The following is a Recap of Lost Season 6, Episode 3 entitled “The Substitute”, originally airing February 16, 2010. If you haven’t seen the episode, or plan on renting the movie The Substitute with Tom Berenger, don’t read, on, cause this is full of spoilers of both. Mostly the latter.
LOCKE: NEW-THOUSAND AND FOUR
This week’s tale opens on a still-paralyzed Locke who grows a little overconfident, falls on his lawn, gets nailed by sprinklers, and submits the tape to Lostmerica’s Funniest Home Videos (but loses to “Baby Plays The Spoon”). In this reality, with some encouragement from his wife-to-be Helen, Locke resumes his day job at the box factory, but is immediately confronted by his boss, Dr. Douchebag (he’s a doctor in Douchebag), who quickly gets him to admit that he didn’t spend any time in Australia on actual company business, and when Locke begs him to accept his apology without explanation, his boss fires him way too happily.
While pulling out of the parking lot, Locke confronts a van driver and yells at him “You’re a worse parker than the owner of this loser company!” but UHOH, it’s Hurley, who owns the company. The exceptionally sideburney Hurley laughs off Locke’s faux pas and recommends him to the Temp Agency he owns, which is managed by Rose for no damn reason. Rose then sets Locke up substitute teaching at a school, where he encounters Ben Frickin’ Linus, the teacher of such unpopular European history classes as:
- Charlemagne Is Coming To Kill Everyone On This Continent
- You’ll Just Have To Trust Me, Renaissance
- Now Your Ancient Greek Friends Are Safe
- Murder Class
Perhaps the budding teachers’ lounge friendship between Ben and Locke in some way impacts Ben’s later speech about Locke being “A man of faith… a better man than I’ll ever be… I shouldn’t have murdered him”? They could just be two separate destinies playing out in mirroring ways, but I’m throwing my money on a convergence here (Eventual Convergence Of The Two Realities is the current odds-on favorite in Las-t Vegas).
Eventually, Locke works up the courage to call Jack’s office for his free spinal miracle, but when the receptionist he totally has a crush on picks up, he hangs up really quickly. (A friend of mine imitated the receptionist saying “Hm.Guess it was someone who could walk.”) He explains to Helen that he’s been fired, and reveals his luggage bag that’s full of knives (You call those walkabout knives?? the Australians would have asked him), and admits that he argued and argued about trying to go on the walkabout, just as he argued with Rose at the temp agency, uttering a memorable Locke refrain about not wanting others to “tell me what I can’t do.” Put a bookmark in this one! We’ll come back to it. Literally stick one into your computer right here ——>
This reality’s Locke — unlike some other Lockes…COUGH…BAD MONSTER ONE– finally accepts his situation, and Helen obligingly rips up Jack’s business card. Locke then tells Helen, “I think I’ll start training for that Ironman now,” and Helen gives him a weird glare, then gets the joke and they laugh together. Freeze frame. Credits. LOST.
After The Jump, Pantsless Sawyer, Number-Lovin’ Jacob, and Locke’s Choose Your Own Adventure Game: