Good Use Of Time: Man To Run Seven Marathons In A Hamster Wheel

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Marathon running has always seemed like an odd pursuit to me. It seems like a whole lot of training to put your body through something that it is not meant to suffer through. And you may or may not, you know, sh*t yourself. However, that being said, I do realize that people are very passionate about it and it can also be some sort of spiritual zen exercise and just pushing yourself TO THE LIMIT it something that people want to do in life. And after the New York City Marathon, you get a silver cape! So that’s cool. Despite the promise of a cape, I’ll push myself to the limit with drug experimentation and competative eating thankyouverymuch.

However, I think we can all agree that this man running seven miles on a hamster wheel is stupid. Because, I would assume that marathon running, even if you’re going thourgh all five boroughs of NYC or really advancing anywhere, can be monotonous. But this guy. THIS GUY. Is running literally NOWHERE. Reports Metro UK:

Stuart Kettell spent four months building the 2.4m (8ft) structure.
The 46-year-old is now training for his mammoth feat, which would mean running 305km (190 miles) in seven days.
‘I have done marathons before and never wanted to run another one the next day, so this is going to be tough, especially as I’ll be running on an incline in the wheel,’ Mr Kettell said. ‘It does feel strange, you get a bit of motion sickness,’ he added. The father-of-two from Coventry will spend 12 hours a day running in the wheel to complete the challenge in March.
Earlier this year, Mr Kettell spent a week in a Perspex box suspended from a crane and, in 2008, he cycled from Land’s End to John O’Groats on a penny farthing.

“My life is almost too easy. I don’t think I’m miserable enough. I know! I’ll create a series of challenges that normal people would only do if they were absolutely forced to at gun point.” Next up for Mr. Kettell: Pushing a boulder up a hill and then having it roll down just before he reaches the summit over and over and over and over again.

Ne-Yo To Play An “Elegant Hitman” On CSI:NY

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Ne-Yo

Next year., Ne-Yo will go from murdering tracks in stylish attire to murdering people in stylish attire.  People reports that the dapper singer will play an assassin in a February ’11 episode of CSI:NY. “Ne-Yo will be playing a professional hit man who doesn’t fit the usual image of a hired killer,” says a P.R. lackey. “This guy carries himself with elegant style but a violent efficiency.” Ne-Yo previously flexed his acting muscles in Stomp The Yard, and is cast in next year’s Battle: Los Angeles movie (you know if you’ve seen the trailer because it probably made you crap your pants).

CSI to the contrary, isn’t “elegant hitman” kind of a cliche? We just saw Faster and the only good part was this crazy, stylish web kazillionaire Brit who became a hitman to while away the hours between bouts of awesome sex and yoga sessions. And who could forget Clive Owen in that first Bourne movie? Jason Statham, anyone? For a real stretch, maybe Ne-Yo could play a finely-tailored student teacher on Glee. Or a genteel neighbor on $#*! My Dad Says.

[Photo: Getty Images]

Julia Roberts Was Paid $1.5 Million To Stand In An Italian Coffee Commercial

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Here’s Julia Roberts appearing in an Italian commercial for Lavazza coffeemakers, where she was reportedly paid $1.5 million to watch Italian Keith Olbermann and an artist-looking dude banter then drink coffee and smile. This may sound high at first, in a world where 7,000 children will die instantly today solely because Lavazza didn’t give them .01% of that money for clean drinking water, but if you check the celeb Blue Book, that’s pretty much the going rate for getting Julia Roberts to stand, drink coffee, and smile (each action is 500k):

(via Jezebel)

Rihanna Wants To Talk Less About Chris Brown, More About Susan Boyle

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It’s been nearly two years(!) since the notorious Grammy-night fight that made Rihanna and Chris Brown household names, and Rihanna’s making it pretty clear that she’s really over it. When a fan asked her this weekend via Twitter if she planned to stop talking about Brown and move on, the singer responded by writing “People won’t stop askin abt it! Its f—in annoying! Nobody wants to relive that, but some ppl can’t respect that!” She continued, saying “I get it, they wanna raise awareness to young girls! But it ends up just makin me look bitter, pitiful, spiteful and angry!

Instead, she wants to focus on her music and her professional rather than personal collaborations. Like with, say, Susan Boyle. Boyle joked about collaborating with RiRi the other day, saying “Would I be good at R&B? I suppose you never know. Maybe me and Rihanna could get together, I could dye my hair purple!” Rihanna responded ecstatically, Tweeting “Hold up! I might be a lil late, but just heard that THEE SuBo wants to collab wit ME??!? I’m game, doesn’t get much cooler than this. #BOOM” We can just see the music video now, full of makeover montages and hair dyeing, and the girls hanging in the studio rehearsing high notes and picking songs to sample—someone needs to start a Facebook group to make this happen.


Kate Gosselin Denies Kids’ Expulsion, Defends Keeping Them On TV

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Kate Gosselin & Kids

Kate Gosselin doesn’t appreciate you assuming TV stardom is turning her children into unschoolable hellions. First off, Collin and Alexis weren’t expelled in the first place! “They were not expelled from school,” she told Meredith Viera on Today. “They were having anger issues. They were acting out, having behavior things…So I did what I could do, we mutually agreed, I brought them home…[a tutor] is teaching them on on one, they are excelling along with weekly therapy…The goal is to get them back into school.” And it’s her divorce from Jon Gosselin, not the camera crews that are inspiring this. “[Collin and Alexis] have been the ones to verbalize the most that they miss Daddy,” she told People. “I could see that they’re the ones struggling the most.”

While she acknowledges that the shows help with her income, Kate’s feels the public attention does a whole lot more for her eight rugrats. “There has been nothing but positive that has come out of it. I am working while they’re by my side and traveling and that is not only providing us trips for a lifetime but it’s providing for their future and I am still sitting here honestly telling you Meredith and I believe it wholeheartedly, as does the evidence that you see on TV, that it is in their best interest…we would not be doing it if it wasn’t… it’s a heaven on earth job, it really is.” Seems weird she’d claim there’s no negative side when her kids are acting out over her divorce, but maybe she figures she would have split from Jon even if he hadn’t become the fame-hungry JoGo monster we loved so much last year.

[Photo: Splash News Online]

Awesome Band Covers Pink Floyd’s Comfortably Numb Awesomely

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This is a cover of Pink Floyd’s “Comfortably Numb.” Let me just forewarn you by saying that everything about this video is perfect, and by perfect I mean amazing. And by amazing I mean terrible. From the huge sign that says “MUSIC” in the background to the pumpkins resting on the hay bales to the lead singer’s wrap around sunglasses on his head. Rad guitar solo at 2:07.

I want to go to one of those Pink Floyd The Wall planetarium nights with the lasers (do those still exist or am I totally #why90srocked right now? Ha! They do!!) and replace their version with this version and watch all the kids immediatley sober up, reassess their lives and go home and do their homework.

Buzzfeed

DWTS News: Was Bristol Forced To Do The Show? Will Lindsay Dance Next Season?

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markandbristol

Dancing With The Stars ended last week and yet it seems like there’s always some new gossip regarding the show’s participants. First up on the docket today is the news that Margaret Cho, who was kicked off early this season, is claiming that Bristol Palin was essentially forced to do the show by her Mama Grizzly, Sarah, to help repair their family image. Cho wrote on her blog:

Why did Bristol do Dancing with the Stars? I heard from someone who really should know (really should seriously know the dirt really really) that the only reason Bristol was on the show was because Sarah Palin forced her to do it. Sarah supposedly blames Bristol harshly and openly (in the circles that I heard it from) for not winning the election, and so she told Bristol she “owed” it to her to do DWTS so that “America would fall in love with her again” and make it possible for Sarah Palin to run in 2012 with America behind her all the way. Instead of being supposedly “handicapped” by the presence of her teen mom daughter, now Bristol is going to be an “asset” – a celebrity beloved for her dancing.

We actually think Bristol should be beloved for her abstinence PSA, but that’s us. Of course this is speculation, but the Palins are clearly a calculating family who have an image to uphold. And speaking of people who need image rehabilitation, DWTS has allegedly put Lindsay Lohan on their short list of dancers for next season. An obviously Massachusetts-bred anonymous source tells Radar Online “The girl can dance. Lindsay is wicked talented.” We love the insanity behind the casting process for this show.  Melanie Griffith is desperate to be on and they won’t have her, but random folks like Kyle Massey make it to the finals and addicts like Lindsay are coveted and political daughters are forced into it. These are your “stars”, America!

[Photo: Splash News Online]

There’s A Reason Why Julia Roberts Has That Smile…

by (@missmuttoo)

It’s because she’s so much richer than you. It’s like she breathes air and makes money. She sneezes and her bank fills up. You think we’re exaggerating? Julia Roberts got paid $1.5 million for this 46 second Lavazza coffee ad.  And she didn’t even have to open her mouth. All she had to do was show up in Rome, smile and drink coffee, and have those Italian actors do the talking. Screw coffee…we now need something harder.

Is this an Ocean’s Eleven thing? Because George Clooney just filmed advertisements for Nespresso. Why is Hollywood suddenly drinking so much coffee? Right, because they’re the magic beans exchanged for cash cows. Who and what’s next? Brad Pitt for Nescafe? And could he be shirtless?

Is That Kourtney Kardashian Or A Kougar?

by (@missmuttoo)

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You know you’re in trouble when your camera-loving sibling is trying to stay out of a frame because she doesn’t want to be associated with you. We’re talking about you, Kourtney Kardashian. Stepping out to your book signing in New York like nothing’s wrong. Look at how Kim’s keeping her distance from you? “But why would my sister do that?”, you ask.

Why. Why? We’ll tell you why. Because your hair and outfit remind us of the following:

A. You’re auditioning for the literal Cougar (Kougar?) Town where the bitter, scripted irony is that the (fashion) prey is you.
B. You’re just begging for PETA to come after you because it’s all part of your grand “look-at-me” scheme.
C. You’re trying to bring back an Elvis pouf even though you know it died along with the legendary singer (RIP).
D. You took the whole New York being an urban jungle a little too seriously.
E. You woke up and thought it was the 80′s. Happens to everyone.

We’re playing the Lion King soundtrack in your honor.

[Photo: Splash News Online]

Watch Out Creepy Paparazzi: Nicole Richie Will Take You Down

by (@missmuttoo)

Don’t ever cross this mom. Nicole Richie got a restraining order against paparazzo Fabricio Luis Mariotto, for generally being a lunatic. The  weirdo was hounding the premises of he preschool that Nicole’s two-year-old daughter, Harlow, attends. We’re taking about stalking a baby girl, just for photos. And just because that wasn’t enough crossing the line already, Nicole’s court papers stated, “[Mariotto] drives erratically around my children and others, yells, screams and attempts to scare us so that he can photograph our reaction.  He trespasses on preschool property to photograph the children. He has often left his car in the middle of a busy street just to chase me for a photograph.” That sort of behavior should warrant jail time, and not just a restraining order.

Either way, Nicole’s now looking to make the temporary order permanent so that Mariotto can’t come anywhere near her kids again. And she’s ready to testify against him in a court hearing happening this week. Good for you, momma. She’s raring to go and put this dude in his place.

We know how serious this situation is, and support her endeavor. But can we just say that the source who told Radaronline about this story gives the best quotes, ever? We cracked up when we read that they said, “Don’t let Nicole’s pint size and soft voice fool anyone. Nicole might be tiny, but she is mighty.” Oh look…is it a bird, is it a plane… no, it’s SuperMom!

They continued, “Nicole won’t give this rogue photographer the gratification of getting a reaction. The photographer wrongly thought that he could illicit a gotcha moment by laying in wait at Harlow’s school and yelling at Nicole trying to get a reaction. Nicole won’t dignify that.  Little did the photographer realize that when someone messes with her kids she goes into mother bear mode, big time.” When the hearing’s over, and the inevitable search-for-the-story begins, please let this source be the one relating the events?

All jokes aside, we really do hope the decision’s in favor of Nicole and her kids. Stalking children, or anyone for that matter, should not be condoned.