Casting Couch: Top Ten Actresses That Could Replace Megan Fox In Transformers 3

by (@unclegrambo)

foxreplacements

Hey there, Michael Bay! Not sure that we’ve been properly introduced. Here at The FABLife, we’re big fans of the way you are able to subtly wrench powerful emotional performances out of your actors, and we’re surely not the first to tell you that your mise-en-scène would make Truffaut weep with jealousy. Just kidding, we mostly love you because there’s no one better in the business at blowing sh*t up.

And hey, we heard the news that you fired Megan Fox from Transformers 3. We applaud the decision; after all, you can’t let some scrawny, hammer-thumbed bimbette tarnish the directorial legacy that you’ve been building ever since you first stepped behind the lens as the director of Playboy Video Centerfold: Kerri Kendall! Gotta keep your eye on the prize, can’t let one bad apple ruin the bunch, we get it.

But since we’ve heard that you’ve already started filming the third installment of Transformers in Los Angeles, we figured you might need some help finding a new love interest for Shia LaBeouf. To that end, we have gone to the trouble of compiling a list of ten actresses who could replace that ungrateful harlot, Megan Fox, as well as the reasons you’ll want to talk to them. Hopefully this will save you some time and allow you to complete the film in time for its planned release date of July 4, 2012!

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[Photos: Getty Images, Splash]

Ow! Justin Bieber Bumps His Head On Revolving Door

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Still reeling from our post on Justin Bieber‘s kissing technique? This video of the Beeb bonking his head on a revolving door should satisfy those who want to believe he’s too innocent for making out outside a Wal-Mart (don’t let his boyishness confuse you…dude’s sixteen!). “I just walked into that door,” he confessed to the paps who caught his lil’ boo-boo. “My forehead hurts…I pushed and I thought it opened but obviously it didn’t, and I walked right into the window.” Thank goodness he had that helmet of a haircut or he might have really hurt himself. Enjoy the cuteness in the gallery below while you can, fans…once that voice drops there’s no telling what indignities lie ahead.

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Naked Pictures Of David Boreanaz’s Alleged Mistress (Ed Note – Eww)

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I suppose the internet is just doing its job by uncovering nude photos of David Boreanaz’s alleged mistress, Demi Delia (real name Gina Rodriguez), but, well, sometimes the internet doing its job is kinda gross.

Below, the NSFWey photos of Ms. Delia. Come to think of it, have we ever posted a thing about David Boreanaz’s actual career? Ionknow. He’s fine on Bones. Here are some boobs. For news purposes, not non-gross purposes:

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This Nike Ad Might Actually Make America Watch The World Cup (No It Won’t)

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First, watch. Then we discuss.

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “This is very much like the Jim Belushi/Michael Caine vehicle Mr. Destiny from 1990 wherein Michael Caine plays an angel who visits Jim Belushi and allows him to relive his life as though he had hit the winning homerun in high school.” You are RIGHT, Friend. And I’ll tell you one thing, Jim Belushi didn’t end up living in a trailer with Wayne Rooney. He hit the homerun, married Rene Russo*and lived in a mansion house with a fancy car!

Booyah! USA! USA!
 

*This is my second reference to Rene Russo today.

Via ONTD

Trailer for Mr. Destiny after the jump

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Adrien Brody Looks Lame In Leather At Cannes Armani Party

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Adrien Brody

This is no way for a 37-year-old Oscar winner to dress. Actually, this is no way for any human being to dress, but we’re especially embarrassed that leather-loving Adrien Brody decided this look was appropriate for yesterday’s Armani yacht party at Cannes. The Lady Gaga shirt may be meant to suggest a fashion forward mindset, but he still looks like a cheap, sticky couch possessed by DJ Pauly D. Even if we didn’t hate this guy for stinking up every single movie he’s made since winning that Oscar for The Pianist (which we still haven’t seen because its a holocaust drama directed by a rapist and starring Adrien Brody), we’d still hate him for this suit. If he makes Predators suck, we suggest he be banned from anything that has the slightest chance of being awesome.

Thankfully, attendees like Emily Blunt, Naomi Watts, Benicio Del Toro and Natalie Imbruglia (she lives!) found more respectable attire for the soiree (Elizabeth Banks is still trying too hard, though). See what they wore in the gallery below.

[Photo: Getty Images]

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LOST OPEN THREAD: Who Will Have The Last Line In The Finale?

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In an attempt to get Lost internet overexposure to implode back on itself, let’s count down to Sunday’s finale with a series of Open Thread questions to build up for our inevitable disappointfusion around the ol’ water cooler on Monday morning.

Today’s question:

Who will speak the last line in the series finale?

Answers (and optional explanations) in the comments, por favLost.

The unofficial Vegas lines for the line (wordplay!):

Jack: 2-1
Desmond: 3-1
Sawyer: 7-1
Kate: 7-1
Hurley: 7-1
Locke / Man In Black: 12-1
Ben: 15-1
Richard: 25-1
Jacob: 30-1
Claire: 50-1
Rose: 500-1
Other: 100-1

So who’s it gonna be? Debate away in the comments.

If you guess correctly, you’ll receive a high-five from me. Remember to leave your name, credit card number, and that number on the back of your credit card in the comments so I can deliver your high-five.

My own answer, after the jump:

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Glee Porn Parody Surprisingly Not Gay Porn

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Well, the fine people behind porn have done it again. They’ve crushed an actress’ dream gone ahead and made a Glee porn parody. Swapping autotune for autopoon, the casting directors have really outdone themselves in finding paid sex workers who look and kind of sound like your favorite Glee cast members (secret pun!). You’ve got:

  • Porn Rachel: Looks like Lea Michelle, and sounds like her, despite the fact that she hasn’t been a virgin since the age of 14.
  • Porn Mercedes: All the weight from her body has gone straight to her chest and ass.
  • Porn Mr. Schuester: Their chins are exactly alike, but Porn-Schue is like 60 years old.
  • Porn Sue Sylvester: Exactly the same.
  • Other Asian: Other Asian.

The biggest surprise, it seems, is that the Glee Porn Parody isn’t the gayest porn ever made. Language is NSFW, but we suggest risking it to hear their all-too-catchy version of “We Will F**k You.”

Bethenny Frankel’s Skype Disaster: Tech Problems? Or Jill Zarin Sabotage?

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Bethenny Frankel appeared on the luminous 4th hour of the Today Show this morning via Skype to promote talk about her brand new baby Bryn and the “Oys!” of motherhood. (Book publishers, are you reading these puns? I will give you gold, just call me.)

But about a minute in, something went horrible wrong. And Bethenny, well… she froze. For real. Some might blame this gaff on technology. But not us. We know better. This is clearly the work of Jill Zarin-Fabrics.

Must watch video ahead.

Lindsay Lohan Gets Her Passport, Will Be Arrested Upon Landing

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Lindsay Lohan‘s latest legal drama has gone so screwy we’re not even sure why she’s leaving Cannes for America in the first place—or if she’s really planning to at all. When we last left off, Lindsay claimed her passport had been stolen, forcing her to miss today’s court date concerning her post-DUI probation (not that this kept her from partying last night). Despite pleas from her attorney at today’s hearing in LA, the judge issued a bench warrant, finding reasonable doubt that Lindsay has completed her alcohol education. This means that when (and if) Lindsay lands in LAX, she will immediately be nabbed by police, at which point LiLo can post $100,000 bail and stay free until trial as long as she promises not to drink, wear a monitor anklet and submit to drug tests. Gee, just chop her arms off, why doncha?

Though mother Dina tells TMZ that Lindsay has found a new passport (French police say she never reported the original missing), Lindsay herself sounds unclear as to when she’ll return, telling Gossip Cop all flights are booked” and begging for access to a private jet in a mass e-mail discovered by Radar. “It’s clearly an inside person who works with my father that has been set to set me up,” said Lindsay about the missing passport (Michael Lohan has requested the court send his daughter to rehab). With the DA chasing jail time and proof she had a plane ticket in the first place, Lindsay needs a better story than that when she finally faces the music.

[Photo: .com]