ICYMI: Wii Can’t Help But Laugh At This Girl

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I always find it cute when a girl who doesn’t play video games makes her controller *jump* when she wants the character on the screen to jump. It’s adorable. This, on the other hand, is not. It’s terrifying. The woman in this video is either playing a boxing game on Nintendo Wii or fending off an invisible rapist, it’s hard to tell. But either way, it’s hilarious.


Vid via Deadspin

LISTEN UP: 6 Easy Ways to Be Pretentious

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  • How psyched would you be if your local Walmart blasted Weezer Xmas tunes instead of the usual “Yule Want To Kill Yourself!” jingles? Download their “Christmas Celebration” at Another Form of Relief.
  • Clicking on this link will be the only way you’ll be able to hear The Snow Fairies‘ latest CD, of which only 200 copies exist, over at Indie MP3.
  • And in keeping in line with the “adorable band names” trend, you can hear The Pigeon Detectives’ really catchy pop tune “Don’t Know How To Say Goodbye”, courtesy of Wiam.
  • Dare you ask yourself “What is Punk?” Culture Bully will spend the next 245 minutes answering you, by reading allowed a fistful of Top 50 Punk Songs Lists aloud.
  • Want to sound like a pretentious pr*ck at your holiday party? Download Berlin’s next big thing, the Say Highs, at Res 1999.
  • Finally, band name of the day: Pornado! Radio Free Chicago will tell you the rest.

The Lohanvolution Will Be Televised, Probably On E!

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lohanvolutionSMALL.jpgLike Martin Luther hammering his 95 Theses to the door of the Catholic Church, or the inspired midnight memo on ethics by Jerry Maguire, Lindsay Lohan has composed an empassioned manifesto (a “Lohanifesto”, if you will) of soul-crushing truth – a plea for each of us, all of us, to make a fealess and searching inventory of our hearts, and join her Jihad against “those people” in the media. Osama Bin Lohan’s leadership, majesty and eloquence leaves one with a fire burning in the bowels of their stomach (and crotch), and no doubts that such inspiring words have never before been sent wirelessly via Blackberry. Put down that New York Times article about the hoplessness of Iraq, abandon your holiday cheer and charities, cease toiling in the low-paying job you occupy in order to afford the skyrocketing price of gas – STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING! Lindsay Lohan NEEDS US! The Lohanvolution has begun and you’re either with us, or against us – and make no mistake, Paris Hilton, Us Weekly, Page Six, Momma Lohan, the film producer guy who sent that mean letter, and TMZ – you will be first against the wall, for Lindsay is not alone. She’s got Al Gore, the ghost of Howard Hughes, the Clinton Dynasty, Harvey, John Daur, Evan Metroplis, and a growing base of supporters like me on her side and SHE WILL BE HEARD. If you’re interested getting involved, in finally taking up a cause that actually matters, now is the time to join us. Sign The Lohanifesto, have your voice heard, and let’s put an end, once and for all, to the lies and hutfulness. The press conference is forthcoming, but in the meantime, if you or anyone in your family is able and willing to help, contact Jenni Muro, Leslie Sloane, Michael Heller, Jason Sloane, Jason Weinberg or Lohan herself as soon as you can. Try MySpace. The Lohanvolution has begun, is adequate, and will forever be the way of the future. Viva La Lohan!

NOTE: Click image for larger version of the official symbol of the Lohanvolution – bear or wear it with pride!

America’s Next Top Model: Melrose Place Is Cancelled

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CARIDEE.JPGThe finale for America’s Next Top Model descended upon us last night, and, dare I say, it was the most boring finale ever? Perhaps because this year’s finalists were actually literate, making their Cover Girl commercials surprisingly unhilarious. Even Tyra was shockingly less-mongoloidy then usual! This remaining contestants, CariDee, Melrose and Eugena, flashed their best fake smiles for the camera, with a stern Jay Manuel looking on. (Side Note: Is it just us, or is Jay Manuel slowly morphing into Max Headroom?) The girls aren’t bad, though Melrose seemed to be the most natural. When time came to eliminate one of the girls, CariDee was chosen first. Melrose then put on her “Oh no, I’m f**ked” mask on — only to be picked!

The final Walk-Off was nothing short of hilarious. The theme was “ghost brides”, and had all the potential of being really moving — the dresses were literally drop-dead gorgeous — if it wasn’t for the insane instructions the models were given to run around with white paint on their face, screaming like they just found their baby blue-faced in the crib. For a second, we thought we were watching a trailer for Apocalypto. The episode’s “High Drama Moment” came when CariDee accidentally tore Melrose’s dress with her heel, causing the huge-mouthed mainy to throw a crying fit backstage. It was in that moment that we realized Melrose acted like every entitled starving person we had ever met, and that a win for Melrose was a win for tw*ts… But, luckily, it was CariDee! Who reminds us of a young Rebecca Romaijn. The sad news? No Top Model winner has ever actually become a genuine super-modskies… unless they start dating Queen Latifah, we guess.

Were any of you rooting for Melrose?

GAMES: Guitar Face or O-Face?

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oface.jpgOur friends at Fleshbot (yeah, we have friends at the NSFW Fleshbot, what’s it to ya?) directed us over to the best quiz we’ve seen all week: Guitar Face or O-Face?

It’s not as easy as you’d think. For example, take the picture of Jared Leto here on the left. Is the 30 Seconds To Mars frontman / Urban Legend star rocking out to one of his kick-ass songs about how nobody truly understands him, or is he finishing up with another young wannabe actress who’s only there because they totally loved Jordan Cattalano in 1994? It’s a tough call.

Take the (pretty NSFW) quiz here. And good luck… perverts.

ICYMI: Supermarket of the Stars is Brilliana Douglas

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What happens when celebrities take a job at a supermarket to make some extra cash? Supermarket of the Stars answers all of those questions, as both the awesome Illeana Douglas and Justine Bateman strap on their pink aprons to find out, in scenes that include “price check” line readings with the Indian manager. This is one of the best vids we’ve ever seen on Youtube, we swear it.

Mel Gibson Hates The Jews, Danny Glover, Mayans

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After upsetting the Jews who own Hollywood with an anti-Semetic movie (The Passion Of The Christ) and anti-Semetic rant (the one with the word “sugartits” in it), Mel Gibson has decided it might be in his best interest to move on and upset a group that doesn’t own much of anything: The Mayans.

Indigenous activists in Guatemala are calling Mel’s new movie, Apocalypto, racist. And they haven’t even seen the movie yet– just the trailer! So you know it’s racist.

“Gibson replays, in glorious big budget Technicolor, an offensive and racist notion that Maya people were brutal to one another long before the arrival of Europeans and thus they deserved, in fact, needed, rescue,” said Ignacio Ochoa, director of the Nahual Foundation that promotes Mayan culture. [keep reading]

I’m actually starting to feel bad for Mel. If the guy can’t say that the Jews killed Christ, that the Jews start all the wars in the world, and that the Mayans were bloodthirsty animals, what can he say? “I’m getting too old for this s**t!” No wait… that was Danny Glover’s line.

He’s got nothing.