Julianne Moore The “Hundred-Year-Old Model”

by (@hallekiefer)

julianne_mooreedited

Oh please, girlfriend. When asked about modeling for Bulgari, Julianne Moore joked, “I like to call myself the hundred-year-old model.” Apparently Julianne wants all the actual hundred-year-old models to cry themselves to sleep tonight into their orthopedic neck pillows, because at 50 Moore has dewier skin than we had in the womb. IN THE WOMB, PEOPLE. Still, better to be an ancient hot lady than an eleven-year-old alien like 98% of  models, we always say. It’s true, we always say that!

Despite being the holy grail of MILFs, Moore’s not afraid to lay down some real talk for her fellow olds: “I’m always shocked by people who talk about not being middle-aged, I’m like, ‘How old do you think you’re going to live? Let’s double your age and see where you get.’ People are always like, ‘Thirty-five is not middle-aged.’ I’m like, ‘Double it.’” Don’t worry, guys. By the time we’re Julianne’s age, they will have cured aging all together. Hmm, but that will increase the ratio of hundred-year-old models. Can Julianne Moore handle the competition?

Moore also shared her perspective on tongue-wrestling other ladies, saying, “I don’t really think it’s different kissing a woman vs. a man. I don’t think it really is. The difference is kissing someone you know versus someone you don’t.” Yeah, sure, maybe if you don’t live life on the edge. Hats off to Julianne for being one cool lady, and probably a super-embarrassing mom.

5 Possible Scenarios Behind Taylor Swift’s (Alleged) Song To John Mayer

by (@katespencer)

taylor-swift-john-mayer

Yes, we’ve heard about Taylor Swift‘s new song “Dear John,” read the lyrics and devoured web coverage of the sappy, whiny heartbreak jam. The song title and lyrics, combined with this quote in which Taylor describes the targets of her new songs as “very clear,” has lead the world to believe that “Dear John” is indeed about Mr. Sexual Napalm himself. Here’s part of the “Dear John” chorus for you to ponder:

“Dear John
I see it all now that you’re gone
Don’t you think I was too young
To be messed with
The girl in the dress
Cried the whole way home
I should’ve known.

It was wrong
Don’t you think nineteen’s too young
To be played
By your dark, twisted games
When I loved you so.

My mother accused me of losing my mind
But I swore I was fine
You’ll add my name to your long list of traitors
Who don’t understand
And I’ll look back in regret
I ignored what they said ‘Run as fast as you can.”

But we don’t want to jump to conclusions and point fingers at Mayer without exploring other possible scenarios behind Taylor’s latest lovesick song. Let’s review some other options, shall we?

1. John, 32,  performed the booty call version of a dine and ditch on 19-year-old Taylor and she wrote a song calling him out on it.
What this means: John is gross for banging a kid 13 years his junior, Taylor is gross for banging a guy gross enough to bang a girl 13 years his junior, Mama Swift was aware of the whole thing.
Clues: The song title, rumors the pair got a little too close last spring, and the fact that TSwift’s songs are painfully literal. (She has a song on her new album called “Mean,” about…someone who was mean to her. Genius.)

Read more…

Regis Philbin Gets Creepy With Kristen Stewart

by (@katespencer)

Regis Philbin did his best creepy old man impression today while interviewing Kristen Stewart (photos) on Live with Regis & Kelly. He just couldn’t stop oogling at the actress and bringing up stripping. Sure, she plays a stripper in Welcome to the Rileys, but come on Reg! You’ve been around long enough not to be phased by six-inch heels and some fishnets. Kristen, naturally, takes it in stride and even jokes around with America’s favorite grandpa.

Clip above.

Zach Galifianakis In “Deep Protest” Over The Hangover 2; Nerd Army Poised To Rise Up

by (@hallekiefer)

Bradley Cooper. Ed Helms. That other guy. All amazing performers, all great in The Hangover. But let’s be real here: we are all going to see the sequel mainly to be hit with an intense, hairy blast of comedy named Alan. However, currently comedian Zach Galifianakis is “up in arms” over something in The Hangover 2… and we as a people stand behind him.

Galifianakis revealed during the podcast Comedy Death-Ray Radio, “But a movie you’re acting in, you don’t have a lot of control — you just show up and vomit your lines out. I’m not the boss. I’m in a deep protest right now with a movie I’m working on, up in arms about something. But I can’t get the guys to [listen] … I’m not making any leeway.” The podcast’s host Scott Aukerman began to say, “I know you’re filming The Hhhhhhhh … “, before Zach cut him off saying, “It has something to do with a movie I’m working on, yeah. I’ll tell you about it later. It’s very frustrating.”  SHUT IT DOWN. SHUT. IT. DOWN. NOW. Whatever it is bothering our future comedy husband, it has no part being in this film. Pluck it out immediately and replace it with an equal amount of Ken Jeong, because that guy is amazing.

So what could be so grossly offensive as to send a professional joke-teller into a “deep protest”? Some have postulated that it was the recent announcement of Mel Gibson’s cameo in The Hangover 2, which would make sense given that Gibson seems to have completed his transformation into Gollum. We hope those rumors aren’t true, though; we wouldn’t want to see Zach have to go up against Mel. It would be like a velociraptor fighting a Popple.

Broad Abroad: The True Story Of Katherine Chloe Cahoon

by (@unclegrambo)

Every so often, something completely cringeworthy and unabashedly awesome will flash across your computer monitor and you’ll think to yourself, “This can’t be real, can it?” After all, we’re living smack dab in the middle of the Viral Age (patent pending!), an era where greedy corporate hucksters will do anything and everything to convince the public at large that what they’re watching is real and not manufactured (see: those jerks in Atomic Tom). Well, dear readers, as best we can tell, Katherine Chloe Cahoon is totally, completely, 110% FOR REALZIES.

Cahoon is the author of The Single Girl’s Guide to Meeting European Men, which is the hottest selling how-to book since How To Pick Up Trashy Women. Just like any author worth their advance these days, she’s been hitting the YouTubes in an attempt to drum up some viral buzz for her book. Well, mission accomplished, Katherine, we’re writing about you! Sadly, though, it’s not because you have the best dating tips for meeting European men, but rather because we’re not entirely sure that you’re actually human! Watch the clip below and see if you agree.

Read more…

Kristen Stewart Gets Thoughtful About Her Connection With Stripper Character

by (@katespencer)

We talked to Kristen Stewart (photos) at the Welcome to the Rileys screening last night about her connection with her teen stripper/prostitute character Mallory. Her response, in the clip above, is a must-see. You’ll notice that she actually takes her time to process our question and work through her response. Director Jake Scott told us that she’s “all instinct” when it comes to acting, and we’d agree this is a quality that permeates other aspects of her life, including the thoughtful and sensitive way she deals with us nosy reporters and our prying questions.

While some celebs tend to answer red carpet questions by reciting memorized PR talking points, Kristen actually seems to think about her answers and puts a lot of care into how she responds. She is not a Hollywood robot, and for some reason people seem to find that a bit unnerving. We, on the other hand, find it majorly refreshing and we desperately hope it’s something that never changes as her career progresses. She’s fun and interesting to talk to and she looks great in red lipstick. Not a bad combo, right?

Check out the clip above and be sure to visit theFABlife tomorrow for one more exclusive clip from our conversation with Kristen. It’s a good one! And be sure to watch Kristen discuss playing a mom in Breaking Dawn – only on theFABlife!

Megan Fox, Brian Austin Green, And Inexplicable Tiger

by

In their ongoing effort to be celebrities, still together couple Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green posed with a tiger today. Good job, guys – your Celebrities Gettin’ Photographed Doin’ Stuff quota for October has been fulfilled:

That’s not a very topical reference, tiger. But I suppose I should just be impressed by your ability to reference human popular culture at all, especially in English. Carry on.

Kristen Stewart On Playing A Mom In Breaking Dawn: “I’m Gonna Look To The Books”

by (@katespencer)

We interviewed Kristen Stewart (photos) last night at the Welcome to the Rileys press screening (also known as, the event to which Kristen Stewart wore a really hot dress) and we couldn’t resist sneaking one lil’ Breaking Dawn question into our chat. Because while much focus has been placed on the sex scenes between Edward and Bella (unf) and their sweet lil’ wedding, and Bella’s gruesome post-birth transformation into a vampire, no one’s asked Kristen about how she was going to tackle on of her toughest roles yet – playing a mother.

Was MamaStew offering her lessons in daughter-raising and wolf-dog rearing? Was Kristen baking loquat pies for the entire state of Louisiana? Did she need our help learning the ropes (we’re 8 months pregnant after all, we’d be happy to volunteer)? Nope! Girl’s got it under control. Kristen trusts the Twilight books to guide her, telling us, “Luckily it’s written very well, and from her [Bella's] perspective once the kid comes. So there’s really no way to prepare for that, to be honest.”

Tell us about it, girlfriend! [Does imaginary secret mom-to-be high-five handshake with Kristen.] Her solution? “I’m gonna look to the books.”Makes sense, seeing as author Stephenie Meyer is a mom of three. Clip above; two more to come!

Got advice for Kristen on how to play a vampire mother? Leave your tips in the comments below!