This weekend, grandmothers and young lesbians rejoiced upon hearing the news that Britney Spears shaved her head. Finally, a famous face to represent bald women the world over! And while Britney’s shear disdain for her entangled locks along with a healthy dose of sh*t-eating dementia led to her late-night salon visit, it still was in its own way an act of rebellion, defiance, and the kind of lunacy that deserves a little respect.
So, to honor Britney’s rash decizh, we’ve compiled a list of our Top 10 Favorite Bald Women, Real and Fictional, Past and Present, to prove that Britney is not alone in this shiny-headed, cold-catching universe.
10. TYRA BANKS. America’s Next Top Model usually tries to beautify their aspiring models in order to look as beautiful as possible — that is, when they aren’t dressing them up in man-drag and shallacking bald caps to their heads. Our theory here is that Tyra Banks was all “Hey, guys, you know what would be so weird? If we went all Ben Franklin on America’s ass!” And while the other models spent hours getting latex ironed onto their scalps, Tyra ever so gently removed her wig to reveal her actual smooth and Whopper-like noggin. Well played, Ms. Banks.
9. ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER in TOTAL RECALL. Our favorite scene in our favorite sci-fi movie. A casually dressed Arnold in fat lady drag approaches customs at an intergalactic airport. The guard is all “How long will you be staying on Mars”, and the heavy-set woman answers “Two weeks.” Then he’s like “Got any fruit on you?” and once again, the woman is like “Twoooo weeeeeeeeks.” Why? Because the computerized drag costume Arnold was disguised in was malfunctioning. Luckily, the huge nightarishly bald head he was wearing is also a bomb. Get ready for a surprise, ya’ll!
B For Baldetta has a beautiful ring to it, don’t you think?
Everybody- go see The Simpsons Movie on July 27. Even if you don’t consider yourself a fan and even if you haven’t seen a single episode since the “Do The Bartman” video premiered on FOX, go see it anyway. We owe it to them. They’ve earned it. And judging by this trailer, apparently they’ve been storing up 6 years of funny for this film. Check it out.
Now that the world has been effectively reduced to a state of chaos and confusion with a few motions of a random beauty salon’s electric trimming shears, this photograph catalogs all that is left of Britney Spears’ bizarre personal styling decision. Someone call in the San Fernando Valley Fashion Crime Scene Investigation unit (or, CSI: SFVF).
Last week, we were introduced to a new level of insanity with the video debut of “What What (In the Butt).” The video led to so many questions: Did George Lucas do the special effects? Who is this man? And what shade of lip gloss is he wearing? But most importantly… who inspires him?
Then it hit us: Samwell is the El Debarge of the new millenium. Check out this music video of “Who’s Johnny” from the beloved movie Short Circuit, and then fire up your Maury paternity tests. p.s. We think Prince might be a grandpa.
I haven’t seen Music & Lyrics yet– there’s something about the phrase “And starring Hugh Grant“ that makes me uneasy– but after watching this music video for “PoP! Goes My Heart” I think I might have to check it out. It’s probably the best fake music video in a movie since Rex Manning’s “Say No More Mon Amour”.
Link via Pop Candy
I know we’ve already done this once, but if Private Spears doesn’t figure out what her “major malfunction” is soon, things could get very, very ugly in Camp Hollywood.
1. How could Nicolas Cage as a flaming ghost skeleton riding around on a motorcycle and acting all serious NOT be the weekend’s top-grossing movie? It’s just the rules. – $44.5 million
2. Despite having mostly positive reviews, a family-friendly appeal, and a beloved novel as its source material, this movie was missing a key element for commercial success: Nicholas Cage riding a motorcycle while on fire – $22.1 million
3. Just had an amazing idea: Eddie Murphy in a fatsuit, playing a woman, on fire, riding an evil motorcycle all over Manhattan – $16.8 million
4. I’m just hoping for a sequel in which the great love story between Dr. Dre and 50 Cent is finally told to the world – $14 million
5. How was I not alerted to the fact that there was a Jessica/Ashlee Simpson biopic in the works? – $12.1 million
Last Thursday’s episode of The Office returned it to Season 2 form, with enough Dwightisms, Jim-prankiness, Pam-angstyness and Michael-noyances to satisfy even the pickiest sit-com palates. Ryan makes the blatantly idiotic mistake of inviting Michael to speak at his business school, which Michael uses not so much for a business speech but rather to pass along the hundreds of cliches and senseless analogies that made us fall in love with him in the first place… perhaps our favorite being:
You need something to sell. Now this could be anything. It could be a thingamajig. Or a whosi-whatsi. Or â€¦ a â€œWhatchamacallit.â€ Now, you need to sell those in order to have a â€œPayDay.â€ And, if you sell enough of them, you will make a â€œ100 Grand.â€ Satisfied?
Sure enough, the boss we love to hate redeemed himself at the end by comforting Pam about her wall-calendar worthy watercolors. After an evening of little to no attention from her coworkers, many of whom failed to show up, Michael’s surprisingly sweet-natured compliments was just the thing to thaw Pam’s cold heart… until he sprung a Chunky out of his pocket, of course. In other news, Roy may have lost weight, but he’s still dizguzting.
We’ve yet to touch upon the two best parts of the episode: 1. Dwight’s attempt to trap and kill a bat that managed to make its way indoors, along with Jim’s subsequent morph into a vampire, and 2. Ryan being moved to “The Annex” next to the perkiest girlfriend on earth, Kelly. We swear, we won’t get too excited about the possibility of Jim moving back to his old seat, i.e. Pam-eye-contact-central… we won’t, we won’t, we won’t, we won’t, we won’t!
The deleted scenes this week are highly controversh — Team Pam folks will want to take a deep breath before watching Karen engage in something less than ladylike and a touch immature. We think the decision to pull it from the show was a smart one.
Place your bets for how much longer Karen and Jim are together. We’re going for 3 to 4 more episodes. And/or years. Sigh.