Why didn’t Karina Smirnoff audition for The Last Exorcism? She could have easily gotten the lead, given her unnatural bending abilities. But no amount of contortion could coax the smooth moves out of her partner Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino – the pair tied for last place on the season opener last night.
On an entirely selfish level, we’re thinking dammit! But on another unselfish, peace-and-love note (yes, we ARE capable of those), this is great news. The Kings of Leon lead singer Caleb Followill has popped the question to his model girlfriend, Lily Aldridge. And lest you think it’s a rumor, we’re sorry to inform you that his rep confirmed the news.
Lily appeared in the video for Use Somebody, and they’ve been together for two years. And FYI, Caleb’s brother and bandmate (he’s the drummer) Nathan Followill got married to singer Jessie Baylin last year. Which means they’re dropping one by one. Sigh.
So we don’t know what the date of the wedding is, but what we do know is when their next album, Come Around Sundown is releasing, and that’s on October 19. Caleb and Lily plan to get hitched after that, and we’re sure more details will be revealed closer to the date.
Congratulations on the engagement you two. We’re huge fans of the band, and of Caleb, so you’re one lucky lady, Lily!
[Photo: Getty Images]
This is still in talks, but our juju tells us it’s most likely, going to happen. Fo’ reals. Gwyneth Paltrow is negotiating a guest-spot on Glee. How are we supposed to react to this? We’re not quite sure yet, so why don’t you tell us. But before you sound off, here are the facts.
Gwynnie, as she does in her new movie Country Strong, will go the whole hog. She’ll sing. She’ll dance. She’ll sign everyone up for Goop, while cooking healthy macrobiotic snacks. (That last bit is ours, clearly, but given half a chance, that’s totes what she’d do! ) We can hear all you Gleeks muttering under your breath already, pondering, “When? Why? What?”
‘When’ is Glee’s second season which kickstarts right about now. ‘Why’ is because her royal Goopness and Glee creator, Ryan Murphy, are tight. And we’re scared to tell you about the ‘What’. Just remember, don’t shoot the messenger, okay? We’re just reporting, and not responsible for this casting coup… or catastrophe, depending on what side of the couch you’re on. The dish is that G.P is potentially being cast in a two-episode role as a kinda-sorta love interested for Mr Schue aka Matthew Morrison. But, but, but… what about Emma? Gah!
The story being discussed is that substitute teacher Gwyneth steps in when Mr Schuester gets sick. She’s lovable (and hot), and helps the Glee club when Mr Schue is down. And when he gets back up, let’s just say he’s thinking up some major love ballads for her.
But what about EMMA!
We don’t know yet, but if the deal comes through, they’ll start shooting the episodes in two weeks. Which leaves Gwyneth just enough time to go on a yoga-mastercleanse-Eastern alternative healing boot camp!
Sorry, perverts of the world: your deepest, unspeakable wish to see Octomom in flagrante delicto is not going to happen…at least not until she fails to get on Dancing With The Stars again next year. Reportedly Octomom Nadya Suleman turned down the $500,000 porn deal Vivid Entertainment offered her to appear in a film doing what men and women do when they love each other and/or a half million dollars very much. While Octomom acknowledges she needs quick capital due to the impending foreclosure on her house, she assures. “I’ll do whatever I can … as long as I’m fully clothed.” Ugh, and we though we had our Christmas shopping practically done for us!
The irony of all this is, Suleman has already spent the last few years and all the quarters she had in the kids’ college fund to turn herself (at least from the neck up) into a porn star. The bank is going to take away Octomom’s house, but somehow she still has the money to buy a new face that looks like Janice from the Muppet Show Band, except trashier. If Octo has money to transform her mug into a half-price Angelina knock-off, she’s probably dropped the change necessary to iron out the wrinkles left by her giant watermelon pregnancy as well. Those octuplets might be sucking dry Ramen out of their bottles, but we bet you can bounce a quarter off Suleman’s lower abdomen and have it ricochet back in your pocket. And that, we would pay good money to see.
This is a recap for the ninth episode of Season 4 of Mad Men starring Jon Hamm, Christina Hendricks, John Slattery, January Jones, and a slew of other talented actors, on an episode called “The Beautiful Girls.” There was no recap last week as I had just moved to Los Angeles and was busy putting my “life” “together.” So, without further ado and with thanks for your patience, here is your For Your Consideration Recap:
THE ONLY REASON TO LEAVE AN ORANGE SODA AND TURKEY WRAP BEHIND….
…Is getting a little Dick Whitman. And while the tasteful people behind Mad Men refrained from showing us the sweaty, wild animal sex Don and Dr. Faye Miller were having, they did give us this fabulous little moment that was begging to be GIFted:
DON’S CHEST HAIR LOOKS AWFULLY FAMILIAR…
Paris Hilton was dressed to the nines today in court in order to accept the plea deal offered to her by the Las Vegas District Attorney. This means that Hilton will serve no time for her cocaine bust, but instead will spend a year on probation, will be required to serve 200 hours of community service, pay a $2000 fine and complete a substance abuse program. When she faced the judge, she copped to possession of cocaine and to lying to a police officer. Should she be arrested at any time over the next year and violate her probation, she’ll face one year in prison.
In the most adorable wrist-slap ever, the judge in the case, Judge Joe Bonaventure, told the heiress “Ms. Hilton, you’re ordered to stay out of trouble.”
Of course, Hilton won’t begin to serve her probation or community service till she comes home from a “business trip” to Asia to promote her clothing line. Yet another amazing way she has managed to wrap the system around her finger, since no one in the history of the English language has ever said the words “Paris Hilton” and “business trip” in the same sentence before. Hilton’s accomplice/boyfriend Cy Waits, his hearing won’t take place till November and there’s no word on whether her plea deal extends to him as well. Doubtful!
[Photo: Getty Images]
Just when the world thought she was going to stay clean (yeah, us neither ) Lindsay Lohan is headed back to the clink. Judge Elton Fox just issued an arrest warrant for Lindsay Lohan following a failed drug test last week. Lindsay acknowledged she hasn’t been keeping her nose clean on Friday, tweeting, “Regrettably, I did in fact fail my most recent drug test and if I am asked, I am prepared to appear before judge Fox next week as a result..” We’re sure Lindsay will do much better in jail, where there are no illegal drugs at all, just laughter and sunshine milk. Right? RIGHT?
But with every cocaine-filled cloud there comes a silver lining…made out of money! While she might be getting stripped searched as we speak, Lindsay just settled her E*Trade lawsuit for an amount that reportedly left her “very happy”. Imagine how much met….we mean, how much clean sober living Lindsay can afford now! The suit was over an E*Trade Super Bowl commercial that featured a “milkaholic” baby named Lindsay, which Lohan, and everyone who has ever heard of Lohan, claimed was an obvious riff on the star’s trouble with substance abuse. We hope the promise of all that E*Trade money helps Lindsay sleep at night, though we doubt those prison cots are particular good for getting shut-eye. [Photo: Getty Images]
As promised, here’s your NFL Week 2 Recap in the form of stupid pictures. Let’s break down this week’s games in incredible detail one-by-one, in no particular order:
Falcons 41, Cardinals 7
To be fair, this result would’ve been even more lopsided if actual falcons had battled actual cardinals. But Rufio was lovin’ it:
To quote (and liberally interpret) Katy Perry, Kanye West is hot and cold, yes then no. Like, all the time. The guy changes his mind and has a thousand opinions through the course of one day, which explains how he’s able to have a song where he totally slams the cast of Saturday Night Live (presumably for making fun of him after Taylor Swift-gate), but has also just agreed to be the show’s musical guest on October 2.
West’s song “Power” contains the lyrics “F*ck SNL and the whole cast/ Tell ‘em Yeezy said they can kiss my whole a**/ More specifically they can kiss my a**hole”. Sick, no thanks! We doubt that will be one of the songs West plans to sing when he performs on October 2, the season’s second episode, which will be hosted by Breaking Bad‘s Bryan Cranston. (Oh, how we’re hoping for a sketch called Kanye In The Middle though!) Still, it’s not often you see one performer totally hate on another performer and then try to reconconcile and appear with them again. Oh wait, that’s exactly what Kanye does like, all the time.
[Photo: Splash News Online]
rnrnWell, that certainly didn’t take long! Mere hours after it was reported that Kim Kardashian dumped her latest football-playing squeeze, Miles Austin, rumors have begun to circulate that the purse-a-holic has found herself a new man. According to the highly-trafficked (but not always highly-reliable) gossip blog MediaTakeOut.com, Kim Kardashian is “dating” Chris Brown, the scumbag poster child for violence against women. rnrnNow, before you prepare to write nasty things on Kim Kardashian’s Facebook wall, here’s what’s up: According to MTO’s “snitch,” Brown hit up Kim’s little brother, Rob, for his big sister’s digits. Rob provided them, and ever since, Kardashian and Brown have been texting (sexting?) ever since. Since Kim is physically incapable of leaving her home without informing the paparazzi of her whereabouts, we are almost 100% certain that the two haven’t gone out on what any of us would call a date, let alone getting to the point where they enter the Bone Zone; if they had, we would’ve seen the pictures. Still, a rumor is a rumor is a rumor, and since rumormongering is one of our favorite pasttimes here at TheFABLife, we thought we’d pass this juicy goss your way.rnrnSo, readers, now’s your chance to weigh in. What do you think of this unholy union? If the rumors were confirmed, would you be so upset that you would stop watching Kim’s show? Or is it time to forgive Chris Brown and move on with our lives? Be sure and let us know what you think in the comment section below! [Photo Credit: Getty Images, Splash News]