Some actors will forever be linked to one role they’ve played – Matthew Broderick IS Ferris Bueller, and Jaleel White IS Urkel. That’s just Hollywood for you. So forgive us for only referring to him by that name but, but Urkel is accused of hitting his girlfriend, y’all. Like Chris Brown and Mel Gibson before him, we’d like to welcome him into this illustrious hall of shame.
TMZ reports that White is accused of punching his girlfriend (and the mother of his infant daughter), Bridget Hardy, in her breast implant while they were driving, and upon arriving home, he slapped her and pushed her against a toilet so hard that it broke the tank. His rep denied the charges saying “This is just a ploy in an ongoing custody battle over their young daughterÃ‚Â to tarnish his name.” How dare she try to sully the Urkel name? Hardy filed a charge with the LAPD but reported no injuries.
When reached for comment, Urkel replied “Did I do that?”
Melissa Etheridge and her ex-partner Tammy Lynn Michaels have been in the news for a while now. Etheridge dissolved their relationship legally and filed for joint legal and physical custody of their twins, stating “irreconcilable differences.” The children were born in 2006, after Tammy was artificially inseminated by an anonymous donor. Etheridge and Michaels registered for a domestic partnership in California back in 2006 and tried to make it legal in 2008, but missed the deadline.
Tammy claims she was “blindsided” when Etheridge dumped her, writing furious poetry that was published all over the internet. Tammy then asked for full legal and physical custody and spousal support and that’s when the trouble started.
She claims that Etheridge has left her and their two children in the lurch with only $4 to Tammy’s name. Her lawyer Steven Knowles stated, “Melissa has not been treating Tammy or the children as if they are a wife and children, financially and otherwise.” Apparently, the singer has not coughed up any cash since they split, a claim, that Etheridge is denying. Problem is, Tammy filed for the dissolution of their marriage, but they weren’t legally married. Melissa on the other hand filed for the dissolution of a domestic partnership. Tammy isn’t entitled to spousal support if they weren’t married. Either way, Melissa’s lawyer, Neal Hersh, states, “Melissa is paying all of Tammy’s expenses, which totals tens of thousands of dollars per month.”
[Photo: Getty Images]
Larry King has had a fraught couple of months. First, King’s marriage was breaking up, then his soon-to-be ex wife Shawn Southwick OD’d/attempted suicide. Then King announced he was leaving CNN after 25 of years of hosting his show. The decision to take time off has possibly helped because he and his wife have called off the divorce.
Just three months ago, King and Southwick filed for divorce within and hour of each other amidst rumors of infidelity on both sides. Keeping with the synchronized activity, both parties petitioned the the courts to drop the divorce papers, day before yesterday. All the judge needs to do is dismiss the claim and they’re officially back together. Make it work, you two!
[Photo: Getty Images]
So it’s settled then? Katy Perry and Russell Brand are not married? The singer took time off from sounding off on Miley Cyrus‘ fashion choices (really, Katy, really?) to talk about her number one soundbite… her fiance. She did save Russell from various addictions (at the same time, encouraging his love for blowjobs), so she’s totally entitled to it, of course.
Apparently they’re not getting married in India, which is where Brand popped the question. Sources told Page Six that Katy and Russell are getting married in October in Maui. They claim that they’ve been talking crazy to throw people off their scent, so they’ve been making up stories about their wedding.
She revealed, “Russell makes up these really crazy stories about me and our wedding. I make up stories, too – I said he was a ‘groomzilla’. He said I farted a lot, but I’ve never farted in front of him – honestly! I hear these crazy stories – we are going to get married in latex, underwear, in Spandex, in Japan, in India, in Thailand. But I think all this craziness about my marriage is really funny.”
Sure, nice cover-up about the flatulence. She added, “And I don’t set the record straight as I love this chaotic circus of wrong information, because it is not really anyone else’s business beside the people that we have invited and us, of course.” That’s why speaking about your crazy wedding stories is your favorite pastime. That’s why you told the world that you’d like Rihanna to strip at the bachelorette. We have a suggestion then. Stop talking… at all.
[Photo: Getty Images]
They’re all set! Carrie Underwood had her bachelorette while fiance Mike Fisher took it up a notch with a crazy bachelor bash. D-Day is tomorrow but they’ve gone totally secret service on everyone, including the guests! The couple refuse to reveal the location of the wedding. Mysterious!
Their guests are supposed to show up at an airport in a southern city – no one knows which one, yet – where they’ll be taken to the wedding in either a private jet or limos. Seriously? Do people really care that much of Carrie Underwood? A source commented, “Carrie wants to keep the wedding small and secret.”
Underwood’s also being business savvy about the nuptials. It’s been said that she originally wanted up to $2 million for the photo rights for the wedding. Now, the buzz is that she’s brokered a deal with a weekly magazine, but we don’t know which one.Smart cookie, Carrie. Create enough buzz and then… ka-ching! It really is the happiest day of your life!
[Photo: Getty Images]
LeBron James announced Thursday night that he’ll be playing for the Miami Heat next year. James made this announcement during a one-hour special on ESPN. How did ESPN manage to fill an hour of prime-time programming with a grain of information that I’ve already conveyed in that two-line introduction? The same way American Idol results shows manage to exist — by padding it with a bunch of time-wasting nonsense, obviously. Here are the five most impressively insulting examples:
1. Photoshops Of LeBron In Five Different Jerseys
“With just minutes before the big announcement,” proclaimed Stuart Scott, “let’s take a look at what LeBron James would look like wearing the jerseys of his five different suitors.” ESPN then showed that photo above, which is not news, information, or a thing.
But what would LeBron James look like if he played…ON THE MOON?
Thanks, Worldwide Leader In Sports and Theoretical Photoshops! Now let’s see what LeBron would look like if they killed him with a barrage of baseballs…
Onto the rest…
For those of you out there who love shaking your booty while simultaneously keeping up with the latest Internet memes, this has been quite the year for Internet Dance Crazes. In the first six months of the year alone, Major Lazer taught us how to dagger, hundreds of Surra de Bunda videos began popping up on YouTube, and a gang of rambunctious, well-endowed teens invented the Dick Slang. Now, thanks to the benevolent Internet gods, we can all start learning “The Rick”! Granted, it’s not a dance you’ll necessarily want to bust out at the next wedding reception you frequent, but depending on your crew of friends (and your level of drunkenness), it might just go over like gangbusters at the afterparty.
Think you can handle the
Sometimes the road to celebrity is a rough one, with stars making mistakes and learning the ropes along the way. You know – red carpet fashion faux pas, the occasional drunk outing at a club, and that classic: letting some guy jizz all over your chest and photograph the post-coital aftermath.
After we wiped the vomit off our keyboard after viewing the pic, we actually felt kinda sad/bad for the singer. After all, there’s a picture of Ke$ha COVERED IN CUM (NSFW! Seriously!) all over the web. That’s like if Vanessa Hudgen‘s naked pics had a baby with Kim Kardashian‘s sex tape and named it The Most Mortifying Thing Ever. We’re not prudes – lord knows we’ve done some dumb things with douche bags in little to no clothing – but if you’re smart enough to rhyme “Diddy” with “city,” you’re smart enough to know when to pull out the tissues and give yourself a little clean up job (hint: before the camera comes out).
Jesus, Ke$ha. We want to have your back girl. We have tried desperately to like you and defended your SNL performance and crapola fashion choices. In fact, this is the one time we would have approved of you covered up in your cave man cape or some neon body suit before posing for the camera.
But at least from this, uh, mess, blossoms a valuable lesson that applies not just to celebrities but all women out there: That moment, when you’re splayed out on a bed with some man’s body juice all over you, is a sacred one. If the jizzer whips out a camera right after blowing his load it’s probably a good idea to knock it out of his hands and find a new titty-f**cker to bone. Do you really want to be with someone who snaps shots of his own semen?
Oh, advertising. Oh, politics. Oh, Florida. Let’s watch Florida state representative Mike Weinstein’s campaign video:
Whenever I watch Glee I get annoyed that the singing is so obviously pre-recorded. I don’t mind that here, even when we are to believe that the singer is live at some ROCKIN’ District 19 Florida bar (in 1992). This video really portrays Florida to be a place of singin’, dancin’, backflipin’, diversity and MIKE WEINSTEIN.
Reports Daily Caller:
Weinstein’s son Scott, who goes by his stage name Scott Leigh and runs his own entertainment company, produced the campaign ad. Leigh said he approached his father to do the ad because he had the experience and ability to do it at a low cost to the campaign.“I know some people in the biz and really our only big costs were the cameraman and rental of the venue.” Leigh explained further, “He isn’t an R&B or Hip Hop kind of guy, but we needed to shake it up so we went with rock.”
Leigh wrote, produced, choreographed and danced the lead in the music video. “I used to sing and dance all over the country,” he said. “I am a very artsy person and I was able to do a lot with this video.”
Leigh said he made the video because he wanted to help his father connect with the youth vote. “Republicans are getting a bad rap, that they can’t reach the young people. There is a disconnect. What I wanted to do was make it accessible and music is a great way,” Leigh explained.
This is what I just learned about Leigh:
He knows people in the biz
He could have done an R&B or Hip Hop song, but he went with rock
He is an artsy person (obvi)
He has had a successful career as a singer and a dancer all over the country.
He is helping Republicans overcome their bad rap with young people.
Side question: Is it OK to get laid because of your sweet performance of your dad’s campaign song?
Via NY Mag
A few months ago, I was asked to host a Battle of the Bands show in Brooklyn (“Hey, you draw those d*cks on Jack Shepherd’s face, right? Want to emcee our music fest?”), and the winning band — Brooklyn’s own highly-lovable Dinosaur Feathers — earned a budget for two brand-new music videos, which were just completed, and now here they are in the form of internet!
Check out Dinosaur Feathers’ “History Lessons” in all its catchy, poppy, trippy-birdy glory:
After the jump, the sequel*, “Teenage Whore”: