Katy Perry and Russell Brand‘s wedding must have cashed out on its awesome points. Because the Brand-Perry (Berry?) honeymoon was reportedly, a disaster. See now, when you’re in the Maldives, island paradise that it is, you gotta be careful of that side effect of an exotic location: bugs.
Apparently, Mrs. Brand was bitten by a not-so itsy bitsy spider that caused her to break out in a terrible rash all over her legs. Cue medication, which as we all know knocks the bejesus outta anyone, including Katy, which sadly meant no nookie on the honeymoon! And they were supposed to have a ball. Unfortunately, Russell’s probably turned blue, because they supposedly weren’t having sex before the wedding.
Katy Perry’s a 10 out of 10 in the sack… and Russell already knows it. All will be well again.
[Photo: Getty Images]
Oh look, a couple of Halloweiners! Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are back, peeps, in full force. We were hoping and praying that they would go on an extended vacation, back to Costa Rica, or something, but no such luck. Because Speidi emerged, most aptly, on the spookiest night of them all, Halloween.
The pair showed up together in – where else – Las Vegas. Where else could Heidi fame-whore herself out so shamelessly? The washed-up-at-23 reality star dressed up as herself, in all her blow-up doll glory. “I’m Heidi Montag for Halloween. I designed my own dress,” she revealed. Of course, a quote had to be given about the (no) body, as she discussed her relationship with her fake parts, saying, “Um, ups and downs! I’m good. I’m just trying to focus on other things, not focus so much on my body.”
Then Heidi and her husband proceeded to PDA their way down the carpet. Spit it out guys… what ridiculous scheme are you two cooking up now?
*Cue ominous music and evil laughter*
[Photo: Splash News Online]
What’s this whole “I’m-sorry-I’m really not sorry-Screw your sorry” biz going down?Ã‚Â Shape magazine ed-in-in-chief Valerie Latona, first apologizes for having LeAnn Rimes on the cover of her publication. The story dealt with her and Eddie Cibrian, bringing up all sorts of unpleasant cheating-marriage breaking up associations because a still married Rimes hooked up with a still married Cibrian. Those two aren’t exactly Mr. and Mrs America right now and the pieceÃ‚Â had peeps getting out their pitchforks and screaming, “Adulterer!”Latona’s apologetic statement read,”Please know that our putting her on the cover was not meant to put a husband-stealer on a pedestal-but to show (through her story) how we all are human. And this woman in particular found strength in exercise in what she said was her most difficult personal moment.”
Then Latona does this semi-retraction on her apology writing, “The fact is a mere 40 readers out of almost 6 million readers wrote in to complain calling LeAnn a Ã¢â‚¬Ëœhusband stealerÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ and a Ã¢â‚¬Ëœterrible mistake for Shape.Ã¢â‚¬â„¢ I wrote to those women apologizing that our cover choice did not make them happy Ã¢â‚¬â€œ as I have done for other cover stars in the past.”Ã‚Â Then she blogs a note called Setting the Record Straight on LeAnn Rimes where interestingly enough, the tags on the post are “backpedaling” and “cowardly”.Ã‚Â Ã‚Â Whatevs. Pick a side and stick with it, make your stand blah blah blah.Ã‚Â It’s Monday and we’re grumpy so all this waffling doesn’t cut it.
Because now LeAnn Rimes sees your non-apology and raises the stakes pretty much shoving you out of the game. How? By making the Shape crew look like hypocrites. In her defense, LeAnn tweeted, “wow, that’s really funny since they’re are throwing me a party in LA next week to celebrate this being the 3rd time I’ve been on their cover.” Ouch. Then to drill home the point, LeAnn tweeted the invite. Mission Accomplished. Unless they’ve canned the party… which we’re guessing they have not. Let’s all carry on with our day now.
Well, hundreds of thousands of hours of our lives now down the drain, the finale of the eight season of Lifetime’s Project Runway aired last night, months after the actual Lincoln Center New York Fashion Week runway shows happened, and it is basically everything we expected. Let’s take a look at their collections before delving in to the judges final solution, Nazi imagery all too appropriate.
Oh, delightful Mondo. From your 1950s congressional hearing glasses to your sweet, Cheshire grin, you were the favorite. What am I saying? You are the favorite. You were the one everyone set their hopes on, their dreams on. We wrapped our hearts around you like the bottom half of a swaddled Glow Worm. Your colors, your prints, your balls-out aesthetic was visual poetry, e.e. cummings meets Dayglo.
So what of Mondo’s final runway looks? Personally? I loved it. Yes, even the famously debated polka-dot gown. Sure, I would look like a pair of sixes rolled in a dice game wearing that thing (what I’m saying is my ass is a cube), but it was a striking piece no matter how you slice it. Even Jessica Simpson, guest judge who was rocking one of my personal favorite looks, “the cold shoulder,” loved it. Her and Heidi were fighting over it! And sorry, Klum, but Simpson will BEAT YOUR ASS DOWN.
Back to Mondo. He was definitely our pick for the winner. It wasn’t even a question. His cuts, his lines, his patterns… I wanted it all. Albeit after 9 weeks of a juice cleanse.
OVERALL: Loved his collection. He’s Mondo! The clear winner. He had my vote on the inclusion of tunics alone.
We’ve been hearing a lot of talk of the “bad economy” these past few months. But today is the first day we truly felt its impact.
If there’s one thing we’ve come to rely on, it’s the Halloween costumes on NBC’s The Today Show. No expense is spared, right down to Roker’s girdle. So what did the fine anchors (whom we truly think of as family) do for this year’s Halloween get-up?
Take a look. Spoiler Alert: It’s dire.
Yes, that’s Al Roker as Superman, Meredith Viera as Lady Gaga, Natalie Morales (we think?) as a lesbian (we think?) (Update: Oh, it’s Justin Bieber), Kathie Lee Gifford and Hoda Kotb as Lucille Ball, and Ann Curry as Amelia Earhart. Matt Lauer wasn’t even there.
Based on this segment, we’re dressing up as this for Halloween.
This is a recap of the fourth episode of A&E’s new television program, Teach: Tony Danza. Normally these recaps go up at the beginning of the week, but this one is late because I was on vacation and busy falling, smacking my face on a paddle board and swallowing six gallons of sea water a bunch of times in a row.
This episode is a real watershed moment in the history of Teach: Tony Danza. Instead of being entirely Tony-Danza-centric and treating every story line as if they are just things that happen to Tony Danza, the subplots actually come together like a real episode of television. Also, this little asian kid basically tells Tony Danza to shut the f*ck up and we should all mail him an Emmy Award.
The episode begins with Tony Danza inviting his childhood friend, Bobby G., to the school. Tony Danza explains that Bobby G. used to be a teacher. Tony Danza then brings him into the office to introduce him to Miss. DeNaples.
Miss DeNaples is not happy about this. “We have to think about our children. So, what’s the purpose of this man being here?” She asks. Tony has no answer. She explains that this is not Hollywood. Tony Danza can’t just bring in a friend whenever he feels like it as if he is the star on a TV set. She is undeniably correct. This is a school. So, clearly, that’s the end of that. Nope just kidding what are you crazy.
Tony Danza takes Bobby G. to his class because that’s what Tony Danza does.
After she confirmed yesterday that she does in fact have a bun in the oven, we immediately started fantasizing about the plunging necklines and clinging fabrics of Mariah Carey’s inevitably fabulous maternity wear. Husband Nick Cannon, however, dreams only of getting Mariah out of heels and into flats. At first, we didn’t approve of the idea. Would you paint a rainbow a sensible beige? Would you have a peacock put on a conservative blazer? Then why make Mariah Carey walk on the ground with the rest of us mortals when she should be 4-to-6 inches higher than everyone else? But then we realized…if Nick doesn’t intervene early, Mariah will be nine months pregnant and still teetering precariously on 5-inch Jimmy Choos. So we’re willing to consider it.
Explained Cannon on his radio show with Mariah as a call-in guest, “I go into the closet searching for some flats for my wife … She got a lot of damn shoes — it’s like a frickin’ Macy’s. [And] Mariah Carey does not own one pair of flat shoes.” Mariah sensibly pointed out, “To be fair, I had some boots from Aspen, some Dior boots.” But Nick wasn’t going to let Carey get away with seeming like less of a diva than she really is: “Ski boots!”, he exclaimed. This story is confirming every fabulous, insane thing we always suspected about Mariah…and we could not be happier.
Admitted Carey, “And then we did find some flats and then they were a regular ballet slipper, like a beige, and I was like, ‘I don’t think so.’” Why not just put a garbage bag on your foot at that point, we’d argue. Nick was pretty pleased with himself for helping with the wardrobe transformation: “Basically, I got Mariah Carey, the high-heel queen, to put on some flats. And this is amazing. I’m going shoe shopping today, needless to say, to buy you some flat shoes.” We wouldn’t get too cocky, Nick. God only help you if Mariah finds out they make heels for babies now. [Photo: Splash News Online]
Modern Family is such a cute, funny show; it was only a matter of time before it insulted an entire nationality. The word is Peruvians are angry with Modern Family’s Sofia Vergara for a joke that had Peru as the punchline…and they want an explanation. The joke came in response to the character Jay (Ed O’Neill) gearing up to riff on Columbia, his wife’s homeland. Vergara’s character Sofia rants, “Ah, here we go. Because, in Colombia, we trip over goats and we kill people in the street. Do you know how offensive that is? Like we’re Peruvians!” Hoo boy, that is…not family friendly.
In response to the slur, Beatriz Merino, head of the People’s Defender’s Office in Peru, wants a response from the U.S. Ambassador, saying “No country should have to be offended.” Agrees Milagros Lizarraga, founder of Peruvian social network Peru USA Southern Ca, “It’s incredible that in a country where everything is politically correct, ABC would have a line of this sort.”Ã‚Â Everything is PC? Watch Glee and that idea will disappear before the first commercial break, believe us.
But it’s Vergara, not Modern Family’s writers, that is bearing the brunt of their anger. Said Lizarraga, “Many Peruvians think this is no coincidence, that she knew what she was saying, because an actress has the power to say, ‘No, I can’t say this because it would hurt my image. Unless she agrees with what she said.” Again, we have to say, we don’t think that’s how show biz works, at least if the musical Fame is any indication.
Vergara tweeted in response to several of her detractors, pointing out that it was her character who said the offending line, not her and, well, saying people’s ignorance made her laugh: “la ignorancia de creer que una actriz es el personaje que representa ,que ternurita,dan mucha risa jajaja.” While this isn’t a hard and fast rule, celebrities, keep in mind: using Twitter to address an international crisis? Rarely a good idea.
Here’s a well-named clothing store in Bariloche, Argentina:
That’s not a mistranslated Spanish idiom — it’s literally just a store called “Mr. Cock”. I’m not sure any further commentary here is necessary. Other than “GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE NOW, KIDDDDD!!!!”
(Thanks to my friend Steve of No, Money Down for the pic, and for traveling all the way to Argentina in search of humorously-named clothing stores. Mission accockplished.)
The first rule in journalism: always consider your source. In case the cupcake bras didn’t give it away, we can now say for certain thatÃ‚Â Katy Perry is a beast in the sack. How do we know? Because we’ve been told by noted Katy Perry expert, Katy Perry.
“Like Ludacris rapped, ‘I’m a lady in the street and a freak in the bed,’” the new Mrs. Russell Brand told Now Magazine. “I can’t rate myself, but if you ask Russell I’m sure he’d give me a ten out of ten.” *Tooooooooot toooooooooooot* Sorry, that’s just the sound of Katy Perry’s horn.
But Russell would be a good one to judge, as the comedian has an award winning sex life. Really. He was voted Britain’s Shagger of the Year three years running back in 2006, 2007, and 2008. It looks like he gave up the crown after he met Katy at the 2009 VMA’s. Aww, the sacrifices he made for love/sex. Spoiler alert:Ã‚Â the couple married last weekend.
Despite his sordid past, Katy isn’t worried about her new husband returning to his wild ways. “He’s made no secret of what his life was like before me, but that’s then and this is the future. He’s cheated in the past but he knows how good he has it with me and I know he’d never do anything to jeopardize that. I trust him 100 percent.”