Matt Kemp is falling head-over-heels in love with Rihanna, from the sound of it, but they clearly need to work hard on their relationship. The pro player told the press that while he hopes Rihanna catches a few more games, he knows that she’s super busy. Aw!
Snooki, not content to just be the victim of a bar fight as she was in season one of Jersey Shore, or have a drink thrown in her face at a club, has allegedly been in a fight where she threw a few punches at another girl while yelling that her victim was a whore. Just another day in the life of Snooki, right?
Radar reports that while hanging out at the VIP section of a Miami hotspot, an unwelcome guest tried to party with Snooki and her co-star J-Woww. Says an onlooker “This blonde girl kept trying to get in and Snooki got really mad. That’s when the fight broke out and Jenni jumped in and took the girl down.” A witness also said “Snooki just started swinging at the girl and then grabbed her neck. Snooki just kept calling her a whore.” Is it bad that we can’t help but imagine if this girl was sober, she could just outstretch her arm, clamp it on Snooki’s head and Snook would just be wildly throwing punches at the air, unable to reach her target?
May we suggest that maybe it’s time these girls returned home from their extended vacation in Miami? They were less violent when they were partying on their home turf.
[Photo: Getty Images]
The second episode of The Hills‘ final season [sigh of relief] aired last night, and true to form what lasted 30 minutes can easily be summed up in 30 seconds. To recap the drug use accusations, DD (soon-to-be-H) boobs, and plenty o’ vacant stares, we’re presenting you with the most concise summary on the internet, after the jump.
Title says it all. Here we go.
8. This Guy:
7. This F*cking Guy:
Well look if I didn’t go and find your new favorite movie ever of all time. This may just knock Deep Blue Sea from the top of my list. Let me just give you a quick rundown of the cast: Elisabeth Shue (yes please!), Christopher Lloyd (at his Doc Brown expositiony best), Eli Roth in the role of Wet t-shirt contest emcee (actual imdb credit), Ving Rhames as spring break town law enforcement official Lt. Bishop Welleger, Jessica Szohr as Who Cares, Richard Dreyfuss in a WINKING tribute to Jaws, and Jerry Mother Effing O’Connell! EVERYONE JUST CALM DOWN!
Here’s the trailer for Piranha-3D:
Justin Bieber fans really don’t want their idol led astray. Kim Kardashian tweeted the Beeb to announce she’d received death threats after he joked she was his “girlfriend” following photos of the pair at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner Pre-Party last weekend. “Seriously Biebs! I’m getting death threats from your fans! This is unBeliebable!!!” What, no retweets?
Though her horrible pun suggests Kim didn’t take the threats seriously, Bieber was chivalrous enough to chastise those who would want to put a cap in that gorgeous ass. “Ladies calm down. [Kim] is a friend. a very sexy friend but a friend. no need 4 threats. Let’s all be friends and hang out often 
” Translation: If Justin wasn’t underage he’d get down with all these honeys, so there’s no reason to be stabbing each other for his attention. Plenty of Beeb to go around.
[Photo: Getty Images]
Here’s a “Visit California” commercial that’s been airing for a few weeks that concludes with the following exchange -
Maria: This won’t be your last visit to California.
Arnold: You’ll be back.
Have we all forgotten the context of the original “I’ll be back” quote? It’s what the Terminator says to a police officer before driving his car through the door of the station, crushing the officer, then proceeding to murder more than a dozen policemen in an attempt to murder Sarah Connor so he can wipe out all of humanity.
It seems a bit ominous to playfully throw that line into a happy commercial welcoming everyone to your home state, doesn’t it? That’d be like having Anthony Hopkins show up in an Olive Garden ad and talk about pairing the food with a nice Chianti, and having him kill and eat the Olive Garden waiters. That would be weird for several reasons. At least two reasons. Probably more reasons.
So, I’ll come to California, then I’ll be back to murder a bunch of cops? Works for me. Then I’ll ask California to GEEF ME THE GODDAMN PAIYGE!
It’s Cinco de Mayo, better know as the day I eat 5 times as much mayonnaise, and to celebrate, the people behind Danny Trejo’s starring vehicle Machete have put together a very special Cincy De Mymy trailer, which also takes aim at the brand new Anti-Immigration Laws in Arizona.
The trailer is gut-carving, and in typical Robert Rodriguez fashion, torture porn from the 5th dimension. And perhaps notttttt the besttttt thingggg for the illegal immigrants at this very moment in time.
Wait, nevermind. Don Johnson is in it. The only man who can brainbash some sense into racist Arizonian white assh*les.
Oh, wait, update: Lindsay Lohan is also in it. Immigrants, set your tasers to “screwed.”
Nobody exposes Kendra Wilkinson but Kendra! The Girls Next Door star is fighting to keep Vivid Entertainment from releasing Kendra Exposed, a sex tape she recorded before moving to the Playboy Mansion. “The video is private and highly confidential taken for private use and not for public disclosure,” her lawyers said in a letter to the company. “Any exploitation of the video would be a gross violation of Miss Wilkinson’s constitutional and common law rights of privacy.” But, so far, the company isn’t budging from their end-of-month release date.
“We know that Kendra has millions of fans and we feel that it’s rare to find well-produced, hardcore footage of a star of her magnitude,” said Vivid founder Steven Hirsch in a statement. “The tape was brought to us by a third party and after consulting with our attorneys, we are confident in our right to distribute it.” Hopefully their lawyers have made dated its recording, too—Kendra was only 19 when she first met Hef in 2004.
[Photo: Getty Images]
TMZ reports that the eBay auction of 5 years worth of Madonna diaries has been pulled by Madonna herself/her people, thus sort of proving that she wrote them. Well guess what??!! We here at Best Week Ever managed, Angelina Jolie in Mr and Mrs. Smith-style to obtain one of the journals. What I’m saying is that we dressed up in a leather cat suit, seduced the man who had the journals, broke his neck, escaped by jumping out of a 30 story window and then calmly jumped into a cab and rejoined our fake life, diary in hand. This journal spans the summer of 1988. Here is one of the entries:
Dear Diary,
Today I feel myself becoming a woman. Just kidding, I’m already like 47. What else…I’m dating Sean Penn, I think? Also, I just shot that music video where I’m rolling around in the sand and I fall in love with a mermaid kid. Whatever, it was in black and white, which was cool…I think I’ll do that more often. I’m going to go out tonight with some of my gay club friends and dance and wear a bow. Probably some lace too. I’m in New York, by the way. I love the East Village. Also, I got my start as a dancer. I’m sorry if I’m talking about things that happened earlier or haven’t even happened yet. I’m just really tired from dancing with all of my gay friends. Also, Warren Beatty! He’s cute! And sex! I’m going to write a book about sex and call it Sex! It will be wrapped up in plastic so kids can’t open it in the bookstore. That’ll be cool. I should adopt. Now I’m just rambling. OK, talk to you later.
xoxo
Madonna
