It might be out of the frying pan and into the minimum security women’s prison for Lindsay Lohan, due to probation violations connected to the slap-fight she instigated with a rehab technician last month. Less than a day after Lindsay was released from rehab, investigators allegedly want Lilo charged with battery for her late-night shoving match with Betty Ford Center employee Dawn Holland on December 12. The altercation constituted a violation of Lohan’s probation for her 2007 DUI conviction, which in part requires that she “obey all laws.” All of them? Every single one? Well that was setting the bar pretty high for Lohan, now wasn’t it?
Sheriff Joe Borja released a statement Monday indicating that authorities probing the incident would be sending their report to the Los Angeles County Probation Department this week…and it does not look good for Lindsay. “The investigation determined Ms. Lohan violated several aspects of her probation, including the battery [charge],” the Palm Desert Police Department said. Depending on the whims ofÃ‚Â L.A. judge/Lohan’s archnemisis Elden Fox, the violation could land Lohan up to six months in jail. So here’s hoping Lindsay really enjoyed herself last night as she peered through the blinds at Sam Ronson’s house. It might be the last evening she spends out of a regulation orange jumpsuit for a long time.
Somewhere in LA, Taylor Lautner is grinning into a mirror and trying to make his laugh more maniacal. John Singleton, who’s directing Lautner in Abduction, his first big post-Twilight project, says he told the dreamboat to study the filmography of acting legend Tom Cruise before tackling the role of a teenager who finds his baby photo on a missing persons website. “I told him to watch the transition from Top Gun to Rain Man to Born on the Fourth of July, ” Singleton told the LA Times. “To think about what he did as a young man and what he did later on. And then think about what you want to do.” Wise words, but what if you chase supporting roles alongside Oscar winners and Oliver Stone movies only to wind up doing Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps? What then?
Personally, we would have asked Tay to watch the transition from Risky Business to Cocktail to Days Of Thunder, but Singleton clearly thinks more of the werewolf boy’s potential than we do. “I think when people see [Abduction], they’ll see a more mature Taylor,” said the director. “He’s doing this [thing] he’s never done before. He’s funny and charismatic. He has room to breathe that he’s never had before.” Hey, Taylor was shirtless in the woods in Twilight! That’s about as much “room to breathe” as anyone can ask for.
[Photo: Splash News Online]
Some of you are probably jonesing for some solid pop culture stories, but there’s just really not any good celebrity news today. I’m sorry. There’s a Michael Jackson court thing going on and something I don’t know whatever who cares Lindsay Lohan, but aside from that, there’s nothing. So, instead, let’s talk about a guy who should be a celebrity. His name is Ted Williams, he lives in Ohio, and his voice is perfect. It’s really unbelievable.
Come on, TMZ. Let’s start covering this guy with live streaming video. We’ll even listen to him talk about Michael Jackson’s doctor if that’s what it takes.
And if you are for any reason at all looking for a black John Kerry impersonator, this is your guy.
Thanks, The High Definite.
Gucci Mane (a.k.a. Radric Davis) was in court yesterday, but rather than face the judge, he filed a “Special Plea of Mental Incompetency” which got him sent to a mental health facility for a month. The rapper faces a hearing as a result of a string of probation violations, but he filed the plea claiming he was unable to “intelligently participate in the probation revocation hearing,” and the judge sentenced him to the facility where he is currently being evaluated. Mane’s lawyer, Michael Holmes, said the reason for his seeking treatment was confidential.
When he is released from the facility, he will then be expected to attend the hearing, which could result in up to seventeen months of prison time.
[Photo: Getty Images]
Looks like John Mellencamp and Meg Ryan aren’t “just friends” after all. People reports that the pair have been dating for almost two months, recently being spotted in Martha’s Vineyard and NYC. “She usually comes in by herself or with her daughter,” said a witness who spotted Ryan grocery shopping with Johnny Cougar. “I thought that was her husband because they seemed for comfortable and familiar with each other, just like an old married couple.”
Actually, Ryan hasn’t been tied down since splitting with Dennis Quaid in 2001, but John just split with wife Elaine Irwin Mellencamp after nearly 20 years of marriage. People’s sources claim that the Mellencamps were secretly separated for months before things got serious with Meg. We’re inclined to believe it, as it’s hard to imagine one would trade their banging hot model wife/mother-of-your-children for Meg Ryan in 2010. No, Meg Ryan is what you go for after you become a short, single 59-year-old with a pompadour.
[Photos: Getty Images]
Way to make your movie sound like a fun time, Wes Craven! The Scream 4 director must have forgotten he was trying to promote a horror comedy when commented to Entertainment Weekly about David Arquette‘s recent trip to rehab. “I’m glad to hear that David is going into rehab. I saw him a little bit more because he was present during more of the shoot than Courteney. He was in a lot of pain, so it’s good that he’s getting some help.” Great, so not only are they dragging Deputy Dewey out for one last go-round, he’s going to look like a drunken wreck about to lose his wife. And Courteney’s barely in the movie, too? Excitement abounds.
“Frankly, none of us knew anything was going on [during filming],” Craven said of Courteney and David’s eparation. “I don’t know what their problems are, but it’s not that they hate each other that’s for sure. It’s something else.” Gee, maybe it was whatever you thought was causing David “a lot of pain,” Wes? Hopefully he’ll find a new angle for promoting the film before its April release date. While the idea of watching David Arquette wince in agony does have a certain Saw appeal, we can’t imagine many paying $10 for the privilege.
Machete & The Last Exorcism
The year begins with two smart twists on film genre. Machete grew out of a trailer in Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez‘s tribute to ’70s exploitation Grindhouse. As a full-length feature, it’s a sugar-addicted ADD kid on the rampage, giddily lurching from one guilty pleasure to the next, whether it’s a man playing Tarzan with someone’s entrails or Jessica Alba in the shower. Danny Trejo, his pock-marked face familiar from a hundred straight-to-DVD slam-bangers, is the Mexican superhero who takes up blades against a trio of villains that includes Don Johnson‘s sh*tkicker and an anti-immigration senator mugged furiously by Robert De Niro. To say that Stephen Seagal gives the performance of a lifetime may sound like damning with faint praise, but like everything else in this five-alarm flick, it’s something to see.
The Last Exorcism would seem like a Blair Witch wannabe if it wasn’t so smart about character. A professional exorcist hopes to expose the theatre at the heart of his profession by ridding a bayou farm girl of her “demons.” What at first seems like a confrontation between two fakers haunted by worldlier spirits turns out to be much more. The mockumentary format serves the scares well, especially when the troubled girl drags the camera into the Satanic action, and Patrick Fabian and Ashley Bell would deserve award notice if the world wasn’t so easily blinded by stuttering kings.
Extras: Machete has deleted scenes and an “audience reaction” track. Viewers will have to bring their own Tecate six-pack. The Last Exorcism includes a pair of commentary tracks, a making of featurette and an extended segment on real-life exorcisms.
– By C. Bottomley
Okay, internet. Alright. You got us. We will all like this for a day and a half.
There is a new website called jamesvandermemes.com that is made up entirely of GIFS showing James Van Der Beek expressing various emotions. You know… emotions. Like sadness and happiness.
“Watching James Van Der Beek GIFS on the internet might have been the opportunity of your life time. But I don’t want… your life.” – Your Teenage Son To You
Anyway, go ahead and look at that website for exactly 4 minutes. James Van Der Beek appreciates it.
Geez, you send a lady photos of your penis once and all of a sudden you’re a sexual harasser. Brett Favre has been under fire for a few months now, ever since he allegedly sent lewd texts to New York Jets sideline reporter Jenn Sterger and it’s about to get worse.
He was already fined $50k for his behavior, but now Favre is being sued by two more women who claim he sexually harassed them in 2008. The Jets are also named in the suit, which was filed by two of the team’s former massage therapists, Christina Scavo and Shannon O’Toole. The women claim that Favre propositioned them for a three-way, texting O’Toole with the message “Brett here, you and Crissy want to get together, I’m all alone.” After demanding apologies and rejecting his advances, the women say they were not hired back for their services, which is why they filed the suit.
Favre had no comment on the allegations, but you just know he wants this story to have a happy ending.
[Photo: Getty Images]
Snarksters who like to call Gwyneth Paltrow the worst, get ready to feel bad—turns out the actress briefly agreed with you. Gwyneth told Good Housekeeping all about her experience with postpartum depression in their new cover story.Ã‚Â “I felt like a zombie. I couldn’t access my heart. I couldn’t access my emotions. I couldn’t connect,” she says about the months after her second child, Moses, was born. “It was the exact opposite of what had happened when Apple was born. With her, I was on cloud nine. I couldn’t believe it wasn’t the same. I just thought it meant I was a terrible mother and a terrible person.” Keep it down, peanut gallery.
Gwyneth says it was her husband Chris Martin that forced her to admit she had a problem. “I thought postpartum depression meant you were sobbing every single day and incapable of looking after a child. But there are different shades of it and depths of it, which is why I think it’s so important for women to talk about it. It was a trying time. I felt like a failure.” Understandably, she sounds grateful for the boost. “I can depend on [Chris]. He makes me laugh. He’s really appreciative of me. You know, he makes me feel special.” Woah, Gwyneth acting like one wouldn’t naturally be appreciative of her? What happened to the GOOPster we knew and were annoyed by?