By Any Chance Is Senator John Kerry Moonlighting As Alice Cooper?

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I happened upon some photos from an event last night celebrating the launch of a new music service called Guvera whose guests included Mos Def, Jim Jones, and legendary rocker Alice Cooper. Perhaps it was because I had politics on the brain thanks to Mitt Romney’s new hip hop gang war, but I couldn’t help but think Mr. Cooper looked exactly like another former Presidential hopeful: Senator John Kerry.

Could Alice Cooper actually be Senator Kerry in a wig and leather jacket? Think about it. When have you ever seen these two in the same place? NEVER! In the interest of political fairness, I will turn to you, the discerning readers, to decide.

I would ask Alice myself next time we have one of our many pickup roller lacrosse games, but I’m afraid he’ll do this to me (after the jump):

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New Moon Vampire Dating Harry Potter Star

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Bonnie Wright & Jamie Campbell Bower

Ginny Weasley loves Caius! Harry Potter star Bonnie Wright confirmed to England’s OK! that she’s been dating New Moon vampire Jamie Campbell Bower since last October. “Yes, we’re dating. We’ve been seeing each other for a few months, it’s good. We’re going to the BAFTAs together on Sunday.” The pair, who’ve already been spotted getting cozy on the red carpet for a while, met on the set of Harry Potter And The Death Gallows, where Bower will make his series debut as Gellert Grindelwald. Congratulations, Bonnie! You’re now the envy of Twi-hards and girls who wish they were the future Mrs. Potter.

[Photo: Getty Images]

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Lil Wayne’s Dental Woes

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59480459Last week we speculated that Lil Wayne was getting oral surgery before heading to prison in order to remove the diamonds from his teeth. Turns out, Wayne went in for more painful surgery that has nothing to do with his precious stones. The man had to endure eight (yes, EIGHT) root canals yesterday to correct several tooth implants and add a few more new ones.

The procedure, which lasted eight hours, might have sounded like an easy way to postpone his jail time and get an extra three weeks of freedom, but now that we know the details it seems less vacation-y and more nightmarish. What we really want to know though is did the diamonds cause all this tooth decay, or are they there to hide a pre-existing condition? It’s truly like a chicken-and-egg question for our times. [Photo: Getty Images]

National Enquirer Now Eligible To Sully The Good Name Of The Pulitzer Prize

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The National Enquirer, the number one source of news for people waiting to check out in the grocery store and not interested in the gum selection, is now eligible for journalism’s top honor: The Pulitzer Prize. The New York Times reports (very begrudgingly, I assume):

The Pulitzer Prize administrators have decided that The National Enquirer is eligible to compete for the awards, a person briefed on the matter said Thursday.

Enquirer editors said they had submitted an entry before the Feb. 1 deadline for their work on the John Edwards scandal, but it was not clear whether the publication qualified for the Pulitzers, widely considered the most coveted honor for American newspapers.

I know the Enquirer broke the whole Edwards affair story, but it took forever for anyone to actually believe them. That is their own fault. They fire out fake stories left and right about who is cheating on who with another fat celebrity getting plastic surgery on their death bed, so it was hard to take them seriously when they did have a real story.

Now that they are Pulitzer eligible, “legitimate” news organizations have to be fuming. This is like the news equivalent of some goth in high school trying out for the football team to the behest of all the real jocks, and then turning out to be really good at one winning play. It gives hope to me though. Perhaps one day one of my posts here will somehow be eligible for a Peabody or a Grammy or some kind of prestigious unnecessary lengthy metaphor award. A guy can dream.

Hilary Duff Gets Engaged, World Vaguely Remembers Who She Is Again

by (@katespencer)

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Good news for Hilary Duff‘s career! The actress/singer appears to be engaged to her hockey star boyfriend, Mike Comrie. The pair, who have dated since 2007, were spotted by paparazzi cameras on the balcony of their Hawaii hotel, cuddling, snuggling and drinking wine. (To answer your question: No, it doesn’t look like she’s headed downtown in that one pic. It’s a stomach kiss, ya pervs.) The photos then show Mike getting down on one knee and proposing, we assume, to Hillary, as she covers her mouth in shock. Further proof: she then returns to the balcony and takes a photo with her iPhone of the giant ring on her left hand. (Check out the pics on ONTD.)

Hilary used to do actual things that made her famous: she starred as Lizzie Maguire (aka, the Hannah Montana of the early 2000s) on the Disney Channel, feuded with Lindsay Lohan over Aaron Carter and had a huge album in 2003, from which the opening theme of “The Hills” was born (thanks for that, Hil). But then she got giant vaneers on her teeth, lost a lot of weight (that she eventually gained back, thankfully) and got stuck doing things washed-up actresses do, like gust starring on “Gossip Girl.”

Let’s hope some new bling and a wedding help to reboot her career and, as a bonus, make her less-talented sister Haylie jealous. Lest we forget: Congrats Hilary! You landed a Canadian, and according what we’ve seen during the Olympics, they’re nice. Well done.  [Photo: SplashNewsOnline]

Kate Moss Weeps At Fashion Show

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Kate Moss couldn’t control her emotions yesterday in London during a fashion show to benefit Haiti, openly weeping as designs by her good friend Alexander McQueen walked down the runway. At the Fashion For Relief Haiti charity event put together by model Naomi Campbell, designer clothing was modeled and auctioned off to aid people affected by the earthquake. Earlier in the evening, Kate modeled a McQueen dress from his final collection, but when she saw some of his other designs pass by, she broke down and was consoled by friend and fellow model Annabelle Nielson. Moss was one of McQueen’s closest friends and was devastated by his untimely death. On the bright side, the event raised nearly $2 million for Haiti, which goes to show that Naomi Campbell can do other things besides throwing phones at people’s heads. [Photos: Getty Images]

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EXCLUSIVE: The Alternate Ending To Jay Leno’s New Tonight Show Promo

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As reports surface that Conan O’Brien may be doing some live stage shows this summer, NBC has rolled out a pants-wettingly hilarious new promo for Jay Leno‘s return to The Tonight Show, seen below:

I actually got my hands on the original, longer version of the promo (I have a guy inside NBC. He lives in the air conditioning ducts). This is how the spot should have ended:

Good thing Kevin Eubanks didn’t ride shotgun.

Bi-Curiouser And Curiouser: Adam Lambert Makes Out With Ke$ha

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Adam Lambert knows how to keep his fans on their toes, especially the ones who refuse to accept that he’s gay. In a recent radio interview, Lambert matter-of-factly explained that he will not be boxed in by his sexuality, which is why he recently made out with Ke$ha at a club. Say whaaa?

Lambert, on radio show BLI in The Morning, explained that he recently decided to indulge his hetero-curious side saying “I made out with Ke$ha a couple nights ago. . . She’s really pretty and we were laughing and…just started kissing!” And if you were curious, Lambert confirms she’s “a great kisser”. We’re about 110% sure this means nothing and Glambert is still gay as can be, but it does go to show you that when men and women share eye glitter, sparks can fly regardless of sexual preference. [Photo: Getty Images]

VIDEO: OH NOOOOO — RUN You Stop-Motion Danish Bunnies!!!

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This Danish stop-motion animated short “Out Of A Forest” starts out adorable, then becomes waaaaay more tense than any animated bunny tea party video has the right to be, before ultimately resuming its place firmly in the realm of adorable again (adoraspoiler!)

I may or may not have just yelled “Why aren’t you running??? RUNNN!!!” out loud at my desk. People just assumed I was watching Legends of the Hidden Temple, as usual.

Out Of A Forest from Tobias Gundorff Boesen on Vimeo.