Listen up Missy… you’re talking crazy. First you think you’re worth $4 million for Breaking Dawn, $8 mill if it gets split up into two films. That’s still dealable, Ashley Greene. It gives us ample opportunity to titter at your stupidity. But now you’ve gone too far and and an ass whooping is in order. And no, you’re really NOT Alice Cullen so guess what… you won’t know when we’re coming for you!
Miss Thang revealed in the new issue of Seventeen, “When I met Rob, I didn’t think twice about him. He’s really attractive, but that chemistry wasn’t there.” And then she went ahead and dropped this. Apparently Robert Pattinson (photos), also known as our future babydaddy, “doesn’t understand girls. He gets a lot of attention from them, but he doesn’t quite understand it because before Twilight, he was just a guy from Harry Potter.”
Not the same case with her partner-in-negotiating (also known as Crazy # 2), Kellan Lutz. She said the two have been, “best friends ever since – and filming together has made us even closer.” How close? Have they hooked up? Greene replied, ” I’ve definitely thought about it”. Yada Yada Yada. No romance , she says, “He’s one of my best friends, but if we were going to be romantic, we would have done it years ago!” Blah Blah Blah, adding, “I like having him to talk to about other guys to get that male perspective. I really cherish our relationship, so I wouldn’t want to mess that up by dating.”
Whatever, dude. You dissed Rob and now it’s on like Donkey Kong.
[Photo: Splash News Online]
As all true Twi-hards know, the Eclipse trio (+1 Dakota Fanning, briefly) made their epic Oprah appearance today. While the Big O may not have succeeded in getting Rob Pattinson (photos) and Kristen Stewart (photos) to admit they’re dating (on-air, at least), she did get an adorably goofy quip from RPattz, “Kristen’s pregnant,” followed by KStew saying he’d be the one birthing the child. A sincere confession was not necessary for even a mildly observant viewer, as the duo did enough oogling, eye-f*cking, and making each other LOL to confirm what we’ve known for months… there’s no way these two aren’t bumpin’ pasty uglies. Allow us to break it down for you.
Thanks in large part to the teen-savvy directorial acumen of original Twilight helmer Catherine Hardwicke, the film adaptations of author Stephenie Meyers’s series of pro-abstinence vampire novels have always come equipped with a killer soundtrack. Meyer herself has often acknowledged that Muse — a band she has personally acknowledged in the credits of her books New Moon, Eclipse and Breaking Dawn — stands above all others when it comes to serving as inspiration for the forbidden romance between Edward and Bella. Therefore, it surprised no one when the British threesome’s songs appeared on the soundtracks of the first two films in the series.
However, for the release of The Twilight Saga: Eclipse (only 48 days away, people!), Muse decided to repay Meyers for all of the unwavering support she has shown them over the years by writing an original track for the film. The song, entitled “Neutron Star Collision (Love is Forever),” is just as grandiose, majestic and lovelorn as, well, puppy love itself. And although the official video for the song won’t be released until May 20th, we’ve managed to get our hands on a 30-second preview of the highly dramatic song for you, which ought to whet your appetite for the next few days. Enjoy!
Okay, we’re going to take this with a grain of salt, but there’s a rumor circulating right now that Robert Pattinson (photos) and Kristen Stewart (photos) got into a big fight on the set of Eclipse over Rob’s alleged visit to a burlesque club in London. Pattinson supposedly turned up late to the set where the cast was shooting pick-up shots for the upcoming film, and Stewart accused him of having stayed late at the bar and taking a later flight to the Vancouver set. A source told Page Six “They were both so angry, the crew had to take a break for an hour for things to simmer down.” Ooh, wonder if we’ll be able to see the tension onscreen!
If their secret confirmation to Oprah didn’t cement the deal that these two are officially dating, fighting in public and driving one another crazy (you know, like every other couple) certainly makes it seem like it’s the real deal. Plus, you know, since Kristen is probably pregnant with their vampire love-child, she would be extra hormonal.
[Photo: Getty Images]
We’ve seen enough sexy Robert Pattinson photos to know that he’s the hottest man alive, now and forever (forever because he’s also a vampire and can’t die unless the Volturi kill him and we all know – okay, we’ll shut up). We’ve even sat two feet across from the guy during a Remember Me interview and let us tell you, if a human being could morph into a vibrator, he would be it. Girl boners abound!
But we also spend enough time (ie: every waking moment) looking at him to know he takes some hilariously fugly photos. While Taylor Lautner moves like a bottle of botox, RPattz just can’t stop smirking, grinning, gawking and guffawing awkwardly. Says our intern Nicki, who gathered the magnificent photos below, “I don’t understand how an actor has no control over his face.. isn’t that a part of the job ?” She speaks the truth, which only leads us to wonder…if he can’t reign it in on the red carpet, what does his face look like when he’s bedding his own personal Bella Swan? Moving on…
Today is Rob’s 24th birthday! (Squeals and golf claps.) And since we celebrated KStew’s birthday with some snapshots of that iconic Kristen Stewart bitch face, we thought we’d toast her boyfriend the same way. Enjoy our present to you – 24 of the most ridiculous Robert Pattinson faces on the planet – otherwise known as RPattz Porn. Dig in, dear readers!
Dearest Ashley Greene and Kullan Kellan Lutz,
Well look at that – Kellan, I spelled your name wrong in my open letter to you! I’d apologize except that I think it’s a perfect example of how insignificant you are. I’m a massive Twi-dork and I sometimes forget your name. So why then do you guys think your irrelevant asses deserve $4 million for each Breaking Dawn movie?
Look dudes, I get where you’re coming from. You’re part of a mega-franchise, with the second installment, New Moon, raking in $140.7 million in its opening weekend alone. So sure, $4 million (or $8 million, if Breaking Dawn is split into two movies) doesn’t seem like that much compared to how much the Twilight franchise makes (and how much Kristen Stewart, Rob Pattinson and Taylor Lautner are reportedly earning). But let’s be realistic here.
Ashley, you were a waitress at the Belmont Cafe before some casting director huffed crack and gave you the role of Alice Cullen – probably because your inexperience made you an affordable option. Sure, you were already a A-List star, what with your role as “McDonald’s Customer” in the movie no one saw, King of California, but Twilight kinda gave you a career bump, dontcha think?
Kellan, you look like every other gym-addicted, protein smoothie guzzling, tank-top wearing, girl in a club grinding, douche bag infesting America today. The most important thing you do in Twilight is pat Bella on the back. We’re confident Mike from Jersey Shore could handle that situation, and would be happy being paid in steroids and vodka tonics to do so. Sure, you had some bit parts on shows like The Comeback and 90210, but your most high profile role pre-Twilight was appearing in a Hilary Duff perfume ad. You should try letting the rain fall down and wake you from these salary dreams, bro.
We thought the idea of Rob & Kristen confessing their love to Oprah in private was insane, but leave it to OK! Magazine to Twi even Harder. Despite blogs and audience twitters alike warning Robert Pattinson will joke about Kristen Stewart being pregnant during their upcoming appearance on O’s show (with Stewart quipping Rob will have the baby), OK! is suggesting Rob’s gag was their “backstage revelation” on this week’s cover. Backstage, on stage, what’s the difference, right?
This is hardly the first time OK! has gone totally nutso over the bushy-haired vampire and his co-star/unconfirmed girlfriend. Anyone remember when Robsten let them “inside our home”? You know a mag is frothing when the cover story description is written from the stars’ perspective. Check out some other classic Twilight magazine covers in the gallery below.
We’ve already seen the Twilight producers get tough when they fired Rachel Lefevre from the franchise, replacing her with Bryce Dallas Howard. Lefevre allegedly had scheduling issues and her reps requested more money, and when an agreement couldn’t be reached, she got the boot. Ashley Greene and Kellan Lutz are currently playing salary hardball as well over the details of Breaking Dawn- they are being offered ten times what they were paid for the first Twilight film, but that’s not enough to satisfy them, and there’s a possibility of those pesky Cullen kids getting the heave-ho as well.
The film’s main stars, (do we even need to say their names?), Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart and Taylor Lautner, are all making big money on the film – no specifics have been given, but according to The Hollywood Reporter, Lautner’s typical asking price these days is $7.5 million, and all their salaries were recently renegotiated. Lutz and Greene are feeling like they deserve more, given what the franchise rakes in, and called their own offers “offensive”. Hey guys, look, we get that you’re part of a cultural phenomenon, but you aren’t the box office draw here. Especially you, Ash. We can’t think of anything else (besides your SoBe commercial, of course) that you’ve even been in. Are these guys getting greedy? Will they find themselves in a Paula Abdul situation after she left Idol? For the sake of the films, we hope not.
[Photo: Getty Images]
According to E!, secret lovers Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart confirmed their relationship to Oprah Winfrey while filming an upcoming episode of her show…only the bean spill won’t make it to air! “Obviously Oprah had to ask something during the taping, but agreed beforehand she wouldn’t be too hard on them if they told her [in private] what was really going on. Both Rob and Kristen’s people and Summit then confirmed ahead of time [Robsten] are together and are dating. One hundred percent.” One hundred percent, you say! Guess that settles that!
Some might wonder why Oprah would let such a juicy scoop slip away from her show and fall into hands of E!, but maybe she cares more about being the envy of millions of teenage girls than ratings. While the audience will be treated to flirtatious joking about Kristen carrying RPattz’ love child, the almighty O can rest easy in her throne, knowing she is part of the select group that knows “one hundred percent” these two are enjoying a love worth more than her kajillions upon kajillions of dollars. You’ll have to wait to try and catch a vibe until it airs next Thursday, but you can see photos of the oh-so-secretive “couple” in the gallery below.
[Photo: Getty Images]