Next Batman Film Will Be Called “The Dark Knight Rises 2000!!!”

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Christopher Nolan has kind-of-officially announced that the next film in the new Batman saga will be titled “The Dark Knight Rises”.

I’m extremely disappointed that they decided to just tack the word “Rises” onto the end of the previous title, especially after I gave them so many (effing) GOLDEN title suggestions:

Dark Knight 2: Batty Never Sleeps

2 Dark 2 Knight

Dark Knight: The Bleakquel

Chris Nolan: Darker And Knightier

Batman: Bat In The City

The Dark Knight And Robin

Dark Knight 2: Havana Knights

Bat And Baterer: When Harry Met Bruce

Batman 3-D

Other Dark Knight sequel titles you would’ve liked to have seen? Leave them in the comments.

Let Michael Caine’s Voice Soothe You

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Vanity Fair‘s latest Writers Reading Podcast features Michael Caine reading from his memoir, The Elephant to Hollywood. Unfortuantely, I can’t embed it here so you have to click on the link. But I’ve transcribed a little sample. It doesn’t give you Michael Caine’s smooth-as-velvet-working-class voice, but you get an idea. Seriously, it’ll be the most soothing 10 minutes of your life. You won’t even care that he’s a crazy name dropper. Here’s the story of how he met Sean Connery:

I’d met Sean in London back in the late 1950’s at what was then called “The Bottle Party.” If someone was giving a party in those days and couldn’t quote afford it the invitation would be, “Bring a bottle and a bird.” I was broke, so I couldn’t afford to bring a bottle, so I brought two birds. And they were very beautiful girls. I walked into this party and there was Sean who seemed enormous compared with the rest of us weedy type actors. And he saw me with those two girls and I became his instant new best friend.

It’s so Alfie! In other news, Bottle and Bird parties should still totally exist and if there are any Michael Caine’s (or Sean Connery’s for that matter) out there who want to take me to one, I’m free.

Did Justin Timberlake Cheat On Jessica Biel With Olivia Munn?

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Has anyone ever believed in the longevity of Justin Timberlake‘s relationship with Jessica Biel? Er, not really. The couple is always under the radar and going their separate ways, which often leads to speculation that JT has a wandering eye. (How many times have we heard that he’s hooking up with Rihanna, caught with Kate Hudson or getting cozy with Mila Kunis? Often!)

Today, US Magazine is reporting yet another lady on the side, and this time they’re saying that Timberlake cheated with Olivia Munn, known recently for her work as a Daily Show correspondent . The magazine says the hookup was just a fling over the last weekend of September and that Justin wooed Munn in New York City after telling her that his relationship with Biel was over. Now that it seems Justin lied to her, and Munn feels used.

Timberlake’s people deny  that an affair occurred, but we’re torn. On the one hand, we want to believe Timberlake is the man of our dreams, whose talent, charm and faithfulness know no limits. On the other hand, he’s a 29-year-old unmarried guy who’s talent and charm know no limits: aren’t those usually key factors to being unfaithful?

Check out out giant gallery of Olivia Munn pics below!

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The Nine Most Insane Things About This Charlie Sheen Mess

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By now you know the basic details: Charlie Sheen was hospitalized for drinking and taking cocaine and then trashing his hotel room, all while a frightened hooker looked on and his ex-wife Denise Richards was staying feet away in another room in the same hotel suite. That’s pretty crazy stuff, but the crazy doesn’t end there. Here are the nine other things about this situation that are even more insane:

1. Sheen allegedly took the hooker to dinner earlier in the evening, with Denise and several other people.

2. Sheen also was reported to have slipped away to the bathroom with his hooker during dinner. Nothing says “I’m on good terms with my ex” like public hooker sex while your ex-wife eats her dinner roll.

3. The hooker is the one who called hotel security after Sheen passed out. Life & Style reports that she was naked and screaming while barricaded in a closet during the incident.

4. Richards and Sheen have been having an adorably girly week with kids Sam and Lola, taking them to Mary Poppins and the American Girl Place, but the most hilarious irony is that the suite the family has been staying in at The Plaza Hotel in the Eloise Suite, named for the girl in the Eloise children’s books. You know, Eloise. The little girl who wreaks havoc, destroys her bathroom, disrupts fancy parties in the hotel and all that? Seems fitting, actually.

5. Denise Richards’ bizarrely calm demeanor over the whole situation. At 4am, just two hours after 911 was called, Richards Tweeted “Good morning!! Getting ready .. Heading to do Howard Stern this am!! Hmm what could he possibly ask this time?!?!” Is she that used to Charlie’s behavior that she’s barely upset by what the father of her children is up to? While appearing on Stern’s show, she said that though the trip was “eventful”, everything was just “hunky dory”. Have we misjudged this woman? Is she actually one of the greatest actresses of our time?

6. Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt, it’s a key tool of PR reps everywhere. Just look at Sheen’s rep, who claims the actor “was taken to the hospital after an allergic reaction to medication.” Yes, of course. Medication. Maybe he mistakenly snorted one of his hooker’s antibiotics while she screamed for help.

7. Charlie was not arrested for trashing the hotel room (see photos here), nor was he charged for hiring a hooker or possessing cocaine. And he was given the choice to go to the police station or the hospital and he chose the hospital (who wouldn’t??). In addition, his probation – a result of his assault on Brooke Mueller – will not be revoked in Colorado. It’s so great when you can behave like an animal without punishment, isn’t it?

8. Rehab. Sheen reportedly attended rehab earlier in the year, but often denies that he needs it. And as for this time, Sheen appears to have no plans to go to rehab, at least not right away. He has millions of Two And A Half Men dollars to make, you know. Who is advising this guy? He’s the male Lindsay Lohan, but more violent and with more offspring who are going to need therapy. He needs help.

9. Sheen’s only statement, made via text message to RadarOnline about the incident, calls the reports in the media”overblown” but when asked to elaborate, he says “I know what went down and that’s where it will stay… under wraps.” No denials, no clarification…nice try.

It seems fitting that the most memorable role of Sheen’s in our opinion, is the junkie he played in the police station in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. He hasn’t changed a bit.

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Let’s All Pretend We’re Madeleine Stowe In 12 Monkeys: Time Traveler In Chaplin Film

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Someone took a close look at Charlie Chaplin’s 1928 film The Circus and found a woman walking with her hand to her head. So, since this is OUR TIME (Goonies) and it’s all about US, she must be talking on a cell phone, therefore, a time traveler, therefore, Bruce Willis in 12 Monkeys, therefore, we’re all going to die from a massive pandemic, therefore, we are all Madeleine Stowe and must stop Brad Pitt and the Army of the 12 Monkeys (RED HERRING). Anyway, take a look:

Don’t you feel stupid. Remember when that woman was your patient in the psych ward and she told you that she was from the future and she was here to save the human race from certain destruction? And you thought she was insane? Now, irrefutable proof of her in 1928, walking down the street, with a cell phone, surrounded by animals, just like in 12 Monkeys. I wonder what sort of service AT&T had back then.

Via Buzzfeed and a tip from a helpful Twitter follower

VH1 Greenlights Audrina Patridge Series

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audrina

Details are scant, but we can confirm that a series is on the way to VH1 focusing on recent Dancing With the Stars eliminee and Hills star Audrina Patridge. The official word is below…

Audrina Patridge, star of MTV’s The Hills and front-runner on Dancing with the Stars, is returning to television with a new show on VH1.  The still untitled project will document Patridge’s life with her family as she tries to navigate the world of fame and celebrity in Hollywood.  VH1 has greenlit the series, which will begin shooting early next year. Patridge will produce the series along with her manager Dave Fleming, and excecutive producer Mark Burnett.

[Image via Getty]

Justin Bieber Has The Best Night Of Any Teenage Boy’s Life

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bieber-lakers-collage

Really, Biebs? Courtside seats at the Lakers game wasn’t cool enough? Which one of these half dozen just-your-typical-night-as-Justin-Bieber experiences wouldn’t rank among your average 16-year-old boy’s most awesome night ever?!

Hopefully Bieber’s rock star night made up for his rough week of getting bullied in a Canadian laser tag joint and receiving an extreme makeover on the cover of Brazilian magazine Toda Teen Star. [Photos: Splash News Online, Getty Images]

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MASH-UP: Mr. McMillan Goes To Washington

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Here’s the climactic final scene from the classic film Mr. McMillan Goes To Washington, in which Jimmy McMillan of the “Rent Is Too Damn High” Party — played by Jimmy Stewart — delivers a stirring final speech on the floor of Congress. Surely, the film rings just as true today as it did when it was originally mashed-up:

(Cut together by the handsome and talented but mostly handsome Pete Schultz.)

Report: Blake And Penn Are So Over

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No relationship is sacred in Hollywood – not David and Courteney, not Shia and Carey, and now it looks like even Penn Badgley and Blake Lively have broken up. US Magazine is reporting that the couple called it quits way back in September, which would explain why Lively was hanging out with Ryan Gosling at Disneyland a couple weeks ago. Perhaps Blake was trying to comfort Ryan, since he still seems to be shell-shocked by his days in the Mickey Mouse Club and it’s some kind of regressive therapy.

The pair’s demise his hardly the first romance to fizzle on the set of Gossip GirlEd Westwick and Jessica Szohr have been on-again-off-again more times than we can count, and Leighton Meester and Sebastian Stan broke up earlier this year. Looks like Gossip Girl is starting to rival One Tree Hill as a relationship graveyard.