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Mamma Mia! Chris Klein Is A Mess

The butterfly effect that Katie Holmes‘ marriage to Tom Cruise had on the world was greater than we ever could have imagined. Holmes’ most high profile relationship before Tom was with Chris Klein, you know, the Keanu look-alike doof from American Pie who we had forgotten about…until now. Guys, Klein has gone crazy. We’re not blaming Katie, but imagine for a moment that they stayed together and remained the world’s blandest couple, riding off into obscurity together…Well, we probably wouldn’t have this newly excavated clip in our hands.

The video above is an audition tape of Chris Klein from 2008 that has only just surfaced. In it, Klein tries out for a role in Mamma Mia! (which later went to Dominic Cooper, who is currently dating his co-star from the film, Amanda Seyfried, so obvsies that was a good casting decision) and we’re not sure if he’s under the influence of drugs, still upset that Katie dumped him, or if this is how he usually is but, folks, it ain’t pretty. Klein manically (or maniacally - potato, potahto) talks about Mandy Moore, sings his way through some Abba and freaks us out with his coke eyes. There’s really no better way to cap off your day than to watch this a few times and thank God for quality casting directors.

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Cannes, Stars Welcome Woody Allen’s 40th Movie

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The math isn’t perfect—you have to skip his TV movies, short films and anthology works like New York Stories (or keep New York Stories and skip the redubbed Japanese movie What’s Up Tiger Lily?)—but You Will Meet A Tall Dark Stranger is arguably the 40th feature full-length directed by Woody Allen. It’s an especially impressive feat considering he’s been directing for less than 50 years—the 74-year-old hasn’t gone a year without a film since 1981!

Though Stranger star Antonio Banderas was too busy pimping the latest Shrek in LA to celebrate with the Woodster at Cannes, co-stars like Josh Brolin and Naomi Watts were in attendance for this weekend’s premiere, along with well-wishers ranging from Diane Lane to Evangeline Lilly to Jean Claude Van Damme. See what everyone wore in the gallery below.

[Photo: Getty Images]

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The 12 Sexiest Movies You Should See This Summer (And Follow With A Cold Shower)

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June is just around the corner, which means hot temps, the occasional sunburn, and a major influx of movie releases. Many of us will beat the heat by noshing on some popcorn in a overly-air conditioned theater, but in the sea of blockbuster hopefuls, what’s worth our $12.50? What packs the heat, without causing pit stains? Considering the sex appeal of the stars, steaminess of the story, and cling of the wardrobe, we’re counting down a dozen flicks that’ll sizzle the summer months, from lukewarm to piping hot.

12. Sex and the City 2, May 27th: Sarah Jessica Parker, Kim Cattrall, Cynthia Nixon, and Kristin Davis hit the Middle East in 5-inch heels, high-slitted designer dresses, and sparkly turbans. Beefcake and baby-less Aiden returns to tempt Mrs. Big.

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by (@missmuttoo)

Naomi Watts And Michelle Williams Each Play Marilyn

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The buzz from Cannes is that two biopics about Marilyn Monroe are now in the works. One is an adaptation of Joyce Carol Oates’ imaginary memoir Blonde. Naomi Watts has been roped in to star in it, while. Andrew Dominik (‘Assassination of Jesse James’) is going to direct. The second biopic is going to be distributed by the Weinstein Co. It’s called ‘My Week With Marilyn,’ and is about the filming of ‘The Prince and the Showgirl’ , in which Marilyn starred opposite Laurence Olivier (who also directed and produced the movie). This Marilyn will be portrayed by Michelle Williams. Who do you think will work the role better?

[Photo: Splash News Online]

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Money Never Sleeps, And Neither Do Stars At Cannes

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It feels like the Wall Street sequel has been like 25 years in the making…oh, wait, it has. But now the film that stars Shia LaBeouf as Gordon Gekko‘s greedy financial district protége is finally ready to premiere at Cannes, and there was an abundance of men in light-colored suits there to celebrate. We don’t often visit the south of France, so that look is probably the norm – one person who opted for a burst of color however was the film’s director, Oliver Stone, who appears to be slowly morphing into late 1970′s Marlon Brando. LaBeouf and his Money Never Sleeps co-star and girlfriend Carey Mulligan both looked stylin’ in the tropical heat though, as always Mulligan can do no wrong with her fashion choices.

[Photos: Getty Images]

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by (@katespencer)

Sad News, America: Johnny Depp Is Now Old And Ugly

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Since our childhood in the 80s, Johnny Depp has always been there for us when we needed a crush. Christian Slater creeped out and embraced his receding hair line, River Phoenix died, Keanu Reeves sold his brain for a movie career, but Johnny has always been there for us – sexy, stable, but with enough bad boy in him to keep us interested. But recently we’ve noticed that the actor’s looks – yes men can (and should) be superficially judged on their looks alone – have taken a nosedive into rock bottom territory.

Beginning sometime in 2009, Johnny grew a gut which leaked into his face, turning those iconic cheekboners (copyrighted term) into chipmunk territory. Not to mention, the hair grease finally won out and his locks now just look straight up straggly. Also, did Nicole Kidman take him to her botox doctor? That forehead is peculiarly smooth, and we like our Depp with some dips in his skin.

Look, we know the guy is 47, but he was still doin’ it for us in 2008. We could forgive the ridiculous grunge garb if he would just keep things up in the looks department. Doesn’t he know it’s his job to keep all the women who once taped 21 Jump Street on their VCRs interested?

We spent hours (our job is awesome) checking out pictures of Johnny through the years and have assembled our proof below. The guy started out as the Robert Pattinson of the 80s, and he was good to go in the looks department until sometime last year. On the set of The Tourist, which he is currently shooting with Angelina Jolie, he looks bizarrely bloated. Do you agree that Johnny’s looks have gone downhill or would you still take a little loving from ol’ Scissorhands? Tell us!

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Robsten Gets Physical: Breaking Down Their Body Language On Oprah

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As all true Twi-hards know, the Eclipse trio (+1 Dakota Fanning, briefly) made their epic Oprah appearance today. While the Big O may not have succeeded in getting Rob Pattinson (photos) and Kristen Stewart (photos) to admit they’re dating (on-air, at least), she did get an adorably goofy quip from RPattz, “Kristen’s pregnant,” followed by KStew saying he’d be the one birthing the child. A sincere confession was not necessary for even a mildly observant viewer, as the duo did enough oogling, eye-f*cking, and making each other LOL to confirm what we’ve known for months… there’s no way these two aren’t bumpin’ pasty uglies. Allow us to break it down for you.

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1. Is it possible that Kristen is doing anything but undressing Rob with her eyes? We think not.

More proof of Robsten‘s existence after the jump. Read more…

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Amanda Seyfried Makes Waves At Juliet Premiere

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Hollywood ahoy! Dog lover Amanda Seyfried showed up at the Hollywood premiere of her latest romance, Letters To Juliet, wearing strapless dress adorned with blue spirals. While her outfit probably isn’t appreciated by the easily seasick, we think she looks just swimmingly—especially compared to the drab black dress Stephanie Pratt showed up in. See these stars and more in the gallery below.

[Photo: Getty Images]

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Cate Blanchett Shows Cannes How To Shoulder Pad

Is Cate Blanchett interested in a superhero movie? Because after seeing the shoulderpads on her Armani dress at Cannes yesterday, we think she’d do a great job as The Wasp in The Avengers. Cate’s in France to celebrate the premiere of Robin Hood, in which she plays Maid Marian against Russell Crowe‘s titular archer. Though Crowe’s shoulders looked plenty sharp in his suit, the actor’s real weapons were his young sons Charlie and Tennyson, who finally have an unrestricted film of their father’s they can see on the big screen (we bet they wish Russell brought his sword, though). See photos of the stars in the gallery below.

[Photo: .com]

by (@katespencer)

An Open Letter To Ashley Greene And Kellan Lutz, Who Think They’re Worth $8 Million

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Dearest Ashley Greene and Kullan Kellan Lutz,

Well look at that – Kellan, I spelled your name wrong in my open letter to you! I’d apologize except that I think it’s a perfect example of how insignificant you are. I’m a massive Twi-dork and I sometimes forget your name. So why then do you guys think your irrelevant asses deserve $4 million for each Breaking Dawn movie?

Look dudes, I get where you’re coming from. You’re part of a mega-franchise, with the second installment, New Moon, raking in $140.7 million in its opening weekend alone. So sure, $4 million (or $8 million, if Breaking Dawn is split into two movies) doesn’t seem like that much compared to how much the Twilight franchise makes (and how much Kristen Stewart, Rob Pattinson and Taylor Lautner are reportedly earning). But let’s be realistic here.

Ashley, you were a waitress at the Belmont Cafe before some casting director huffed crack and gave you the role of Alice Cullen – probably because your inexperience made you an affordable option. Sure, you were already a A-List star, what with your role as “McDonald’s Customer” in the movie no one saw, King of California, but Twilight kinda gave you a career bump, dontcha think?

Kellan, you look like every other gym-addicted, protein smoothie guzzling, tank-top wearing, girl in a club grinding, douche bag infesting America today. The most important thing you do in Twilight is pat Bella on the back. We’re confident Mike from Jersey Shore could handle that situation, and would be happy being paid in steroids and vodka tonics to do so. Sure, you had some bit parts on shows like The Comeback and 90210, but your most high profile role pre-Twilight was appearing in a Hilary Duff perfume ad. You should try letting the rain fall down and wake you from these salary dreams, bro.

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