Mila Kunis On Her Extreme Black Swan Weight Loss: “All You Saw Was Bone”

by (@hallekiefer)

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Black Swan, the holiday film we’ve all been waiting for, is coming out next week and to get you ready, here’s more upsetting news about Mila Kunis’s Black Swan weight loss. Though Mila’s spoken about their punishing ballet routines before, now she admits that weeks of intense practice drove her weight down to a minuscule 95 lbs. Meaning she lost, what, three pounds? We gained that much just looking at pictures of pie online this morning.

Says Kunis, “My mom freaked out, She was like, ‘You have to promise me this isn’t going to affect you.’ I was like, ‘I promise it won’t, but it might take me a little time to be OK with having a little more fat on me.’” After seeing the toll the movie took on her body, Mila had to admit, “I could see why this industry is so f****d up, because … I would literally look at myself in the mirror and I was like, ‘Oh my God!’ I had no shape, no boobs, no ass … all you saw was the bone. I was like, ‘This looks gross.’” Ew, that’d be like looking in the mirror each morning and seeing a left-over Halloween decoration. Or Rachel Zoe.

However, despite the fact that Mila had the sensual appeal of a coat rack during filming, she claims her Black Swan sex scene with Natalie Portman is still going to everything we hoped for. Says Kunis, “In real life, I looked disgusting, but in photographs and on film, it looked amazing.” The magic of movies! In real life those ladies might look like two broomsticks tumbling around in a cement mixer; on screen they look like $12.50 well-spent (does not include popcorn/soda expenses). [Photo: Getty Images]

Millionaires Will Appall You Like You’re A Parent

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On Sunday night, I accompanied my good friend, Joe Mande, to go to a Brokencyde concert in South Hackensack, New Jersey. Who is Brokencyde? DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT! Honestly, never worry about that. They are a nightmare scream band.  Joe had to see the show as part of an ongoing segment he does for Videogum.com called Taking One For the Team. This is a feature in which Joe has to go to something awful to write about it and then he’s like, “Noah, do you want to come, too?” and then I go and it is the worst.

For this show, there were five opening bands. FIVE OPENING BANDS! That’s too many opening bands. But the last opening band… was absolutely mind blowing. They are called Millionaires and they are basically two Snookies that became Ke$ha. And while they certainly are better than Ke$ha, they are better than Ke$ha in the worst way possible.

What you’re about to hear is going to appall you the way you imagine your grandparents would have probably been appalled listening to Nine Inch Nails. Or something! Dude, I don’t even know. Just watch this and keep in mind that it is not safe for your work, your home, or your mobile device. This is the song they opened with.

They should change their name to We Have Like Eight Dollars.

If you would like to read about the entire concert which included two different bands covering Dynamite by Taio Cruz, you can do that here.

The Daily Hot: Olivia Wilde’s Nipples Say Hello

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Welcome to The Daily Hot – our round-up of the sexiest pics and stories on the interwebs. Today’s steaming pile of hotness:

1. Newly-crowned Miss California Alyssa Campanella is a fiery redhead.
2. Olivia Munn makes construction look hot for Men’s Health magazine.
3. Olivia Wilde in nothing but her skivvies and a sheer top for Details magazine.

Enjoy!

Kim Kardashian Sells Out. Again. And Again.

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Seriously, is there anything a Kardashian won’t lend their name to? First it was a shady credit card, and now in the span of a day, Kim Kardashian is the face of Charmin Restrooms (for real) and Skechers Shape-Ups. At least both products have something to do with Kim’s most famous ass(et).

Kim was in New York for a photo op for the opening of Charmin Restrooms, a project where temporary toilets are installed in Times Square for tourists and locals alike to encounter a homeless person bathing himself. It’s a New York holiday classic. Kardashian, as you can see, was handed the key to the city’s toilets and posed with plushie bears who are thrilled that Charmin doesn’t stick to their bum holes the way other pesky TP so often does.

In addition, Kim and her mom Kris Jenner, are now spokespeople for Skechers Shape-Ups, the sneakers that suggest that walking in other shoes is for flabby chumps. In her best, PR-coached statement ever, Kardashian said “When I was in New York, I wasn’t working out. I was feeling so depressed.” But after getting a pair of Shape-Ups, Kim says she “honestly would wear them just all around the hotel. The fact that I would feel something without even having to set foot on a treadmill just made me feel better.”

Later, as Kim lay in bed, she thrashed around as the night terrors set in and you could hear her screaming “Ba da ba ba baaa, I’m lovin’ it! BMW the ultimate driving machine! Where’s the beef?” before quietly singing “Don’t you wanna wanna, wanna Fanta?” and rocking herself to sleep.

[Photo: Getty Images]

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Ugly Betty Actor Kills Mother With A Samurai Sword While Screaming Biblical Passages

by (@JordanRuntagh)

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And now for the most awful post we have ever written. Michael L. Brea, an actor who has appeared on Ugly Betty and in the film Step Up 3D, reportedly murdered his mother with a samurai sword while screaming passages from the Bible. The slaying took place early this morning around 2 AM in his Brooklyn apartment. Neighbors heard the sounds of screaming and frantic footsteps, and police were summoned soon after.

“I heard him chasing her [his mother] through the house and just saying a bunch of [Bible] passages like, ‘Repent, Repent, Repent,’” a neighbor told WPIX 11 News. “I heard him chasing her through the house, and [then] I heard a loud scream. So I had my father call the cops.”

“I had just dozed off to go to sleep and then I woke up to somebody screaming,” said another resident. “It sounded like lady’s voice and after I while I just didn’t hear the woman’s voice again.”

The police found the apartment “extremely bloody,” and discovered Brea’s 55-year-old mother Yannick lying on the floor, bleeding from multiple stab wounds. One source claims that she was decapitated. Medical services say that she was dead on the scene. Authorities had to tazer the young actor before bringing him to Kings County Hospital for psychiatric evaluation. His condition is described as “emotionally disturbed.”

No charges have yet been filed, and no explanation why the horrific crime took place. But more details to come.

[Photo: Facebook]

Let’s All Watch This Video Take Easy Shots At Hipsters

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Making fun of hipsters is easy, but it’s still fun. Even hipsters like doing it. Except for those hipsters who are like, “Pssht, only hipsters actually use the term hipster.” And then you’re like, “Shut up, hipster.” But deep down inside you feel conflicted because maybe you are a hipster. It’s all so confusing.

But let’s not worry about what is or what is not a hipster right now. All that matters is that making fun of them is fun. Now here’s Charles Bronson beating them up.

“But that fourth guy clearly wasn’t a hipster.” Shut up! Who cares? Stop being such a hipster about it. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go grab a quick coffee from the hipster place accross the street from me where they always give me dirty looks and then probably make fun of me for being a hipster after I leave.

Thanks, The High Definite.

Toy Story 3 Wins Best Oscar Campaign Oscar

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Toy Story 3 won’t win the Best Picture Oscar this year, obviously, because animated things aren’t [Crash joke], but Pixar seems to be well on its way towards winning the unofficial Oscar for Best Unsuccessful Best Picture Ad Campaign, for this series of posters comparing the film to past Oscar winners.

Below, the two posters they’ve released so far:

Additional poster after the jump:

Read more…

Mark Wahlberg Denies He’s The Crow, Slams The Happening

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Sorry, The Crow fans, Marky Mark does not feel your vibrations. Academy Award nominee (and former Funky Bunch participant) Mark Wahlberg has denied rumors that he might don eyeliner to star in a remake of the ’90s cult thriller. “They talked to me about it and there was a director attached who I was a fan of, and he’s no longer doing it,” he told Cinematical. “We just thought about it – ‘is there something cool to be done there?’ But we’re not committed to making the movie.” Whew! After the hell that was Max Payne, we figured it was clear to everyone that brooding goth action is not his forte. You have to let him be sassy!

While he has yet to apologize for that doozy, Wahlberg did just fess up to another turkey while promoting his new movie, The Fighter. Apparently co-star Amy Adams almost starred with him in The Happening, and…well, we’ll let him explain. “The Happening. F— it. It is what it is. F—ing trees, man. The plants. F— it.” So why did he sign up to run from deadly tree farts alongside Zooey Deschanel? “You can’t blame me for wanting to try to play a science teacher. At least I wasn’t playing a cop or a crook.” But you’re such a good cop, Mark! Maybe you can find a bad-ass, cocky science teacher role next time. A bad-ass, cocky science teacher in a film not directed by M. Night Shyamalan.

[Photo: 20th Century Fox]

Your Dirty Dancing Lift Fantasy Will Not Be Fulfilled on DWTS

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Anyone who has waited through the duration of this season of Dancing With The Stars to see Jennifer Grey bust out some of her Dirty Dancing moves will be disappointed. The show comes to a close tonight and even though it’s sort of the perfect place for Grey to pay tribute to her co-star Patrick Swayze and just pull out some of the old moves we love so much, Grey isn’t about to give us the one thing we all want: The Lift.

The move she and Swayze made famous, the thing that released Baby Houseman from the shackles of the legendary corner she was put in, it will not be ours to behold. Why, you ask? Because Grey, like us, is older than she once was. She’s creaky. And her doctor told her not to. The actress has had three neck surgeries in recent years which rule out the famous move, so Grey told People, “I won’t be doing the lift in the finals. Everyone should not expect that.” Still, the fifty-year-old (!) has surpassed even her own expectations on the show, and says the experience of competing “so surpassed my wildest dreams.” Guess you could say she’s had the time of her life. Right? Guys?

[Photo: ThisRecording.com]

Infomercial Suggests Converting To Judaism For Pesky “Baldness” Problem

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For millions of years, man has tried to cover up those pesky bald spots… and failed. But this infomercial, which we can’t decide is racist or pro-race, suggests doing the I-guess-thinkable: Covering that bald spot up with a yarmulke. Wait, you guys, it’s not the worst idea…

Hold on, this is all a lie: This is not an infomercial for Judaism. It’s an infomercial for hair spray paint. WHAT. THE F*CK. Also, is it just me, or is the final religion this guy converted to “Gay.” You should see their temples… *spotless.*