ICYMI: There Is So Much Wrong With This Clip, I Do Not Even Know Where To Begin

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If this little segment is any indication of the kinds of complete craziness we can expect from MTV’s Engaged & Underage, I’m gonna need to have a little sitdown with my TiVo. What we’ve got going here is a young woman who decides to prepare for her wedding night by getting a Brazilian bikini wax from her future Mother-In-Law and Sister-In-Law, who both say a prayer for her vagina prior to pouring hot wax all over it, ripping out her pubic hair, then realizing that the window was open the entire time. Even Steve Carrell is no match for this kind of hilarity.

Rejected Ron Jeremy Book Titles

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ROBJEREMY.JPGYou either know Ron Jeremy one of two ways: 1. You’ve seen him make horrible puns on VH1’s The Surreal Life (hollah!) or 2. You’ve seen him eff. The former porn star turned elderly Jon Lovitz impersonator has thankfully hung up his raincoat and ceased making adult films, but an item in today’s Page Six proves he’s still milking that cow for all it’s worth:

PORN legend Ron Jeremy has finally fessed up to what Page Six reported three years ago – that he, Paris Hilton and Bijou Phillips played a cheeky game of “I’ll show you mine, and you show me yours” during a party at the Chateau Marmont. Hilton “asked if they could see it. I agreed only on the condition that they flash their tops. They both said yes and took me to the nearest women’s bathroom,” Jeremy says in his new autobiography, Ron Jeremy: The Hardest (Working) Man in Showbiz.

We could care less about the fact that Paris saw his thing, because really, we already assumed they f’ed. But what did occur to us is how many porny pun titles he must have had his way with before landing on the final title. Here are some we imagine didn’t make the cut, so to speak:

  • Long Shlong’s Journey Into Night
  • Star in Porn? Let Me Mullet Over.
  • Moustache Riding The Wave of Fame
  • Ask Not What Your C**try Can Do For Jew
  • Four Whores and 27 Years Ago: The Ron Jeremy Story
  • Whore and Penis (Ed Note: Sorry.)
  • How to Become a Porn Star for Chubby, Unattractive, Well-Endowed Dummies

There are literally hundreds of possibilities… and do we even need to repeat our Editor’s Note above?

Keith Urban the Country Singer Isn’t the Artist Who Painted the “Al Bundy For President” Masterpiece

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The Smoking Gun sheds some light on an interesting Tale of Two Urbans. There’s Keith Urban the Country Singer who’s married to Nicole Kidman and struggles with booze, and there’s Keith Urban the New Jersey Painter who created the socio-political masterpiece seen above (and probably also struggles with booze). Apparently Keith the Singer is suing Keith the Genius Artist for misleading music fans into thinking the country crooner is respnosible for the paintings for sale at KeithUrban.com (the singer’s official site is KeithUrban.net). We know this is all sort of confusing and not very relevant, but we just needed some way to include this wonderful painting on our blog.

ICYMI: Throwing a Bone to the Fellaaaas!

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Here’s the great thing about the latest SNL Digital Short: Ladies get some pretty great work-out tips (I’ve been lifting air for years, and I look fab!), and those Gentlemen out there get some borderline soft-core pornography starring Drew Barrymore and the SNL Ladygang. This along with the Dakota Fanning sketch were the only two salvagable clips from the show, meaning we just saved you an hour and a half of valuable Saturday night time.

Don’t forget to check out Music & Lyrics, starring Hugh Grant, Drew Barrymore and Myself (as a featured extra), in theaters February 14!

CELEBRITY MATH: Superbowl Hottie Edish

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Dare we say last night’s Superbowl Halftime featuring Prince setting the new bar for singing in the rain hotness was our favorite Halftime yet? The combination of the rain, his do rag, the dancers, that guitar, one miniscule moustache, his voice and that stage moved us to near tears… we never understood the whole Prince attraction thing before, but we’re beginning to understand his pocket-sized sexual prowess, and we’re not against it. Not one bit.

In case you missed it, you can check out the Halftime out here. Plus, after the jump, a bonus pic of Prince rocking out with his c**k out, almost ahh-literally!

Read more…

PROPPED: I’m Having The Best Week Ever

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bradley.jpgWe’re such whores. If you sing a song about us, we’re going to post it. It’s that simple.

Bradley Anxiety dropped us a link to his MySpace page that features the song “Best Week Ever”. The catchy tune- full of shout-outs to everything from The Office to Ken Jennings to Flavor Of Love- sounds just like Ben Lee before Claire Danes broke his heart. That’s why it gets our seal of approval.

Hey, if you want to get our attention, write a Best Week Ever song and Drop it today. There’s no shame in selling out, baby!

ICYMI: Inappropriate Dick Touching

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Earlier today we mentioned that Andy Dick was forcibly removed from The Jimmy Kimmel show for fawning over Ivanka Trump. Well, thankfully we found a clip of the incident. We can’t tell if it’s a staged bit (a la Matt Damon’s tirade) or if it’s real. Either way, it’s a lot of fun seeing somebody drag Andy Dick off stage. That’s indisputable.

So what do you think? Real or staged?

CINEMA’S GOLDEN AGE: Shoot the Messengers

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messengers.jpg1. When it comes to generic “city family moves to the country and is terrorized by ghosts” horror movies starring Dylan McDermott and Penelope Ann Miller, this one is a must-see – $14.5 million

2. A new romantic comedy from the director of The Truth About Cats & Dogs and 40 Days and 40 Nights, about a daughter coming to terms with her overbearing mother, who is played by Diane Keaton? I’m sorry, but I don’t think you could get me much more excited about a trip to the cineplex – $13 million

3. With the success of this flick, I think we can go ahead and start getting ourselves excited for the must-see comedy of the summer: Shitty Movie Movie$8.2 million

4. I’m starting to worry that this movie will never go away and that my every Monday morning from here until eternity will be spent thinking up new ways to say Ben Stiller and Robin Williams are annoying – $6.8 million

5. Who wouldn’t want to see a bunch of hitmen try to snuff out a coked up Jeremy Piven? – $6.3 million

ICYMI: Superbowl Ads

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Okay, I don’t know why we included the “ICYMI” (in case you missed it) on this one– odds are you didn’t miss the Superbowl last night. However, if you’re not a sports fan (or if you are a Bears fan) you may have turned the game off early to go do something productive (or to mope around and complain about how awful Rex Grossman is.) While the second half of the game wasn’t anything special, some of the commercials were. Click here to watch every commercial that aired last night, carefully arranged by quarter. Then let us know which one was your favorite. I think mine was the Rock, Paper, Scissors Budweiser spot. Which was yours?

Link via Gorillamask