Parks And Recreation Star Nick Offerman Fantasizes Death Battle With The Office

by (@hallekiefer)

Can you feel how nervous we are talking with Parks And Recreation‘s Nick Offerman? You can’t tell through your computer screen, but he is radiating unadulterated testosterone and the piquant scent of cedar chips. Metaphorically speaking. We spoke to “The Nick,” as he refers to himself, mere minutes before he taped his appearance on VH1’s new morning show, Big Morning Buzz Live, yesterday morning. The upcoming finales of Parks And Recreation and The Office has Offerman imagining how Ron Swanson would manage the gang at Dundler-Mifflin, aside from the inevitable bloody cage match with Rainn Wilson‘s Dwight Schrute, of course. Who would the winner be? (Hint: It’s Phyllis. It’s always Phyllis).

And after the jump, you can experience our full, 5 minute and 28 second long interview with the hirsute Offerman, in which he shares his tips on woodworking a bamboo bong, using beard lard as an aphrodisiac and admiring Tom Haverford’s giant balls. They are beautiful balls, really: great music, excellent appetizers, everybody dressed to the nines. Just how Nick Offerman likes it.

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Rumor We Love: Lindsay Lohan’s “Bra-Free Lifestyle” Could Wreck Her Career


Lots of people are concerned about Lindsay Lohan’s  alcohol problem and lack of emotional support, but Fox News is voicing concern about LiLo’s lack of chest support. Apparently Lindsay’s “bra-free lifestyle” could “impact her career” in negative ways, leaving her a lady with saggy boobies no one will want to pay to see nude pictures of. “I don’t care how perky they are, they won’t be for long,” a bra-fitting expert tells the site. “They all get saggy when the tissues under the breasts break and Lindsay is going to end up looking like a WaTuTu warrior.” Good lord, will someone stop Lindsay’s breast-destructive behavior before this wild child goes too far?

“Most of the projects Lindsay is going to get going forward will probably involve some nudity, that’s just where she is at right now in her career,” says. “If she keeps doing damage to her body even those roles are going to dry up.” Yup, even if Lindsay manages to clean up and set her life right, no one in Hollywood is going to want to get near those flabby things, which would be just tragic for the screen-cappers of the world (unless she gets another boob job, of course). Thank goodness Fox News is looking out for the poor girl…or at least her poor breasts.

[Photo: Getty Images]

What Happens When You Combine Lady Gaga And Meth?


The answer to the above question is “I Am Your Grandma,” a song about a robot who is also a grandma.

Now I’ve never tried meth. I’ve seen Intervention and I don’t WANNA try it. And now, thanks to “I Am Your Grandma,” I don’t have to. That’s because “I Am Your Grandma” has everything a bad meth experience needs! (cue Stephon): It’s got crazy melted wax baby masks, Buster Keaton impersonators, Madame puppet half-masks, ballerina clowns, mirror-hair-ham-faces, serial killers from space… you won’t wanna miss it.

**Only You Kind Of Will!**

While there is something quite catch about “I Am Your Grandma,” there is also something quite “What is this thing of sin sticking like cancer in my brain canal? GET IT OUT GET IT OUT” about it. So be warned: If realistic human sobbing baby masks aren’t your “thing,” don’t watch this. And if they are your thing, have a seat over here:

(via Reddit)

Glee Creeps Us Out With Willy Wonka’s “Pure Imagination”

by (@hallekiefer)

There’s not earthly way of knowing why Glee‘s “Pure Imagine” cover seemed like a good song to pair with Glee’s upcoming “Funeral” episode. We can’t be the only ones that associate Willy Wonka less with giddy childhood fun, and more with that nightmare boat trip through the terror tunnel. Remember that horrifying turtle thing?  No, this is the soundtrack for being screamed at by a grown man in a velvet top hat. It is not for teenage singing good-times.

EW premiered “Pure Imagination” today, and reports that the Glee’s New York season finale features an untimely passing, though of who or what, no Glee extra has leaked yet. Based on our encyclopedic knowledge of the show, however, we’re guessing Kurt’s dad Burt, or possibly Sue Sylvester’s older sister. Next thing we know, Lauren Zizes is going to get sucked into a giant tube of molten chocolate or dropped into an incinerator. We’d much prefer to kill this song with fire, thank you very much.

[Photo: Splash News Online]

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Lisa Ling To Hyperactive Evangelical Wannabe Chiropractor: ‘Really?’


People aren’t watching enough OWN. Seriously. If you aren’t watching The Oprah Winfrey Network, you’re missing out. Gayle King is out of her mind. “Behind The Scenes” showcases Oprah being a total weirdo (just try keeping count of the times Oprah candidly uses the term “crazyass”). And “Master Class: Maya Angelou” had us both sobbing and lactating.

But one of the network’s gems is “Our America With Lisa Ling,” in which Lisa delves into social issues like any other newsmagazine show, albeit with a certain youthful zest that makes it feel less staid than “60 Minutes” and “Dateline.” (Is “Dateline” still on TV? What year is it?)

One on recent episode, Lisa explored evangelical faith healers, and boy oh boy, is there a lot to work with here. Whether you’re agnostic or, say, The Pope (in which case, awesome hats, dude), it’s easy to see why Lisa looks mildly terrified. A bunch of sweet, well-intentioned kids bounce up and down in a room, screaming like it were a nursery school full of oversized toddlers, all of whom suffer from major separation anxiety.

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Miranda Kerr Forced Orlando Bloom To Pee In A Bottle

by (@JordanRuntagh)

New mom/God’s masterpiece Miranda Kerr has been looking so seriously svelt lately that we’d started thinking that the whole pregnancy thing was a hoax. But the latest member of the Platinum Super-MILF Club appeared on Conan last night and offered up some intimate details that made us change our tune.

“I had made my mind up that I was going to have a natural birth…then the doctors said ‘Ok, you’re going to have to be induced because there’s not enough fluid for the baby,’ so I was induced,” she told Conan. “And then, it was 27 hours later with not one drop [of pain medication] because I’d been determined I’d do it.” 27 HOURS YOU GUYS! Think about the worst day you’ve ever had, and then add 3 hours to that!

And it was no walk in the park for husband Orlando Bloom, either. “He was there every moment by my side, I mean I never even let him go to the bathroom. I made him pee in a bottle.” Damn, that’s pretty intense. But after seeing pics of her at yesterday’s Victoria’s Secret Bombshell Summer Edition launch, we realized that we’d happily shun plumbing for the rest of our lives if it meant we could be married to her. Check out the gallery below and see what we mean!

[Photo: /Getty Images]

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Lily Collins Says Kristen Stewart’s Snow White Film Is “Very Different” From Hers

by (@katespencer)

We chatted with the lovely Lily Collins this week as she hit up VH1 offices promoting her new movie Priest. We’re super excited for all of the movies she has coming down the pipeline too — Abduction with rumored boyfriend Taylor Lautner, The Mortal Instruments series, and of course – The Brother’s Grimm: Snow White. The film has some competition—Kristen Stewart‘s starring in Snow White and the Huntsman alongside Charlize Theron, Sam Claflin and possibly Chris Hemsworth (fingers crossed). We asked the actress how it feels to be working on one of the two Snow White flicks—check out her answer above.

Summer Heights High Fans Rejoice!! Extended Angry Boys Trailer Is Here


Last monthish, we brought you an all-too-short trailer from Chris Lilley’s latest opus Angry Boys. While the trailer was severely lacking in our expected amounts of Mr. G and Ja’mie (“Weird name, I know, but you’ll get used to it.”) it was still CHRIS LILLEY, GOD OF CHARACTERS WHO CAN HELP HEAL LIVES.

Well fannnntastic newsahhh! Today we bring you an extreeeemely generous trailer of the show — nearly 8 minutes long — of just what we can expect from Angry Boys. Can you spot any themes? We can! Balls. Lotttts of balls.

Angry Boys FULL TRAILER from Luke H on Vimeo.

This Is How It’s Done: Tilda Swinton

by (@katespencer)

It’s not every day that we write about Tilda Swinton — the eccentric actress normally stays out of the public eye unless she’s promoting a film or collecting Oscar nominations. Currently she is Cannes, where her film We Need To Talk About Kevin is generating major buzz. This means we get to watch Tilda in action on the red carpet and at press events, which is always a win-win. Seriously, this woman is so often overlooked for her sleek fashion choices. Sure she’s offbeat at times, but there is no denying the magic she is bringing to the south of France this week. At the movie’s photocall, she oozed elegance in a silky white blouse and pencil skirt with the stilettos of our dreams. Her bold n’ blue premiere dress was sleek and drape-y, hugging her in all the right spots. Teach us your ways, Tilda!

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[Photos: GettyImages/]