“Break A Leg” No Longer A Viable Superstition

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I’m not an incredibly superstitious person. I’ll walk under a ladder and open an umbrella indoors with reckless abandon. Hell, I’ll seek out a black cat and make it cross my path. Well, it’s not so much that I’m not superstitious as I’m a badass who hates rules (metal guitar riff). However, one superstition that I do indulge in is saying “break a leg” instead of a “good luck.” BUT NO MORE.

Metro UK reports:

If you send a ‘good luck’ message to a friend on their wedding day, be careful what you wish for. Groom Nick Fortey broke his leg in a motorbike crash on his way to the church, minutes after receiving a text saying – you guessed it – ‘Break a leg!’

WOW. Creepy, but also a coincidence and sort of funny. Did I say funny? I did not mean that at all. It’s about to get incredibly depressing:

Mr Fortey added: ‘I was quite emotional while I was in hospital. It was awful thinking I should have been enjoying being married to Emma and instead I was heavily sedated on a hospital ward.
‘A lot of our guests had travelled a long way to the wedding and we’d forked out thousands for entertainment, food and a disco, so I told Emma to hold the party anyway.’
After visiting her stricken groom in hospital, Miss Byrne left to cut her wedding cake alone and perform a solo first dance.

Are you kidding me?? She performed a solo first dance?? That seems unnecessarily sad. So sad. And can’t we save the cake? Freeze it? Instead of cutting it alone? My emotions are best summed up like this: :( :( :( :(

Silver lining: His cousin Wendy, the person who sent the text, is a witch who can conjure things! Use your powers for good next time, Wendy! If you could conjure me a staff writing job on 30 Rock that would be awesome. Theeeenks.

30 Kim Kardashian Booty Pics For Her 30th Birthday

by (@JordanRuntagh)

Hello birthday, goodbye birthday suit. The lovely Kim Kardashian turns 30 today, which marks her official retirement from posing nude. We hope the publishers of Playboy present her with a golden g-string and a certificate of appreciation before they kiss her ass goodbye.

Entering a new decade is a big deal,  so as a special FABlife tribute we’ve decided to take a look back (pun rim shot) with the thirty hottest pics of the world’s most famous birthday booty. Relive the memories again and again in this rear retrospective. You’ll smile at the good times, and you’ll cry because you’ll never see that bare behind again. Unless you, you know, have access to the internet.

Happy birthday Kim!

[Photo: /Getty Images]

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You Will Never Guess What The Situation’s Book Cover Looks Like

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Before scrolling down, try to guess what the cover for Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino’s book Here’s The Situation looks like.

Tuxedo with tails, top hat, monocle, fireplace, Masterpiece Theatre chair, mint julep in crystal goblet, polo match occurring, Handel concerto floating from the antique Victrola…

WAY OFF! It looks like this:

For the record, the first Google result for “The Situation Book” is this booking website, urging you to “Book Mike Situation For Appearances Before It’s Too Late!” Too late for what? Are his abs about to crunch the world into apocalypse? Or does he get skin cancer in Season Three? Crap, those both sound extremely likely – better book him.

Also, I hope there’s a chapter on how to literally dodge grenades. That’d be helpful.

Scream 4 Teaser Trailer: Welcome Back, Neve

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Scream is such a good movie. I haven’t seen Scream 2: Screamier or Scream 3: Screamiest and, to be totally honest, because we value honestly here at BWE, I probably won’t see Scream 4: Scream Town USA. But that’s not to say that I’m not intrigued by this teaser trailer, which inexplicably also features sounds of a movie theater crowd cheering along:

Hey, Courtney Cox. There is a lot of evidence that this Scream killer does indeed have the guts to kill. Time and time again. Wrong person to call that bluff on. Why am I talking to a trailer.

So everyone’s trying to get in on the Scream action, huh? Listen, starlets. Drew Barrymore killed it (get it??) with the ironic death in the first Scream, I’m not sure how any of you are going to top that. Or maybe someone already has in the other movies and I’m not aware of it. Also, let me just be the first to say it: The killer is totally Rory Culkin, as he is the creepiest looking dude in the WORLD. In cahoots with Emma Roberts, in a gang run by Hayden Panettiere. You read it here first.

No Baby Bump For Beyonce, Says Mom

by (@JordanRuntagh)

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And no baby either, for that matter. It looks like we’re going to have to wait a little longer to see Beyonce and husband Jay-Z morph into the coolest parents the world has ever known. Just hours after US Weekly reported that Jay-Z and Beyonce were expecting, photos surfaced showing a decidedly not bumpy Beyonce out and about in Miami.

Her mom Tina Knowles then appeared on The Ellen Degeneres Show to deny the story that her eldest daughter is pregnant. “With all the rumors, by now I should have 5 or 6 grandkids!” And she’s right. There has been constant speculation about when the Destiny’s Child child is going to drop. Most recently in March a “rock solid source” said Beyonce was pregnant, a claim that also turned out to be false.

Yes, we’re sad.

[Photo: Splash News Online]

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Beyonce’s Mom Ends Pregnancy Rumors, I Could’ve Told You That

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Did you guys notice how oddly silent I was yesterday on the topic of Beyonce’s rumored pregnancy? Weren’t you all like, “Usually this is a topic that Sarah would tackle head on, her silence is raising more questions than anything.” For that, Dear Reader, I am sorry. I am sorry for failing you thusly. But, I feel as though I can safely, and in a non-gossipy manner, say what was weighing on my conscious all yesterday:

Beyonce is not pregnant. I know this, because I saw her at a bar on Sunday night. Drinking what appeared to be a non-virgin martini. Pun intended.

This does not mean that the blessed occurrence couldn’t have happened post martini, but I’m just reporting what I saw. I’m saying this now because Beyonce’s mom, Tina Knowles, just taped an appearance on Ellen slated to air this Thursday, wherein she says that Beyonce is not pregnant. Specifically,

“The truth is that’s it’s not Beyonce that’s pregnant. It’s me. I’m kidding y’all. I’m 56. No, no [the reports are] not true. Not right now … With all the rumours, by now I should have 5 or 6 grandchildren.”

Here’s a video of it, if you’re into video of adorable mom pregnancy rumor denials.

Anyway, because of this, I don’t feel like some sort of weird bar going spy who reports what they see on a comedy pop culture blog. Creepy.

So now we can all move on with our lives, and, once again I apologize for not being forthcoming with you-Oh, you don’t care? Me neither.

The Situation To Release “Bible For Situation Nation”, A.K.A. New Jersey

by (@JordanRuntagh)

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Wanna get abs like Jersey Shore star Mike Sorrentino? Well, he doubts that’s possible. But he still thinks you should shell out some cash for his new book, Here’s The Situation, which hits shelves on November 2nd. It promises to be an indispensable guide “to creeping on chicks, avoiding grenades and getting your GTL.” Makes a great gift for the whole family!

We’ll let Mike take it from here: “Do you really think your situation is where it needs to be? Be honest with yourself, bro. This book here will take your game to a level thought unattainable given your physical limitations (because we can’t all look like Rambo, pretty much, with our shirt off).” Ouch, The Situation. That one hurt.

But it’s not all steroids by the handful strict and intensive workout routines. The Sitch also helps you get in touch with your/his sensitive side. He tells you how to find the perfect life partner, and shows you how to spoil them with a perfect lasagna dinner. He even spills on how you can become “one of the most famous people on the planet-which is guaranteed if you follow my advice.” All this in just 144 pages!

After Snooki‘s pickle pancakes, perhaps she’ll follow suit with a cookbook: “The Joy Of Gherkins”.

[Photo: Gotham Publishing]

Best Quiz Ever: More Silly Song Lyrics

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Thanks for playing our first ever installment of Best Quiz Ever yesterday! Based on your feedback, we’ve worked out the kinks, so today’s game should run much smoother than yesterday’s.

That said, since most of you seemed to have fun trying to name the artists who have sung some of the lamest lyrics of the last few years, we thought we’d give you guys another dose of the kinds of inane lyrics that drove Casey Kasem to early retirement. Enjoy! (Oh, and remember, if you have suggestions for future quizzes, please be sure to leave them in the comments section below.)

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