Pool Jumpers: The Documentary You Catch In Mid-Air While Jumping Into A Pool

by

I’d never really made the connection before between catching a ball while jumping into a pool and the turbulent decade of upheaval that was the Reagan 80s, but this documentary Pool Jumpers renders that connection impossible NOT to make.

It’s early in pool documentary season, but this critic predicts that these fellas may just be catching an OSCAR next year in mid-air while jumping into a pool, both literally and figuratively. It’s about time someone made a reverse Jaws, I want to swim again:

Ryan Phillippe Makes Out With A Mystery Lady

by (@missmuttoo)

SPL172366_001

Abbie Cornish and Ryan Phillippe spilt and everyone seems to be moving along quite happily. Abbie got together with Josh Hartnett, while her ex has been hitting on (and striking out with) hot young models and buying condoms galore. It’s been working for him, because Ryan was seen making out with a hot brunette throughout the Victoria’s Secret “What Is Sexy?” party in Los Angeles.

Jamie Foxx had his game on too. A witness reports, “He kissed Chanel Iman‘s hand, and showed Rosie Huntington-Whiteley and Candice Swanepoel his dance moves.” Looks like everyone had some sexy time!

[Photo: Splash News]

And In Further Proof That Taylor Momsen’s Parents Should Be In Jail

by

“Remember Taylor Momsen?”

“Of course!” (Google imaging….)

Right? WRONG. Behold, Taylor Momsen, born in 1993:

Yup, Gossip Girl star and 16 YEAR OLD Taylor Momsen, seen above making a cameo appearance on an upcoming Intervention with her band “The Pretty Reckless,” carries a knife. Sorry, not a knife. A switchblade. Whatever BITCH I got a Schick Quattro in my purse at ALL TIMES in case I missed any stray ankle hairs so whatevuhhh, I am not impressed.

So why does Taylor carry around a knife? Other than to land the lead in that upcoming T-Birds biopic?

She told U.K. newspaper The Metro: “I have a knife collection. My favorite’s my switchblade.

“I flew from New York to Los Angeles and still had a couple of knives in my purse. I thought I took them all out but they got tucked up in the folds. (Ed. Note: Grozzzz.)

“I went through security, took them on the plane, opened my bag to get my wallet in LA and they fell out. I was like: “Holy s***!”

Can the TSA please start racially profiling underaged, strung-out, spoiled blond idiots with WASP names who once starred as a rat face in a Dr. Seuss movie? Seriously, God knows what else she has “tucked up in them folds,” but I’d prefer not to be flying with it.

Also, Taylor, when you’re 30, you’ll either be mortified by things like this, or be too busy sharpening your machete on your human skull collection to be reflecting on your childhood.

Follow me on Twitter

Where In The World Is Matt Lauer? Probably Not With His Wife

by

56303407

We’ve heard about the sexcapades that occur between athletes at the Olympic Village, but we never figured that the journalists sent there to cover the events would get in on them. Looks like Matt Lauer may prove us wrong, at least according to reports in the National Enquirer. The Today Show host has reportedly left the home in New York that he shares with his wife Annette and their three children after Annette accuesed him of hooking up with at least two female broadcasters at the Vancouver Olympics this year.

This isn’t the first time the couple has had problems – Annette filed for divorce in 2006 but withdrew the petition because she was pregnant with their third child. Matt allegedly screwed around on the poor woman just before they were married in 1998 as well. While in Vancouver, Lauer is said to have stood up his wife on Valentine’s Day, instead opting to hang out with his colleagues. You know, we’ve never really thought about what the hosts of the Today Show do in their spare time, they always seemed like blank slates to us. Now it’s taking all the strength we have to not think about the sex lives of Ann Curry and Al Roker.

[Photo: Getty Images]

Taylor Momsen Tells England How Much She Loves Knives

by

Taylor Momsen

While some adults, like the questionable fellow in front of the stage last night’s London performance, are glad to see the scantily-clad Taylor Momsen and her Pretty Reckless kick off their European tour, most parents may be less than enthusiastic. Remember the crap storm when Katy Perry posed with a knife? Well, the 16-year-old Gossip Girl star had to go and praise her knife collection to The Metro.

I have a knife collection. I have my favourite black knife with me all the time, it’s a switchblade. It relaxes me to flick it. I close it and open it…I took them through security, took them on the plane, opened my bag to get my wallet in LA and they fell out. I was like ‘holy s—.’

Though we’re going to assume she’s unaware that knife crime is a big deal in England, it’s unlikely Taylor gives a crap anyway. “I don’t f***ing care,” Taylor said last January. “I didn’t get into this to be a role model. So I’m sorry if I’m influencing your kids in a way that you don’t like, but I can’t be responsible for their actions. I don’t care.” See more of that punk rock bravado in the gallery below.

[Photo: Splash News Online]

View Photo Gallery

Watch Eclipse Clip: Evil Vampires Have Bieber Hair. Obvs.

by

Every time a Twilight film comes out, my friends Pat and Adrienne and I go to Queens on opening night to watch it with the kidz. The first time it was hilarious. Team Jacob and Team Edward shirts, boys who don’t know they’re gay yet with their girl best friends who don’t know the boys are gay either. It’ll all blow up soon enough, but for that one night, all lust was directed towards Edward and Jacob, and it was awesome. When New Moon came out we were excited to do the same thing. However, this time all novelty had worn off and we were in a hot, sweaty theater watching a terrible movie with teenagers on a Friday night. The worst. And we’ll do it again for Eclipse. Because we’ve convinced ourselves that we have to. You know, that code that we live by. We’re idiots. Anyway, at least I know there will be some lolz, as evidenced by this clip:

I’ve watched the part where the vampire says, “Maybe we should consult with Aro” about three four times, and I’m still laughing. The way he says it? And his face before he says it? So funny. Guys, this will be great. Bieber hair! Dakota Fanning! Dakota Fanning in a hooded cape!

Dakota Fanning and everyone else, follow me on Twitter

Ke$ha Has Mastered The Art of Baby Slut Talk

by

My BFF and I have long tried to master the art of baby slut talk, but it isn’t easy. Our theory: The more of a baby slut you sound like, the more desirable you are to the male species. In fact, we’ve boiled BST (baby slut talk) down to three words that, when said in a variety of ways, could technically get you through an entire date. I will now share with you these three very important words:

“Whaaaat? Meeee? Thenkx.”

Yes, our “What? Me? Thanks.” theory has gotten us really far. (Not far.) But you know who it has gotten far? Ke$ha. Who has “What? Me? Thenx”‘d her way to the top of the pop charts. And no song demonstrates her genius freestyle baby slut rap better than “Your Love Is My Drug,” the anthem for infant baby whores worldwide.

Our verdict? What? Me? We love it. Thanks. (Ed. Note: It’s obviously a “Barbie Girl” kind of love, i.e. fleeting and “now.” If this were to come on the radio in 2025, we would order our robot maids to slice our ears off.)

Worst Wedding DJ? Or Just Boob-Slappingest?

by

This should never happen.

I mean, I’m not a wedding DJ myself, so I’ve never really been “in the trenches” as they may or may not say (I don’t know, cause I’ve never been in the trenches), but I am still very sure that this should never happen.

I’m also not a wedding DJ supervisor, so again, I might not be totally correct here, although wedding DJ supervisors are probably ex wedding DJs, so this point is probably moot, but again, I am still very very sure that this should never happen:

Cate Blanchett, Giant Tulle

by

60423862

Once again, Cate Blanchett looks stunning on the red carpet, this time at Robin Hood premiere in Cannes. What’s more noticeable though is just how much she towers over everyone. Posing with producer Brian GrazerChau-Giang Thi Nguyen, co-star Russell Crowe and his wife Danielle Spence, Blanchett is literally head and shoulders above them – and that’s even with Grazer’s spiked hair. Blanchett wasn’t the only one with a voluminous outfit, check out our gallery to see who else dressed to excess at the premiere.

[Photos: Getty Images]

View Photo Gallery

Why We Love Ryan Gosling: You Be The Tree

by

Ryan Gosling is just great. Great! He has an interview in New York Magazine, which contains this gem of a quote about Shel Silverstein’s incredibly depressing children’s book, The Giving Tree:

That book is so f**ked up; that story’s the worst. I mean, at the end the tree is a stump and the old guy just sitting on him; he’s just used him to death, and you’re supposed to want to be the tree? F**k you. You be the tree. I don’t want to be the tree.

I don’t want to be the tree either! We should probably be together, Ryan Gosling.

My memory is hazy of the book, but basically the tree was in love with the boy and their relationship continues until he’s an old man? She (or he, whatevs, it’s a tree) loved him so much that she gave all of herself to him and he was an ungrateful bastard? Right? I forget. I don’t remember wanting to be the tree or being told that I should want to be the tree. Then again, I was young. Perhaps the nuance escaped me. I just remember being super depressed after reading it. Basically, I hear you Gosling. Loud and clear. We should probably form a book club or something.

Ryan Gosling and others can follow me on Twitter