian’s Dark Night run is almost over and Drew, yeah, you’re going to want to switch to a 9-to-5 soon enough.