Teach: Tony Danza Episode 5 Recap: The Fourth Season of The Wire Episode

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This is a recap of the fifth episode of A&E’s new television program, Teach: Tony Danza. This is the episode where A&E gave up on the show. Last Friday, they claimed by way of my DVR guide to air two new episodes. They, however, just aired the same episode twice. Then this week, they aired a new episode, but put a different new episode on iTunes. I’m the only one in the whole universe of Teach: Tony Danza who is doing my part to stay on schedule. I guess what I’m really trying to say is that all the screen captures for this episode will be pictures of my TV taken with my iPhone. This is a real pain in the ass. Thanks ALOT, Tony Danza

Well, this episode was pretty nuts. It’s like somebody took the first four episodes of Teach: Tony Danza and made it have a baby with the fourth season of The Wire. Instead of being all about special education and tap dancing for the mayor, this episode was about steeling iPods, boxing, fighting, crying, tempers and also school uniforms JUST LIKE ON THE WIRE.

The episode begins with a meeting between the principal and some of the teachers about how the following day will see the implementation of new school uniforms. Tony Danza asks, “Is there research on, like, the effect of uniforms?” So immediately, you’re all sarcastic like, “No, Tony Danza, the school administration just did it on a whim without any clue as to if it’s a good idea or not.” But then the principal sort of doesn’t give him an answer and you’re like, “Wait, did the school administration actually just do this on a whim without any clue as to if it’s a good idea or not?” It seems kind of like they did. Actual good question, Tony Danza. Six good question points for you.

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Snoop Dogg Becomes 51st Creepiest Sesame Street Costume

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Does Snoop Dogg read out blog? Well, you heard it here first: DEFINITELY.

Because Congratulations, Snoop Dogg!! You’re Bestweekever.tv’s Official 51st Creepiest Sesame Street Costume. Why creepy? Well, he’s probably the only Count in America that will “count” the amount of hits he’s taken before “counting” his way through all of your themed party snacks that took you all day to make.

On the bright side, this will probably be sampled into a rap song sometime in the next decade:

(via Gawker)

Beaker Is A Texas Rangers Fan – Who Knew?

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To all my coastal friends arrogantly declaring that they’re rooting for the Giants in the World Series because they don’t know any actual Texas Rangers fans (and by friends I mean “also me”), keep in mind that if you’re rooting against the Rangers, you’re rooting against BEAKER FROM THE MUPPETS:

Actually, that might be a guy in a Beaker suit who Fox randomly cut to in the middle of a pitch sequence Sunday night, and not, as I first thought, the real-life Beaker. But the real-life Beaker might be a Rangers fan too, I’m just not sure. I’ll have to ask the real-life Beaker the next time I see him at the Science Convention. Man are those conventions boring – good thing the real-life Beaker shows up or I’d have no one to talk to.

Ron Howard Defends The Dilemma’s Awful Gay Joke

by (@hallekiefer)

In case you weren’t going to see The Dilemma due to its recent controversy, don’t worry: director Ron Howard defended the gay joke in question on anti-censorship grounds. In case you weren’t going to see the movie because it looks terrible, you can probably stop reading right now.

For a little background, Universal removed Vince Vaughn’s gay joke from the film’s trailer following protest by GLAAD. Previously Vaughn could be heard saying “electric cars are gay.”And if that knee-slapper isn’t worth making an entire section of the population feel bad, then we don’t know what is!

Says Howard, “I believe in sensitivity but not censorship. I don’t strip my films of everything that I might personally find inappropriate….I defend the right for some people to express offense at a joke as strongly as I do the right for that joke to be in a film.” Ron has definitely taken a stand against censorship before. Who doesn’t remember the dozens of gay jokes that pepper Cinderella Man and Apollo 13? Frost/Nixon was basically one long  gay joke? Or…at least that’s how we interpreted it.

Warns Howard, “But if storytellers, comedians, actors and artists are strong armed into making creative changes, it will endanger comedy as both entertainment and a provoker of thought.” We wouldn’t want anyone to be denied the thoughts provoked by a joke about electric cars being homosexuals, now would we? Thoughts like, “What?” or “Is that supposed to be funny?” or “Oh my god, why am I in this theater watching The Dilemma when I could be anywhere else in the whole world right now?” [Photos: Getty Images/]

The Walking Dead Premiere: It’s Like 28 Days Later, Sheriff, But REAL

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My friend Steve once had a sketch idea for a fake trailer for a movie about a murder in the Louvre that leads to a bunch of puzzles that unlock a secret society holding knowledge of the holy grail, and the whole time, the characters keep saying “Wow, this mystery is exactly like that book The Da Vinci Code…only this time, it’s REAL.” “You’re just like that Tom Hanks ‘Robert Langdon’ character!” “Yeah, except my name isn’t Langdon, it’s BOB SMITH.”

Basically, the entire time I was watching the Walking Dead premiere on AMC Sunday night, I kept expecting one character to turn to the other and say “Don’t you get it? It’s just like 28 Days Later! Only this time…IT’S REAL.”

Do these characters live in a world where no zombie movies have ever occurred? Have all other movies happened, just not zombie ones? Are they somehow unaware of the standard zombie rules?

Let’s discuss these questions after the jump:

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Carey Mulligan Hits NYC With (New) Mystery Man

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Carey Mulligan is full of surprises these days. First we reported that she was living at a Hollywood Best Western, which was just odd. Then we were giddy because she’d been seen hanging out with Tom Sturridge ,British actor and Robert Pattinson bestie, at said hotel. (And seriously, could you ask for a more insane double date that StuMu and Robsten? Yes, StuMu. You’re welcome.) Today, Mulligan is dashing those double date fantasies though, since she was seen walking in New York City’s High Line park with a mystery gentleman who is most definitely NOT TomStu.

The newly single Mulligan definitely seems to be enjoying her freedom, and she certainly doesn’t have a lack of suitors courting her. Check out more pics of Carey and her unidentified man friend in our gallery below.

View Photo Gallery

[Photos: Splash News Online]

NYTimes Sad That Reality TV Isn’t As Socially Redeemable As Classic 20th-Century Books

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Here’s the opening sentence of an article in today’s New York Times:

It has been suggested that the French anthropologist Claude Levi-Strauss could not have spent more than a few weeks each with the different native peoples observed in his 1955 book, Tristes Tropiques.

Can you guess what this article is about? No, not anthropology or 20th-century masterpieces. It’s about VH1′s new reality show called “My Big Friggin’ Wedding,” starring one Johnny Meatballs (pictured above). Here’s sentence two:

If true, this would mean that cable television has already devoted more time documenting meathead Italian-Americans of the New York metropolitan area than a celebrated researcher spent studying tribes of Brazil and beyond for one of the classic texts of 20th-century social science.

The writer’s point (but of course!) is that “Reality TV now does what ethnography used to, bringing the folkways of foreign subcultures to a broad, popular audience.”

First, how did this TV critic marry “classic texts of the 20th century” to “My Big Friggin’ Wedding”? Could it be that she was sitting at an outdoor table at a cafe in the West Village, armed with a laptop and a beret, possibly smoking a cigarette, and thinking about how bohemians once sat in this very spot arguing about philosophy, when her overly pragmatic editor called and demanded she cover VH1′s newest reality TV show, insulting her intellect and prompting her to rage against popular culture’s vapidness?

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Heidi Klum And Seal Show Off Annual Elaborate Costumes, Have Sex

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Heidi Klum and Seal basically serve three purposes: They host Project Runway (half of them does), they appear in magazine interviews talking about how much sex they have, and they come up with super-elaborate annual Halloween costumes:

There’s Heidi as a Rihanna / Marvin the Martian / Starlight Express superhero combo, and Seal as some sort of hunchbacked Silver Surfer or possibly the between-forms T-1000 from Terminator 2. They’re the celebrity equivalent of that one house that took Halloween way too seriously, and you’d be really impressed with their decorations and the costumes of the hosts and the really elaborate obstacles you’d have to tolerate before they finally gave you candy, but in the grand scheme of things, the 10 minutes you blew for one fun size Kit-Kat wasn’t worth it. Thanks for being those people, Heidi and Seal.