BACK IN ’07: Sitcom Outtakes

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Late last night, I was watching a “classic” episode of Martin on TV One, where Gina thought she might be pregnant and Martin punches an old lady to pay for an EPT at the drugstore, and on the way out tramples over her corpse. While the episode was pretty funny, it was only trumped by the credit roll, which featured outtakes from the show itself. OUTTAKES! WERE SO GOOD! Listen, I hated Home Improvement like the rest of the hoi polloi, but I’ll admit I was always transfixed by the credits — there was Tim Allen being Tim Allen. What a delight! Now, it seems, sitcoms save their best outtakes and deleted scenes for their DVD packages, boiling down hours of random “f*cks” and “can we take that again from the top?”‘s to a reel that’s usually not more than 12 minutes long.

Which is why I would like to ask, nay beg, sitcom directors and producers to BRING BACK OUTTAKES in 07! They were usually the best part of the show! Check out this short blooper reel from Full House, and realize the kind of hilarity you’re missing on a nearly daily basis. Believe it or not, the language is a lil NSFW.

While You Were Maintaining Your Sanjaya Shrine

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  • Desperate Housewives star Jesse Metcalf has checked himself into rehab, because that’s the cool thing to do these days.
  • Vivica A. Fox got popped for DUI the other night, but what then released on her own recognizance when police realized she wasn’t Foxy Brown.
  • Carmen Electra denies being a lesbian, and denies us the pleasure of imagining otherwise.
  • Eli Manning proposed to his longtime girlfriend and somehow managed to not blow it at the last minute.
  • And finally, with Stephanie’s departure from American Idol, Team Sanjaya lives to see another day. Sanjaaayayayayayaaa! (That’s the new official battle cry.)

Best Night Ever for Wednesday, March 21st!

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Spring has sprung and so have the answers to many of our “Lost” questions! Find out on Best Night Ever for Wednesday, March 21st. Shea Hess is here to take you through the jungle of Wednesday night TV, including: America’s Next Top Model, Halfway Home, American Idol, Suvivor: Fiji, and of course Lost.

…OF THE DAY

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  • GRANDE DISAPPOINTMENT: Pardon us if we “vent-a-latte”, but you would think the lead singer of The Beatles (not to mention Wings) would be rich enough that he wouldn’t have to pander to coked-up coffee drinkers around the world, wouldn’t you, Paul McCartney? (CNN)
  • GET A DAY JOB ALERT: The best part about being Jeremy Piven is that the moment you take your wig off and let go of Adrien Grenier‘s hand, your stalkers fail to recognize you. (TMZ)
  • DISEASE SCARE: Nicole Richie‘s fatigue has been blamed on hypoglycemia. Luckily, a few lines of cocaine will clear that right up! (Extra TV)
  • CALL FOR HELP: Katie Holmes spends hours crying over the phone to Victoria Beckham about all the psychological abuse happening up in the Cruise household. Beckham suggests Katie changes her stage name to Battered Wife Spice. (Us Magazine)
  • CULTURE BREAK!: This Saturday, the Metropolitan Opera is broadcasting The Barber of Seville live to movie theaters all around the world in HDTV — check to see if it’s playing near you. Or you can just watch The Rabbit of Seville in your living room for free. (The Met, You Tube)

UNEMPLOYMENT CHECK: Barker Backs Off

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Look, Bob Barker has been keeping the price right for 35 years. You’d better believe he knows when to “hang back” when a contestant goes a little too crazy after winning a Showcase Showdown.

IN ODDER NEWS: Douchematch.com

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  • There’s a new dating site that’s supposedly only for “good-looking” people. Unsurprisingly, the guy who created it is not very good-looking.
  • Same old same old in the Tennessee Senate today: guns, bestiality and Justin Timberlake.
  • Speaking of bestiality, great news, dead deer sex-havers! If you get caught doing so, you’ll only get probation!
  • Ten years after all those crazy people killed themselves for Heaven’s Gate, we’re still left wondering whether they ever made it the magical afterlife in space they were looking for, or whether they even got to meet Tom Cruise on the way.
  • For no reason in particular, other than being completely hilarious and enlightening, here’s a Chuck E. Cheese Walkabout Character training video from the 80’s.

ICYMI: Introducing Sandler & Matzah Ball

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Yesterday, we broke the news that Adam Sandler was to replace David Letterman on the Late Show after the funnyman went home with a stomach illness. We watched with an almost morbid curiosity to see how Sandler would perform under the pressure, and clearly his Saturday Night Live skills paid off, as he was pretty hilarious. Here’s our favorite bit, where Sandler interviews his best friend and sidekick, Matzah Ball. Somebody, please get Matzy his own show called Reaction Shots, thanks.

ICYMI: Who’s Acceptable?

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The Vh1 offices are currently abuzz with chatter about Acceptable.tv, the mysterious new show premiering on Friday night starring Jack Black. We know that the show will feature videos created and submitted by you the viewers, but many of the other details surrounding the project and shrouded in secrecy and darkness. Maybe this behind-the-scenes video, taken from the Department of Acceptable Media MySpace page, and featuring the show’s producers in a revealing conference call. will shed some light and answer some questions! (Language kinda NSFW)

CAPTION THIS: I Need a Cardboard Hasselhoff In My Life

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Take a look at the below picture. The original caption claims that it’s a true picture of David Hasselhoff. And perhaps it’s the camera angle… but doesn’t it look fake? Faker than a regular Hasselhoff? If cardboard Hasselhoffs are readily available, please send me an email at DesperatelySeekingDavid@hotmale.com so that I may accompany it to my upcoming college reunion. And no, for the record, I did not attend Hoffstra University. (throat clear – Heyooo.)

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Also, why, pray tell, is he pointing at Dave Navarro?