Oh Deena, we like the boobs but we love your physical safety and well-being more. Following the Jersey Shore diva’s arrest last week for disorderly conduct and public intoxication, Deena Cortese’s mugshot has finally hit the Internet and…we’re not going to lie. We’ve seen this face before. We’ve seen this face roughly once a week for entire seasons at a time, because it also happens to be Deena’s late-night afterparty face. Honestly, girl looks pretty good considering she’s just been hauled into the Seaside Heights police station. A little dewy and distressed, but no worse than she would look after a sweaty night at Karma.
Deena was released to her parents without bail following her arrest, and was quick to thank her fans for offering help in her time of…need, we guess? “Love all my tweeties and feels great to have all your love and support. ;),” she tweeted on Monday. Maybe if her mugshot was worse, Deena would be less inclined to get immediately sloppy again. Enthused Deena on Twitter, “Good morning to all my tweeties Weekends Here you all know what that means, do I have to spell it out PARTY time.” Aw…who are we kidding? Deena could have a full on Lisa Robin Kelly going on and the girl would still take the Jersey Turnpike like it was going out of style.
[Photo: Getty Images/ Splash News Online]
As you can see from the video above, Tom Cruise’s co-stars Malin Akerman, Julianne Hough and Catherine Zeta-Jones really feel like the actor was a real rock star on the set of Rock of Ages — and they meant that in the best way, not the diva-concert rider, trash the hotel room kind of way. And from what we can tell from clips of him as Stacee Jaxx, the guy really poured himself into the part. But none of this should surprise us in the least: After all, the guy has always been a rock star, even when he was at his most clean-cut and Hollywood. Here, we’d like to count down the 10 moments when he most resembled the lead singer of his own guitar-thrashing, ear-melting, groupie-attracting, Billboard-topping band.
It’s going to be even more impossible to believe the amazing Tina Fey as a high-strung sexually undesirable pseudo-spinster now that we’ve seen Liz Lemon’s hotdog-selling boyfriend Criss without his shirt on. Dang, everyone. Dang. New jokes unrelated to Liz Lemon’s pathetic sex life, you’re gonna need ‘em! 30 Rock actor James Marsden showed off more than his impeccable timing while in Hawaii this week for the Maui Film Festival. Personally, we can’t wait until we’re 40-something workaholic nerds and get a Hollywood-hot yet emotionally supportive life partner. Haha, that’s going to be awesome! Everyone shut up; we’re laughing with happiness!
Marsden’s abs had the chance to say aloha to our delighted eyeballs because the X-Men actor is currently at the film festival to attend a screening of his upcoming comedy Bachelorette, costarring Kirsten Dunst and Isla Fisher. Because he’s just that amazing, Marsden is also accepting the Maui Film Festival Nova Award, an accolade which is apparently given for “stunningly original and seamless performances consistently infuse each character they play with unique insight and wisdom.” Stunning, check. Unique, yessum. Wisdom…oh, might that we hit Liz Lemon’s age and be wise enough to wrangle a man friend this adorable. A-men!
[Photo: Splash News Online]
After Glee, Smash, that one show with Ben Folds, and you know all of the other talent shows in our DVR, you’d think this October’s college a capella movie Pitch Perfect would just be one too many peeks into the lives of young people who just GOTTA SING! But no. We watched the trailer this morning and basically forgot about all the rest. Here’s why:
1. We like Anna Kendrick as a dry-witted outsider. It’s such a change from her over-caffeinated overachieving characters in Twilight, Up in the Air and Rocket Science.
2. This is produced by Elizabeth Banks, who can basically do no wrong in our eyes.
3. Rebel Wilson (the tattooed roommate Brynn from Bridesmaids) has about 500 hilarious lines in the trailer. But also seems kind of real.
Certainly, Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle, How I Met Your Mother, Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog and all those great awards-show moments have gone a long way toward making us stop referring to Neil Patrick Harris as “Doogie.” But even though the actor turns 39 today, we can’t help but get a warm, fuzzy feeling in our hearts as we recall him in his too-big white coat and stethoscope, assuring a patient for the 1,000th time that, yes, even though he’s only 16 and looks 12, he is a legit, board-certified physician. And then we picture him writing all about his feelings for Wanda on his funky old computer (proto-blogging!). Seriously, NPH, with his slicked-back curls and his innocent, freckled face, was adorable on Doogie Howser, M.D., which ran from 1989-1993. Also, he gave hope to all the nerds of the world that when we eventually made it to the adult world, our quirks and brains would finally be appreciated.
So today, we’d like to say: Happy Birthday, Neil! We’re glad you grew up to be an awesome actor and dad and LGBT icon, but we hope you’re OK with us missing Doogie once in a while.
[Photo: 20th Century Fox/Getty Images]
For some of us, the ’90s grunge era was a huge relief: We could finally give in to our hair’s natural tendency to obey gravity and stop curling, blow-drying, teasing and spraying it in a vain attempt to look like one of the strippers in Motley Crue’s “Girls, Girls, Girls.” For others, like the rock stars attending the premiere of Rock of Ages in Hollywood last week, big, crispy hair is one of the things they miss most about the era. If you weren’t alive or conscious in the ’80s and early ’90s, let us just tell you, there’s a reason they called it “hair metal.”
Through their Rock of Ages characters, Julianne Hough and Russell Brand allow us to look back fondly at some of the best and most embarrassing of styles that took the phrase “The higher the hair, the closer to God” to heart. Tom Cruise‘s Stacee Jaxx, meanwhile, recalls the latter years of Bret Michaels’ ‘do, which traded spiked up locks for the comfort of a bandana and cowboy hat, which to this day, he says, “makes it killer!” Here are some of our faves:
“The hair was so cool,” Lita Ford told VH1 News. “I remember one of the guys had this big old hairdo, and I said to him, ‘How the hell do you get your hair to do that?’ Because I was always with the Aquanet, trying to get my hair to stand straight up, and you can’t get it up enough. So he told me he slept upside down.”
Oh, that’s what we were doing wrong all that time!
As we gear up for the release of Rock of Ages this week, we’ve been looking back at some of the trends the nostalgic musical so lovingly celebrates, like Malin Akerman’s sexy rocker-chick look and Mary J. Blige’s flashy jumpsuits. More than any one fashion, the movie reminds us of one big trend the late ’80s and early ’90s were famous for: the groupie. Not just the girls who flashed their goods from the audience or hung around by the tour buses, either — there were plenty of high-profile ladies who were eager for a backstage pass. And some of them got a lot more than a private concert in the bargain.
As we gathered this list of our favorite celebrity-rocker pairs, from Cher and Gene Simmons to Tommy Lee and Heather Locklear, one other thing became very evident: All of these couples seemed to share taste in makeup, tight pants, big hair and baggy blazers. It even looks like Eddie Van Halen and Valerie Bertinelli got their hair cut together. And maybe Rod Stewart and Rachel Hunter could swap blazers, while Axl Rose and Stephanie Seymour traded acid-washed jeans. We’re not sure what exactly Melissa Gilbert and Billy Idol had in common, but, yeah, that happened!
[Photos: Getty Images]
Hey everyone, get ready to feel super old! For most of us, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen are pretty much frozen in our minds at around age 9, but the girls actually turn 26 years old today! So let’s all send out some hearty birthday wishes to the Olsen Twins. But whatever you do, don’t call them “the Olsen Twins.” If you do, you’re in big trouble mister! The duo have worked hard to shed their child-star past and forge their own individual identities, and being lumped together under the dreaded “T” word reportedly pisses them off.
They’ve sure come a long way from literally playing the same character on Full House! Mary-Kate and Ashley blossomed into teen tycoons, with an empire rumored to be worth well over a billion dollars! But there’s one thing that money can’t buy: a multi-decade retrospective of your cutest styles, from way back in that land called the 80s, all the way to now. Consider it our birthday present to you, ladies! Head on down to the gallery below and bask in the adorability and the “predictability.”
[Photo: Getty Images]
If we could devote all our time and energy to a site specifically dedicated to sick wheelies, boy would we! Is sickwheelies.com even available? (Note: good lord, it is! Quick, someone make our dreams come true!). Clearly the Jersey Shore cast is on the same page as we are, given how much pleasure Pauly D, Snooki and JWoww got out of the electric scooters they had while filming today. Can totally unnecessary Rascals and Jazzy carts become a thing, please? Walking is so over, as far as we’re concerned. Live in the now, people! Scooters are the new legs!
We’re assuming the scooters came into play after JWoww was injured in a bar brawl this weekend. At first we though pregnant Snooki must need a cart too, then we realized that doesn’t actually make sense. Does it? Snooki’s probably spending most of her time flopped on a beanbag chair anyway. We just hope that when we’re massively pregnant, we’ll get the opportunity to rip wheelies down the streets of Seaside. No, you’re right. Why just hope for something amazing…when we can start saving up for our very own pregnancy scooter today? You’re so smart, The Internet.
[Photo: Splash News Online]
We’ve all been there before: you walk out of the house, completely certain your high-waisted white satin sea creature-themed hot pants will cover up your business, then all of a sudden you find yourself having to to bend over slightly. You guys know what we’re talking about! Selena Gomez certainly does, having stepped out in a pair of painfully short bottoms while promoting her new self-titled fragrance at Macy’s in New York today. Booty shorts? More like booty TOO-shorts! Are we right, or are we right? Seriously though, the inseam on those things has to be like .05 inches. How did Selena manage to get out of the car? And we don’t even have time to discus that matching starfish bikini top. There just aren’t enough hours in the day!
We guess Justin Bieber‘s lady really is committed to bringing the scandalousness in 2012, as her sexy Elle shoot and soaking wet perfume campaign suggested, though she’s drawing the line at starring in a film version of the salacious hit 50 Shades of Grey. “I don’t think so. I know I’m taking risks, but I don’t think I could do that!” Gomez told MTV. “That would be a little too much for me. I think someone older should do that part.” We’ll admit this booty shorts fail doesn’t look entirely intentional. What do you think of your minor wardrobe malfunction, Selena?
[Photo: Splash News Online]