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SJP Hopes For Sex And The City 3, We Try To Convince Her Otherwise

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As a longtime fan of Sex and The City, we’re actually really disappointed to hear that Sarah Jessica Parker recently said she hopes to make a third movie. Look, I loved the series and I liked the first film (and watch it whenever it’s on HBO), but this sequel was a giant turd and I really don’t think a third movie is in the best interest of the franchise. Here are a few reasons why (minor spoilers ahead!):

1. The Puns

Okay, we’re all used to Carrie Bradshaw and her clever-and-sometimes-cringey puns. But this movie was chock full of lazy writing and terrible puns that actually made me slap my forehead in disgust a couple times. “Abu Dhabi Doo!”, “I’m going through a mid-wife crisis” and camel toe jokes after Charlotte falls off an actual camel? Michael Patrick King should be ashamed of himself, those aren’t funny, they’re just dumb.

2. Can’t Touch This

Again, we’re used to Carrie and Co. being fashion forward but by our count there were about three pairs of Hammer pants in this film and in 2010, that’s three pair too many. And that says nothing of Carrie’s crimped wedding hair. If costume designer Pat Field keeps pushing the envelope like this, the envelope is gonna start to push back.

3. Everything Ties Up In A Little Designer Bow

The beauty of the series was that Carrie’s life was a mess and usually she made mistakes that were relatable and made her sympathetic. In this film, she is so shrewish and annoying (I don’t know anyone that would turn down a gift of a flat-screen TV and get all pissy at their husband for buying it – remember, in this movie money is no object so it clearly wasn’t something that broke the bank) and she morphed into the least likable character of the bunch. But in the end, Carrie learned to love the TV, Miranda conveniently quit her old job and got a new one she loooved, Charlotte’s children became well-behaved, and Samantha f***ed a guy on a Hummer just like the olden days, despite being old and hormonal*. And they all lived happily ever after. Sure.

4. No Sex and No City

Aside from the aforementioned sex on a car hood, there wasn’t actually any sex in the film at all, just a bunch of stereotypes of frazzled women and the men who put up with them. And since the bulk of the film was set in Abu Dhabi and not New York, we missed that element of the show – both movies actually have taken these women out of the city and thrown them together on vacation – that’s fine, but why ruin a good thing the series had going? A million girls moved to the city because of this series, why deny them the opportunity to gaze on Carrie’s life in present day New York? It would definitely be more fun.

5. *Speaking of Old

As for the age thing, these women have proven that they’re all beautiful and stylish but this film lit them to look like they had wrinkles and bags under their eyes, not even trying to flatter them. We couldn’t throw these gals a bone and gotten them some good lighting?

Am I the only one that thinks that a third movie would be a huge mistake? I, and all my friends, actually kept saying that we planned to see this movie despite its awful reviews because we love the franchise…but I’m pretty certain after seeing this desert disaster that I wouldn’t spend money on a third movie. Not even if Liza Minelli made another cameo.

[Photo: Getty Images]

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Ashton Kutcher Calls Out Sex Trafficking At Killers Premiere

Ashton Kutcher

That Ashton Kutcher isn’t afraid to use his fame to make a difference. The Twitter enthusiast called out human traffickers at the premiere of Killers in Hollywood last night, hopefully giving pause to any red carpet gawkers who thought Demi Moore‘s boytoy was totally into sex slaves. There’s no reason for desperate men to resort to horrifying criminal activity to meet attractive women, anyway—they can always go on one of Ashton’s reality shows.

See photos of Kutcher, Demi Moore, Katherine Heigl and others in the gallery below.

[Photo: Getty Images]

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FABLife’s DVD Pick Of The Week

Alice in Wonderland

Like candy floss, director Tim Burton‘s version of Lewis Carroll‘s fairytale is momentarily delightful, wholly un-nourishing and may leave viewers with grumbling stomachs (or retinas). Beneath the hallucinogenic imagery, however, is a surprisingly tough-minded heroine. Back in “Underland” for the first time in years, Alice (Mia Wasikowska) is charged with rescuing the blighted world from the Red Queen and her hideous Jabberwocky. Burton is unfamiliar with a light touch, so what began as English whimsy is leadenly obvious or just plain bizarre. As Alice uses a combination of stubbornness and wit to save the day, budding emo girls will become delighted with a new heroine to call their own. Alas, Johnny Depp‘s Mad Hatter is closer to Edward Scissorhands’ more obnoxious brother.

Extras: The many featurettes included in Disney’s Blu-Ray/DVD combo pack look at costume design, makeup and other “making of” aspects.

- By C. Bottomley

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Eclipse Is “More Guy-Friendly,” Says Werewolf

Robert Pattinson may be busy filming Water For Elephants, but the rest of the Twilight-eers have already begun the press deluge for Eclipse (only 29 days away!!!!). Taylor Lautner and Kristen Stewart were in Australia this weekend, shaking hands and answering questions for fans down under. Meanwhile, Tyson Houseman, one of the new werewolves in the film, told the Sun-Times the answer to our big question: can a dude watch it without clawing his eyes out? “There’s going to be a lot more action,” he promised. “There’s a very climactic fight scene. There’s an entire war at the end of the movie, and I think it’s going to be a lot more guy-friendly.” Frankly, it would have been hard to make a more painful date movie for (straight) dudes than the two-plus hours of Bella missing Edward while Jacob stands shirtless that was New Moon.

Along with action, Houseman promises an opportunity to nerd out. “Another thing that’s really, really cool…you get a lot of really cool background stories, like with the Quileutes. And with the other vampires, too, like, you get to learn about the history, about who they are.” More action and more backstory? Don’t worry, Twi-hards, we’re sure they included plenty of staring time in the forest for you, too.

[Photo: .com]

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Evan Rachel Wood Still Has Heart-Shaped Glasses For Marilyn Manson

Evan Rachel Wood & Marilyn Manson

Three years after Marilyn Manson and then-teenage girlfriend Evan Rachel Wood made graphic, blood-covered love in his “Heart-Shaped Glasses (When The Heart Guides The Hand)” video, Evan is still wearing those titular shades for her lanky monster of a man. Nearly five months after Marilyn proposed to Evan on stage, the pair were spotted trotting around the set of Mildred Pierce in New York City. Despite their rocky romance (Marilyn beat an Evan look-a-like to death in a video last year during a brief split from the actress), it looks like these two may make it to the altar after all. See photos of the pair in the gallery below. (does Manson decide the size of his lifts based on who he’ll be standing next to?)

[Photo: Splash News Online]

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by (@missmuttoo)

Director Guillermo Del Toro Quits The Hobbit

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This is a major setback for the planned film version of J.R.R Tolkien‘s The Hobbit, something Lord of The Rings junkies have been looking forward to for years. Production delays have forced director Guillermo del Toro to quit the two-part prequel to Peter Jackson‘s LOTR trilogy.

He stated, “In light of ongoing delays in the setting of a start date for filming The Hobbit, I am faced with the hardest decision of my life.” He added, “After nearly two years of living, breathing and designing a world as rich as Tolkien’s Middle Earth, I must, with great regret, take leave from helming these wonderful pictures.” Apparently the film still hadn’t been given the go-ahead by MGM.

Del Toro will continue to co-write the screenplays with Jackson and his wife, Fran Walsh, and Philippa Boyens. But there’s no directing to be done because, he said, “There cannot be any start dates until the MGM situation gets resolved. They do hold a considerable portion of the rights.”

[Photo: Getty Images]

by (@missmuttoo)

Big Box Office Fail For Sex And The City 2

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Looks like America didn’t get Carried away this time around. Sex and the City 2 had a disappointing opening weekend roping in far fewer moviegoers than the first installment two years ago. The first SATCH hauled in $ 56.8 million during the opening weekend, while SATC 2 has brought in a more lean $ 32.1 million. Including the $14.2 million it made on Thursday, the sequel has made $ 46.3 mill which still falls way below the first time the girls hit the big screen.

No number one spot either, to ease bruised egos. That went to Shrek Forever After, which stayed the number one film for the second weekend in a row with a $43.3 million weekend rake-in.  Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda might want to rethink their next adventures, if any at all.

[Photo: Getty Images]

by (@unclegrambo)

Grease Sing-A-Long Coming Soon To A City Near You!

With Memorial Day fast approaching, our minds are naturally turning towards “Summer Nights.” Not just as a rough concept, mind you; we’re talking, of course, about Grease! The timeless film is surely one of those rare movies that you and your friends not only know all the words to, but also enjoy singing along with every time that you watch it. Well, Grease fans, you’re in luck!

This summer, a special re-release of the film will be hitting select theaters for a limited two-week run beginning on July 8. Only this time, instead of just passively sitting there and silently watching the screen in the dark, audiences will be encouraged to sing their hearts out alongside Danny Zuko, Sandy Olsson and the rest of the gang! That’s right, Grease Sing-A-Long promises to be one of this summer’s most exciting releases. You can check out the official Grease Sing-A-Long web site to see if the film is coming to your town in July. And even if it isn’t, there’s something you can do about it! You and your friends can head over to Eventful.com and request that the film plays in your town. Now if you’ll excuse us, we have to hop in “Greased Lightning” and get this weekend started!

Grease Sing-A-Long [Official Site]

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Sarah Jessica Parker’s Blue Dress: Seaworthy Or Another Titanic?

Considering the size of Sarah Jessica Parker‘s headgear at the Sex And The City 2 premiere last night in London, she couldn’t be expected to wear that hollowed-out gothic tree at the afterparty as well. So instead she slipped into something more comfortable, a long heavy-looking blue gown we think we can spot a pony in when we let our eyes relax. Are you liking this oceanic outfit? Check out the gallery and let us know in our TheFABLife poll.

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Sarah Jessica Parker Goes Gaga At The SATC 2 UK Premiere

Sarah Jessica Parker

No, Sarah Jessica Parker did not have a wardrobe malfunction at the Sex And The City 2 premiere in London today—unless you want to call her decision to wear this outfit one. Combining aspects of Janet Jackson‘s Super Bowl slip and Lady Gaga‘s fondness for over-the-top outfits with a little British class (a little), Parker looked like a tree from a Tim Burton movie (it’s disappointing she didn’t have an Oompa Loompa or Jack Skeleton hiding under her bustle). Though Cynthia Nixon‘s tight blue dress would be flattering on any day, in the context of SJP’s monstrosity, that ginger was bangin’. Get a good look at what the ladies wore in the gallery below.

[Photo: Getty Images]

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