Did Kristen Bell And Dax Shepard Get Married?

by (@missmuttoo)

These two are so off-the-radar it makes them even more adorable. They’ve been together for five years now, but did Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard secretly get married? If they did, then that would be the coolest f’ing guerilla wedding ever! The reason why we’re hearing chapel bells is because of a particular tweet Kristen sent out yesterday that read, “My adorable husband, @daxshepard1 voting 4 his favorite american idol. Over and over again.”

See what we mean? She used the “H” words as opposed to boyfriend, or fiance (Dax popped the question a year ago). So what gives guys? A rep for them tried to cover it up saying, “They are not married but they refer to each other as husband and wife” but that sounds lame. We still think there’s more to it and kinda hoping they really are  The Shepards now.

[Photo: Getty Images]

“You’re So Hot” Defiles Justin Bieber And Franco Brother (NSFW!)

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Are you a fan of homoerotica? Do you like James Franco? Is that the most redundant pair of questions you’ve ever been asked?

Well then THIS video is for you. Christopher Mintz-Plasse gets into a homoerotic showdown with Dave Franco. Yes, the younger brother of James, who is arguably hotter albeit with a mucccch more annoying voice. The two actors come face to face hurling sexual come-ons at each other with lightning speed. If sperm-related humor ain’t your bag, then feel free to just leave this bag in the clearance aisle at Marshall’s because you will not be purchasing it. Yes, it’s dirty. Very very dirty. Forget NSFW, it might not even be safe for your home or your “masturbating corner.”

That is, unless you dinner table conversation often includes talk about Justin Bieber’s lips coming out of a penis hole, in which case, gather the fam around!

With thanks to our ol’ pal Alec Mapa for the link.

Arnold As A Cartoon Or A Comic Book Superhero? Please Let It Be Both

by (@hallekiefer)

Do you ever wonder if Arnold Schwarzenegger secretly wishes he could do Shakespeare occasionally? Do you think he feels trapped by his muscle-bound body, explosion-filled resume and signature accent? Yeah, us either. Which is good, considering Schwarzenegger allegedly has a new cartoon series in the works. According to Deadline, Arnold may be signed up for an educational kid’s show, “content with a purpose” produced by the same company delighting the world’s children with “Gisele & the Green Team, with supermodel Gisele Bündchen as an environmental superhero; and Martha & Friends, featuring a 10-year-old Martha Stewart running an event-planning business.” If Schwarzenegger can pass between the barrier that separates movies from reality, we’re sure he can successfully play an eight-year-old version of himself as governor. Last Action Hero was a documentary, right?

However, others believe that that Arnold’s project is based on a comic book hero he’s developing with Stan Lee. “I am packaging a Comic Book character right now. I’m going to announce that sometime at the end of March or the beginning of April,” the former governor told the fan site TheArnoldFans.com. So far Schwarzenegger has only revealed that is it an “an international TV series,” so we’ll have to wait for his official announcement on April 4 to find out for sure. Throw a True Lies 2 script on top of that pile and we’re happy as pigs in mud. Sorry, Arnold; you can keep that monologue from King Lear to yourself for now.

When It Comes To Jake Gyllenhaal, Some People See “Friend” And Add “Boy” To It

by (@hallekiefer)

When it comes to celebrities, people often see what they want to see. When it comes to seeing Jake Gyllenhaal canoodling with another dude though, these people unfortunately need to get their vision checked. While visiting with Jimmy Kimmel to promote his new film Source Code, Jake Gyllenhaal complained that everyone thought his best friend was his boyfriend after Brokeback Mountain hit theaters. According to Gyllenhaal, when traveling to London as a BAFTA nominee for the film, his agent and manager saw his pal adjusting Jake’s tie…and though his buddy was going in for a little face time. “They walked in and were like, ‘Ohhh, we’re so sorry, we’ll just let you guys be!’” Jake laughed. When Gyllenhaal actually won the award, he recalled: “He’s sitting next to me, and when I won he yelled, ‘Yay, baby!’ and everyone around is was like, ‘Did he just call him baby?’” We don’t know how everyone could be so confused when clearly Jake has just been quietly waiting to date us. WE SAID CLEARLY.

Despite public romances with lovely ladies like Taylor Swift, Jenny Lewis and Reese Witherspoon, Gyllenhaal has always been followed by lingering gay rumors, or as we like to call it, “wishful thinking.” Believe me, we understand. Have you seen Neil Patrick Harris? Some part of us will never give up hope. Never.

Zsa Zsa Gabor Hospitalized After Being Told Of Liz Taylor’s Death: “I’m Next”

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Woah, who knew that celebrities believe in the rule of threes. Representatives for Zsa Zsa Gabor confirmed that the 94-year-old actress was hospitalized with raised blood pressure after she learned of the death of friend Elizabeth Taylor. “Zsa Zsa said celebrities go in threes and I’m next,” said (ninth) husband Frederic Prinz Von Anhalt to Radar, who helpfully noted that Jane Russell died in February.

“She was inconsolable and her blood pressure shot up to dangerous levels,” said the representative. “The doctor told [von Anhalt] to bring her into the hospital so they could medicate and watch her.” While Zsa Zsa’s certainly had her share of medical issues recently—part of her right leg was amputated this year—we’re glad to see that she hasn’t lost the dramatic spirit that helped her allegedly slap a police officer for pulling her over in 1989. Break the chain, Zsa Zsa!

[Photo: Getty Images]

DO YOU SEE THAT TWISTER Dude = PA’s Answer To Double Rainbow Guy

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Being from Western Pennsylvania myself, I’m often the recipient of baffling looks from friends whenever I imitate a regional accent — people just assume I’m doing some wacky cartoon character voice. It’s even more amusing when friends of mine visit Pittsburgh and hear the accent and think they’re just encountering a succession of weird people until at some point they finally relent and realize that yes, this is actually a way people talk.

So whenever an awesome video appears online to prove to the rest of the nation that we’re not making this accent up, I obviously have to share it. This was actually shot outside Pittsburgh, but it’s a Western PA accent if I’ve ever heard one — submitted for your approval, here’s Pennsylvania’s answer to Double Rainbow Guy, the lovable Tornado Yinzer:

(thanks, Post-Gazette.com)

TLC Encourages Hoarding on TLC’s Hoarding

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Best Week Ever mastermind and now published author (buy her book) Caissie St. Onge captured this very telling screengrab on TLC’s Hoarders: Buried Alive, which is kind of like A&E’s Hoarders (rooms full of garage sale finds and fecal matter and flat cats) only on this Hoarders, TLC seems to be fueling the problem. Look:

What kind of a f*cking. maniac. would want to own episodes of Hoarders on DVD? Oh. Right.

You can follow Caissie on Twitter here. Oh, and me! Follow me.

In Defense Of Tiger Woods And His New Girlfriend (Really)

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Look, we’re not huge fans of Tiger Woods. He’s a dog, in our opinion, and his personal indiscretions, while wildly overexposed in the media, were certainly not something to ignore. But the thing is, while the guy majorly f—d up his family life and his marriage to Elin Nordegren (who has proven to be an awesome, strong , take no-s— lady) he didn’t, y’know, go all Chris Brown and beat her up. He did the responsible thing in what was a terrible situation: He issued a heartfelt apology and then got divorced so he could dick around, free of any additional, familial consequence. So no, we don’t pity him, but we just saw the headline “Tiger Woods’ Girlfriend Made Crayon Drawings For Him As A Child” and felt really dirty and even a little bad for Woods. Because even though the guy used his fame for sex, this just makes him seem creepy.

Woods has been quietly dating Alyse Lahti Johnston, a 22-year-old student, since January, and has known Johnston since she was a kid because her step-father works at IMG, the agency that represents Woods. While there is a 13-year gap between the two, and they met when Johnston was a child, is it really necessary to mention that she made him crayon drawings? Unless we found out that said drawings were still prominently on display in Woods’ home, or Johnston is still making crayon drawings for him, this is just what kids do. They make stuff and give it to people. No, they don’t usually end up dating the guy who works with their dad, but still. We feel gross even defending Woods here, but we think that’s just because when you compare him to Brown or, say, Charlie Sheen, his indiscretions seem positively innocent. It’s possible that once a cheater, always a cheater, and he may never change or be a “good” guy, but we don’t need to make him sound predatory while we’re at it.

[Photo: Getty Images]

Gaga Suggests Malaysian Fans “Protest Peaceably” Over Censored Lyrics

by (@hallekiefer)

In their heyday, would Britney or Christina ever in a million years dreamed of inciting civil unrest halfway around the word? Don’t get us wrong; they definitely could have if they’d wanted to. It just never came up. When it comes to supporting her little monsters, however Lady Gaga suggests her Malaysian fans protest censorship of “Born The Way.” In response to news that Malaysia authorities were editing the LGBT-friendly language from the song, Gaga explained “What I would say is for all the young people in Malaysia that want those words to be played on the radio, it is your job and it is your duty as young people to have your voices heard.”  Try to imagine Katy Perry saying those words. We know, it’s like your brain puts up a brick wall.

This isn’t the first time the singer has gotten political; just last month Gaga broke ties with Target over anti-gay political donations. “You must do everything that you can if you want to be liberated by your society. You must call, you must not stop, you must protest peaceably,” Gaga  told her fans. Wow, who would have thought the first time we heard “Just Dance,” that the hot blond singer would one day be rallying for international social change. We should have know.