BOARDWALK EMPIRE RECAP: Welcome To The Party, Gretchen Mol’s Boobs

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This is a Recap of Boardwalk Empire Episode 6, “Family Limitation”, originally airing October 24th, 2010. It contains spoilers, mostly boob related. Boilers.

With both Nucky’s mistress and guest star Gretchen Mol naked in the first fifteen minutes of this episode, Boardwalk Empire has now successfully managed to work boobs into its first SIX episodes, almost assuredly an unprecedented mark for a non-pornographic HBO series. Even True Blood missed one episode in the first six, didn’t it? Episodes of Real Sex don’t even have boobs in them this frequently, unless you count the boobs of 55-year-old men being dipped into ink vials during segments about Colonial Penmanship fetishes.

Oh, and we even got a bonus d*ck! Hey there, Lucky’s penis that’s also kind of a plot point! Truly something for everyone in this series. Especially people who LOVE to see the same frickin’ shot of Jimmy’s mistress having her face slashed in two straight “Previously On Boardwalk Empire…” segments AFTER you saw it the first time and cringed and never wanted to see it again.

Yessir, this show’s got it all! Old timey vagina slang, two “Dago”s per minute, and dudez shot in the head galore. Enough boob-talk – “Family Limitation” Recap after the jump:

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In Case You Had Any Faith Left In Humanity: Janet Jackson’s Breasts Bound As A Child Actor

by (@hallekiefer)

Good lord, did anything not horrible happen to the Jackson family growing up? (Answer: probably not) As if Michael’s epically tragic everything wasn’t enough, apparently Janet Jackson had her breasts bound while working on Good Times as a child actress, a traumatic experience she describes in her new book. Says Jackson, “I was actually doing Good Times, and on our first day of shooting they bound my chest because they thought my breasts were too big.”  Are studios following some sort of mathematical formula to screw up child actors? Because that’s what it seems like.  It’s a testament to Janet being a bad-ass that she went on to become a multimillionaire performing artist rather than permanent changing  into sweat pants and burying herself in Butterfinger Minis. Which is undoubtedly what we would have done.

Explains Janet, “I got the part when I was 10, we started shooting when I was 11 — I was developing early. It made me feel that the way that I am, it’s not good enough.” Not that she let it hold her back! This puts Jackson’s Superbowl boob flash in a whole new light! Before it was a completely unintentional  (or, well, totally intentional),  semi-humiliating wardrobe malfunction; now it’s a spectacular F U to anyone who would dare try to restrain Janet’s goods, co-starring Justin Timberlake. And for that, Janet’s girls, we salute you.

ADORABLE TOWNE: White Lion Cub!!!

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This super-rare white lion cub was just born in South Africa, representing one of only about 300 white lions in the world:

AHHHHH!!!! I assume they’re that rare because people like me see them and instantly start squeezing them really hard and can’t stop because their bodies are biologically incapable of releasing cuteness that powerful? If that’s the case, HOW CAN YOU BLAME ME???

Two more violently cute pics of Lilly the white lion cub after the jump (no relation to These Guys):

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Halloween Comes Early When Evan Rachel Wood Gushes About Ex Marilyn Manson

by (@hallekiefer)

marilyn-manson-evan-rachel-woodgettyimages

Halloween is just around the corner, and what better way to make your spine tingle and your skin crawl off your bones then to listen to what Evan Rachel Wood has to say about her ex, Marilyn Manson? Gushes Wood, “He had a hand in raising me!” Spooooky! O wait, we mean super gross! Considering the two dated when Wood was a teenager, Manson probably was exactly like a father to her: a creepy, make-up-wearing father who kisses you on the mouth. If the idea of Marilyn Manson’s lipstick smears on your teenage face doesn’t scare you, no evil thing will.

Wood raves about her long-time on-again, off-again beau: “Oh, I’m always gonna love that guy. He’s a genius, he’s an amazing artist, we’re still friends. Some things just aren’t meant to be.” Yeah, some things aren’t meant to be because people grow apart, and some things aren’t meant to be because all the forces of good in the world are actively trying to pull your fright-fest relationship apart.

Luckily dating Vampire-Dad doesn’t seem to have affected Evan’s career success. Moreover, her co-star in Mildred Pierce Kate Winslet tipped Woods off to a hair-raising secret. Says Evan, “I always had a rule that I was only going to do topless and never the whole package, I have to have some kind of mystery! But she then explained to me what a merkin was…” If there’s anything more horrifying than a tiny wig of fake pubes, we pray we never have to see it. Happy Halloween, everybody! [Photo: Getty Images]

Is Robert Pattinson BFF Tom Sturridge Dating Carey Mulligan? (We Hope So!)

by (@katespencer)

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If you’ve seen Robert Pattinson (photos), you’ve seen Tom Sturridge. The BFFs are attached at their bony Brit hips, but now there might be a reason for the pair to explore some time apart. Tom was spotted leaving Carey Mulligan‘s Best Western home away from home in Los Angeles with the actress (photo above) and wise web sleuths have noticed that they’ve already shared a t-shirt (taking one from the Robsten Secret Relationship Handbook, how cute!). So does this mean they’re actually an item?

According to Lainey Gossip, Carey’s ex Shia LeBeouf has moved on with another girl and is dragging her to papparazzi haunts to make Carey jealous. Carey, on the other hand, is desperate to get out of LA and back to London (can’t say we blame her) and has been spotted hanging out with Tom (er, TomStu) recently. No doubt his accent helps to cure her homesickness, and his cheekbones and bizarrely adorable fashion sense can’t hurt either! But it’s still unclear if they’re shacking up or just hanging out as friends.

It’s no secret we adore Tom – his weird hiking boots, the way he lurks around while Rob and Kristen make out – and he’s a talented dude to boot. Plus he and Carey kinda make the perfect alt-Brit couple, indie darlings with delicate features and precious smiles. Please let this relationship actually make it to the not-so-secretly-dating phase!

Because we’re a glutton for Tom, check out some pics of the Brit below. And tell us what you think of this new pairing – are they or aren’t they a couple? Is Tom an upgrade from Shia? Are Kristen and Carey destined to be BFFs?

View Photo Gallery

[Photo: Splash News Online]

GUESS THE NY POST HEADLINE: Charlie Sheen’s Drunken, Naked Hotel Rampage

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Charlie Sheen was found naked on the floor after drunkenly trashing his hotel room at the Plaza in New York in an alleged coke-fueled rampage. The New York Post is all over this story, obviously, but it hasn’t come out in print yet, which means we have a full day to guess the

We’ve got a lot of ingredients to work with here: Charlie Sheen’s name, his movie and tv show titles, him being drunk, naked, and coked up, and his rep blaming an “allergic reaction.” The possibilities are downright Rubix Cubelike. Our suggestions:

Wild Thing

Hot Shots: Part Nude

Two And A Half Lines

Brew And A Gaffe Man

Nude Had A Blast, Men

Platoon Loon Moons

Men On Coke (Men At Work? This thing on?)

Eight D*cks Out

Other headline suggestions, better or worse? Leave ‘em in the comments. Follow-up coming tomorrow.

Star Signs: Katy Perry & Russell Brand “In It For The Long Haul”

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russell_katy_marriedWe gave you details on Katy Perry and Russell Brand’s wedding in India, a six-day celebration  featuring a Hindu priest chanting over sacred fire and a processional of elephants. Now it’s time to find out if this marriage will last. See what our Horoscope partner Moonit has to say:

As it turns out, Katy and Russell’s relationship reading is just as strange as their unlikely pairing. According to their birth date analysis, Katy (born October 25, 1984) and Russell (born June 4, 1975) are “like a blind man at an orgy.” What we mean to say is that they’re “going to need to feel this one out before jumping in.”

But “when they do decide to give it a go, this will be a really deep relationship that’s firing on all cylinders … one that’s sure to be emotionally, physically and intellectually demanding.” Based on everything we know about Katy and Russell, these two nut jobs wouldn’t have it any other way!

Their relationship assessment goes on to say that, “if they’re up for a challenge and can talk things through, they’ll be able to overcome any jealousy, possessiveness and insecurity that come par for the course with this relationship.”

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Yodel-y, Condescending Songwriting Show In The Works

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It’s hard for us to hear any news about Kara DioGuardi without frowning. That’s because news about Kara DioGuardi means she, as a public figure, has not yet become obsolete. She was eaaaasily our least favorite American Idol judge, there was just something so smug about her comments and her be-glittered decolletáge that rubbed us the wrong way. DioGuardi is back though, America! In 2011, she’ll be the judge of a new singer-songwriter show on Bravo called Going Platinum. And if Kara’s star power isn’t enough for you, the show will be hosted by Jewel! (All together now: “Who will hoo-ee-oost your show?”) And the contestants will all live together in a house! And have their lives taped. To find out what happens when people stop being polite, and start getting musical.

DioGuardi explains that the show is more creative and less performance-based than Idol, and says “I am happy to be a part of a show that helps up and coming songwriters pursue their dreams, while giving the public a look into the creative process.” And here we thought Bravo already found the world’s greatest songwriter in Countess Luann De Lesseps, whose song “Money Can’t Buy You Class” has been stuck in our heads for about a year now.

New TRON: Legacy Trailer Now Daft Punk-ier

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Daft Punk has a new track, “Derezzed,” which just happens to be the song that plays along with the new TRON: Legacy trailer. Check it out:

Cool! It’s like you don’t even need your glow sticks, this trailer provides them for you! So, is TRON: Legacy just providing the visuals for a Daft Punk album? Or is Daft Punk the soundtrack to TRON: Legacy? I must say, even though I’ve never seen the original TRON, I’d give this film a go. I do love me some Jeff Bridges and body suits. That being said, I have seen neither Avatar nor Inception nor The Social Network, so I’d rather not break my streak just yet.

Via NME

A Baby Boy For Mariah Carey?

by (@JordanRuntagh)

No, we’re not talking about Nick Cannon. Is Mariah Carey four months pregnant with her first child? That’s what the folks at Hollybaby.com are saying in an exclusive report. According to an insider, the diva and daddy Nick are expecting a baby boy this March.

Why has the Grammy winning singer kept quiet for so long? According to the source, “the reason she didn’t want to say anything is because she is 40, and she’s superstitious.” Fertility drugs allegedly helped the couple conceive, causing Mariah’s much-reported weight gain earlier this year. The insider went on to say that the she is expected to make an official announcement during her appearances on The View and Oprah, where she’s promoting her upcoming Merry Christmas II You album.

Is this truth or just a ploy to get more people to watch Mariah on TV? Rumors have been circulating for months, and none have have been denied by the couple. In fact, they kinda sorta maybe possibly confirmed the pregnancy in August. After the Beyonce baby buzz proved premature last week, we can’t help but feel a tad bit skeptical. But we’ll keep our fingers crossed.

[Photo: Images]