Michael Lohan Engaged To Gosselin Ex Kate Major

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Michael Lohan & Kate Major

Next stop: the nursery! Failing that: the slammer! Michael Lohan has successfully proposed to girlfriend Kate Major, formerly known as the Star reporter who quit her job to date Jon Gosselin. “She’s been there for five years with me,” Lindsay’s estranged father told Us—ignoring her dalliance with Gosselin less than a year ago. “I think a friendship is more important than anything when you have a relationship, and this is the strongest one in my life.” And, yes, kids are on the way (“I’m not getting any younger and Kate wants to have children”), assuming he doesn’t threaten Major’s life the way he allegedly did ex-fiancee Erin Muller. Lindsay has yet to comment, but judging from her previously tweeted disdain for Major, it’s unlikely she’ll be a bridesmaid.

“He’s been a rock to me and I can’t imagine my life without him,” Major confessed to Radar about the papa/celebrity pugilist, more than 20 years her senior. Ironically, recent tweets from Michael concern his previous fiancee, the one that keeps sending him to prison. “They feed Erin coke and I found out, and have Erin…on tape admitting it. No matter what excuses, the tapes speak for themselves.” Congratulations on both counts, Michael!

Enjoy quality time with the happy couple in the gallery below.

[Photo: Getty Images]

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Never Forget: Jim And Jenny Call It Quits

by (@katespencer)

Jim Carrey - Jenny McCarthy

Duh duh duh, another one bites the dust. Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy are over, after five years of gratuitous cuddling and snuggling in public. In true old people fashion, the split is amicable and they still love each other and everyone is blessed and happy! How do we know? They announced it on their Twitter accounts.

  • Jenny: “Im so grateful for the years Jim and I had together. I will stay committed to [Jim's daughter] Jane and will always keep Jim as a leading man in my heart.”
  • Jim: “Jenny and I have just ended our 5yr relationship. I’m grateful 4 the many blessings we’ve shared and I wish her the very best! S’okay!”

The pair has spent most of their five years together gushing and drooling over how amazing the other is, and Jim joined Jenny in her fight against autism after her son was diagnosed with the disease. Here they are in 2009 with Larry King blabbing about how Jenny healed her son of the disease. Seriously. She claims to have healed her son. They sound a bit like whacked out conspiracy theorists, but you gotta give the woman – and Jim – some credit for being committed parents. Remember their magic below.

[Photo: Splash News Online]

Willow And Jaden Smith Are Too Cool For School

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At nine years old, we were anxiously praying for our first perm and falling in love with our brand new, enormous frosted pink glasses that took up half our face. Not quite the picture of style that nine-year-old Willow Smith and her older brother Jaden are, that’s for sure. The famous offspring of Will and Jada Pinkett Smith took in a screening of The Perfect Game in Hollywood yesterday and honestly, we’re a little intimidated by how cool they look. In fact, Jaden looks like he is giving us the old “B*tch, please” right through our computer monitor. Do these kids have stylists, or are do they just naturally get their fashion sense because they’re the spawn of a Fresh Prince?

[Photo: Splash News Online]

Can Someone Please Help Taye Diggs Get His Groove Back?

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Years ago, back before I had even gotten my groove started to begin with, my brother and I decided to catch a screening of How Stella Got Her Groove Back. We should have known we were in the wrong theater when we looked around and saw an ocean of middle-aged African-American women sitting on the edge of their seats. But we stuck it out. And if you’ve never sat next to a family member while watching Angela Bassett weep during an orgasm, then believe me, you haven’t lived.

But what did I take away from that evening, other than petrified mortification? Twas the knowledge of a new young actor on Hollywood’s horizon. Taye Diggs, he of oh-so-smooth skin, powerful arms, multi-functional abs and a smile that shone on like a million lighthouses (what?). Taye Diggs was hot. And he sang!! In Rent! (Remember, this was 1998, when dreams of opening up a restaurant in Santa Fe seemed nice. Now I file my Rent CD’s away under “S” for “Sad High School Years.”) There was so, so much to look forward to.

12 years have now passed. And Taye has seen his fair share of success — stints on Ally McBeal, a part in Chicago, the lead in the canceled series Day Break, and a steady recurring role on Private Practice

But things have gotten much, much worse.

How bad?

This bad:

Taye Diggs has gotta pay the Rrrrrent, right? And thus, Taye Diggs is now officially the Spokesman for National Train Day, a thing that happens. How are you going to celebrate National Train Day?? I’m going to celebrate by calling Taye Diggs’ agent and asking what the F*CK is wrong with him? Then I’m going to discover the rail way!

The good news is I can finally test out my new Taye Diggs’ pick-up line, where I bend over and yell “All Aboarddd!”

The No Money Down Tumblr is to thank for bringing this to our attention.

Have Fun Watching The Women’s Basketball NCAA Championship Tonight!

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I know I will! In case you’ve been living under some sort of non-women’s-college-basketball-enthusiast ROCK you’d know that it’s a big match up tonight, with the undefeated UCONN (undefeated as in a 77 game winning streak) going head to head against Stanford, who is the last team UCONN lost to, back in the 2008 semifinals.

If not for the incredibly high quality of basketball, I’d suggest checking it out for UCONN’s head coach Geno Auriemma, who’s just awesome. He’s all Italian and gesture-y on the sideline.  

Hey, I know the men’s game was last night and all, but how cute is the Butler head coach? (Really cute).

OK, I have to go because I know all the sports bars in New York are going to fill up so I have to grab a seat.

By the way, I’m totally serious about my love for UCONN. I know the majority of you scoff at this, but find something new to scoff at. Scoffing women’s basketball is so 2004.

Pixar’s Studio Stories Are Awesome, Shockingly

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Can someone help me with a test? Do me a favor and take a crap in a DVD case for Kickin It Old Skool, then hand it to me gift-wrapped in photos of you punching my mother, but tell me that the object is somehow Pixar-related, and we’ll see if I end up just loving it anyway.

That’s not to say that these “Pixar Studio Stories” from the Toy Story 2 Blu-Ray DVD are crap; they’re actually the opposite of crap (-Crap? Food? Vomit? Goodness?), just that I end up loving any Pixar-related thing so instantly and unconditionally, I can’t comment on them in any remotely objective way. And everything about this blog is objective and factual. Cough.

Here’s one of the stories, about the time Toy Story 2 exploded. you can watch the rest here.

(Like all Pixar-related declarations, these obviously come with the “…excluding Cars” caveat)

Sandra Bullock Denies Sex Tape Rumors

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Sandra Bullock fans can relax now – the actress has broken her silence and quashed allegations that a sex tape with Jesse James will be made public because, she explains, no such tape exists. Put simply to People, Bullock said “There is no sex tape. There never has been one and there never will be one.”

We’re taking that in several ways: first, and most obviously, as a denial that she voluntarily participated in the making of a tape (which we’re inclined to believe because, uh, she’s Sandra Bullock), but also as an admission that James is never going to get a piece of that sweet action ever again. Let the divorce proceedings begin! Sandra was probably inclined to finally break her silence on the matter after hearing what the details of said sex tape included. You know, the poop and whatnot. We certainly don’t blame her.

Remember when the most scandalous thing about these two was when James’ dog Cinnabun used to run away all the time? Sigh. Now we fear that “a Cinnabun” is probably a sex act between James and his various mistresses involving Nazi turds smeared on a motorcycle. [Photo: Splash News Online]

Jon Gosselin To Sue For Custody And (Of Course) Spousal Support

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Jon Gosselin

Looks like we might have to stop calling him JoGo. Jon Gosselin, now represented by a lawyer not connected to Michael Lohan (we’ll miss you, Hellers!), has apparently put aside his dreams of stardom in hopes of being a full-time house-ex-husband. Anthony List, JoGo’s new attorney, told TMZ the dad plans to sue for primary custody of his eight children, accusing Kate Gosselin of being an “absentee mom” for dancing with Tony Davaloni instead of staying with the spawn. Not so coincidentally, they will also ask for his child support obligations be scrapped (“$20,000 a month is ridiculous”) and that instead maybe she pay him a little—after all, she’s the one people want to see!

Understandably, Kate’s legal team isn’t impressed by this move. “We haven’t received any formal filing yet but I can’t imagine anything farther from the truth,” said her attorney Mark Momijan (was he picked for the last name?). “Kate is a devoted mother. Her concern for the welfare of her kids is so prominent that any allegations like this report are reckless and so far from the mark, it’s offensive.” Leaving her to provide for the children (JoGo can’t get a normal job, remember?) only to throw it back in her face does seem shady, but if he promises to stay couchbound during their growing years—which shouldn’t be a problem—this might not be a bad thing for the kids. Just don’t let him pick out the clothes.

[Photo: Splash News Online]

Snooki Update: She’s Doing This Now

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Just checkin’ in with Snooki from Jersey Shore… I assume she’s gotta be wearing a giant novelty sombrero and hanging out in South Beach, right? Or in fifteen sex tapes. Which will it be?

I would’ve bet on the second one if I had to choose, but it was the hat thing. Close enough. Consider yourself Snookipdated.

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