SIZZLER: Nude Melania Pics Teach Donald How To Go Bald With Dignity

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melaniatrump-sidebyside.jpgSome very interesting pictures of Donald Trump’s wife Melania hit the internet today. Of course, by “very interesting” we mean “completely butt-ass naked”– we were just trying to be sublte.

The NSFW blog (which is Not Safe For Work, obviously) has the scandalous pictures of Mrs. Trump posing in the buff and cuddling up in bed with another naked woman. She basically saw Miss Nevada’s drunken lesbian kisses and raised her some arty black & white photography. Take that, bitch.

Conspiracy theorists are going to look at the timing of these nude pictures and point fingers at The Donald’s arch-nemesis, Rosie O’Donnell. We don’t buy it. This looks more like a peace offering to us. Clearly Donald is offering these pics to Rosie as a truce– a peace pipe, if you will. And as long as Rosie doesn’t reciprocate by posting pictures of her significant other, all is good. All is definitely good.

SIZZLER: Two Complete Trash-Balls Prepare To Fight Each Other Over Some Sleazy Bimbo

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pammynye1.jpgIt’s no secret that Pam Anderson has been passed around the metal scene like a collection plate since the late 80′s, but some of her transitions from one washed up Guitar Hero to the next can result in friction between the various factions of tattoo-enthusiasts with too much testosterone and too few remaining braincells. The most recent example comes in the form of this report that Pammy’s ex-husband Kid Rock took the news that she’d hooked back up with go-to “D*ck In a Box” Tommy Lee none too kindly:

“A jealous Kid Rock went to the Hard Rock Hotel at 6AM yesterday and pounded on a door he had been told was Tommy Lee’s suite! Norm says the door was damaged by the time the actual guest opened it. Kid Rock apparently apologized, gave the startled guest an autograph and split.”

Other sources go on to report that Tommy Lee has gotten wind of Kid’s mistake, and has now started calling to taunt him. Nothing takes the sting out of a failed marriage quite like a daily voicemail from your ex-wife’s new lover, who just called to remind you how large his penis is.

The World’s Stupidest Tattoos

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clay.jpgWhen I was in college and all my friends were getting tattoos I felt a little left out. As much as I loved the Chinese and their symbols, or the Africans and their tribes, I just couldn’t bring myself to permanently etch anything into my arms, shoulders, calves or inner thighs. Call me weird. Now, years later, as these same friends are beginning to forget what the squiggly Chinese thing on their neck really means (“Um, I think it means honor… or respect. I’m pretty sure it’s respect,”) I’m glad I didn’t make any big mistakes. The people on this list of The World’s Stupidest Tattoos, though, sadly can’t say the same. Unless, of course, they’re proud of their Clay Aiken tat. Or the bacon and eggs they got tattoo’d on their head. Or the “I’m Gonna Kill You, Ray Romano” declaration. Check out the entire list here to feel 10% better about your own body.

Link via Gorillamask

Sherrod Small Is Having The Breast Week Ever

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Forget about that John Mayer talk… we’ve obtained a picture of Jessica Simpson and the man we suspect she’s really dating.
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That’s right; here’s Jessica and BWE’s Sherrod Small on New Year’s Eve. We don’t want to jump to conclusions, however they do look pretty close. And the Altoids? What do you think those are for? As they say in the tabloids– the tabloids that would write 500 words about how Jessica is definitely boning Sherrod based on nothing more than a picture like this one– Developing!

ICYMI: Tara Reid Dazzles NYE Revelers With Stunning Display of Backwards-Counting Abilities

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She might fall down a lot and have a little problem with being visibly intoxicated in public, but don’t you ever – EVER – accuse Tara Reid of being incapable of counting backwards from 60, sort of. Sure, she could have just counted down from ten like the rest of us, but Tara’s better than that – smarter than that. Even with 12 double Goose and Red Bulls pulsating through her emaciated little veins, she NAILED that seemingly endless countdown and only left out five or six numbers! Vote Pedro.

(via Defamer)

Here’s Why Barack Obama Will Never Be President

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With a name that resembles “Black Osama” closely enough for the mistake below to already have been made (not even on Fox News, mind you), Barack Obama has about as much of a chance at getting elected president in the US today as a guy named Islam Hitlor would have had in Israel in the 50′s.

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SIZZLER: Cameron Not Getting a D*** In a Box?

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JUSTIN CAM.JPGStar Magazine certainly has a way of toying with our emotions. Today, they have an exclusive report that viral video star Justin Timberlake has called it quits with his girlfriend of over 3 years, Cameron “I Got This Nosejob for Medical Reasons” Diaz. The two spent their Christmas breaks away from one another, with Justin spending time with relatives in Memphis, Tenn., and Cameron celebrating the holiday on the ski slopes, which we’re pretty sure is the first time that term has been used in relation to a celebrity without secretly meaning said person was drowning their sorrows in cocaine. While Star fails to give a reason for the break-up, we do have one secret theory: The Holiday, possibly the only romantic comedy we’ve ever sat through where we prayed the female lead (Diaz) would be hit by a train before the movie’s end. (Off-topic: We’re very much back on the Jude Law train.)

But laaadies! Don’t get too excited just yet!! Because just when you want to believe so badly that this is actually true, Star throws in one quote that makes us question the veracity of nearly every unsubstantiated tabloid report:

As he partied with friends in Senses nightclub in Memphis, the source says, Justin told fellow revelers: “Me and Cameron? We’re done.”

Cancel your legwaxes… we’re pretty sure these two are still dating.

While You Were Enjoying the Primeness of 01/03/07…

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Best Night Ever: Tuesday, January 2nd!

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It’s Best Night Ever for Tuesday, January 2nd! Alan Noah is here to walk you through the best of Tuesday night TV including: Dateline, Big Day, Law and Order: SVU, Wicked Wicked Games, and the long awaited tales of an American Gangster!