Rumor We Love: Angelina Jolie Forces Brad Pitt To Have A Lot Of Sex

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Don’t envy Brad Pitt, fathers of America. Where many of you have settled into a pleasant routine of little to no sex, this poor guy has to deal with a bisexual dominatrix who only wants more, more, more! Celebitchy found a doozy of an article in InTouch Weekly, detailing the erotic burdens Angelina Jolie has put on her husband. “Brad has made a real commitment to make sure that her needs are met,” says their source, noting that previous husbands weren’t comfortable with Angelina’s love for flirting with stewardesses and traveling with an all-female team of “servers.” “She doesn’t do anything like that when the kids are around,” the witness explains, “but it’s a different story when she’s alone, or with Brad.” The horror!

Brace yourself for more examples of Angelina’s “selfish” ways: “Angelina loves to tie Brad down to a chair or to the bed and blindfold him. That’s no secret…They have a grotto on their Los Feliz compound, and they go there all the time to have sex in the water…they’re not violent, but Angelina likes it rough.” If that wasn’t enough, Brad has to pick out her underwear at lingerie shops, and is forced to endure “24-hour sex vacations” once a month. Once a month! Many men would have run into the arms of another, less horny woman by now, so we must commend Brad for suffering the humiliations of Angelina’s sex grotto…we’re sure it’s all for the children.

Review: It’s Thor‘s Day, I’m In Love

by (@hallekiefer)

 

Compared to all of the superheroes in the Marvel universe, Thor has an uphill battle when it comes to connecting with an audience. Almost everyone has at least heard of Iron Man, Spider-Man, and the X-Men. Thor? Depending on how you look at it, the legendary Norse deity and his fellow Asgardians are either gods…or aliens beings worshiped by the ancient Vikings as gods. It’s a lot bigger pill to swallow than Tony Stark building himself a high-tech robo-suit to cruise around in, not to mention the fact that Iron Man has Robert Downey Jr.’s famous smirk behind it.

Luckily for the executives over at Paramount, Thor manages to introduce the comic mythology to the average moviegoer in a way that feels fresh and fun, rather than just plan silly. And believe me, the film easily could have gotten extremely silly. Let’s just say at least Tony Stark doesn’t require a rainbow bridge to traverse the universe. Despite the plot being essentially an updated version of The Sword in The Stone, Thor succeeds to due the charisma of devastatingly hunky leading man Chris Hemsworth and the beautiful visual universe created by the CGI professionals over at Marvel Studios. You don’t have to see Thor in 3D, but you certainly wouldn’t regret it if you do.

Read more…

Eddie Cibrian And Brandi Glanville Fighting Over Kids, Real Housewives

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Brandi Glanville may have ended her feud with LeAnn Rimes, but it looks like she’s got new beef with ex-husband Eddie Cibrian. According to TMZ, Brandi’s joining Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills (irony!) and Eddie doesn’t want their kids anywhere near the cameras. Allegedly Brandi finds this a little ironic, considering the two boys will appear with Rimes in Cibrian in People, but Ed’s threatening to go legal if she doesn’t relent.

Adding to insult to injury is LeAnn herself, who tweeted yesterday in anticipation of her first “Bonus Mom” Day this weekend (“Our set makeup artist Mario gave flowers to all the moms for mother’s day. SO sweet I had some sitting in my trailer when I got here today”). Yes, she hasn’t been married to Cibrian—the man she was banging before he split from Glanville—for even a month, and she’s already publicly co-opting Mother’s Day. Whether those kids actually appear on Housewives, these two are certainly giving Brandi plenty to talk about.

LATEST OBSESSION: 4-Hour-Old Alpacas

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Eauuuu Myyyyy Godddah. Nature’s most necky animal, the dear Alpaca, has always rubbed us just the right way. Tiny little mouth, gigantic jet-black orbs for eyes, and a long, carpeted neck that pivots to and fro. After the goat, they’re really up there.

And when an alpaca is only FOUR HOURS OLD? Well you can pretty much bet that it will be the cutest darned thing you’ve every seen. The only… only thing I can imagine ruining such a sight would be, I don’t know, if a serial killer would whisper sing the Barney’s “I Love You” song. But thankfully, that’s not going to be a problem here oh for God’s sake–

Seriously he looks like a baby Flava Flav! NO SONG CAN RUIN HIM. He is divine.

(via Stephen Lenz)

A Horse Is A Horse, Off Course, OFF COURSE!

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The Kentucky Derby may not be until tomorrow, but I doubt we’ll see a more captivating photo than this pic from an Australian steeplechase course — if a picture is worth a thousand words, I’m guessing about 800 of these words are crowd members yelling “HOLY!” and “SH*T!”:

To be fair, they were sitting in the “Horse Splash Zone” seats, so they should’ve known what was coming. Then a sea lion drank a Diet Pepsi and jumped off a high dive to the tune of “Party in the USA,” dousing them with freezing blue diseasewater. All in all, great horserace.

(via Deadspin)

Review: Something Borrowed Is The New Terrible Rom-Com We Want To Watch Again

by (@katespencer)

Good news for those of us who watch 27 Dresses, The Devil Wears Prada and Bride Wars over and over again on cable while hungover on the couch sitting in a sea of bagel crumbs: we’ve got a new go-to rom-com to indulge in! Clocking in at just under two hours, Something Borrowed nicely fulfills every cliche we so desire in a wedding movie. It’s a movie ripped from the pages of Rom-Com 101, and while it’s fun to watch, it’s also absolutely, utterly terrible. We loved—and hated—every second of it.

Ginnifer Goodwin (decked out in cinema’s worst wig since Bella’s horrific headpiece in Eclipse) plays Rachel, a good girl who feels bad about herself despite being a beautiful lawyer with a ROOF DECK. We all know people in NYC with roof decks have NOTHING to be sad about, right? She’s inexplicably still BFF with her childhood friend Darcy (Kate Hudson), who seems to have no job other than insulting Rachel and seeing how wide she can open her mouth. Darcy is engaged to Rachel’s law school buddy Dex (Colin Egglesfield), despite there being absolutely zero chemistry between them. Oh – in one scene we hear them having loud sex, so we guess that means they’re meant to be together forevs? Egglesfield looks like a Tom Cruise untouched by the crazy-making ways of Scientology and has the charisma of a robot whose batteries are on their last legs. Thus it’s extra confusing as to why Rachel is still in love with him and not her platonic pal Ethan, played by zing-slinging pro John Krasinski.

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Birthday Gif Wall: George Clooney Throbs Our Hearts At Any Age

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As eternal cutie patooty George Clooney turns 50 today, we could think of no better way to celebrate his birth than a gigantic wall of his magnificent mug. He’s been coined “Gorgeous George” for a reason and has only grown more darling with age. From E/R to One Fine Day to Ocean’s 11 to Up in the Air, the Cloonster yanks at our heart strings in every role, wardrobe and hairdo.

Take a minute (or 90) to sit back, relax, and fall in love with the b-day boy all over again. Read more…

Abuse Charges From Nic Cage’s New Orleans Meltdown Dropped

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Did they only arrest him because he dared them to? The gossip world was buzzing about potential child abuse charges against Nicolas Cage after he fell holding 5-year-old son Kal-El during a drunken argument with his wife Alice Kim. But despite his taunting of the police and the revelation of earlier public tantrums during his time in the city (“Give me something more rrrreal!”), it doesn’t look like Nic is the new Charlie Sheen quite yet—authorities have dropped all charges.

“The New Orleans District Attorney has confirmed that no charges of any kind will be pursued against him. After their investigation, the DAs refused all charges against Nic and the matter has been closed,” said a rep for the actor. “We are pleased that the process led to the correct result, despite inaccurate media reports, and that Nick has been cleared and all charges have been dropped.” Wait, is this guy saying Nic didn’t shout “You love me!” after putting his fist through the glass in a restaurant door? When you give your son a Kryptonian name, you need to be specific about what instances of insanity we’re not supposed to believe.

[Photo: Getty Images]

Who Will Be The Next Big Action Movie Hunk?

by (@katespencer)

It’s our favorite time of year again – summer movie season, when when bask in movie theater air conditioning and make M&M and popcorn sandwiches and support the inflated salaries of our favorite movie stars. Summer action movies are as American as apple pie, and 2011 has it’s share of hunky heroes on their way to a big screen near you. We’ve got five guys vying to be the Next Big Action Hunk — who’s got what it takes to win the blockbuster crown? Let’s take a look.

Action Hunk: Chris Hemsworth
Movie: Thor
Opening: May 6th
Hemsworth hails from that hunk factory otherwise known as Australia and is half of the most powerful Hollywood brotherhood since the Sheen-Estevez days. He beat out younger brother Liam (soon to star as Gale in The Hunger Games) for the role of Thor and will reprise the role in 2012′s The Avengers. Also, he’s absurdly good looking, which never hurt anybody.

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Russell Brand Prances Around In The Ocean

by (@missmuttoo)

Okay, he didn’t prance per say. But this is Russell Brand! Everything he does is goofy, so when he’s doing something normal once in a very blue moon — like going for a swim — we can’t handle it! And much like his wife, Katy Perry, Russell’s always styled and primped to an inch of life so when we see him au naturel, so to speak, without his hair teased out and such, we’re like … Woah. So here he is, flat hair and normal swim trunks et all taking a dip in the ocean in Miami. Well, he was taking a dip until it started raining, so he got out and took a few photographs with fans before heading back to his hotel. Russell’s in Miami to film Rock of Ages which also stars Julianne Hough and Tom Cruise. We still find it hard to believe Russell can take photographs without hamming it up, but here’s the proof!

[Photos: Splash News Online]

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