We’re sure this girl is some sort of internet face that we’ve just never met before. Perhaps she gives makeup lessons. Perhaps she talks about American Idol. Maybe she fights with her parents on webcam.
Frankly, we’re too lazy to find out exactly who she is. We’re happy to take her at face value from this compilation video, which is at once mesmerizing and make-you-hate-the-internet-even-more-ing.
You could frame this video on a wall at MOMA and no one would dare question you.
Of the crap I actually got into at Comic-Con (approximately one one-billionth of the events), no teaser footage made me quite as giddily excited as the sneak peek of Jackass 3-D, some of which can be viewed in the new trailer below (the 3-D projectile sh*t part has been omitted).
I can’t really describe my still-thriving excitement for all things Jackass after all these years — I could cop out and chalk it up to nostalgia, or attempt to rationalize my enjoyment as some low-brow “break from real films” escapism, but really, Jackass still just makes me laugh more than I can help it, and instead of outgrowing it as I’ve aged, I’ve simply gained more confidence to proudly admit that fact.
Trailer Park Movies | MySpace Video
So by now you know that these Salahi people are whiny crybabies who are becoming universally loathed, first for being national security risks and second for pissing off the ladies of The View. And it’s all in the name of drumming up publicity for the Real Housewives Of D.C., which premiered last night and which we can’t bring ourselves to watch. Michaele Salahi is slowly inching toward being the Gwen Stefani of this group, and this ”Whoopi-Hit-Me-No-She-Didn’t-Gate” is her “Don’t Speak.” She’s overshadowed her castmates one too many times and the show has barely gotten off he ground.
Since this whole View non-troversy began, the rest of the Housewives have been feeling a little left out and they aren’t shy about their feelings. After being interviewed yesterday, it was clear they are not psyched to be associated with Cuckoo-Barbie. Their reactions are slowly leading us to believe that the extensions-pulling antics of the Jersey contingent is nothing – someone on this show is going to get a Diplomat’s license plate to the jugular pretty soon. Here are some quotes that lead us to believe that World War III just may begin at a D.C. country club.
D.C. Housewife Cat Ommanney said “Being associated with her and being around her is pretty toxic and exhausting and I’m really over it.”
Housewife Stacie Turner: “I guess it’s good for ratings…[but] the show really is not ‘The Salahi Show’”
Housewife Mary Schmift Amons: “We’re so tired of hearing this and talking about this. This is a show about five people, not one couple.”
Amons, again: “Awk-ward! And given what’s happened yesterday on The View it’s now changed the energy completely between the five of us.”
And then there’s Lynda Erikiletian who claimed on The View that Michaele was anorexic and her husband Tareq abused women and threw a drink on her.
Chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga- CHOO CHOO! What’s that? Oh, just the sound of a train wreck approaching.
We kinda knew that Celebrity Rehab 4 was going to be a party…for us. And wooohoooo, it hasn’t disappointed! When the cast was revealed, Rachel Uchitel was on the roster revealing a surprise addiction to Ambien (and erm, lying). That’s when we thought to ourselves… the dramz coming.
But in a move that made our day, it turns out that Yuckitel was made to room with the ebullient Janice Dickinson. Picture this: Egos. Vanity. Issues. Illusions of grandeur. All in one room together. How could it not explode? And when it did … and oh, the two ladies went for it… it got so major that staffers had to pry Dickinson and Uchitel Ã‚Â away from from each other. A source revealed that the two ladies “were practically at each other’s throats from the beginning. They fought constantly, andÃ‚Â Dr. Drew and the staff ultimately made the decision to separate the two as they were just being so disruptive to everyone involved. It was just way too much ego in one room.Ã¢â‚¬Â You think?
Oh joy! And a lot more snarkiness has surfaced. The source went on to say, “Rachel just couldn’t stand even being in the same vicinity as Janice, and the tension that Rachel was dealing with because of it was one of the reasons that she left.” And Ms J was happy to dole out her judgement too because, and we agree on one level, “… It drove Janice over the edge that Rachel thought she was a celebrity. Both of these women are dealing with major self esteem issues, along with their personal addictions.” Well… Janice had/kinda still has a legitimate career. The fame whoring was a natural extension, to be fair.
All we can say is… where are the tapes? Please God, let there be a video of this!
[Photo: and Getty Images]
William H. Macy attends the L.A. premiere of the play Colin Fritz Lives! on August 5, 2010.
Now that Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt‘s divorce is final, the body-formally-known-as Heidi has realized she has a big Pratt-shaped hole in her life. Ã‚Â And she’s left reminiscing how her ex loved fame more than he loved her.
So what does she have left? She’s alienated her family (calling the cops on your Mom will do that). No friends either. Lauren Conrad and Heidi, once BFF, are no more. Even ex sister-in-law Stephanie Pratt doesn’t speak to her. So poor Heidi now has all that extra boob and no one to appreciate it.
In a move that reeks of desperation, she’s resorted to reaching out to her old Hills co-stars LC and Audrina Patridge in an attempt to erase all the Spencer years. She tweeted, “watching old hills i miss you @AudrinaPatridgeÃ‚Â and most of all @laurenconrad.”
Don’t hold your breath, Heidi-hon.
Someone needs to tell Jessica Simpson to stop thinking with her hormones. Her new boyfriend, ex-NFL player, Eric Johnson is obviously giving her lots of lovin’ (heehee, he used to play tight-end). This picture and message tweeted by J.Simp is evidence of that. She gushed, “Romance 101..getting kissed by my Yalie…me not lookin’ so smart…:) but YUM!”
Eric is apparently a secret nerd, but he’s dropped the idea of going to Wharton for the MBA program (yeah,Wharton) so he can spend more time with his lady love. A source says, “There were a lot of factors that went into his decision. Jessica supports him in whatever he wants to do. He has a lot going on.” Oh come on…it was totally her! She’s so not going to let him get away and you know it. They can’t take sexy time off in Italy if he’s plugging for a mid-term. Jessica Simpson ALWAYS wins (unless pitted against John Mayer, natch).
[Photo: Splash News Online]
Robbie Williams is getting married today, shattering our teenage dreams. We’re currently going through a memory montage of past hormonal upsurges of him writhing on stage along with the other four members of Take That. Sigh.
We’ll also admit how remiss we’ve been because quite frankly, we didn’t even know he was dating anybody (they’ve been together for FOUR years)? Probably because he was supposed to date this very heartbroken blogger. But it’s true, he’s getting hitched today to an actress called Ayda Field on the Santa Calina island off the coast of California. None of the other members of Take That are coming because the couple only broke the news last week, leaving it too late for them to cancel the family vacations they’d planned.
This is not a hoax either. The singer has already proposed once on a live Aussie radio show, but later said he was just messing around. Considering the island is prepped and ready for the nuptials today, all systems are go. Here’s what Robbie thinks of his bride. In one of the strangest (and cutest) quotes we’ve ever heard, he commented, “I call her my Swiss Army knife because that’s the way I feel about her – she can do anything.”
[Photo: Getty Images]
Jillian Michaels is about to face the wrath of big-boned people everywhere, as the trainer made famous on Biggest Loser faces a class-action lawsuit over her supposedly toxic detox supplement. The suit claims that Michaels’ Triple Process Total Body Detox & Cleanse diet medication is packed with unhealthy chemicals, one of which, Irish moss powder, is allegedly “so toxic that it is the gel commonly applied to aircraft wings to dissolve ice.” And here we thought we were burning calories, not our intestinal lining!
Given that we foolishly trust a whole host of famous people not to sell us things that make our organs shut down, we started to wonder, what other celebrity-endorsed products can we look forward to killing us? Imagination, take over!
- Drew Barrymore’s Covergirl Lashblast mascara makes eyelashes so long and full, they get caught in elevator door.
- William Shatner‘s Priceline Negotiator accidentally books us into the Bates Motel; Cat Deely‘s Pantene Pro-V’s Aqua Light Swisssh hairspray gets in eyes and blinds us, can’t see killer.
- Shoes from Nike’s Lebron James Collection fall apart; don’t actually kill us, but leave us feeling depressed and abandoned.
- Take too much of Sally Field‘s osteoporosis medication Boniva; bones become super strong, must become outcast superhero that lives in crystal fortress.
- Jamie Lee Curtis‘ Activia yogurt works too well, never stop pooping.
I hesitated to post the Yogi Bear movie poster, because when I saw the “dirty” tagline, I assumed the poster floating around had to be an internet hoax, capitalizing on the internet’s gullibility with a tagline that’s juuuust dirty enough but still vaguely plausible. Then I saw the poster on the official Warner Bros. Yogi Bear movie site, and still was pretty sure someone had to have hacked into that site with their 90s-movies hacker tools and strategically uploaded their fake Yogi Bear poster that’s juuuust dirty enough but still vaguely plausible.
Finally, I just had to admit it to myself. This is the actual tagline for the Yogi Bear movie:
Nice work, Guy Who Comes Up With Taglines For Warner Bros. Kids’ Movies. (link NSFW)