Well, one day probably. But this photo of Adam Levine, who in spite of his falsetto voice (or because of) is maybe the hottest man in music (YES, OK, YES, ADMIT IT TO YOURSELF), is actually from Halloween. See? He’s John McClane from Die Hard! *loud laughter* Adammmmm you are so funny!! Did you take comedy class in college? Tell me about you. *scene*
Adam and his band Maroon 5 hosted a Bacardi sponsored Halloween party at the Hollywood Forever Cemetery last night. His model girlfriend dressed up as “who the f**k cares,” Adam, call me.
According his Oprah appearance this Tuesday, after coming out Ricky Martin was “crying like a baby”. Ironically, that is also what half of the female population of the planet was doing after Ricky Martin came out.
In the episode, Martin discusses his coming out email, in which he declared “I am proud to say that I am a fortunate homosexual man.” We know hind-sight is 20/20, Ricky, but that statement’s only 86 characters. Come on, Twitter was made for this kind of stuff.
Says Martin, “When I realized, okay, I just pressed send, whoo … I was alone. I was in my studio alone for a minute. My assistant walked in and I just started crying like a little baby. I started crying.” Also weeping like a baby that day? Your best friend’s mom, your favorite aunt and your 60-year-old cubicle mate who constantly sings Nobody Wants To Be Lonely under her breath. We mean, we could barely hear our Cup Of Life remix CD over all that weeping!
It was Ricky’s twins Valentino and Matteo that finally inspired him to take the leap out of the closet: “I couldn’t take it anymore. It was too painful. But I guess the most important thing is my children … When I was holding them in my arms I was like, ‘What, am I gonna teach them how to lie?’ Whoa, that is my blessing right there. Then, when I was holding my children I said, ‘Okay, it’s time to tell the world.’ ” What is this wet stuff coming out of our eyes? Our cold icy hearts seem to be melting at the combination of coming out success plus hot dad plus cute babyness. Either that or our brains are leaking. Which is still less embarrassing than crying at a Ricky Martin post, so let’s go with that. [Photo: Splash News Online]
Fair enough, in our dreams, “The Baby Jersey Shore” would be a real show starring six hilarious children that came out of my own canal. Sadly, this is not going to be a real show. And these six amazing children, pictured above, do not share any of my DNA. Because they are actually small tangerines with faces and I am a human being.
But there they all are!! Baby Snooki, Mini J-Woww, Rahhhhhnie, The Sitch, DJ Pauly D. But hol’ up: Where’s Vinny? Where the f**k is Vinny? What a sham.
In other news, I really do want to meet their parents and give them a giant hug. Hey kids: You’re parents are awesome. But please, dear God, do now grow up to be this way. GO TO COLLEGE. I care. Except for you, Baby Snooki. Never change.
(With thanks to Mattchew03 and his Tumblr)
This is a recap of the fifth episode of A&E’s new television program, Teach: Tony Danza. This is the episode where A&E gave up on the show. Last Friday, they claimed by way of my DVR guide to air two new episodes. They, however, just aired the same episode twice. Then this week, they aired a new episode, but put a different new episode on iTunes. I’m the only one in the whole universe of Teach: Tony Danza who is doing my part to stay on schedule. I guess what I’m really trying to say is that all the screen captures for this episode will be pictures of my TV taken with my iPhone. This is a real pain in the ass. Thanks ALOT, Tony Danza
Well, this episode was pretty nuts. It’s like somebody took the first four episodes of Teach: Tony Danza and made it have a baby with the fourth season of The Wire. Instead of being all about special education and tap dancing for the mayor, this episode was about steeling iPods, boxing, fighting, crying, tempers and also school uniforms JUST LIKE ON THE WIRE.
The episode begins with a meeting between the principal and some of the teachers about how the following day will see the implementation of new school uniforms. Tony Danza asks, “Is there research on, like, the effect of uniforms?” So immediately, you’re all sarcastic like, “No, Tony Danza, the school administration just did it on a whim without any clue as to if it’s a good idea or not.” But then the principal sort of doesn’t give him an answer and you’re like, “Wait, did the school administration actually just do this on a whim without any clue as to if it’s a good idea or not?” It seems kind of like they did. Actual good question, Tony Danza. Six good question points for you.
Does Snoop Dogg read out blog? Well, you heard it here first: DEFINITELY.
Because Congratulations, Snoop Dogg!! You’re Bestweekever.tv’s Official 51st Creepiest Sesame Street Costume. Why creepy? Well, he’s probably the only Count in America that will “count” the amount of hits he’s taken before “counting” his way through all of your themed party snacks that took you all day to make.
On the bright side, this will probably be sampled into a rap song sometime in the next decade:
To all my coastal friends arrogantly declaring that they’re rooting for the Giants in the World Series because they don’t know any actual Texas Rangers fans (and by friends I mean “also me”), keep in mind that if you’re rooting against the Rangers, you’re rooting against BEAKER FROM THE MUPPETS:
Actually, that might be a guy in a Beaker suit who Fox randomly cut to in the middle of a pitch sequence Sunday night, and not, as I first thought, the real-life Beaker. But the real-life Beaker might be a Rangers fan too, I’m just not sure. I’ll have to ask the real-life Beaker the next time I see him at the Science Convention. Man are those conventions boring – good thing the real-life Beaker shows up or I’d have no one to talk to.
In case you weren’t going to see The Dilemma due to its recent controversy, don’t worry: director Ron Howard defended the gay joke in question on anti-censorship grounds. In case you weren’t going to see the movie because it looks terrible, you can probably stop reading right now.
For a little background, Universal removed Vince Vaughn’s gay joke from the film’s trailer following protest by GLAAD. Previously Vaughn could be heard saying “electric cars are gay.”And if that knee-slapper isn’t worth making an entire section of the population feel bad, then we don’t know what is!
Says Howard, “I believe in sensitivity but not censorship. I don’t strip my films of everything that I might personally find inappropriate….I defend the right for some people to express offense at a joke as strongly as I do the right for that joke to be in a film.” Ron has definitely taken a stand against censorship before. Who doesn’t remember the dozens of gay jokes that pepper Cinderella Man and Apollo 13? Frost/Nixon was basically one longÃ‚Â gay joke? Or…at least that’s how we interpreted it.
Warns Howard, “But if storytellers, comedians, actors and artists are strong armed into making creative changes, it will endanger comedy as both entertainment and a provoker of thought.” We wouldn’t want anyone to be denied the thoughts provoked by a joke about electric cars being homosexuals, now would we? Thoughts like, “What?” or “Is that supposed to be funny?” or “Oh my god, why am I in this theater watching The Dilemma when I could be anywhere else in the whole world right now?” [Photos: Getty Images/]
Welcome to The Daily Hot – our round-up of the sexiest pics and stories on the interwebs. Today’s steaming pile of hotness:
1. Paris Hilton as a nip-slipping Native American.
2. Charlie Sheen‘s porn star/prostitute du jour, Capri Anderson.
3. JWoww as a not-so-innocent schoolgirl.
My friend Steve once had a sketch idea for a fake trailer for a movie about a murder in the Louvre that leads to a bunch of puzzles that unlock a secret society holding knowledge of the holy grail, and the whole time, the characters keep saying “Wow, this mystery is exactly like that book The Da Vinci Code…only this time, it’s REAL.” “You’re just like that Tom Hanks ‘Robert Langdon’ character!” “Yeah, except my name isn’t Langdon, it’s BOB SMITH.”
Basically, the entire time I was watching the Walking Dead premiere on AMC Sunday night, I kept expecting one character to turn to the other and say “Don’t you get it? It’s just like 28 Days Later! Only this time…IT’S REAL.”
Do these characters live in a world where no zombie movies have ever occurred? Have all other movies happened, just not zombie ones? Are they somehow unaware of the standard zombie rules?
Let’s discuss these questions after the jump:
Carey Mulligan is full of surprises these days. First we reported that she was living at a Hollywood Best Western, which was just odd. Then we were giddy because she’d been seen hanging out with Tom Sturridge ,British actor and Robert Pattinson bestie, at said hotel. (And seriously, could you ask for a more insane double date that StuMu and Robsten? Yes, StuMu. You’re welcome.) Today, Mulligan is dashing those double date fantasies though, since she was seen walking in New York City’s High Line park with a mystery gentleman who is most definitely NOT TomStu.
The newly single Mulligan definitely seems to be enjoying her freedom, and she certainly doesn’t have a lack of suitors courting her. Check out more pics of Carey and her unidentified man friend in our gallery below.
[Photos: Splash News Online]