TRAILER MIX: Here Is a Movie About Reigniting the Sun

by

Before you check out the below trailer for Sunshine (see post title), directed by Danny Boyle of 28 Days Later, we’d like to relate a short story. A story about how a few years back I made the silly mistake of seeing the movie 28 Days Later, about ravenous zombies, in the evening — meaning that by the time the movie ended, the sun had gone down. My friend and I, exiting the theater into the dark streets of New York City, both decided to cab it home out of fear (even though we were making a combined salary of a handful of ramen noodles at the time), spoke on the phone throughout the ride to reassure our safety, and then locked ourselves in our rooms with the lights on out of fear our necks would be devoured by the walking dead.

Below is the trailer for Boyle’s new movie, Sunshine, about people sent to reignite the sun. Let’s just say we won’t be buying any Vitamin D lamps anytime soon.

…OF THE DAY

by

123LINDSLOHAN1.JPG

  • MOST UNEXPECTED EXPECTED NON-SHOCKING SHOCKER: Lindsay Lohan enters rehab. We’re trying really hard to “respect her privacy”, but truly hope the people in charge know the difference between “water” and “party water”. (TMZ)
  • SEX TAPE: Whenever we read about sex tapes featuring someone engaging in water sports, we always picture something along the lines of “doggystyle on a jetski.” In the case of Paris Hilton‘s bestie Kim Kardashian‘s tape, sounds like it’s otherwise. (DListed)
  • FAVORITE HEADLINE: “How do you solve a problem like Maria Menounos?” The answer: Muzzle. Also, it pains that they sullied the good name of The Sound of Music. (Entertainment Weekly)
  • WORST IDEA: Here’s quick recipe for the worst TV show ever: Celebrities + Improv. Also, sob on your pillows tonight for the future of the very talented Bryan Cranston, i.e. Malcolm in the Middle‘s Dad, slated as a star. (Bracing for hate mail from the Whose Line fan club.) (Variety)
  • STONED VIDEO: If you happen to be a fan of watching two stoned guys trying to remember their lines while getting progessively more stoned, might we suggest the short film Two Dudes? Note that we do not condone smoking pot, drinking beer, or wearing red skull caps. (Youtube, Language NSFW)

The Creepiest F**king Thing We Have Ever Seen

by

Ah-Guh. We would love to meet the maniacal wax-worker at Madame Tussauds Las Vegas responsible for hand-crafting the following wax figure of Ryan Seacrest, so that we could grab his hand in ours, a rubber mallet in the other, and mangle the ever-living God out of it Casino-style. Because the hands responsible for creating the following wax dummy of Ryan Seacrest must be stopped:

RYANSEACREST.JPG

Though the added detail of the fake tan is a nice touch. And even in wax, Simon Cowell and Ryan’s sexual tension is palpable.

SIMONCOWELL.JPG

CAPTION THIS! (Wo)Man In The Mirror

by

nicolerichie.jpg

Nicole Richie works on new hairstyle to distract the public from whatever stupid thing she decides to do next.

Your turn. Leave your captions in the comments now. And for more pics of Nicole’s beauty salon trip, click here.

UPDATE: Dane Cook’s Publicist Responds (Sorta)!

by

tourgasmsndtrk.jpgIn a moment of supreme Alanis Morissette-esque irony, I received a Dane Cook promotional email from Special Ops Media only moments after posting my MySpace correspondance with Dane earlier today. Apparently, his publicity folks would like me to “review/preview” the Soundrack From Dane Cook’s Tourgasm, which features tracks including (I swear to God):

  • “Ball Sack”
  • “Fart King”
  • “Brokebutt Mountain
  • “F**king Turtle”

    When it comes to “reviewing” this soundtrack, or Dane’s talent as a comedian, those song titles pretty much speak for themselves. The full tracklisting/press release can be found after the jump.

    Read more…

    K-Fed’s Star Continues to Rise!

    by

    012KFED.JPGIn the past few months since Britney Spears‘ divorce, we’ve seen the girl drink, throw-up, flash her vag, drink, flash, pat her baby’s head, spew chunks, and show us where babies are made. But possibly the most disturbing part of the whole affair was that hubby Kevin Federline was nowhere to be seen. And, as a result, quickly became a hero and fantastic father in the eyes of many Americans. And judging by this photo, he smells fantastic.

    Well, folks, prepare to love the guy even more after Superbowl Sunday, when he debuts in a commercial as a fast-food worker. Fine, so the ad isn’t for McDonald’s, it’s for Nationwide, but still. According to USA Today:

    Britney Spears’ estranged hubby Kevin Federline will be dreaming of a show-biz career — while actually working at a rundown fast-food joint.

    “I felt that it was a good time to come out and make fun of myself,” says Federline, 28, from the ad shoot in Hollywood.

    The video will be available on the Nationwide website January 29, a week before game day. Well, we have to give Britney Spears credit for something: While she may have a penchant for dating white men with cornrows, at least they tend to have a good sense of humor about themselves.

    Paris Hilton: More Expensive Than The Other Working Girls

    by

    parishilton.jpgIt seems like just yesterday all you needed to spend a night with Paris Hilton was a rich dad, some good drugs or a development deal at FOX. But thanks to inflation (both the economy’s and her ego’s), it’s gotten a whole lot more expensive. Like $1 million more expensive.

    Hotel heiress Paris Hilton is ditching her night club parties for a glamorous appointment at the Vienna Opera Ball next month. The 25-year-old has been invited to the traditional event as the guest of Viennese socialite Richard Lugner, 74, and has reportedly been paid a staggering $1 million for the appearance.

    It’s just like Pretty Woman… but with a much bigger whore.

    If you can stomach it, read more about it here. If you can’t stomach it… join the club.