Well, Now Your Day Is Ruined

by

Somebody made a Sarah Bieber.

Face/body mash-ups are scary.  Even when I was a total Conan head in high school, I would have to change the channel when he did the If They Mated segment.  I’m not even a fan of natural mash-ups.  You know, babies.  Those things are seriously weird.  A tiny real life photoshop blend of two people made into a little human with no shirt on and functionless toes… why do we keep making those?

Though, I must admit, thematically, this is a very good mash-up.  Justin Bieber and Sarah Palin:  Think about their two career paths and write a 500 word essay on hype, the media and the correlative or inverse relationship between fame and success.

Sort of not really thanks, Buzzfeed.

FABLife’s DVD Pick Of The Week

by

The Human Centipede: [First Sequence]

A pair of American tourists vacationing in Germany take a wrong turn on the way to the nightclub. They stumble upon a house inhabited by a surgeon who may be a huffing some of his own ether. That’s just the beginning of this fiendish exercise in gross-out. Turns out the mad doctor has plans to stitch together more or less what the title promises, fashioning the world’s longest gastric tract in the process. While there’s enough instances of shock in writer-director Tom Six‘s to make it right home at the Siamese tent-shows that inspired it, what is truly unexpected are the moments of stiff humor and even tenderness. Holding it all together is the improbably named Dieter Laser as the doctor who holds a PhD. in creepy. A horror movie with, if you will, legs.

Extras: Deleted scene, behind the scenes featurette, casting tapes; Six also provides a commentary track and interview.

- By C. Bottomley

Check out our exclusive DVD bonus clip above!

Betty White Will Never Stop Wanting To Have Sex

by (@hallekiefer)

And why should she?!? America’s Favorite Memaw Betty White claims your sex drive never disappears, no matter how old you are. As the sexiest senior citizen we know, we’re inclined to believe her. Says White in AARP, “Does desire melt away with age? I’m waiting for that day to come.” Pointing to her head, Betty explained, “Sexual desire is like aging. A lot of it is up here.” Betty than pointed to the backseat of her Camero and gave everyone a big wink, just in case her grandkids didn’t feel awkward enough already.

White, who stars in the upcoming You Again with Jamie Lee Curtis and Kristen Bell, went on to dish about her first, brief marriage: “I married my first husband because we wanted to sleep together,” she claims. “It lasted six months and we were in bed for six months.” Seriously, imagine your own grandmother telling that to a wide-eyed reporter while handing him or her a Werther’s Original. We WISH our grannies were that awesome.

White spoke lovingly – and hornily – about her third husband Allen Ludden, saying that currently “I don’t have a fella, but if Allen – or Robert Redford – were around, we’d have a very active sex life.” Or both, Betty! Imagine all the three-ways she’ll be having…in Heaven. Betty White: actress, legend and truly an inspiration for nymphos everywhere.

John Lithgow Is Even Super Likable When He’s Yelling “C*cks*cker!!”

by

The Doug Benson podcast Doug Loves Movies — a super-listenable, absurdly casual 40-minute conversation with comedians that vaguely mentions movies at times — just taped a momentous episode: After 9 months of trying to lure John Lithgow onto the show in honor of his starring in the movie 2010, the notoriously likable star of Cliffhanger, Harry and the Hendersons, and some other lesser movies (Terms Of Endsomething?) finally appeared on the show.

Below, for your not-doing-work pleasure, John Lithgow talking with Doug, Paul F. Tompkins, and Jimmy Pardo about being in every movie ever, his son calling him an assh*ole, and his opinion on Leonard Maltin’s two-star rating for Raising Cain:

If you don’t have time to watch a 50-minute embed at your job (where do you work, a crooked 1910s textile plant?), you can subscribe to the podcast on iTunes here. It’s perfect for that morning subway commute, or however you non New Yorkers get places (running?)

Lil Wayne Gets Sent To The Hole At Rikers For Using His iPod

by

59480459

You try to listen to one podcast and you get sent to solitary. Such is life at Rikers Island.

Lil Wayne was busted back in May for having headphones and an MP3 player, items which are considered contraband in prison. As a result, Weezy is being moved to solitary confinement, known at Rikers as “The Bing” which is both adorable and search-engine-y. He’ll have to stay there until he is released on November 4 for his felony weapons possession conviction.

While it seems a little cruel to punish a musician for just wanting to listen to music in his cell, we guess rules are rules. It’s just that being locked up like this is definitely going to cramp his style – no more phone calls, no more ESPN. (Wait, if he was allowed those things in the first place, what difference does having an MP3 player make? We’ll never understand the justice system.) Even though Lil Wayne may spend a month in harsh conditions, at least he can take comfort in knowing that when he gets out, he’ll still be one of the richest rap artists in existence.

[Photo: Getty Images]

Katherine Heigl Quits Smoking The Old Fashioned Way: Robot Cigarettes!

by (@hallekiefer)

What was it like before we had tiny robots to do everything for us? Don’t know, don’t care is our way of thinking! And since Katherine Heigl uses electronic cigarettes to quit smoking, we bet she feels the same way. Heigl visited The Late Show with David Letterman on his show last week to show of her nifty electronic cigarette, and probably promote some movie; we weren’t listening. We were too fixated on that robo-cigarette to care. It has a bejeweled bottom!

Explained Heigl, “I tried everything. I tried the patch, I tried the gum, I tried the Chantix twice, and went bananas.” Finally she had to resort to the electronic option, which replaces smoke with water vapor and with nicotine with…oh wait, no, there is still nicotine in it. But hey, no smoke is a giant step forward!

Not only is her new method healthier for her lungs,  Heigl’s attempts to quit have also transformed her into someone’s fun aunt. Puffing away on Letterman,  Heigl cracked, “Am I gonna be arrested by the PC police?”. Then as Dave took a hit, saying, “I’m not going to take a big one”, Heigl practically yelled, “That’s what she said!”  Wow, we really like new, trying-to-quit Katherine Heigl. It just goes to show it is true what we tell ourselves: everybody loves a quitter!

Random New Couple Alert: 50 Cent and…Chelsea Handler?

by (@hallekiefer)

Say why? Apparently sources are claiming 50 Cent and Chelsea Handler are more than just friends. But who even knew they were friends in the first place?! Reportedly the two were spotted together in New Orleans and Nashville over the last couple weekends, looking like more than acquaintances. Handler’s sidekick Chuy must be sobbing into his tiny baby-sized pillow with jealousy as we speak, poor guy.

As it turns out, Fiddy has not been shy about his crush on the late night host following an appearance this spring on Chelsea Lately, tweeting about how beautiful Handler is, and according to Chelsea, leaving her a voice mail saying, “Hey This is 50, I just want you to know that I was serious about asking you out. Just wanted to know if you are single.” Chelsea, in case it wasn’t clear: he is just that into you.

Some people have speculated this is some elaborate joke for Handler’s show, but we are hoping these lovebirds are for real. Two foul-mouthed, Twitter-obsessed celebrities in love? We couldn’t have made a better couple to blog about if we tried! [Photo: Getty Images/]

Tila Tequila Being Blackmailed About A Sex Tape, Which May Not Be A Big Deal

by (@missmuttoo)

The fact that Tila Tequila has a sex tape doesn’t surprise us at all. The fact that she’s pissed about it, does surprise us. Apparently, an ex-boyfriend has surfaced with an X-rated home video of theirs and wants $75,000 for it or else he’ll make sure it’ll go viral. Tila’s obvs got her panties (wait, does she wear any?) in a twist about the situation saying, “He has the audacity to not only betray me with the love that I had for him, but to use that to exploit me and hurt me.”

The ex has already gone to town with the tape and figured out how much it’s worth. He’s issued her an ultimatum, with the leverage being that porn distributors are ready to put their dime behind the video. She’s hitting back legally retorting, “This is extortion and my lawyers are fully aware and are fighting back by filing an injunction against him. I will make sure he goes to jail for this. So ex-lover, you better hold onto that sex tape because that’s the only sex you’ll get to watch once you’re sent to jail!”

Fighting words indeed but forgive us for being a bit skeptical here. If it was any other person, we’d well and truly sympathize. We’re kinda feeling for Tila here, but the fact that her moral compass doesn’t exactly point north makes us question everything she says and does. Tila’s already got a sex tape out. She took her top off at the Gathering of the Juggalos fiasco.  She’s almost topless (Photos) on red carpets. It seems like this was just the next step in her devolution. We’re betting she’s going to make a deal out of this because c’mon… Tila, naked? Having sex? She’s been there and done that and has always wanted people to watch. Be careful about what you wish for, Tila.


Having A Rough Day? Bunnies In Cups Will Make You Feel Better

by

Don’t even talk to me until I’ve had my second cup of a bunny wiggling it’s nose. – Me all grumpy in the morning.

Wow.  Good job, everyone involved in this video.  Excellent execution all the way around.  Those bunnies are so going to get laid.

This will be the next internet thing they make a movie about.  “A bunny in a cup isn’t cool.  You know what’s cool?  Two bunnies in individual cups.”  That line will be in the preview.  And then another guy will be all like “If you guys would have invented putting bunnies in a cup, you’d have put bunnies in a cup.”  And then some other dude goes, “People want to go on the internet and check out bunnies in a cup.  Why not build a YouTube video that does that?  Bunnies, cups… I’m talking about taking the entire bunny in a cup experience and putting it online.”  And then Eduardo storms across the office and yells, “MAAAARK!”

Thanks, Buzzfeed.