Gays Not Any Less Excited About Ice Cream; Abs

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Name two things the gays love. If you said “ice cream” and “abs,” chances are you read the title of this post. I thank you. Those titles take literally seconds to create.

Here is the music video for “Ice Cream Truck,” an ode to chode a la mode sung by rapper and Logo favorite Cazwell, and featuring hundreds of thousands of local muscle boys groinding while also suggestively licking popsicles and ice cream cones. We’re really happy to see that the former Best Week Ever set has found a new, super gay home.

Teen Choice Awards Winners: Fashion Hits And Misses

by (@missmuttoo)

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To be fair, it was mostly vamps, but not all vamps at the 2010 Teen Choice Awards. Look at the hosts: Glee studs AND Katy Perry, who visited various high-school stereotypes through the show. Cue a gazillion costume changes (we like geeky Katy the best). And watching them were young Hollywood’s finest, including  Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner, approximately 3 million peeps from TwilightMegan Fox, Channing Tatum, Sandra Bullock, Selena Gomez, Leighton MeesterEllen DeGeneras, David Beckham (wtf?), and The Kardashians. And my oh my, didn’t they look pretty? And some, well, didn’t.

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Some Lollapalooza Fans Really Got An Eyeful Of Lady Gaga

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Lady Gaga performed at Lollapalooza in Chicago’s Grant Park this weekend. Remember the last time Grant Park was in the news? It was where Obama accepted the presidency on election night and Oprah and millions of others wept and cheered and the tone was regal and celebratory because it was history in the making? This scene uh, not so much. It was just a girl and her unsupported boobs rolling on top of a lot of sweaty people.

Gaga took the stage with Semi Precious Weapons and then flung her fishnet-covered, free-boobin’ self into the crowd where, contrary to how we might react when gravity pulls someone else’s breasts into our facial region, the crowd (and that one guy in particular) loved it. For a closer look at her star-covered nipples, check out our gallerypalooza below.

To see tips from your favorite Lollapalooza artists, follow VH1 on foursquare at foursquare.com/vh1.

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[Photos: Getty Images]

Taylor Momsen’s Parents Should Really Reflect On Where They Went Wrong

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We really need to stop reporting on all the crazy things Taylor Momsen says, because it’s genuinely starting to upset us. The now-17-year-old has thrown dozens of choice quotes our way over the past couple years, the general sentiment being “I don’t give a f*ck and also, f*ck you.” Today’s sound bite might take the cake though. In a radio interview in New Zealand, Momsen joked “I was raised Catholic. I f*cked a priest once — I’m just kidding.” Ha….ha? Look, we’re not Catholic and our sensibilities aren’t that delicate, but what are you trying to prove? We get it! You are edgy! You win the Edgy Award 2010! Congrats!

Taylor later got into feminist mode in the interview when she said answered to people who criticized her for discussing her vibrator. “I’m not a whore for masturbating, so f*ck you if you want to call me one. I think women should equally be allowed to pleasure themselves as much as men. I think that if that has any more controversy than a man talking about pleasuring himself, then there’s something wrong with the world.”

Oh my God, didn’t this topic already get covered in six seasons of Sex and The City? But also, it’s because you are seventeen that you are being targeted, Tay. Did you think of that? You are not as old and wise as you think. So, to quote you, “shut  the f*k up”. Your schtick is tired. And we don’t mean your vibrator.

[Photo: Getty Images]

Style Wars: Plaid Battle

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Sadly sans their Twilight leading lady Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson (photos) and Taylor Lautner left their tailored suits in the closet for the 2010 Teen Choice Awards. The handsome duo opted to coordinate in loosely-buttoned plaid shirts, denim, and black footwear. As usual, Rob looked deliciously undone, tousled on top and Converse on bottom. Taylor managed to make his casual look less just-out-of-bed with a nicely-pressed shirt and leather boots. Whose team are you on? [Photo: Getty Images]

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Vamps Clean Up At Teen Choice Awards

by (@missmuttoo)

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The tweeny-teeny utopian 2010 Teen Choice Awards taped yesterday and were hosted by  “Prom Kings” (the dudes from Glee) and “Prom Queen” (aka, Katy Perry, who doubled as a geeky backstage nerd wearing braces and bobby socks). As expected, vamps took over the show.

Robert Pattinson (photos) scooped up four surfboard awards (sans his pale, winsome lovah Kristen Stewart, who was MIA). The toothsome star won Choice Liplock and Choice Chemistry with KStew for New Moon and also got Choice Movie Star, Male for Eclipse. In non-vampirical news, he also won Choice Actor, Drama for Remember Me. But that’s just him moonlighting as a human, so it doesn’t really count.

The vamp tally stayed ridiculously high with KStew also picking up Choice Actress, Fantasy and Choice Movie Star, Female. What’s that we hear being chanted in the background? Team Jacob? Never fear, everybody’s favorite werewolf Taylor Lautner also walked off with Choice Fantasy, Actor, Choice Male Hottie AND Red Carpet Icon, Male. *Rwar*

There was a bit of a surprise element too. In a win that must’ve been bittersweet to say the least, ousted actress Rachelle Lefevre won Choice Villian for her cut-short turn as Victoria in New Moon. Ashley Greene and Kellan Lutz also scored for Choice Scene Stealer Male and Female respectively. And don’t even get us started on how many film categories New Moon and Eclipse won in. Hint: plenty.

BUT, they weren’t the only vampires (and, well, solo werewolf) who stole the show. The Vampire Diaries picked up six awards in the television category as well, making it one fangtastic night.

The winners list is long and dripping with hotties so if you’re interested, take a gander here. And look below for all the vamps risking life and limb to come out in daylight for our viewing pleasure.  The show airs tonight at 8PM EST on Fox. [Photo: Getty Images]

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Teen Choice Awards: Reason #98362516 To Love Sandra Bullock

by (@missmuttoo)

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We tend to rhapsodize about Sandra Bullock. But how could you not? We make our argument taking her appearance at  yesterdays Teen Choice Awards into account.

• No one can rock black leather pants, a grey T-shirt and high heels like she can. She didn’t walk the blue carpet (yeah, they have a smurfy blue carpet), but instead popped up, badass-like, on stage. Now that’s an entrance.

• She won four awards, which makes her, like, the female Robert Pattinson. She scored the honored surfboards for The Blind Side in the Choice Drama and  Choice Actress, Drama categories. She also won for The Proposal taking home Choice Actress, Romantic Comedy and Choice Dance with Betty White.

• Her acceptance speech had us cooing and snorting with laughter simultaneously. How does she do it (must take notes next time). “I don’t know if you should bring attention to this. Some things are better left unsaid. It’s been awhile since I was a teen…” Nice one, Sandy….nice one.

• She can bust a move with Betty White. And she showed us just how when they broke it down on stage to Lil Jon’s Get Low. That’s why Miss Sandy’s the bomb! [Photo: Getty Images]

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Jersey Shore-Style Brawl Breaks Out At Elton John Gig In Monte Carlo

by (@missmuttoo)

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You’d expect a bit of drama onstage at an Elton John performance at a gala in Monte Carlo, but would you expect to see a Jersey Shore-style brawl in the audience? Apparently, a French-speaking woman in her 30′s and another in her 70′s showed attendees exactly what a beat down among rich Europeans looks like. And while one description of the fight seems similar to what you’d expect at the Shore (“When Younger Blonde turned around, 70 grabbed her hair and pulled out a gigantic blonde weave.”), it’s clear that girl fights play out very differently on the French riviera.

The unidentified ladies, for one, weren’t sporting shorty-shorts and baby T-shirts. They were wearing ball gowns and dripping in diamonds. And when the requisite drinks were thrown — it was glasses of champagne, not beer out of plastic cups. But the biggest difference between Jersey Shore and Monte Carlo cat fights is probably summed up by a witness who said, “the two ladies slapped and kicked each other while still seated until security came.” So drinks, punches and kicks were thrown — and yet the women remained seated while beating each other down so as not to disrupt Sir Elton belting out “Tiny Dancer” at the piano? It’s Lifestyles of the Bitch and Famous! [Source: New York Post; Photo: Getty Images]

MY MOTHER RECAPS THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF D.C.: We Are Falling Into The Toilet, This Country

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The Real Housewives of D.C. has already been on America’s radars since November of 2009, when one of the housewives, Michaele Sahali, breached White House security along with her husband and went from Bravo reality stars to headline news. Now, the show is upon us. Let’s meet the cast:

Stacie Scott Turner: A lovely African-American real estate agent with a hot husband and adorable children. Stacie is what we would call the “normal” one of the group.

Lynda Erkiletian: The local MILF. Lynda is a divorced mother of grown children, whose boyfriend is an 8 foot tall suit model named Ebong who is definitely giving her her groove back.

Catherine Ommanney: Catherine Ommanney’s last name is hilarious because she has an extremely deep voice. She is British, married to the most connected man on the show, and may or may not hate black people. Time will tell.

Mary Schmidt Amons: A pigface whose Grandfather was the legendary Arthur Godfrey. If you are from Miami as I am, you’ve most definitely driven down his road. Despite Mary’s links to anti-Semitism as my Mother will describe below, we are going to give her a shot at being one of the “good wives.”

Michaele Salahi: All around nightmare and possible anorexic/drug addict.

Because yesterday was the premiere, much of the episode was spent introducing us to the above ladies. Thankfully, it was not fully without its dramas. But rather than rehash what we’ve already hashed, let us turn to Real Housewives expert and real housewife herself, my mother Judy Collins, to get her take on the episode as it unfolded, as well as some bonus opinions about Jersey Shore:

Following The First Commercial Break…

I have to keep my eyes open, that’s how bored I am. Let me tell you something, you know this Michaele Salahi? There was a big altercation with Whoopi on The View I don’t know why Whoopi attacked her. (Ed. Note: Her opinion will eventually change as this recap progresses…)

I love Staci. Harvard business educated, she’s a bright woman. The kids are absolutely adorable. And this English woman (drops her voice to male testicular levels) talks very very low. And if I’m saying it, then you know it’s low. (Ed. Note: My genetically deep voice concurs.) Her kids are cute too. You know why that girl only 5 out of 20 questions right on her spelling test? The English spell differently. They spell “color” c-o-l-o-U-r. And if you’re not used to it, you get nixed. That’s why she got 5 right on the spelling test. And her boyfriend is a good looking white house photographer…

Mary Schmidt Amons, Granddaughter of Arthur Godfrey, Miami’s Most Famous Jew Hater

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Megan Fox’s Smooches Costar; Costar Says ‘Eh’

by (@hallekiefer)

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For a man so diminutive, Dominic Monaghan must have some huge cojones. When asked what it’s like to kiss co-star Megan Fox, the former LOST actor and erstwhile hobbit joked, “It’s alright.” Then when a tiny red laser dot appeared on his forehead, he cleared his throat and said, “No, I’m just kidding. It’s fine, it’s work.”

Megan then powered down her ocular machine gun and went back to doodling “Mrs. Brian Austin Green” in purple marker on a napkin. The two actors recently worked together on the video for Eminem‘s “Love The Way You Lie” video, which depicts the pair as an abusive couple so passionate that some question whether the video glamorizes the domestic violence it is meant to criticize. Well, that’s not exactly the ideal place to be assessing someone’s kissing ability, now is it? We respectfully demand a re-kiss!

To be honest, we too have been wondering what it would be like to plant one on a person so smoldering, so elegant, so perfectly sculpted by the hands of many, many plastic surgeons as Ms. Fox. We imagine it would be like kissing a beautiful new vinyl ottoman, or a mannequin with great hair.  Monaghan continued, probably while laughing nervously, “I said, ‘Look, I know that you’re married and I don’t want to do anything inappropriate.’ And she said, ‘It’s all kind of inappropriate, huh.’” Which is just darling of Dominic to say, but let’s be real.  It’s only a matter of time before Fox rolls over in the morning, notices that her husband is a washed-up 90210 actor 13 years her senior, and runs out of that marriage so fast she knocks a Megan Fox-shaped hole through the wall. And then Hollywood, look out! You’re going to get the most mediocre make-out of your life. [Photo: Getty Images]