The First 12 Seconds Of This Commercial Are Your New Recurring Night Terror

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As far as commercials go, Jimmy Dean usually does an okay job. They have that whole thing going on with the guy dressed up like the sun who goes out and tries to make sure the kids get their breakfast. You know, this guy:

They’re not the best commercials in the world, but they are, in general, unobjectionable and well cast. That was until their most recent commercial that includes an absolutely terrifying antagonist. For the rest of your life after you watch this commercial you will be haunted by a rapey broken light bulb who may or may not be mentally challenged. Also, he is your subconscious and he doesn’t want you to succeed.

F*cking yikes.  Chris Hansen is like, “Excuse me, light bulb, would you like to have a seat?”

FABLife’s DVD Pick Of The Week

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Please Give

Kate and Alex are secondhand furniture sellers who know all the good stuff comes from dead old people. When not picking over undervalued estates, they’re waiting for their elderly neighbor to die so they can co-opt her apartment. That brings them into contact with the irascible buzzard’s grand-daughters. Mary is a too-tan skin care technician. Rebecca is a sullen nurse dedicated to the sister and grand-mother who don’t really deserve her. At first glance, this story of the well-to-do on New York’s Upper West Side seems like it’s headed to familiar Woody Allen territory. In fact, it’s a smart and sometimes bittersweet take on being greedy, the value of aging and the limits of compassion. It also provides meaty parts for a trio of terrific actresses: Catherine Keener (Where the Wild Things Are), Amanda Peet (2012), and this month’s “It” girl, Rebecca Hall (The Town).

Extras: A Q&A with director Nicole Holofcener and a behind the scenes featurette.

- By C. Bottomley

Check out our DVD bonus clip above!

Single Ladies – A New Scripted Series Coming Soon To VH1

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VH1 will make its foray into the hour-long scripted series format with Single Ladies, a new show starring Stacey Dash, LisaRaye McCoy, Charity Shea, and DB Woodside that’s set to premiere in 2011 (it will be preceded by a movie of the same name). Details are in the press release below…

VH1 has teamed up with Queen Latifah’s Flavor Unit Entertainment to bring viewers Single Ladies, a new comedic drama series that asks the question what do women really want in a relationship? The series will mark VH1’s foray into the hour-long scripted genre. The movie was shot in the summer of 2010 and the series is set to begin production in late 2010. The movie and series will both premiere in July 2011.

Single Ladies is a comedic drama about Val, Keisha, and April – three best friends with different philosophies on sex and relationships. Val ( Stacey Dash) is an ambitious aspiring fashion mogul who wants to find a true partner. Keisha (LisaRaye McCoy), on the other hand, is a former video dancer just looking for a rich man to keep her in style. April (Charity Shea) has supposedly found the perfect man and the perfect marriage – but is learning that marriage isn’t necessarily a happy ending. Single Ladies is a modern, sexy series set in the world of Atlanta fashion, music, and celebrity that will constantly explore which woman has the right approach to relationships.

The cast includes: Stacey Dash, LisaRaye McCoy, Charity Shea, and DB Woodside. “Single Ladies” the movie features guest appearances by Lauren London, Eve, Common, Chilli, and Kim Porter. Executive producer, Queen Latifah, will make a guest appearance in the series.

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GQ’s Glee Cover Gets Our Teenage Hormones Raging

by (@katespencer)

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We (being me, Kate Spencer) do not watch Glee. We tried, we failed, we’ve moved on. But we might just re-set our DVR if the cast came out and sang “Don’t Stop Believing” wearing booty shorts and knee-high socks every week. Lea Michele is welcome to be the biggest b*tch in the world if she wants, looking like this. Because that, friends is how you become popular in real life! Or that’s how it always looked to us unpopular kids.

Lea was joined by cast-mates Dianna Agron and Cory Monteith for the GQ cover and story, and she’s got another provocative pic inside the mag straddling a locker room bench (you can thank Terry Richardson, natch). Inside she reveals that the night Chris Colfer (Kurt) came over to cheer her up with a pint of ice cream and Madea Goes to Jail was “the best night of my life.” Just goes to show that Glee is G-rated no matter how many lollipop-sucking photos the cast takes.

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[Photos: GQ]

MAD MEN RECAP: Will You Still Love Me Tomorrowland?

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This is a recap for the thirteenth and final episode of Season 4 of Mad Men starring Jon Hamm, Christina Hendricks, John Slattery, January Jones, and a slew of other talented actors, on an episode called “Tomorrowland.” And now, here is your long-awaited For Your Consideration Recap:

RISE AND SWINE

The episode begins with Don being awoken by his lover, Dr. Faye. As in, “Someone, call a Dr. This woman is about to Faye-nt… from heartbreak.” Spoiler Jazz Trumpet*: Dr. Faye is about to have her heart broken. (*I’ve swapped the overly used “alert” for the sound of my favorite alert… the jazz trumpet.)

“GOOD MORNING, SWEET LOVER WHO WILL NEVER BETRAY ME DESPITE THAT DANCE YOU ONCE TAUGHT ME, ‘THE F*CK ‘EM, LEAVE ‘EM, N KICK ‘EM WHILE THEY’RE DOWN SHIMMY.’”

Some women never learn. Some doctors are women. Therefore, women shouldn’t be doctors because they never learn. (Science, look it up.)

STONED FULL-LIPS

I once had a dream that Don Draper and I spent an evening making marijuana butter together, and this is exactly what he looked like in it.

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Lance Armstrong Is A Dad For The Fifth Time

by (@missmuttoo)

Welcome to the world, Olivia Marie Armstrong! Your dad, Lance Armstrong, and your mom, Anna Hansen, have been waiting for you!

Armstrong tweeted his baby girl’s arrival to the world, writing, “Olivia Marie Armstrong has arrived!” In fact, he was so excited about the new addition to his family (she’s his fifth kid), that he created a “Cincoarmstrong” twitter account for Olivia before she was even born, and then tweeted from her account, “I’m ’bout ready to get outta here!”

Creepy? Adorable? Either way, it’ll be fun to talk about in therapy in thirty years! Oh, and congrats Lance!

[Photo:]

Johnny Depp Keeps His Crew Warm, Shows How Awesome He Is Once Again

by (@missmuttoo)

How awesome is this man? Answer: Very. Reports indicate that Johnny Depp bought jackets for 500 Pirates of the Caribbean crew members. Because they were cold. All together now… Awwww! Johnny apparently spent £40,000 on the new coats, which must mean they’re made of gold and the tears of angels.

Apparently, Johnny noticed that the crew was freezing at Pinewood studios in Buckinghamshire, England, while they were shooting. So the coolest pirate ever decreed that there should be jackets for everybody and paid for each and every one of them. One lucky source revealed, “Johnny paid out of his own pocket for all 500 of us to have a nice warm waterproof. It’s a great morale boost and another example of why his is one of the nicest people in Hollywood.”

We’re loving this whole quiet philanthropic side of his. Remember when Johnny helped out those elementary school kiddie pirates? Or when Depp foiled a mugger? Give him a cape and call him Superman already! And ummm, Johnny? You can keep us warm anytime!*

*This is a hint. We want to spoon. Call us.

Guess The NY Post Headline: Junior Seau Drives Off A Cliff

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In a story that makes complete sense in every way, former NFL linebacker Junior Seau was arrested on felony domestic abuse charges yesterday, released on bail at 3 a.m., and proceeded to drive his SUV off a cliff, suffering “no major injuries.”

Because this story so closely resembles the wet dream of our favorite sports-and-awful-pun-loving tabloid, let’s play another round of Guess The New York Post headline, for the “Junior Seau Drove Off A Cliff After Being Arrested” story. Our suggestions:

Cliff Diver

Junior, Say Ow!

Precipissed

Hit And Run (Off A Cliff)

Sports Futility Flee-hicle

Cliffhanger, Starring Sylvester Stallone But Junior Seau Instead Of John Lithgow

Other better / worse ones? Leave ‘em in the comments.

Lady Gaga Ingests Her Meat Dress, Ditches Bony Look

by (@seapeaz)

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Do you hear that? It’s our sigh of relief! Less than a year ago, Lady Gaga was having a difficult time keeping her uber skinny and slightly scary thin body conscious on stage. We worried for months that her insanely busy schedule was running our momma monster down and wished she would take the time out to care for her body. We hoped that she’d take a bite or two out of the meat she was busy draping on herself and give her pop star body the protein fuel it desperately needed.

Thankfully she heard our cries of worry! Lady Gaga flaunted a much healthier and more curvaceous physique over the weekend on stage in Norway. She rocked a fuller frame that included plenty of sexy cleavage. Three cheers for real Gaga meat! [Photo: Getty Images, Left: October 2010 Right: May 2010]

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