Because we haven’t yet seen any of the interviews Kristen Stewart did during her first public appearance since what Kevin Hart calls her “mistake,” we are forced to dip into our imaginations here. As she stepped out to promote On the Road at the Toronto International Film Festival, Kristen looked as spectacular as always in an elegant-but-edgy, floral-print Zuhair Murad dress. But here’s what else we noticed — with this super-feminine dress and her hair up in a high pony-tail, Kristen Stewart looks like Megan Draper’s long-lost sister on Mad Men. On the Road takes place in the beat era, a good 10 years before MM, so this outfit is no homage to Kerouac and company. But you know what a central theme on Mad Men is, right? Adultery. Adultery as a very complex, regrettable but sometimes forgivable and somehow natural tendency of human nature. So, is this another Freudian slip by the girl who seemingly wore her maybe-ex’s T-shirt to the airport yesterday? Something to chew on.
Previously: Kristen Stewart Arrives In Toronto With Awesome Hair, Shirt Of Possibly Tragic Origin
Pound for pound, we think Kevin Hart was a really solid MTV VMAs host tonight. The comedian brought a much needed levity to one of the most earnest awards show we’d seen since…gosh, we’re going to say the Oscars. So it makes sense that Hart delivered the majority of the VMAs most memorable quotes, with a little help from Rebel Wilson and Drake. On a related note, maybe it’s for the best that KStew couldn’t make it after all…
NOOOOOOOOOOO! There is probably no other couple on the planet we would be more horrified to learn are splitting up. This is like Al and Tipper Gore all over again! Despite embodying all our hopes and dreams about “having it all” and “being an amazing comedy duo as well as sensual lovers at the same time,” Amy Poehler and Will Arnett are getting divorced after nine years of marriage. Their rep confirmed the suprising news to People, though we struggle to understand how he or she got the announcement out in between all their choking sobs.
We guess we would be less stunned by the news if we had any inclination that the Parks And Rec star and spouse were having trouble. Someone needs to consult their publicists for tips on how to keep a celeb’s private life on lock. The marriage was Amy’s first, and Arnett’s second; the Up All Night star was previously married to Penelope Ann Miller. The couple has two young sons, 2-year-old Abel and 3-year-old Archie, who is just so chubby and redheaded…oh lord, why? WHYYYYYYYY? Thank god we have the MTV VMAs to watch, or we would be running down the streets, tearing at our clothes and howling.
[Photo: Getty Images]
Cliff Huxtable. Danny Tanner. Dr. Evil. Which of these roles would you cast Cee-Lo Green in, if given the chance? Right, Dr. Evil! The Voice mentor is already bald and has what appears to be an evil cat! Guess Cee Lo will have to save his maniacal cackling and malevolent schemes for his personal life, seeing as how he’s going to be working with NBC to create a sitcom “loosely based on his real life relationship with his ex-wife and children.” Oh, is his ex-wife some kind of supervillainess? Who are we thinking of? Oh, sorry. It was Catwoman. Our bad.
A move to acting does make sense for Cee Lo, though; the singer recently tried his hand at the big screen for the first time, acting alongside Jordin Sparks in Sparkle as some kind of normal human man without any special powers or plans for world domination. According to Deadline, Cee-Lo’s multi-camera comedy will star “Green as a version of himself as he tries to balance his career as a top recording artist and his frenetic home life.” The singer is in final negations with NBC for the deal, so at least he can get a lot of finger tenting and ludicrous demands for absurd amounts of money out of his system now.
[Photo: Getty Images]
We almost inhaled our protein powder this morning when we read a rumor claiming JWoww had gotten engaged to long-time love Roger Mathews. According to the New York Daily News, the Snooki & JWoww star and her manfriend have been affianced “for a while,” but kept their betrothal mum in order not to draw attention from the arrival of Snooki‘s baby Lorenzo. Hmmm, a Jersey Shore star not wanting to steal focus? Yeah, doesn’t really add up to us. As it turns out, the story didn’t add up to Jenni either. “Ummm me and @RogerMathewsNJ are not engaged!!! Hopefully one day but don’t believe the bs reports,” JWoww tweeted after being peppered with congratulations. We, for one, are glad JWoww cleared things up. After all..have you seen her relationship with Roger on Snooki & JWoww?
Okay, look: obviously the only two people who know the true nature of a relationship are the two people in that relationship. That being said, everything JWoww and Roger do is recorded and put on television along with a dubstep soundtrack, so we’re pretty sure we’ve got the basic idea. Based on the first season of Snooki & JWoww, Jenni and Roger fight almost constantly over the smallest things. Seeing as how fights can be edited to look longer and more intense, we would be remiss if we didn’t point out that Roger constantly and loudly complains that they haven’t had sex in months…and JWoww jokingly confirms that he’s right. On television. We want every Jersey Shore castmember to be happy in his or her own way, but we don’t know if these two are ready to take the plunge. Maybe we can start with Deena getting married, and we’ll work our way up from there, okay? Okay.
[Photo: Splash News Online]
Have we really not had a truly epic VMA beef since Kanye went totally Kanye and snatched Taylor Swift‘s mic in 2009? How time flies. Tonight the MTV VMAs honor those artists who have crafted a truly superior piece of visual art to accompany their music. But a well-crafted celebrity feud? Well, that’s even harder to come by. So we went ahead and predicted some fantasy VMA celebrity feuds for them, just to get the ball rolling! It’s like using The Secret, except you probably shouldn’t use The Secret to have someone yank out Lana Del Rey’s weave…
You might recall that aggressive voicemail rant Alec Baldwin left his daughter Ireland back in 2008? It’s been playing in your nightmares ever since? It involved the 30 Rock star calling his tweenage offspring a “pig,” a “daughter-of-a-bitch,” a “thoughtless pain in the ass” and, most insanely, “twelve or eleven or whatever”? Yeah, that’s the one. Just for reference, Ireland was in fact twelve at the time, and unlike every other 12-year-old on the planet, seems to have taken the name calling in stride. “The only problem with that voicemail was that people made it out to be a way bigger deal than it was,” Ireland explained to Page Six this week. “He’s said stuff like that before just because he’s frustrated. For me it was like, ‘OK, whatever.’ I called him back and I was like, ‘Sorry Dad, I didn’t have my phone.’ That was it.” At least, that would have been it if the voicemail hadn’t subsequently been leaked to the press. And if it wasn’t horrible to listen to.
On one hand, it’s easy to take angry arguments out of context. On the other hand, Alec has apparently said stuff like that before? To his child? Out loud? We love Jack Donaghey more than our own distant workaholic Irish Catholic fathers, but this is too much! Not that an Internet parody wouldn’t help take the edge off. “We almost did something funny on YouTube, of me calling him and yelling at him. We were just talking about it the other week,” Ireland said, adding, “I’ve always had a great relationship with my dad.” Would a self-made parody four years after the fact be genius, or just make the whole thing sadder? We need a Liz Lemon up in here to hash this whole thing out!
[Photo: Splash News Online]
Who arrives at their destination after a cross-continental flight and looks better than when they took off? Kristen Stewart, naturally. Late last night, the actress landed in Toronto, where she’ll attend the Toronto International Film Festival screening of On the Road today. It will be her first public appearance since that whole traumatic mess blew up in July, so she was understandably press shy as the paps snapped her before taking off and after landing. Still, she looked pretty damn good in her T-shirt, jeans, leather jacket, dark-framed glasses and loose, wavy hair. Unfortunately, she made one mistake that People and Radar have already pounced on: That “Irie” T-shirt is one that maybe-ex-boyfriend Robert Pattinson was photographed wearing when he walked his dog last year. And god, when you think about it, this is really both devastating and embarrassing.
Wow, these two. If Taylor Swift and Conor Kennedy are our new American royalty, Nickelback‘s Chad Kroeger and Avril Lavigne are the Canadian crown prince and princess respectively. They’re…they’re not actually Canadian royalty, are they? That would be too perfect. In case we didn’t already associate the musical couple with the Great White North, Chad gave an People interview today where he made sure to remind us. “We think it’s very cool that our anniversary will always be on Canada Day,” he gushed. “We can’t wait to start our life together.” It’s like if Beyonce and Jay-Z got engaged on Independence Day! Then raved about it to People! Of course, the fact Avril and Chad wear their patriotism on their black, shredded t-shirt sleeves is only one example of how deeply Canadian this couple is. In case you need a few more…
And this whole time we thought they were your standard issue repressed Irish Catholics! We guess we should have gotten the hint when Victoria Gifford Kennedy complained to the Boston Herald about Taylor Swift‘s wedding crashing last month, rather than silently clench her jaw and swirl her high ball glass, Lucille Bluth-style. While the mother-of-the-bride might still be peeved, it looks like there are plenty of Kennedys who are more than happy to swoon to the press about the latest quasi-addition to their clan. “We love Taylor Swift,” former Congressman and Conor Kennedy relative Patrick Kennedy gushed to TMZ. “She’s been a great friend and we’re happy for Conor.” A great friend! Aw, that is some Taylor-level cuteness right there. Maybe she has met her madras-plaid-and-Peter-Pan-collar match after all!
Of course, seeing as how Taylor Swift already raved about the family to Rolling Stone, attended at least one of their religious ceremonies unannounced and bought a house down the block, we should hope the Kennedys think she’s the bee’s knees. Exclaimed Patrick, “If she wants to be in the family, she’s already a part of it.” Whoa, do you think Taylor could handle a family as intense as she is? (It would take a whole family, wouldn’t it?) We can’t wait to hear Conor’s first album of angst pop ballads to find out!
[Photo: Splash News Online]