I don’t know how to be objective about this subject, guys, so bear with me. Jessica Simpson appeared on the premiere of Katie Couric’s Katie today to show off her post-baby body. And to plug Weight Watchers, which she’s being paid a reported $3 million to do. As a four-months pregnant lady, I (predictably) have way too many emotions attached to this appearance. Let me classify them for you:
1) Defensive: I can’t believe how much the press has been hounding Jessica — since even before she announced her pregnancy — about gaining weight during her pregnancy. This was the Mom Jeans Incident of 2009 to the 1000th degree. This woman is a super successful fashion mogul now, not your personal fitness icon, leave her alone. I gained weight basically the instant I peed on a stick, and yeah, sometimes when I see those ladies who only look pregnant from the side, I want to crawl into a hole, but then I think about the fact that I can put aside vanity and think about someone else’s health for the first time in my life.
“I let myself indulge in everything I wanted because it was the first time I was ever pregnant, and I wanted to enjoy it,” Simpson told USA Today last week. “I wanted to be happy and eat what I wanted.” I hope the gossip world feels some shame in wanting to take away a woman’s desire to be happy.
2) Fascinated: At the same time, I have watched Jessica’s body grow with every photo, and just like everyone else, thought for one guilty moment, that there was no way she just had one baby in there. She’s my height, 5’4″, and weighed 170 lbs when she was pregnant with little Maxwell Drew. And her main indulgence is the exact same as my own: macaroni and cheese. I eat it for desert now, people. But today on Katie she also admitted that she did zero exercise during her pregnancy. When she signed onto Weight Watchers, she could barely do 800 steps a day. And she admits to a bit of magical (very Nick and Jessica-era JSimps) thinking when it comes to losing the pounds.
You’re going to want to throw away your Bluetooth for this one (also because it just looks dumb): Sheryl Crow believes her brain tumor is the result of prolonged cell phone use. “There are no doctors that will confirm that,” Crow revealed to Katie Couric on today’s premiere episode of Katie. “[But] I do have the theory that it’s possible that it’s related to that. I [used to spend] hours on the old archaic cell phones.” Wow, we never thought we’d be glad our parents forbade us from having a cell phone as a kid…but here we are. Here we are.
You might recall peeping the video of Sheryl forgetting the lyrics to “Soak up The Sun” at a concert back in May; it was this forgetfulness that sent the singer to a doctor in the first place, where she learned she was suffering from a benign brain tumor. “I [was] worried I had an early [onset] Alzheimer’s,” Crow admitted, pointing out that said tumor was growing in the part of her brain where she traditionally held her cellphone. Luckily Sheryl, who has also battled breast cancer, is now in recovery. On one hand, we kiiiiiiiind of want to get Sheryl a celebrity medical show costarring Tom “You Don’t Even Know What Ritalin Is” Cruise. On the other hand…what if she’s right? We’d switch to a land line immediately. We’re not losing “If It Makes You Happy” to no tumor!
[Photo: Getty Images]
It’s not so much the “ignoring thousands of years of evolutionary programming and cultural taboos” aspect that startles us about director Nick Cassavetes‘ defense of incest. It’s more that The Notebook director would defend it out loud. To a reporter. Out loud. “Who gives a s— if people judge you?” Cassavetes declared to TheWrap while discussing his new film Yellow at the Toronto Film Festival. “I’m not saying this is an absolute but in a way, if you’re not having kids – who gives a damn? Love who you want. Isn’t that what we say? Gay marriage – love who you want? If it’s your brother or sister it’s super-weird, but if you look at it, you’re not hurting anybody except every single person who freaks out because you’re in love with one another.” And he had to compare it to gay marriage, didn’t he?
We can think of at least one difference between the two (the difference being that one is incest), but maybe the Hangover Part II actor just felt the need to defend the subject matter of his upcoming film, costarring Melanie Griffith and Sienna Miller? Of course, Cassavetes wouldn’t be the first celebrity to make a jaw-dropping statement in public. In fact, he merely joins the pantheon of baffling celeb quotes such as:
We knew that pompadour was the work of the devil! The fabulous, fabulous devil! We’re kidding about the malevolent nature of Miley Cyrus‘ poof, of course, but news that Miley is suspected of criminal battery following an alleged nightclub brawl is so out of character, we instinctively tried to think of some other rationale. According to TMZ, a police report filed Sunday morning alleges that the singer and fiance Liam Hemsworth got into an argument with another patron that turned physical Saturday night while at Hollywood’s Beacher’s Madhouse at the Roosevelt Hotel. In the report, the alleged victim claims he bumped into Liam’s chair, causing the Red Dawn star to turn on him…though he claims it was Cyrus who ended up “pushing him away and striking him in the face.” So that’s why we were thinking that the bleach ate through to Miley’s brain and triggered some sort of berserker state. We’re just spit-balling here, you guys! There has to be some kind of reasonable explanation, right?
Or maybe this story is so unbelievable because it, um, never actually happened. According to another eye witness, while Cyrus did turn up the sass, “Miley never threw a punch.” That makes more sense to us. Have you ever seen that girl’s Twitter account? It’s 40 percent Buddhist sayings, 60 percent puppy photos. Though photos of her hair have been taking over her Instagram…we’ve got our eye on you, Pompadour! Don’t think Miley won’t shave you off if she has to!
[Photo: Getty Images]
Not only did Kristen Stewart get to enjoy the kudos surrounding On the Road during her visit to the Toronto Film Festival last week, she also had the chance to put two big rumors/fears to rest: 1) That the promotional tour for The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2 is going to be really awkward, and 2) that she has an ongoing feud with Hunger Games star Jennifer Lawrence.
When asked about the potential weirdness of promoting Breaking Dawn with Robert Pattinson, she told The Associated Press, “We’re going to be fine. We’re totally fine.”
Then Stewart and Lawrence finally quashed rumors that spread this spring about a supposed rivalry between the 22-year-old actresses. They met in person for the first time while doing press at the Intercontinental Hotel. “People who saw them said they were geeking out about each other,” a source told Us Weekly. “Kristen and Jennifer told friends they had emailed in the past but had never seen each other face to face. They’re big fans of each other.”
We feel like we’ve really let you down, you guys. When we made our 10 VMA Celeb Feuds post, we were foolishly betting on old standby beefs like Drake vs Chris Brown, or Kanye vs anyone who Kanye doesn’t want talking into a mic at that exact second. We should have opened our minds to more unlikely disputes, like the Demi Lovato/Katy Perry beef we can only assume has started now that Katy kissed One Direction‘s Niall Horan…immediately before he went to dinner with Demi. Man, this feud is not going to be pretty. Both of them wear a lot of rings!
According to Us Magazine, The Voice judge and the British boy bander stopped by Pink Taco after the VMAs…alone. It certainly wouldn’t be the first hint we’ve gotten of a Niall/Demi romance, but it’s probably the first to be immediately followed by Horan tweeting about kissing another woman. We could assume both he and Katy are joking, but you watch. The second we brush off a burgeoning beef, that’s when the nightclub brawl starts. Sometimes we feel like we need a celebrity beef Yoda to teach us how to spot potential A-list antagonists. No, you’re right. The power to predict celebrity beefs has been with us all along…inside all of our hearts.
[Photo: Getty Images]
We don’t mean to make any sort of accusations here, but if we didn’t know better, we’d think Live! With Kelly and Michael was purposely giving Ryan Lochte difficult strip trivia questions this morning to make him take his shirt off! And that would be…wrong? Yeah, okay, that would be morally wrong! The Olympic swimmer stopped by Live! to hype his new workout DVD, both with his words and with the body he was quickly made to unveil in front of the studio audience…and the rest of the world. Okay, upon repeated viewings we guess the strip trivia questions weren’t entirely impossible. Ryan did guess that the Titanic was the first ship to have a heated pool. On the other hand…how many other famous ships are there? Want us to wait while you come up with a list of boat names? See, that’s exactly the kind of question they might have asked Ryan Lochte!
Then Michael Strahan and Kelly Ripa sent Ryan plummeting into the dunk tank, which we’re totally okay with. The dunk tank is the great equalizer; there can be no bias in dunking. We also love how Kelly couldn’t help but emphatically point out how dripping wet Ryan was. His eyes are up there, Kelly! Though to paraphrase Legally Blonde, the nipples are the eyes of the torso…
Here’s one way to start adulthood off on the right foot! One Direction heartthrob Niall Horan is only18 but he’s already doing pretty well for himself, taking last night’s VMAs by storm and catching the attention of none other than Katy Perry. She was apparently really looking forward to seeing the British boyband, tweeting beforehand “If One Direction doesn’t perform on the VMAs I am gonna jump off this ledge.” She’s a big fan, we gather?
Katy got her chance to present Niall and his mates with a Best Pop Video Moonman for their song “What Makes You Beautiful” when she swooped in for a smooch. Yes, he seemed into it. Niall then tweeted a picture of the momentary hookup at Katy, saying “Looks like its official … me and you.” Smooth, dude. But it seemed like Ms. Perry was more than game to play the cougar card. “I’ll be your Mrs. Robinson…” she tweeted back. Looks like she’s got a new Teenage Dream. Hey, it wouldn’t be the first time she met man at the VMAs…
[Photo: Getty Images]
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The VMAs ended last night with Taylor Swift performing “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together,” her latest stinging anthem to relationships gone horribly horribly wrong. It’s not news to say that T-Swizzle has gotten some pretty decent mileage (and record sales) from her heartbreak with high profile dudes like John Mayer, Joe Jonas, Taylor Lautner and god knows how many more. It’s gotta be pretty freaky for a guy to get called out in the form of a hit pop track…but then again, it might be kind of cool. Right? Like being part of an irritatingly catchy piece of history. VH1′s very own Kate Spencer was on the VMA red carpet and asked celebs to weigh in on whether or not they’d like to be the subject of a Taylor Swift breakup song!
Drag Race star RuPaul wasn’t too enthused at the idea, saying he’d rather be in “a Taylor Swift make-up song,” and fun. guitarist Jack Antonoff also wasn’t feeling it. “Too stressful. Seems really stressful. I like that song, but I don’t know if I’d want it to be about me.” Dan Reynolds from Las Vegas rockers Imagine Dragons seemed downright terrified at the thought! “I think that that’s every man’s biggest nightmare. Especially now,” he said. “She puts people on blast. She seems like a sweet girl but then she goes hard.”
This Chris Brown-Rihanna saga’s never going to end is it. And since both of them were going to attend the MTV Video Music Awards, held last night, there was some serious anticipation about whether was something was going to go down. Over the past few months, all signs have led towards to some sort of a reunion, and not just a conciliation. Chris being there at Rihanna’s birthday party, albeit on the down-low. All the hoopla about the Chris-Drake fight over Ri-Ri. Yeah, yeah “allegedly” over Ri-Ri, but c’mon, we all know that it was about her. And let’s not forget Rihanna’s turn with Oprah, where she admitted she felt “protective” about him. Did they two really meet up before she headed to Italy on vacay? While that rumor will never be substantiated, who all here think it happened? Yeah, that’s what we though. Most of you do! That Rihanna-Chris collabo — there’s more to it, guys. We feel it. They’re inching towards a full-on public declaration of re-love. Hah.
Anyhoo, taking all of this into consideration, let’s get down to what happened at the VMAs last night. Rihanna was looking mighty-fine with her new hair and in a white gown that got her onto the best-dressed list for the night. Chris was looking dapper in a steel grey suit. They met. But were there fireworks? Well, that’s for you to decide. MTV has video of them meeting and of a kiss between the two — right in front of everyone. But we can’t tell, due to the angle, if it was a friendly peck hello, or something more passionate. What it does reveal though, is that these two have reached a place that’s more than just civilized. Rihanna looks really happy to see him. So, what gives? And what’s your take on the kiss?
[Photos: Getty Images]
See more of last night’s action after the jump!