It looks like the Heene family has found a new and exciting way to exploit their kids, and this time it’s a treat for the ears! After soaring to the dizzying heights of fame by not soaring to dizzying heights in a balloon last fall, Falcon Heene is forming a boy band. He and his two brothers have reportedly been practicing in their new Miami home, and it’s rumored that parents Richard and Mayumi will serve as backup musicians. It’ll be like the Partridge Family, but much more desperate. Or the Jackson 5, but the dad is even more of a creep. The family hopes that the success of the band will help them sell their patented “bear scratcher” device. But don’t worry, we’re sure they’re in it for the music, too.
“Richard himself plays harmonica, and his wife is a good guitar player too,” says friend and music associate Smokey Miles to Radar Online. You may recognize him as the dude who wrote the Heene’s bear scratcher jingle. “They are encouraging their boys with the band, but they haven’t come up with a name yet. They wanted to call themselves The Balloon Boy Band, but for legal reasons, this would not be permitted, so other names like The Bear Scratch Band are being talked about as well.” Legal reasons? Is there a “Balloon Boy Family Singers” out there that we’re not aware of? Is this whole venture just a massive Bear Scratcher ad? “The family is doing well just now after everything they went through,” Smokey continued, “And they are actually a good example for other families in these recessionary times.” Totally! Why aren’t more families using their kids to pimp their crappy product!? People are so lazy.
This is not the Heene’s first attempt at music superstardom. Let us not forget last year’s musical offering, “Not Pussified.” Check out the music video (written and directed by Papa and Mama Heene!) up top.
The Fine Brothers made another installment in their ongoing series “Kids React to Viral Videos.” What happens in this series is that kids are made to watch both new and old popular viral videos and then tell us what they think the videos are about. It’s great. If you have been keeping up with these, you will be very happy to know that Jake continues to be the most awesome kid in the world when it comes to slightly scary children watching and reacting to viral videos. You will also be happy to know that the kid who looks like Data from The Goonies (no raco (the equivalent of no homo for racism)) really comes into his own in this episode. And the kid who looks like Bill Maher still looks like Bill Maher.
BWE management oversight for our blog by our boss Torey Malatia who wants to tell you one thing, “Stop laughing ’cause you’re ugly.”
(I would like to offer this American apology for that last reference.)
We laughed at the concept of Skating With The Stars when we first heard about it because it was like all the glitz and camp of Dancing With The Stars with less star power and more dangerously sharp blades. It seemed like a recipe for disaster and yet we’ve still never watched—but we’re thinking we should start now that it really is becoming an actual disaster for some of the contestants.
This week alone, three of the show’s participants have had health problems. Disney Channel star Brandon Mychal Smith was hospitalized yesterday after he had trouble breathing (it was later determined to either be a virus or food poisoning). He was unable to participate in last night’s broadcast.Brooke Castile, the skater paired with Olympian Jonny Mosely, had to go to the ER to get stitches after she sliced her finger open on the ice, and actress/person Rebecca Budig went to the hospital to receive treatment for a wrist injury as well. Both women were able to compete in the show, but seriously, this is a lot of disasters for a show with only six contestants. We really should tune in, that’s some good drama. Although, wait. Vince Neil was voted off last night. Never mind, we don’t want to watch an ice skating competition if an old rock star isn’t falling down while attempting a toe-loop.
A giant birthday cake nearly two weeks before the date? This is seriously not how you fight pregnancy rumors,Christina Aguilera! Though Xtina’s tight black dress at last night’s Burlesque premiere in Tokyo was infinitely more flattering than the previous day’s outfit, watching her coo over this premature pastry (they even put the date on the cake!) sure isn’t going to keep gossipmongers from wondering if—hell, hoping that—she’s got a little Rutler in her. How many of these is she going to get over the next ten days? At least she restrained herself from ripping off a piece and chowing down on stage.
See photos of Aguilera and Kristin Bell‘s red carpet dresses in the gallery below.
Demi Lovato‘s dad should’ve held off on the threats towards Alex Welch. Post the whole Demi-punching-Alex extravaganza, Demi’s father , Patrick Lovato, warned Welch, “Demi has really good lawyers and so does Disney. This girl shouldn’t sue. She won’t win.” All this talk of her backing down has pretty much fallen on deaf ears, because it turns out Welch is going to sue Demi next week.
She’s apparently going for some sort of sympathy vote, as she’s also heading to a plastic surgeon to check out the injuries from Demi’s punching. Her lawyer, Donald Karpel, explains, “We will be filing a lawsuit next week. We will be seeking punitive damages for assault, battery and for mental stress.Ã‚Â After the attack, Alex had to get emergency treatment. She is now consulting a Beverly Hills ears, nose and throat plastic surgeon.”
We have a feeling it’s going to get ugly. Disney and Demi may have really good lawyers, but does the rehabbed star really want to have her name dragged through the mud? Especially with those pesky coke rumors floating about? Lots of nasty details always surface in court, and does Demi really need that right now?
Chelsea Handler must’ve had a great time slagging off Angelina Jolie. Her epic rant at a New Jersey show included calling out Momma Pitt with some choice words. Her slams included, “…She can rescue as many babies from as many countries as she wants. I don’t f—ing believe you! She gives interviews, ‘I don’t have a lot of female friends.’ Because you’re a f—ing c—.”
Props to her for braving Jolie’s inevitable death stare. But while Handler was sounding off on stage, there was another story developing backstage. Chelsea’s supposed man-friend 50 Cent was around, watching her in action, and seemed to be getting action from her friend and Chelsea Lately writer and producer, Heather McDonald. By the looks of this TwitPic, they looked mighty friendly. McDonald tweeted, “Great show in Newark tonight but Chelsea should be worried because of this” along with the photo. Forget Angelina, maybe Ms. Comedienne needs to clean up her house first. Be afraid McDonald… because you know you’re going to become fodder for Chelsea’s next show.
Daughtry, married for a decade, has a stepdaughter from his wife Deanna’s previous marriage and a son named Griffin. That’s four kids total, adding the twins who were born just 20 days ago. Chris sent out an official statement saying, “Our family is overwhelmed with joy by these two precious gifts from God. The babies are both healthy and resting. Thanks to everyone for their love and prayers.” Congratulations!
“I’m not gonna lie. He’s a very, very handsome man,” revealed Reese Witherspoon to USA Today. But of course, is our response, because that paragon of steamy, sparkly manliness she’s referring to is Robert Pattinson, future babydaddy of our dreams. We’d also like to thank the blonde adorbsÃ‚Â actress for complying with an earlier request: whenÃ‚Â Reese got her star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, we’d asked her to dole out more dish on RPattz in the next interview she gave. For that we got a fair amount of snark, with people commenting that we were asshats for daring to ask an Oscar-winning actress such mundane questions. Guess what people… she’s dishing (whut with a sprinkle of hah).
Spending a fair amount of time with him on the set of Water for Elephants, Reese has become quite the authority about His Royal Sparkles. She continued, “The fervor and madness and girls waiting at 5 a.m. on a set in the middle of nowhere just to see him. He’s sweet and loving and has the nicest family. Kristen (Stewart, Pattinson’s girlfriend) is really sweet, too. He’s a very sensitive soul. He worked really hard. He looks great in the movie, too.” Ã‚Â Excuse us while we melt.
Possibly the only girl on the planet who’s not smitten by RPattz is Reese’s daughter, Ava, who at 11, hasn’t read the Twilight books yet. But because she’s the luckiest 11 year old ever, she got to meet him anyway! And Mom’s reading list is A-Ok with us. Reese commented, “I really liked them, me and all my 30-year-old friends! I love the books.” Just another reason why we like Reese so much.
We always knew that Justin Timberlake was awesome at plenty of things besides being a singer. Being an athlete, it turns out, is not one of them. Or that’s what we’re guessing from the news that Justin Timberlake’s stunt injury shut down production of his new movie for 2 weeks. The film Now, a thriller co-starring Olivia Wilde, Amanda Seyfried and Big Bang Theory’sJohnny Galecki, is set in a future distopia where time is traded as a currency—which everyone is going to wish they had more of after Timberlake puts them 2 weeks behind.
Justin was crutching around last week, as he tries to heal from having damaged his calf muscle during filming. “He hasn’t heard anything about the MRI results, but they’re freezing production until he’s off crutches and able to act again,” says a source. Guess you can’t just have Justin sit down for the entire movie with one leg up. Unless his shirt was off, in which case probably no one would even notice.