Is Lindsay Lohan the Next Princess Di?

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PRINCESS LLINDS.JPGThe real question is, do suicide guns come bedecked with rubies? Because we wonder how many people are going to off themselves upon learning that yes, Lindsay Lohan, star of such feature films as Dilated Pupils and Sideboobz, is positioning herself as America’s next charitable Princess. From MSNBC:

The “Mean Girls” star says she’s a big fan of the late royal and said it would be “amazing” to play Princess Diana.

“She gave back a lot and was such an amazing woman,” Lohan told In Touch Weekly.

What’s more, Lohan is planning to emulate her idol by finding some charitable causes. She told the mag she’s traveling to Japan soon with her pal designer Charlotte Ronson and is “researching some charity work that I can do and visit some orphanages.”

We understand the girl wants to readjust her image a little bit, but perchance she should aim a bit lower… like Fergie, the Dutchess of Pork — err… York! Two gingers, united by one cause: To direct as much attention towards themselves as humanly possible.

That collective rumbling you just heard? Princess Diana struggling to reanimate herself in order to end all of this lunacy.

Human Giant Premiers Tomorrow Night!

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Human Giant, the promising new MTV comedy series created by and co-starring BWE panelists Paul Scheer, Rob Heubel, and funny guy Aziz Ansari, is premiering on MTV tomorrow night, and judging by this trailer (which also just so happens to feature our own Jessica St. Clair), we’re in for some real laughs. Check it out – and adjust your TiVos accordingly.

UPDATE: We meant to point out that the first episode is already available for free on iTunes - thanks to reader alex for reminding us!

GAMES: 5 Minutes To Kill Yourself

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If you’re at work right now staring at the walls of your cubicle and dreading every email that arrives in your inbox because each one means either a) more work, or b) lame jokes, you’re not alone. That’s why a game like Five Minutes To Kill Yourself by the folks over at adult swim really hits home hard. In it, you have to interact with annoying coworkers, inflict bodily damage onto yourself and do whatever you can to make sure you’re too dead to attend another obnoxious meeting. It’s the perfect Wednesday timewaster and you’re going to love it… unless it hits too close to home. In that case, just turn it off and go on with your day.

While You Were Pretending the Plant-Killing BO From Your Neighborhood Starbucks Homeless Person Didn’t Exist

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Best Night Ever for Tuesday, April 3rd!

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Need a Sanjaya fix? Look no further than Best Night Ever for Tuesday, April 3rd with Alex Blagg! Along with American Idol the best moments of Tuesday night TV come from: The Pussycat Dolls, Dancing with the Stars, To Catch an ID Theft, and The Agency!

…OF THE DAY

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  • DADDY ISSUE: Keith Richards snorted his father’s remains with a little bit of coke because he’s Keith Richards and that’s what he does. (MSNBC)
  • CONTRADICTION: Ivanka Trump says she only wants to date smart people (who are dumb enough to date her). (People)
  • BORDER PATROL: David Spade tries to emulate George Clooney’s philanthropic efforts to save Darfur by throwing some change at a homeless guy outside of a Taco Bell. (Defamer)
  • BOOB BANDIT: Listen, ladies – if you’re at a porn convention, and you ask for Ron Jeremy‘s autograph, don’t get all huffy when he puts his John Hancock on your tats. (TMZ)
  • FULL MAST: Out Magazine takes their name super-seriously and Anderson Cooper is probably not too happy about it. (Radar)

IN ODDER NEWS: Go Gators

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  • 418007.jpgAn elderly couple in India committed suicide because their dog died. Now if only Paris Hilton would show that kind of commitment…
  • Last night the Florida Gators became the first college basketball team in 15 years to win back-to-back national championships. That chick in your office who’s never watched a second of basketball in her life totally predicted that in your office pool, didn’t she?
  • A former business associate of Beyonce and Tina Knowles claims he was discriminated against because he’s black. It’s the guy’s most ridiculous lawsuit since claiming Clay Aiken discriminated against him because he’s gay.
  • The reigning Mr. Universe faces assault and resisting arrest charges after a run-in with police officers. If found guilty, the first runner-up from the X36R-299 galaxy will step in to assume his duties.
  • A train in France set a new speed record for rail travel. Not surprisingly, the train was leaving France.

Ain’t No Party Like a Scranton Party, Cause a Scranton Party Don’t Stop

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THE OFFICE SCRANTON.JPGApparently, the 6 week Office hiatus that NBC is forcing us to endure has actually turned some people insane. So insane that they are travelling to Scranton, PA in order to catch glimpse of various Office locales, such as the “Welcome to Scranton” sign, and various buildings seen in the credits. The attention is causing gears to start a-turnin’, and some believe Scranton could play host to a huge Office convention and tour:

Tours would visit places mentioned in the show, such as Farley’s, Cooper’s Seafood House and the Mall at Steamtown. Lunches could feature sandwiches from Cara Mia’s Delicatessen, dessert from Gertrude Hawk Chocolates and Crystal Club soda to wash it all down.

The Marquee Cinema may be asked to feature shows from past seasons on multiple screens.

OK, I’ll give in… this could be really fun in the dorkiest, loneliest sense of the word. Thing about all the people who would arrive at the convention in costume… wearing the exact same things they wear to their own office! Tall, chubby dorks in short-sleeved shirts drunkenly trying to score with petite blonde tight-asses, Jim lookalikes longingly sideglancing to cameras that aren’t even there… Scratonicity Cover Cover Bands! Oh sh*t, we would be at that convention so hard. What have we left out?

Sigh. Only 48 and a half hours til the next new episode. God help us.

UNEMPLOYMENT CHECK: Best What Ever

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If you watch Best Week Ever and read this blog (and clearly you do), you might know that we’re obsessed with this insane/amazing/retarded/genius daytime game show called My Games Fever, and particularly obsessed with one of its empty-brained hosts Kourtney (with a K). IN FACT, it just so happens that we did a whole segment on Kourtney (with a K) on last week’s episode of BWE. So try to imagine the scene here at HQ today when this happened (and went on for like 30 minutes)…