The Prescription Drug Side-Effects Megamix

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From suicidal thoughts to increased gambling urges to even more suicidal thoughts, lengthy lists of dramatic side effects have always been there to make prescription drug commercials unintentionally amusing. Below, your official Awesome Prescription Drug Side Effects Megamix, just in case you were thinking about ever taking a prescription drug for any reason. Unless that reason was “lack of suicidal thoughts.”

Lilo Is Being Treated For Twitter Addiction As Well As Drugs

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Now that she’s at the Betty Ford Center, Lindsay Lohan is being forced to take a good, hard look at all her addictions, and not just the drugs and booze. Page Six reports that Lindsay is required to cut down on her Twitter and internet use, too.

A source said Lindsay is “only allowed to use her phone for two hours a day, and only to keep in touch with family and close friends.” Okay, we know that our cell phone is invaluable but yikes, to have your usage reduced to two hours? She should also be treated for BlackBerry Thumb. They also said that in the past, Lilo “would repeatedly and compulsively e-mail her friends if she was ever in a situation where she felt lonely, and she would vent on Twitter.” Reducing outside distractions like Twitter and the like is a common policy at Betty Ford so that patients can focus on themselves, according to the source who sure has a lot to say about what should be a private matter in a confidential setting. Lohan hasn’t actually posted any public Tweets since entering this latest bout of rehab, so maybe it’s working already.

The paper also reports that Dina Lohan and Kris Jenner have become besties while Lindsay’s in rehab, and that Kim Kardashian is getting friendlier with Lindsay too. That’s either really sweet and kind, or one more attempt at fame whoring from all involved. We’re sort of thinking the latter.

Pee-Wee’s Big New York Adventure

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Pee Wee Herman is in New York! Prepping for his big Broadway show, The Pee-Wee Herman Show, starting on October 26. And if you follow him on Twitter, as I do, then you’ve been privy to his Big New York Adventure today. Of course this would happen mere weeks after I move out of New York, but alas, if you are there, keep your eyes peeled for a fresh-faced gent in a gray suit. It will either be Pee Wee, or my at 5 years old in my Halloween costume.

And please, if you live within a 500 mile radius, SEE HIS SHOW.

ADMIT IT, YOU’D HIT IT: 48-Year-Old Tom Cruise Edition

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Here is Tom Cruise filming Mission Impossible 4. Wait a second, hold on, let’s try this again:

Here is Tom Cruise filming Mission Impossible 4. Cruise, who turned 48 years old this summer, is reaching Vladimir Putin levels of hotness in these photos taken from the set. Barrel chested, floppy haired, and crazier than ever, is it any wonder we keep coming back for more?

Well, kind of. Then again, if Scientologists are the ones responsible for teaching him this very beguiling hair flip, we might be more willing to sign up…

Ahead, many more pics of Tom Cruise showing off his admirable shape… click because they really need to be seen to be believed.

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Say Wha? Solange Knowles Likens Katy Perry’s Finest Work To “Kiddie Porn”

by (@hallekiefer)

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We are clutching our pearls (note: they are actually Raisinets) at the drama going down as Solange Knowles calls Katy Perry out for her sexy California Girls video.  Says Solange, “But seriously. Iontlike the fact dat Julez thinks he gotta sneak & watched California gurls on u tube. Katy Perry is polluting the chirrens.” Yeah, we would not want our 5-year-old sneaking off to watch Katy Perry either…or, really, our 25-year-old. On the other hand, maybe your 5-year-old shouldn’t have a computer. The 25-year-olds…well, there’s not much we can do about that. Yet…

Rants Knowles about the video, “It is like kiddie porn tho. All them damn colors, candy and shit….and then daisy dukes, breast shooting cream…” Solange, where have you been? This is Katy’s thing! If it’s not hyper-sexual, Skittle-colored and sort of nasal, it is not a Katy Perry original. And sure, there may be no telling how many little perverts were born the day Katy Perry doused an army of Gummy Bears with her chest cannons, but that’s not even the worst part! In Solange’s words, “And then Elmo and Tits!?” Which, lol. You have us there, Solange. We’re willing to sign a petition right now to keep Katy Perry 500 feet away from children’s eyeballs, but still, this is all going to look pretty silly once we see Solange dancing in Jolly Rancher booty shorts on The Backyardigans. [Photo: Getty Images]

This Guy Is REALLY Into Saturday Night Live

by (@unclegrambo)

Some say too into Saturday Night Live. Youtube user crgmorgan has been making his own personal series of SNL lip dub videos for a few months now, but he hadn’t tasted the sweet nectar of viral video success until his imitation of Kristin Wiig’s perpetually surprised character Sue was uploaded yesterday (for those of you not familiar with the sketch he’s reprising, look no further). While we hope that crgmorgan is enjoying this time that he gets to bask in the warming rays of viral video glory — 50K views and climbing! — we highly suggest that he takes a few moments out of his day, puts his shirt on and backs up his videos onto his local hard drive. After all, as anyone who has tried in vain to search for SNL clips on Youtube will attest, NBC/Universal is crazy vigilant about keeping their prized content off of any video sharing site that doesn’t have Hulu or NBC in its URL.

Want more crgmorgan? We’ve got his impression of Stefon below.
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UNBREAK HER BANK: Toni Braxton Files for Bankruptcy

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Ain’t this a damn shame? Toni Braxton — TONI BRAXTON — has had to file for bankruptcy. Don’t believe us? Allow these court papers that we really shouldn’t have access to do the speaking for us:

Braxton claims she owes up to $50 million dollars.

50

Million

Dollars.

How the hellllllllll did you get $50 million dollars in debt, Toni Braxton?? Well, according to Splash News, “her list of creditors include jewelery store Tiffany’s, high end hotels like the Peninsula and the Westin, and LA’s Parking Violations Bureau.” How many PARKING TICKETS did TONI BRAXTON rack up?! Do you understand how many times you would have to double park in order to get even a million dollar’s worth of parking tickets?

And what the F*CK was she buyin’ at TIFFANY’S (–Chris Rock) that she spent nearly $50 million?? Did they find the Heart of the Ocean? The No Hope Diamond?

I mean, really: I just plunked down $800 for a sofa and the same amount for a new TV and am borderline having a stroke. (I am also poor by Braxton standards, but still.) Seriously, Toni Brax, this isn’t even the first time you’ve filed for bankruptcy! For real, girl, just stop buying things. That, or,you know, have another 500 or so hit #1 singles.

I See Your Slutty Cookie Monster And Raise You A Slutty Wookie

by (@unclegrambo)

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A few weeks back, our own Dan Hopper turned his critical eye to the numerous ethical issues that are likely to be raised this Halloween when millions* of women dress up as a Slutty Cookie Monster. Well, in the spirit of iconic childhood figures suddenly becoming sexualized by calorie-craving candy fiends, we thought we’d call your attention to this Slutty Wookie (or, as it’s described by the lawsuit-cognizant copywriters over at Yandy.com, “Sci-Fi Furry Costume”) costume. Make no mistake, this is NOT a Slutty Chewbacca costume; everyone knows that Chewie is a dude! Rather, this classily dressed lady is clearly impersonating a female Wookie, albeit one with substantially less hair than George Lucas likely envisioned. We think that’s a good thing.

If this Slutty Wookie costume is too wholesome for you — we know a lot of you BWE readers are drawn to the Dark Side — there’s always this Slutty Darth Vaderette get-up to assist you with getting your Force on. However, regardless of what you dress up as some 24 days from now, though, there’s one thing we implore you to remember: No matter how drunk you get, don’t hook up with a Slutty Ewok. As everyone who ever saw Return Of The Jedi can tell you, that will only lead to disappointment.

[Thanks, The Daily What!]

*Well, maybe not millions, but surely dozens of people will have to deal with these issues.

No Romance With 50 Cent, Tweets Chelsea Handler (But We Don’t Believe Her)

by (@missmuttoo)

Is there really a romance brewing between Chelsea Handler and 50 cent? No go, is what Chelsea is saying. She clarified over Twitter, writing, “Everyone, calm down. I met with mr. Cent about a potential project. There’s nothing to report yet, ill let you know if there is.”

The latter half of that sentence intrigues us. Because it’s not a flat out denial. The fact that she said “…yet” and “ill [sic] let you know if there is’ indicated that there’s a door left open just a tad. And considering 50′s tweeting up a storm about her, it’s likely that he wants to go in swingin’. So halfway-deny all you want Chelsea. Our spidey-sense is tingling! We’re onto you!

[Photo: Getty Images/ ]

Kanye And Selita Hold Hands, But Are They A Couple?

by (@JordanRuntagh)

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Kanye West seemed to forget his mask when he showed up at the Grazia Masquerade Ball in Paris on Tuesday. But no one cared because he brought Victoria’s Secret angel Selita Ebanks, providing yet another example of why it’s awesome to date a super model.

Did we say “date”? Our mistake. Because according to Selita, the fashionista and fashionisto (?) are just friends. This, despite the fact that they’re clearly holding hands in the linked-finger romantic manner, and have been spotted looking friendly at a number of events, including the US Open last month. Selita even starred in Kayne’s short film Runaway. And Kanye mentioned her in his new song “Christian Dior Denim Flow,” for crying out loud! Sounds like the Robsten defense to us.

To be fair, Kanye has been making the rounds since giving Amber Rose the boot this spring. He’s hit the town with the likes of Kim Kardashian and Shay the UK Bombshell, but the 34-year old rapper insists that he’s on the hunt for a Mrs. Taylor-Swift‘s-Worst-Nightmare. For what it’s worth, our vote goes to Selita.

[Photo: Getty Images]

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