What Did You Get Elton John And David Furnish For Their Civil Partnership?

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First, your present would be about five years too late, as they married in 2005. But if you did purchase them two diamond-encrusted cock-rings, sorry, you’re going to have to take them back to the store. To the diamond-encrusted cock-ring store. Diamond-Encrusted Cock-Rings ‘R Us. Eminem already gave it to them.

Elton gave an interview to the Telegraph, which reports:

He faced similar criticism in 2001 when he joined Eminem on stage at the Grammy awards, ignoring the controversy about the rap singer’s allegedly homophobic lyrics. Eminem has now come out in support of gay marriage. ‘For our civil partnership present he gave David and me two diamond-encrusted cock-rings.’

Has he explicitly come out in support of gay marriage, or did he give them two diamond-encrusted cock-rings? Because I think there’s a slight difference. However. I LIKE it. It’s funny, but it’s also sort of d*ck. I mean, it’s literally d*ck, but also metaphorically d*ck. Sort of like Eminem. He really kept true to himself with those diamond-encrusted cock-ring gifts.

Also, can you use those? Don’t tell me. I’ll figure it out myself.

P.S., After writing “encrusted” so many times just now, it occurs to me that the word is never good, even when it involves diamonds.

Via NY Mag

Madonna Wants The World To Have Sinewy Arms And Rock Hard Thighs

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Madonna is constantly evolving and always has more on her plate in a given week than we’ll have in our lifetime. So it comes as no surprise that the musician/businesswoman/actress/director/fashion designer is now turning her attention to the world of fitness. Well, based on her physique, we’re well aware of the fact that she’s always been a fan of working out but now she wants the rest of the world to work out like she does. Madonna plans to open a gym chain called Hard Candy Fitness, and the first store will be located in Mexico City, with an additional ten locations in the works.

The chain will be a partnership with 24-Hour Fitness, whose owner, Mark Mastrov, explained, “Hard Candy Fitness will be a reflection of Madonna’s point of view and will reflect her input on every detail, including music space, light and other design cues.” Because if there’s one thing our local YMCA is missing, it’s light and design cues.

The gyms are aimed at higher-end clientele (obvs) but we’d be interested in a guest pass if anyone is listening. We’d be willing to do anything to give our biceps definition, as they are currently defined as “sausagey.”

Eva Longoria-Parker’s Big Court Fight About A Car Accident

by (@missmuttoo)

Eva Longoria Parker may be blowing some besos to a bunch of cash soon. She was in a two-car pile-up recently, and Eva and the driver checked out okay. No one was hurt and while an investigation was imminent, it seemed nothing was to come out of it.

Wrong! ‘Cause the other driver, Roman Gasparyan, has developed a bunch of injuries which his attorney is very interested in pinning onto the desperate housewife. Namely back and neck pain, severe headaches, anxiety and blood pressure problems. To make it even worse, they’re claiming Eva’s eyes were “red and bloodshot.” She also apparently made a sudden turn into the middle lane when she drove right into Gasparyan. Doesn’t look good.

But, much like her character on D.H, Gabrielle Solis, Eva’s fighting back saying it’s all a bunch of bull. Her rep stated, “According to the police report, the other driver was clearly at fault AND admitted to fault at the scene of the accident. Longoria’s eyes were NOT red and bloodshot.”

To make Eva’s stance crystal clear, she added, “There is absolutely no truth to this claim, and any indications to the contrary are completely false and untrue. Longoria made no sudden turn, did not violate any traffic violations nor did she make any sudden lane changes. The other driver is clearly trying to make a case where there is none…”

On a completely different note, who thinks that Eva’s new Madam Tussauds wax figure is totally weird? We’re just saying…spooky (after the jump…)

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Rihanna’s Reasons For Being A No-Show At Katy’s Big Fat Indian Wedding

by (@missmuttoo)

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Katy Perry married Russell Brand and you’d have to live under a rock not to know it. Wheee! India! Henna! Camels! Elephants! Was it a wedding or a Bollywood movie? We’ll never known until someone decides to show us some pictures (hint hint). But there was one crucial element of the spectacle that was missing: Rihanna, who attended Katy’s bacholerette but was a no-show at the official I-do’s.

Question is…why? You gotta hoof it to the other side of the globe for your BFF’s big day. It’s like, in the handbook of insanely rich pop stars. Did Rihanna get stuck in some elaborate McQueen bondage dress? Did the bright red hair dye finally seep into her brain cells and cause temporary amnesia? Did Taylor Momsen stage a here’s-my-revenge-b*tch move on her?

Nyet, Nada…and hells no. As always, a “close source” is around to clear the air stating, “Rih was finishing her album, and she just switched managers, so she had to pull out at the last minute. It was always sort of up in the air that she would go anyway, and Katy knew that. They saved her a room just in case, but they always knew it would be nearly impossible for her to make it as she’s still finishing the album and it’s out in a few weeks. Rih was in the studio all weekend.”

Ok then… “Rih” shoulda given us a call. We would’ve gladly taken her booked room off her hands. We’re BFF with the head elephant trainer so we were totes invited!

[Photo: Getty Images]

Speak Now: Taylor Swift Live From New York City Recap

by (@unclegrambo)

If the only things you know about Taylor Swift are tidbits you picked up while waiting in line at the grocery store, you are probably under the impression that she’s become a bit temperamental of late. We are referring to, of course, the whole Kanye/VMA backlash, the criticisms leveled at her after the Grammys, the controversial dumping of a certain hunky werewolf, and most recently, the speculation about her dalliances with John Mayer and Jake Gyllenhaal. You might think that the stress of being under almost constant scrutiny might’ve somehow change the outgoing Taylor, possibly not for the better. Well, after witnessing the way she beamed while she performed three songs from her new album earlier tonight, you could tell that she has NO plans to let any of this drama get in the way of sharing her new work with the world.

Taylor’s new record, Speak Now, was just released today and is already sitting atop the iTunes sales chart. In front of two hundred or so ecstatic (and mostly female) fans in Manhattan this evening, Swift introduced three songs from her new record with a clear sense of confidence and enthusiasm. There was a genuine look of excitement when she came out on stage tonight wearing a gold dress, evidenced by her buoyant performance of “Speak Now.” Usually, Taylor has a guitar strapped to her shoulder, and every so often you can tell that envisions it as a security blanket of sorts. That’s why it was especially interesting to see her come out on stage sans axe tonight, instead wearing just heels and a gold dress. It speaks a lot about the place where she is mentally today, which seems to be a place of excitement and enthusiasm.
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NFL WEEK 7 RECAP: Ben Roethlisberger Is Looking Happy, Scary

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Your weekly NFL Recap, in the form of stupid pictures:

Steelers 23, Dolphins 22

Fewer sights in football are as legitimately terrifying as Ben Roethlisberger’s touchdown metal horns:

Given his recent transpirings, let’s maybe hold off on any hand gestures that in any way resemble the shocker? Thanks.

As for my opinion on the controversial call at the end of this game, you can read it in full here. Figured I’d leave it off BWE so we don’t lose Miami readership. Unless they click that link too. Whoops! Still figuring out this intra net.

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Ryan Gosling Says The Mickey Mouse Club Was “Depressing”, Mainly Because He Sucked At It

by (@hallekiefer)

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We can imagine plenty of reasons why Ryan Gosling might remember the The Mickey Mouse Club as “depressing”: insane stage mothers, hideous outfits, lax child labor laws.  Or was it because, as Gosling mentions in an interview with Steve Carrell, “in my age bracket, there were seven kids, three of whom were Christina Aguilera, Britney Spears, and Justin Timberlake.” Explains Gosling, “It was kind of depressing because when I got there, they realized that I wasn’t really up to snuff in comparison with what some of the other kids were able to do.” No wonder Gosling thought he blew! Imagine being compared to 3 of the biggest pop superstars of the past 15 years. Also, you’re 8.

Reminiscences Ryan, “I remember one time they put four of us in a dance routine, but I was so off. I was on the end, so they just pushed the shot in closer on the other three guys to frame me out. I would just come in at the beginning of the show and then come back at the end, and occasionally I’d have a sketch here or there, but I didn’t end up working that much, which was disheartening.”  If it makes you feel any better Ryan, now you’re starring in a hotly anticipated movie with Michelle Williams and Britney Spears has pretty much forgotten how to dance…or sing…or do pretty much anything that would require concentration. And Christina Aguilera may have been an adorable child, but now? She’s looking like Marilyn Monroe got trapped in a tanning bed. From where we’re sitting, you and Timberlake are neck-and-neck for Least Fail. And that is not a depressing place to be at all. [Photos: Getty Images]

Lady Gaga Crowned The Queen Of YouTube

by (@JordanRuntagh)

Lady Gaga just got promoted. Momma Monster has been crowned the “Queen of the YouTube Generation” by becoming the first person whose channel has broken one billion views. May her reign over keyboard playing cats, adorable finger-biting children and assorted student films be a long and happy one.

“We reached 1 Billion views on youtube little monsters!” the new Queen Gaga tweeted this morning. “If we can stick together we can do anything. I dub you all kings and queens of youtube! Unite!”

The singer’s video for “Bad Romance” was YouTube’s highest viewed video with over 250 million earlier this year. However this July she was knocked off the top spot by Justin Bieber and his video for “Baby”, which is still holding steady at number one with more than 344 million views. The Biebs is currently is the Prince of YouTube with a total of nearly 966 million views. According to the Hollywood Reporter, Bieber could steal Gaga’s crown again as early as November 1st. To which we say: lame. Long live the Queen!

[Photo: Images]

The Internet Should Learn When Robert Pattinson Is Joking Around

by (@katespencer)

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There’s a quote floating around today from Robert Pattinson (photos) that has the blogosphere up in arms. Pattinson apparently tells The Sun about his musical pursuits, “I am sure I’ll be one of those artists that people don’t pay any attention to while I’m alive, and when I am dead people will go yeah, man, that was a work of art.”

Er, internet? We’re kinda Robert Pattinson experts (Are we embarrassed to admit this? Yes. But it’s true.), and we’re fairly confident that he was joking. In case you’ve never seen one of the 20974020190200423 interviews the guy has done since 2008, he tends to be self-deprecating, sarcastic, and doesn’t take himself too seriously at all. This is, after-all, why he’s the dreamiest piece of not-so-buff man meat on the planet.

So try not to take everything he says so G-D seriously. Did you even read the rest of the story? He calls his music “depressing,” and says of Simon Cowell, “he created artists that he knows the public will like, that’s why I don’t think he could ever launch my music career.”

Rob’s saying his music is unlikable, guys. He’s not insinuating that he’s destined to be the next Nick Drake. That being said, we actually like that one song he had on the Twilight soundtrack [Ed. Note: That's two songs! Thanks commenter Adra, for catching our mistake]. Maybe our grandkids will use it in a Volkswagon commercial one day when we’re all long gone!

Update: Rob’s team has denied the story altogether. Nice try, Sun!

[Photo: Splash News Online]

Joan Collins Confirms That Jennifer Aniston, Every Woman In Hollywood Doesn’t Cut It

by (@hallekiefer)

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Most people would have immediately apologized for publicly ripping on a fellow actresses’s looks. Then again, most people would have had to be drunk to do that in the first place. But only Joan Collins would have the moxie to go back in and insult the other gorgeous actresses her interviewer edited out of her crazy rant.

When explaining her snarky comments about Jennifer Aniston, Collins said, “The bottom line is that I talked about several actresses, among them Catherine Zeta-Jones, Scarlett Johansson and Megan Fox. Unfortunately, everybody got cut out [except Aniston and Jolie]. Typical. That’s the way it goes.” So, to make sure everyone got it the first time: Jennifer Aniston is about as hot as a high school gym teacher. Also not beautiful? ALL OF THESE OTHER WOMEN. It’s a list we completely disagree with, too! Make fun of Aniston Plain and Tall all you want, but Catherine Zeta-Jones? Scarlett Johansson? Megan Fo…okay, we get that one. If Joan Collins wants to call Megan out for looking like a dime-store Angelina knock-off, she has our blessing.

After Joan’s initial barbs, Aniston’s reps dismissed them, saying Jen had “no need to engage with that nonsense,” which is ironically what every man in America keep saying about dating Jen. We hope Zeta-Jones, Johansson and Fox all catch wind of Collins’  rudeness, and Collins keeps having to clarify her comments, insulting bigger and bigger groups of people until finally she makes fun of an actual unattractive person. We’re assuming it’s going to be us. [Photos:  Getty Images]