Cee Lo Is ‘Seal Lo’ Now (Get It?)

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You know how seals like to bathe in the sun and swim in the water? Sometimes, Cee Lo looks like that because he’s round and cute and cuddly (but, like a seal, he may not hug you back) (no idea where I came up with that).

Anyway, now we know he likes water, too, as evidenced by this photo of him at something called the ::deep breath:: Bacardi “Like It Live” Event at Marquee Nightclub at The Cosmopolitan of Las Vegas (LOL, so many words!!).

Seeing the guy in a dunk tank transparent pool reminds us EXACTLY how we want to spend summer: dead tired and slumped over the edge of a fancy, 3-ft. deep cube of heavily-chlorinated water. Take us with you, Cee Lo!

What Do Kim Kardashian And Suri Cruise Have In Common?

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Kim Kardashian and Suri Cruise are two apples fallen from a different tree. One tree with a giant wooden backside, and another tree whose tree Dad has really big tree teeth. What do all of these tree analogies mean? I’m not quite sure. But there is one thing I’m sure of: Both of them have more money than you and me and all of our families and probably all of your friends and their families.

How did this happen? And why are these people now getting even more things?? Kim just registered for almost $200,000 worth of goods. Suri got a $100,000 treehouse. The world is turning upside down. Unless you’re right, in which case you can afford the machine that keeps the world right side up.

Click on the video ahead for a detailed explanation as to why I’m probably drinking nail polish remover at work.

Oprah Wants That O.J. Simpson Confession

by (@hallekiefer)

Now we know why Oprah‘s show ended despite having the devotion of millions of fans: she needs that free time to find the real killer. Yup, now that her appointment book has some breathing room, Oprah wants O.J. Simpsons’ confession that he did, in fact, murder his ex-wife Nicole Brown Simpson and her friend Ronald Goldman in 1994, an allegation that Oprah seems pretty confident in asserting. “I have a dream of O.J. Simpson confessing to me, and I am going to make that happen people,” Winfrey told the crowd at the NCTA’s Cable Show in Chicago. Meanwhile most retirees dream about getting a really nice hammock, but we guess that’s why Oprah’s a billionaire and our grandmas aren’t.

The queen of media is hoping to snag such an interview for Oprah’s Next Chapter, an evening interview show starting January on OWN that would have Winfrey traveling the globe, as well as tackling much harder guests than a jolly Hugh Jackman swinging in on a faulty harness. “I don’t just want the interview. I want the interview on the condition that you are ready, Mr. Simpson,” Oprah explained. If this scheme somehow works, the F.B.I. should hire Oprah to solve the nation’s backlog of unsolved mysteries.. If they can afford her, that is.

[Photo: /Getty Images]

New Muppets Trailer Parodies Green Lantern, May Be Entirely In Swedish

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Here’s another trailer for the upcoming Jason Segel Muppets movie, The Muppets, parodying the Green Lantern trailer. But it also parodies trailers in general. And it also acknowledges that it’s parodying different trailers and that they’re overdue for a real trailer. Which they seem aware of. But they’re aware that they’re aware.

I didn’t realize “Muppets” stood for META PUPPETS:

What is even real anymore??? Even that photo of the couple making out during the Vancouver riots was fake. Unless that photo explaining it’s fake is fake. Whh.aa..aaa? [COMA]

(via Mashable)

Rumor We Hate: Penn Badgley Snags Jeff Buckley Role From R. Pattz

by (@hallekiefer)

Despite embodying the part right down to the adorable smirk, it looks like Robert Pattinson’s Jeff Buckley biopic dreams will have to be reserved for when he is actually asleep. Instead, Gossip Girl star Penn Badgley will play Jeff Buckley in the upcoming film about the musician’s life and untimely death. Despite rumors that had the Twilight star almost immediately attached to the project, directed by Jake Scott, it turns out that Badgley went chiseled jawline to chiseled jawline with him and somehow managed to win out. We guess if you match up their requisite musical ability and perfectly maintained stubble, Penn and Rob seem fairly evenly matched, until you factor in R. Pattz’s pitch-perfect moodiness. What do you think? Does the casting choice leave you baffled, or are you quietly singing hallelujah?

Critics’ Choice Television Awards: Vote For Your Favorite Nominees!

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The first annual Critics’ Choice Television Awards are taking place this Monday, June 20th at 4/3c hosted by Cat Deeley. VH1.com will live stream the event and FABlifer Kate Spencer will be on-site bringing you the inside scoop.

Check out the nominees below and vote on who you think should win!

Continuing voting after the jump!

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Ken Jeong’s CPR PSA Unsurprisingly Involves Disco, Screaming

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Ken Jeong may have traded his medical career for movie stardom after making his debut in Knocked Up, but he’s still looking out for our health. Not only does the Hangover star still renew his medical license, he’s filmed a PSA to promote proper CPR administration for the American Heart Association. Of course—this being a video with Ken Jeong in it—there’s also ridiculous dance moves, screaming and a bizarre plot involving charades. But the silliness hardly gets in the way of the message: we’ll never forget the correct rhythm for CPR now that Dr. Ken’s shown us.

Jack Black Could Have Been The Green Lantern

by (@hallekiefer)

Green Lantern might be swooping into theaters soon, but back in 2004 Jack Black’s Green Lantern movie was the one on the verge of getting the (magical) green light. At the time, SNL‘s TV Funhouse creator Robert Smigel signed on to direct the comedy-action film with Black as the lead, but had to shelve the script when the studio feared comic book geeks wouldn’t want to see their 8th favorite superhero turned into one giant, albeit hilarious, joke. Not like Ryan Reynolds‘ version, no sir! GQ‘s Mike Ryan got his hands on the original script, but we have to warn you: once you see it, you can’t unknow the tragic fact that this movie will never, ever be made

In the original version, Black’s Green Lantern would have eaten coyote brains, created a racecar bed with his mind, and, as to be expected, used his super powers to gift himself with a bigger wiener. Jack also has several catchphrases throughout the film, including “It’s Clobbin’ Time,” “Nein,” and “Who wants a taste of the green?” Okay, so maybe Jack Black dodged a bullet on this one. At least Ryan Reynolds doesn’t have to use a giant stapler against the villain’s junk. We’re assuming; we haven’t seen it yet.

[Photo: Getty Images]

Whatever ‘Rollerboy’ Is, Count Us In

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According to the internet, the documentary Rollerboy (which screened in Australia yesterday) is about Jayson Sutcliffe, an roller skater who “channels superheroes and Kylie Minogue,” having spent twenty years “challenging the stereotypes and conventions of the skating world, his pursuit of gold and glory fueled by an insatiable quest for fame and a deep personal secret that drives his alter ego to achieve his dream at all costs.”

He’s now thirty-five years old and lives at home with his parents, which begs the question: should he retire?

Answer? NO. NO NO NO. Let’s keep …whatever this is… happening at all costs! He can  move in with us if he wants!

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