You’ve have heard of this new movieÃ‚Â starring Miley Cyrus and Demi Moore, right? It’s called LOL: Laughing Out Loud and the two play mom-and-daughter onscreen. Off-screen they’re BFF, hitting up bars together and such.
With a title that uses web-approved abbreviations, we thought it was going to be a Freaky Friday-like goofball chick flick. Turns out it’s a lot more like the sexy, Nikki Reed-penned Thirteen and you’re going to see a lot more of Miley than you’d like to. Case in point: Miley’s character will flash her brazilian bikini wax at Demi. You’re getting the picture, right? Not-so-little Miley’s all about the sex and drugs in this movie.
Please prepare yourself for some serious TMI. Apart from flashing her wax, she’s also going to lose her V-Card, smoke a doobie, get dee-runk and make out with two girls. Well, Miley’s kissed girls before, so the last part should be a breeze. But we can’t wait to watch Demi’s momma character tell Miles, “You’re my daughter. And I won’t let you turn into a porn star!”
We can already hear Miley’s defense for those who criticize her for portraying a super-sexual teen: Relax y’all. It’s just acting. I’m a performer.
So no one told you life was gonna be this way (clapclapclapclap), you’re job’s a joke, you’re not broke, but your love life is D.O.A.
Jennifer Aniston may not be on Friends anymore, but the theme song still rings two-thirds true this week since her movie, The Switch, flopped at the box office. The movie, about non-Thanksgiving uses for turkey basters and alternate forms of, uh, gravy, looks terrible, but what’s weird is that Vampires Suck, which looks even more terrible and for a while had a solid zero percent on Rotten Tomatoes (it’s now up to 5%),Ã‚Â actually beat it to come in second place at the box office.
The Switch was also beaten by Nanny McPhee Returns. Guys, more people wanted to see Emma Thompson‘s snaggle tooth than Jennifer Aniston’s attempts at mothering. Ouch. The Expendables came in first place again.
We’ll say it once more: we have nothing against Aniston and we feel bad for her sometimes (until we remember she may not have a boyfriend but she probably does have a body pillow filled with hundred dollar bills), but this just ain’t her week. Between her liberal use of the R-word,Ã‚Â her un-Photoshopped beach photos and her film flopping, she needs another trip to Mexico stat.
There are two main — and wildly divergent — groups of people that are excited to see Black Swan, the latest film from renowned director Darren Aronofsky:
1) Cinephiles: The Darren Aronofsky brand is remarkably strong in film geek circles. He built his reputation helming the low budget indie films Pi and Requiem For A Dream, both of which were notable for their their searing intensity and visual flair. After experiencing a minor critical and commercial setback with The Fountain, his 2008 film, The Wrestler, established Aronofsky not only as a commercially viable director, but also won him universal acclaim from the acting community for providing Mickey Rourke with a comeback vehicle. So, based on these past successes, there are quite a few people looking forward to see what Aronofsky can do with the thriller genre.
2) People Anxious To See Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis Get It On: So what if you don’t know what the term mise en scene means! Ever since word first broke last year that Portman and Kunis have, and we quote, “ecstasy-induced hungry aggressive angry sex” in Black Swan, many a red-blooded American cleared the date December 1, 2010 on their calendars. We certainly did!
Are you anxious to see Black Swan? And if so, which group do you fall in? (Don’t worry, we won’t tell!)
In the latest example of Hollywood’s total disassociation from reality, Kristen Bell has just been cast as the young mom of a precocious ballet dancer…who happens to be twelve years old. The 30-year-old Veronica Mars star will reportedly appear in the upcoming black comedy Dance of the Mirlitons as a ruthless stage mom. Meanwhile sources say filmmakers are currently in the midst of a “nationwide casting search for a young actress to play a precocious 10 to 12 year old.” So, Bell’s daughter would be at least a third of her age. What is this, a Lifetime movie?
Gushes producer Daniel Dubiecki, “Kristen’s combination of comedic timing and authenticity will bring this character to the next level, and give this crossover appeal.” We couldn’t agree more with that; this role sounds like one Bell can actually sink her teeth into (No offense, When In Rome). What we can’t really picture, however, is how they’re going to explain the fact Bell must have given birth in A.P. chemistry class to have a kid that age.
Now, we’re all used to actresses barely over 35 playing Mother to teenage children (Amy Poehler‘s fun mom in Mean Girls, anyone?), but it still icks us out to see one so young we practically need file a police report for even thinking about when her kid was conceived. Besides, even if we forget about Kristen’s age, there is still her cherubic face, which makes her look much younger than many actresses her age. You cast Lindsay Lohan as the grandpa in “Little Miss Sunshine,” no one would have batted an eye. But Kristen Bell as mama to a tween? She barely looks old enough to drive! We’re already looking forward to Dance of the Mirlitons 2, featuring Miley Cyrus as the proud, self-sufficient single mother of Dakota Fanning. Wait…if we closed our eyes and only listened to them talking, that might actually work…. [Photo: Getty Images]
Alternate title for this post: Zach Galifianakis Makes A Movie About A Sad, Humorless Famous Person. Because that’s what the trailer for Casey Affleck‘s documentary I’m Still Here, about bro-in-law Joaquin Phoenix, looks like. It’s as if he called up big brother Ben and asked, “How do I ruin my career?”
To which Ben sagely replied, “Make a movie about that homeless man I saw bathing in your jacuzzi at your 4th of July party last summer. Speaking of, can you send me that potato salad recipe? I asked you for it months ago.”
That’s the only explanation for this mess.
DVD addicts may find this week a little barren, with the big releases a toss-up between a Miley Cyrus movie and Furry Vengeance. So why not take a shot at this involving British coming-of-age film from the creators of The Office? Based on the experiences of co-writer/co-director Ricky Gervais, Junction steers away from outright comedy towards the drama of young men finding their way. Newcomer Christian Cooke is the one dreaming big, hoping to break free of the drudgery of a stuffy bank job. The acute 1970s period detail and spot-on musical choices are reminiscent of classic ensemble nostalgia-fests like American Graffiti or Diner. Maybe it’s not everybody’s plate of chips, but infinitely preferable to Brendan Fraser with a hamster down his pants.
Extras: Gervais, who co-stars as Cooke’s grumpy dad, appears on a commentary track with co-director Stephen Merchant and the cast members. Deleted scenes, blooper reel, featurettes.
- By C. Bottomley
Whatcha readin’, James Franco? Twilight, you say? Indeed.Ã‚Â Franco was seen reading a copy of Twilight during an interview with Esquire recently and explained that he was doing research for an upcoming project. While that could mean anything (because he’s James Franco and his “projects” range from grad school to General Hospital to Eat, Pray, Love), we’re thrilled to imagine him considering a role in Breaking Dawn. The question is, which role? Come, brainstorm with us.
1. J. Jenks. In our opinion, the middle-aged lawyer whose purpose it is to help Bella forge Jacob and RenesmeÃƒÂ©’s paperwork (if you haven’t read the book, don’t ask) would be amazing for Franco. This role would require Franco to employ every bit of weirdness he has. Plus, we’d love to see Franco do for Breaking Dawn what Tom Cruise did for Tropic Thunder, with the bald cap and the pervy glasses and the a slightly creepy, mysterious air about him.
2. Garrett, Kate’s mate in the Denali vampire clan. Pushing Daisies star Lee Pace is reportedly also being considered for the role of the harmless vamp who happens to be Edward’s good friend. To us, we’d enjoy nothing more than some Franco/Pattinson screen time where they tousle each other’s hair and powder each other’s pale skin– sorry, wait, that’s not part of Breaking Dawn, that’s some fan fiction we wrote. Never mind.
3. Nahuel, the peaceful 150-year-old half-human, half-vampire. Because nothing says “cameo” like arriving in the final five minutes of the film to save everyone’s life.
4. RenesmeÃƒÂ©. Hey, they developed the baby-face-transplanting technology for the Wayans Brother’s Little Man, we see no reason why they couldn’t further it by turning Franco into a tiny vamp who is also a girl, who also rapidly ages at ten times the rate of a normal baby. We’d pay good money to see “Featuring James Franco as Nessie” on the screen.
This weekendÃ‚Â Robert Pattinson is paying a conjugal visit to his better half, Kristen Stewart,Ã‚Â on the set of On The Road, which is filming in Montreal. (Check out photos of Rob on the set at the link.) It’s been a while since the pair has been spotted together, huh?
Pattinson has been spotted on the set visiting with Stewart and his pal Tom Sturridge, who also has a role in the film. Eyebrows were raised when Stewart was seen hanging out with Sturridge but it turns out he’s just making nice with his best friend’s girl.
Eat, Pray, Love represents a melding of two of our favorite things – movies and eating. But if it disappoints us the way Julie and Julia did (Amy Adams, we still haven’t forgive you or that ugly wig!) we might have to give up on the inspiring food film genre. The New York premiere for Eat, Pray, Love was host to not only the biggest stars from the film – yum yum, Javier Bardem, and also that Julia Roberts chick – and also plenty of celebs from the food world. Our girl Gail Simmons, who we love from Top Chef, was on hand, as were several chefs from the Food Network. Don’t get us started on why semi-half-assed Sandra Lee was there though, we still haven’t figured her out. We’re guessing she cooked James Franco and ate him while guzzling a signature cocktail though, since he’s suspiciously absent.
[Photos: Getty Images/]
Steve Carell and Tina Fey are the prom king and queen of primetime funny. Both The Office and 30 Rock are like comic tonic in the TV desert. But do they have what it take to be movie stars? On the basis of Date Night, the answer is “Yes, kinda.” It serves up two great performances in search of an adequate vehicle. Carell and Fey play a couple whose marriage has lost its sizzle. So they organize a “date night” at a swanky Manhattan restaurant. A case of mistaken identity leads them into a mélange of drug dealers, strip clubs and all the things movie studio execs think are exciting. As descents into a nocturnal wonderland go, this is no After Hours or even Adventures in Babysitting, but it’s redeemed by the leads’ smart chemistry. There are also appearances from Kristen Wiig, Mark Ruffalo and the reliable Ray Liotta. Look out for a shirtless Mark Wahlberg, whose nipples almost walk off with the movie.
Extras: A gag reel, dating PSAs featuring the stars, and two featurettes with director Steve Levy (Night at the Museum).
- By C. Bottomley