RadarOnline.com‘s photos of Jersey Shore’s resident boob job advocate, J-Woww, cheating on boyfriend Tom Lippolis just surfaced, causing poor Tom to dump the guidette. In an interview with RadarOnline, Tom said, “I’m f*cking beside myself, but am ready to move on.” Then he goes on to explain, “There has been a lot of pressure on both of us lately, but she recently told me, ‘I never cheated on you and I will never leave you for someone else.’ She just lost the best thing that ever happened to her.” Alright, now get ready for the real O-M-G moment: “I am in the best shape of my life and am ready for a new relationship. IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ve already put on Facebook that I am single and IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m getting hits like crazy.” It’s hard out here for a pimp isn’t it, Tom?
Tom must have amnesia so we will gladly remind him that during the first season of the Jersey Shore J-Woww introduced herself by saying, “After I have sex with a guy I will rip their heads off.” She backs up this statement by hooking up with fellow castmate Pauly D and claiming not to remember it. Jersey Shore fans will also recall how J-Woww called Tom on the Snooki-proof duck phone to explain the incident that she allegedly doesn’t remember because she, too, was a victim of apparent (lemon-drop shot induced) amnesia. A momentary split happened between the couple before they were back together by the next episode.
Oh well, we guess it’s about time J-Woww is a single lady, ripping the heads off of orange-tanned men from New Jersey. Let’s just hope she remembers it.
The following video is the Paranormal Activity of Justin Bieber dance rehearsals. The first half is pretty entertaining: Bieber and his back-up dancers are learning the moves to his hit song “Baby.” His dancers are, like, 7 years old and ammmaaazing. Bieber isn’t too bad himself. Really it’s quite relaxing.
Then something… happens. We’d be wrong to spoil you, so please, watch from the beginning:
Sh*t gets straight up M. Night Shyamalan around the halfway point when Shaquille O’Neal just kind of ends up in the frame. We were stunned. He is a f**king ALIEN. And we’re grown human adults!! If we clutched our chests with fear, then how do you think Bieber’s small little premie incubator translucent heart felt?
After watching the above video, we have no choice but to believe that Shaq is trying to kill Justin Bieber via Massiva Baby Coronary. Sorry, we meant to say, “Oh, that’s going to be a great segment on his upcoming reality show Shaq Vs., when he has a ‘dance-off’ with Justin!”
*Pouring a little out of our Squeez-Its*
My friend told me about this film a while ago after he had seen it at Sundance. (Yes, I have friends who go to Sundance. It was Adrian Grenier, OK? My friend is Adrian Grenier*). He was all like, “This film will BLOW your MIND.” And I was all, like, “Sure. Evs. Nothing can move me after the action packed emotional roller coaster ride that was Push, starring Chris Evans and Dakota Fanning.” But then he described Catfish in detail and I was intrigued and I couldn’t find the trailer and now, behold, the trailer:
Ca-reeeeeeeeeeepy. If you really want to know the ending I’m sure you could search it on the Internet. I haven’t done any searching, but I’m guessing “Megan” is actually a fat old dude eating a sandwich. Somehow. In other news, I just met this totally great guy on Facebook!!! We’ve never met, but I think I love him!!!!! I’m gonna visit him at his ranch in Idaho, brb!
*It was not Adrian Grenier.
Usually when a celebrity gets a wax statue at Madame Tussaud’s, it’s some celebrity who has nothing better to do than to receive a wax statue, and we post their pics along with some joke to couch our obvious reaction of “Who gives a sh*t about this person, let alone a wax version of this person?”
Today is the exception that proves the rule (if there was a rule). Congratulations, Jane Lynch “Sue Sylvester” Wax Statue:
Yay! Universally likable people get wax-rewarded too. Could the Paul Rudd DJing wax statue be far behind?
More Wax Lynch pics:
You know what’s smaller than a hippopotamus? A pygmy hippopotamus. You know what’s even smaller than that? A BABY PYGMY HIPPOPOTAMUS. And wouldn’t you know it? One was just born at the Sydney Zoo! Meet Kambiri:
Watch the latest video at video.foxnews.com
My friend who sent it to me calls me up and asks “Be honest, if you gave birth to that you would be pretty psyched.” To which I responded, “No, because I want to give birth to a human baby,” hung up the phone, and looked down at the little pygmy hippo suckling away at my all too generous teet.
In an interview with Hugh Hefner about the new documentary Hugh Hefner: Playboy, Activist and Rebel, the titular Playboy founder is quoted saying, “The notion that Playboy turns women into sex objects is ridiculous. Women are sex objects. If women weren’t sex objects, there wouldn’t be another generation.” How sweet!
While the documentary focuses on Hef’s role as sexual entrepreneur in the ’60s, most of us know him as the somewhat doddering 84-yr-old nudie mag tycoon who patiently dealt with the exploits of his alarmingly much younger girlfriends in The Girls Next Door. But what about the very, very many lady-objects that have passed in and out of Hugh’s life? Don’t they deserve a documentary too, possibly directed by Ken Burns? We might not have the budget for that (yet), but until then enjoy a trip down Hugh’s memory lane (while he still has one) as we revisit some of the most beautiful women who ever took a peek under Hef’s robe.
Dr. Dre is planning an instrumental album inspired by the solar system. Possible album title: Straight Outta Uranus (Sorry) (No homo) (Sorry again).
Reports NME.com via Vibe.com:
“An instrumental album is something I’ve been wanting to do for a long time,” Dr. Dre said. “I have the ideas for it. I want to call it ‘The Planets’. I don’t even know if I should be saying this, but f*ck it. It’s just my interpretation of what each planet sounds like.”
He added: “I’ve been studying the planets and learning the personalities of each planet. I’ve been doing this for about two years now just in my spare time so to speak. I wanna do it in surround sound. It’ll have to be in surround sound for Saturn to work.”
That’s the truth. I’d give surround sound to Jupiter as well. So, yeah, this will obviously be RADICAL. I’m just a leeeeeetle bit concerned about Dr. Dre speaking about planet personalities. Then again, I’m no doctor. I’m assuming it will be a Dark Side Of The Moon-in-a-planetarium-possibly-with-lasers type of situation when this album drops. And, of course, completely drug free.
Proving even gorgeous deities can have a bad day, sources report having overheard Angelina J0lie’s sons Maddox and Pax calling their nanny by the ‘M’ word: Mom. According to sources, as the kids played poolside at the Claremont Hotel Club & Spa in Oakland, “The nanny firmly said, ‘Mad, let Paxie have some ketchup.’ Maddox said, ‘Mom, do I have to?’ and Pax was whining, ‘Mom, make him give me some.’”
Besides ketchup, it seems that these kids also like taking their lives into their own hands. Don’t they know Angelina isn’t just their mother, she’s the All-Mother? If they want to taste any tomato-based products again, they had better check themselves, before they wreck them little selves. Also, Paxie? Mad? Maxie Pad? Like we need any more ammunition which with to tease the Jolie-Pitt family.
We have more than a sneaking suspicion that their nanny bears a striking semblance to Jennifer Aniston in a red wig and giant wart, Nanny McPhee-style, and that she spent the rest of the play date rubbing her hands gleefully and calling paparazzi on her Blue Tooth. Hasn’t Angelina seen Mrs. Doubtfire?
Alright stop. Renovate and listen. Reportedly, Vanilla Ice is getting his own show on the DIY Network. Vanilla, a.k.a. Robert Van Winkle, is going to star in a home improvement show called “The Vanilla Ice Project”, a working title, we hope. There is so much more naming potential, in our opinion. What about “Yo DIY, Let’s Kick It!” or “The House At A1A Beachfront Avenue“?
A network representative said the idea for the show came about because “over the last 15 years, Rob has taught himself the basics of home improvement through hands-on experience.” In addition, “Rob demonstrates his vast knowledge in home renovation … . He calls the shots in this room-by-room home makeover series, exposing an entirely new side of the star — one that his fans never have seen before.”Ã‚Â That’s a pretty amazing concept, although we wonder who will watch since it’s like, specifically made for the Venn Diagram of people who love white rappers and Holmes On Homes, a slim crossover if ever there was one. As for his “wide open” knuckle tattoos above, we assume that’s a reference to the French doors leading out to a lovely patio at Chez Vanilla.
The missing links over at the Westboro Baptist Church will find any occasion necessary to break out their well-worn “God Hates F*gs” and “God Hates Jews” signs. Crushing news for Harvey Fierstein.
But today, the animals at the WBC have met their nemesis:
Meet Random Dude With a Sign. God definitely loves this guy. He’s 100 percent Constitutional!
(via Wilson Cruz’ Twitter)
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