Well, fictionally, anyways.
Here’s the music video for Ted Leo & The Pharmacists’ “Bottled In Cork,” starring Paul F. Tompkins as a Broadway impresario and featuring cameos by Julie Klausner and John Hodgman. If you enjoy everything about that sentence, then you’ll really like this video:
(via Brooklyn Vegan)
Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren are officially divorced. He released a really boring statement about it today on his website. Because there’s nothing funny about this statement, but we’re kind of obligated to cover it because the Tiger Woods divorce is significant pop culture news, we’ve decided to keep with the recent trend of sports statement fonts and reprinted the statement in Comic Sans:
We are sad that our marriage is over and we wish each other the very best for the future. While we are no longer married, we are the parents of two wonderful children and their happiness has been, and will always be, of paramount importance to both of us. Once we came to the decision that our marriage was at an end, the primary focus of our amicable discussions has been to ensure their future well-being. The weeks and months ahead will not be easy for them as we adjust to a new family situation, which is why our privacy must be a principal concern.
As previously reported, Fantasia will speak candidly about her drug overdose on tomorrow’s episode of Behind the Music (premiering at 9/8c). Above is a clip from the episode, in which she makes clear that she “knew exactly” what she was doing when she overdosed and briefly explains her motivation. More clips to come…
Fantasia for Real show page
Fantasia for Real videos and extras
Fantasia – Exclusive video interview
Fantasia For Real Bonus Clip, “Fantasia Discusses Her Overdose”
This product is not actually called Cleavage-Be-Gone, but it should be. Instead it is called the Cami-Secret.
“All I want is to have my coworkers and this slutty sweater in the same room! But how?!”
-The Woman In This Commercial
If this was before the internet and I was 15, I would stay up all night waiting for this commercial to air (in this hypothetical my parents don’t have premium cable). Also I think that whatever the opposite of the Cami-Secret would be probably would make a more appealing product.
EXTRA: In case you were wondering what that woman from the commercial’s life is like, you can totally read her blog here. Yeah, that’s right. I put in the research. That’s why they call me The Closer. (They don’t call me that and it wouldn’t even make sense if they did).
Spotted at the 23rd Street Station of the 1 train here in New York: Subway poster kismet. Someone peeled away the face of a “She’s Got the Look” contestant to reveal a purrfectly (kill me) placed surprise behind it:
Yes, that’s a cat head from the Cats & Dogs 2 sequel. It’s oddly alluring, isn’t it? And pretty much a guarantee that every woman who walks past it will tune in to “She’s Got the Look.”
Word to the wise? Put a cat head on all your posters from now on, show aimed towards middle aged ladies.
You hadn’t forgotten about Tiger Woods‘ infidelities and general Ambien-induced man-whoring, had you? It’s been a while since we’ve reported on them, but today they’re has been one tiny update to the story: Tiger and his wife Elin have divorced. We knew it was coming, and we knew Elin’s settlement would be huge, but it’s finally official as of today.
A statement on tigerwoods.com reads “Elin Nordegren and Tiger Woods confirmed today that they have divorced. Judgment was entered today in Bay County (Florida) Circuit Court dissolving the marriage. The Judgment provides for shared parenting of their two children.” The statement continues “We are sad that our marriage is over and we wish each other the very best for the future. While we are no longer married, we are the parents of two wonderful children and their happiness has been, and will always be, of paramount importance to both of us.”
We’re glad, for Elin and the childrens’ sake, that this ordeal, which began last Thanksgiving, is over and they can get on with their life as private citizens. We only wish that Rachel Uchitel and the rest of Tiger’s harem would follow their lead.
[Photo: Getty Images]
Any reader who has accidentally swallowed a penny this afternoon is encouraged to read the story below, as you will be barfing it back up in no time. As she continues her cross-country tour of reality TV rehab facilities, Tiger Wood’s former mistress Rachel Uchitel has reportedly discovered new love. According his wife, erstwhile kidnap victim Jeremy London has been recently canoodling with the professional mistress, whom he denies dating but admits is an “amazing, intelligent and sensitive person.”
Now we all know what you’re thinking: “barf.” But maybe to Rachel Uchitel, Jeremy London isn’t just a washed-up celeb addicted to fame and probably also drugs. He is…he’s…well, we have no idea what else he might be. Fun to have at parties? Still living off his Party of Five money?
Which brings us to the larger question: how can Rachel Uchitel downgrade between the past men in her life to Jeremy London that hard, that fast, and not get some sort of sexual whiplash? As humiliating as the Tiger Woods scandal was for everyone involved, at least we understood the whole “attractive, multi-quadrillionaire sports star” thing. You just know they were doing it on an ostrich-feather bed with 900 count Egyptian cotton sheets. On Tiger’s private jet. While flying over Dubai. And rumored fling David Boreanz? Well, we’ve been known to watch a Bones marathon or two, and let’s just say it’s not for the acting.
So, what does Jeremy London have that makes him so appealing to someone who has experienced such luxury? That one gross news boy cap? London probably doesn’t really even have a house anymore; he just sleeps on a dog bed on Dr. Drew’s patio. Which leaves us with only one possible solution: Rachel Uchitel has such terrible taste in men she literally cannot see the difference between Jeremy London and…any other man. Can that possible be true? Again, has she seen that newsboy cap? We guess we begrudgingly give the couple our blessing, and hope these two crazy kids can find room in their busy televised-rehab and marriage-destroying careers to make this thing work. Now if you excuse us, we have to take one million showers.
Vienna Girardi and Jake Pavelka of The Bachelor both had plenty of nasty things to say about one another when they broke up. Each accused the other of being a fame-whore and it turns out, they were both right! Sadly though, Vienna’s attempts to stay relevant are failing.
Girardi was turned away from a pre-Emmys party on SaturdayÃ‚Â because she was not on the list.Ã‚Â (It wasn’t even an after party! And it wasn’t even the real Emmy’s!) She was also allegedly wearing jeans and a sweatshirt, which proves the girl has a lot to learn about attending Hollywood parties. She also attempted to sell some photos of her new boyfriend John Sala for $50,000 but sadly, no one was biting. A photo director, speaking to PopEater said “Vienna pitched the story and pictures to everyone and was shocked when everyone passed.” To John Sala we must pose the question: what part of any of this sounds healthy to you? Sure, it must be nice to have pictures of yourself valued at $50k. That certainly trumps the “In A Relationship” Facebook status most other new boyfriends get.Ã‚Â But the thing is, um, it’s not real! Do yourself a favor and run far away before you become a casualty of the reality-whore wars.
A couple days ago, the internet was lit o’fire with this phenomenal shirtless cover of “Sweet Child O’ Mine,” which is now up to over 700,000 Youtube views (my theory: people on the web just can’t get enough expert musicianship).
With its popularity swelling, we at BWE felt that the cover was deserving of its own official Guns N’ Roses music video, so without further internet-remix-ado, here’s the seminal “Sweet Child O’ Mine” Youtube cover set to the original G’nR music video. The authenticity is unmistakable.
Sometimes I tweet too much. I’ll be the first to admit it. But I didn’t realize that I was tweeting so much that it actually made the internet mad at me. Here is what happened when I last tried to sign in to my account.
I mean… I’m offended. Of course. But, I get it. I’m sorry, internet. I’ll try to show more restraint.
Has this ever happened to any of you? Or am I just the worst?