50 Cent’s Home Broken Into By Two Of The Dumbest Thieves Ever

by (@missmuttoo)

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A 53-room mansion and you can’t get more security? C’mon Fiddy… it’s not like you can’t afford it! 50 Cent‘s home was just broken into by two rather dim burglars.  Though there’s a lot more than 50 cents’ worth of property stashed in those digs, the dastardly duo decided to hit up the booze instead. Alexander Hernandez, the one in the red shirt you’ll see in the gallery below, chose to guzzle a bottle of wine in the rapper-actor’s closet instead of shipping out. How did these two lunkheads get in the house? Seriously?

The thieves were apprehended, and are currently held on a sizable $50,000 bond.  They were discovered when security guards spotted an unidentifiable vehicle in the driveway. Wait up, they parked their car right by the house they were planning to be pilfer from? No. words. Long story short: the cops came up and found these two gentlemen taking their own sweet time. They were also allegedly, in possession of some pot, which probably explains Santos Padilla‘s (the blue-shirt dummy) big grin. Hernandez looks like he’s having the worst hangover ever! Check out the two good-time burglars’ mug shots in the gallery below. [Photos: Splash News Online]

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Remember These Two?

by (@missmuttoo)

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Just in case you had forgotten this fact (or forced yourself to): Kat von D and Jesse James are in love. Since it’s the holiday season, let’s just totally forget that he was a rat to now ex-wife, Sandra Bullock. Let’s not even mention that he has his own cheater-moniker, Vanilla Gorilla. Let’s skip over the fact that Jesse spent months wailing about how he “wanted to get caught” bonking, y’know, Nazi strippers. Michelle “Bombshell” McGee, who?

What were we talking about? Oh yes, the love between Kat and Jesse. And since it’s all little ponies and unicorns with these two, Kat needed to spread their joy to the world. On Twitter, of course. Kat tweeted a simple, “<3″ with the photo pictured above. For some strange reason that old Spice Girls song,  2 become 1 is playing in our head. And now we’re just creeped out. Erm, happy holidays!

[Photo via Twitter]

Michelle Williams And Ryan Gosling Still Coy About Dating Rumors

by (@hallekiefer)

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Despite the fact that they have had many months and approximately one billion press junkets to clear it up, apparently rumors that Michelle Williams and Ryan Gosling are dating are exactly what the Blue Valentine stars are aiming for. In an interview airing tonight on ABC News Nightline, host Cynthia McFadden straight-out asked Michelle and Ryan if they are romantically entangled. The answer they gave is half-middle-school, half-mime, and totally unsatisfying.

First Ryan whistled and looked around, pretending as if he hadn’t heard the question. People can see you through the television screen, Gosling! Michelle just grinned silently while Ryan, after calling Williams a “sexy cowboy,” drapes his arm around her and shakes his head while grinning smugly. Whaaa? If we were Gosling’s other alleged girlfriend Blake Lively, we wouldn’t know if we should storm out of Ryan’s life forever or write him a love note. Unless…maybe that’s the idea? We swear, if this is just a ruse to get us to see Blue Valentine, then it is working perfectly! See you opening night! [Photo: Getty Images]

Anne Hathaway Moves In With Her Hopefully Non-Criminal Boyfriend

by (@hallekiefer)

Things are getting cuddly up in the five boroughs tonight, as Golden Globe nominee and all-around likable chick Anne Hathaway moves in with boyfriend Adam Shulman. Having dated for two years, the pair are now shacking up in Shulman’s apartment in Brooklyn, which is also Hathaway’s home town. “[Anne and Adam have] been together for a long time, so she’s confident about moving in with him,” says a source. We don’t want to be a downer, but Anne dated her last boyfriend Raffaello Follieri for a while and he still defrauded people out of millions of dollars. Sorry, we sound like our moms, don’t we?

While no one is accusing Anne’s current boo of falsely selling Vatican real-estate (that we know of), this past May Shulman was spotted stealing part of an outside mural, inspiring gossip that Hathaway might want to have her Jerk Detector taken in for a tune-up. That being said, you can’t really compare an idiotic hipster prank to a multi-million dollar fraud conviction (as much as we’d like to!). Since we haven’t heard anything else negative about Adam, so we’ll give him the benefit of a doubt. At least until a furious Pope starts pounding on their door in the middle of the night, that is.

Kim Kardashian’s Sad Christmas Puppy Tale

by (@hallekiefer)

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Warning: do not read this post if you have a heart. We all know the Kardashians love the holidays, but one season was certainly tainted when Kim Kardashian’s Christmas puppy died. It happened “when I was really little,” explained Kardashian. “Valentina was its name, but then she died two weeks later.” NOOOOOO! We can feel our heart growing three sizes, as it fills with our tears. According to Kim, lil’ Valentina went to the dog park into the sky after suffering from “snail poisoning.” Says Kardashian, “You know when snails leave a little trail? [Valentina] got super excited and ate it and died.” See, this is why rich people shouldn’t have escargot just lying around the house! It’s a tragedy waiting to strike.

While Kim still sniffles over this and other misty Christmas memories, her older sister apparently has had her heart replaced with a lump of coal. “Kourtney would come down [Christmas morning] and wouldn’t care, and she didn’t really care that it was Christmas, while I was like, ‘Oh my God! I got a puppy!’ We were so different!” And Kourtney is the one with the kid? Yikes. Happy holidays, little Mason! Hope you like that half-empty box of Pampers “Santa” left for you under the tree. [Photo: Splash News Online]

Leonardo DiCaprio Named The Highest-Grossing Actor Of 2010

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Leonardo DiCaprio has never married, but people sure love to watch the guy get sweaty while hallucinating about his dead wife. The actor tops Forbes’ Top-Grossing Actors of 2010 list after the widowerific Shutter Island and Inception took in a whopping $1.1 billion globally. Leo’s decision to play J. Edgar Hoover in an upcoming biopic may seem a little risky in this context—that guy so wasn’t in the “missing his wife” biz—but considering Leo will take home more than $50 million for Critics’ Choice Best Film nominee (and Award Season Tweet Tracker favorite) Inception alone, it’s not like he can’t afford to take the risk.

It’s worth noting that the grosses of animated movies weren’t included on this list, meaning Steve Carell doesn’t get to throw Despicable Me‘s $500 million in the pot with his decent but relatively paltry Date Night and Dinner For Schmucks grosses. Instead, Alice In Wonderland‘s Mia Wasikowska and Johnny Depp take 2nd and 3rd respectively (Mia’s The Kids Are All Right has made more over its run than Depp’s far more recent The Tourist).  Robert Downey Jr. comes in fourth for Iron Man 2 and Due Date, while Daniel Radcliffe comes in fifth for…well, just guess.

[Photo: Getty Images]

PROOF: ALF Was A Womanizing, Racist Nightmare

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ALF is one of the remaining puppety icons of the 1980s, and I should know: The stuffed animal version of ALF has followed me from my toddler years all the way to college and to the West, where he lays, embalmed, in a bag somewhere, the last tangible remainder of my youth.

That glass shattering? That’s the sound of my dreams, which have collapsed ‘neath the weight of this MINDBLOWING REVELATION: ALF was a womanizing assh*le who says the N WORD. Yes, that word. Witness:

A Youtube commenter points out that ALF is just impersonating a very famous episode of L.A. Law where someone with Tourette’s Syndrome is interviewed on the witness stand. Despite myself, I must admit it is pretty hilarious… (and well acted!)

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Ryan Reynolds “Beyond Sad And Depressed” Over ScarJo Divorce

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Ryan Reynolds & Scarlett Johansson

The divorce of Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansson may be impressively private and drama-free, but come on: it’s still a divorce. Us Magazine reports that Ryan was less than quiet about his troubles on the set of Green Lantern (though judging from the goofy trailer, everyone probably had bigger things to worry about). “[He was] open on set that he and Scarlett [Johansson] were having problems,” says a source. “[He’d say that she treated him badly. It never seemed like she made him a priority.” Hey, he’s the one that didn’t show up at Scarlett’s Saturday Night Live gig!

According to another source, Ryan is “beyond sad and depressed” following their public break-up. Funny, most men would love to be unattached after being crowned People‘s Sexiest Man Alive, but then again, most men aren’t already married to one of the sexiest women. “[Scarlett] was disconnected and disaffected about the split,” says the insider. “It was harsh.” See, now if he’d seen her Saturday Night Live performance, he’d have realized how emotionally distant she can be. Dude sounds so glum we almost want to see Green Lantern out of sympathy. Almost.

[Photos: Getty Images]

Heidi Montag On Her Plastic Surgery: “This Is Not What I Signed Up For”

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Heidi Montag has opened up to Life & Style magazine to discuss the ten plastic surgeries she underwent last year. Seems Heidi has discovered what the rest of us knew all along: all that surgery was a terrible idea. Franken-Heidi still has serious scarring and says “Parts of my body definitely look worse than they did pre-surgery. This is not what I signed up for.” The magazine says that she still has several physical blemishes as a result of the surgeries, including “a 2-inch-long blemish under her chin from her chin reduction, two caterpillar-size bald spots along her hairline from a brow lift, a horrifying jagged line behind her ears from having her ears pinned back. . . and deep scars around her nipples from a second boob job.” That sounds awful. But still more pleasant that living with Spencer Pratt. Just sayin’.

Knowing what she knows now about the end result, Heidi regrets what she’s done, saying “People have fewer scars from accidents than I have on my body. I wish I could jump into a time machine and take it all back.” If we were manning the controls of that time machine, we’d go back even further so we could intervene during her meeting with Spencer. Can you imagine a world without Speidi? It would be like the new version of It’s A Wonderful Life, except that things would be so much better without them together.

[Photo: Life & Style]