10 Reasons Why Crack Is Better Than Kate Moss

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kate_moss_cocaine2.jpgBritish Supermodel Kate Moss has had it with drug-addled rocker boyfriend Pete Doherty and finally laid down an ultimatum: he must choose between his love for her and his love for crack. We thought we’d help him out with this list of 10 Reasons Why Crack Is Better Than Kate Moss:

  • Crack never gets jealous when you smoke some more crack.
  • When you go out with your junkie friends, you know you can always pick up some crack.
  • You don’t have to wine and dine crack.
  • Crack doesn’t struggle with anorexia and constantly lose weight (unless you smoke it all).
  • Crack is always smoking (even in the mornings).
  • Crack will never cheat on you.
  • Crack will bring you crack when it visits you in rehab.
  • Crack doesn’t want to be famous.
  • Crack doesn’t taste like cigarettes and Red Bull. It tastes delicious.
  • You don’t have to worry about crack getting caught snorting coke on camera.

We think the answer is pretty clear, Pete. Crack is where it’s at.

If You Know Lindsay Lohan, Please Don’t Die

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Listen, we’re not going to rag on Lindsay Lohan for releasing a long and rambling statment regarding the death of Robert Altman yesterday. Different people deal with grief in different ways. Some people internalize it, others feel the need to share their thoughts through a publicist. That’s FINE. We’re not going to mock. However, we are going to request one simple thing: if you’re friends with Lindsay Lohan, please don’t die. Do whatever it is you have to do to live forever… or at least outlive her. Don’t drink, don’t smoke, don’t do drugs… basically, look at what Lindsay does and do the opposite. That’s a start.

We’re not cracking wise here. We’re being sincere. Don’t die. It’s cute and endearing when Lindsay writes things like “Make a searching and fearless moral inventory of yourselves’ (12st book) -everytime there’s a triumph in the world a million souls hafta be trampled on” now because she’s young. But if she keeps it up, eventually we’re going to have to make fun of her. We’d have no choice. And we don’t want that to happen. So do us a favor– don’t die. Any of you (yes, even you Paris.) Thank you.

Lip-Synching Accusation Will Ruin Your Holiday

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JLO.JPGThe online detectives at Oh No They Didn’t have come across an interesting/career-killing blind item on a blog written by an anonymous entertainment lawyer. The gist of it is that a woman who made a living as a back-up singer was asked to record some demo songs… only to hear her voice on the radio a number of months later being passed off as a famous female singer’s. This woman would end up becoming the voice behind the name, even recording special “live” tracks for the singer’s tour. Very few hints are given as to who the singer could be, but there are some clues: The singer rose to popularity around 2000, and her second album did even better than her first — which was also a success.

The comments have speculated on a few singers — Jennifer Lopez being one. At first, we thought this made perfect sense, but what are the odds that this back-up singer has the same affected Latina accent as JLo? Unless the entire thing is made up? Any other ideas as to who it could be?

BWE SHORTS: Good Cop/Good Cop

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To pass the time before you’re sitting at your Turkey Day table, shoving bird down your gullet, here’s an amusing little short from Pete & Brian, who you might recognize from their work with us on Best Night Ever, about two cops who transcend all stereotypes. Enjoy!

Cristoph Was Not Nearly As Niiiiiice

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It’s fun when you stumble upon earlier versions of your favorite characters. Like when you see old pictures of Mickey Mouse before he became Mickey Mouse. Or old videos of Robin Williams before he became terrible. Stuff like that. Well, Popoholic found this old clip of Borat from before he was Borat. Meet Cristoph, the Albanian predecessor to everybody’s favorite Kazakh reporter.

Despite the fact that this is 8 years old, I bet somebody from Albania still decides to sue him.

ICYMI: This Hand-Covering-The-Mouth Controversy Getting Slightly Annoying

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You know it’s a slow news week when 1. Someone covering someone else’s mouth is a top story; 2. Kelly Ripa is in the news; 3. Said controversy is used as a platform to confront germ/homophobia. Well, Aiken’s much-hyped appearance on Regis & Kelly last week has now reached the heights of self-parody, as evidenced on last night’s American Music Awards. Check out this clip of Clay Aiken and a pregnant Tori Spelling introducing the next act… If only to see Spelling pulling a Heidi Klum in the “looking better pregnant” department.

The Battle Of Who Could Care Less, Fool More

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benfolds2.jpgAt a recent New York City gig, pianoman Ben Folds decided to take a break from singing about abortions long enough to punk a few thousand fans. Suck on that, ticket-buying public!

With the help of Improv Everywhere, Folds fooled a sold out Hammerstein Ballroom into thinking that he and his band had been caught lip syncing. But rather than dance off stage a la Ashlee Simpson, they came up with a much better way to get out of trouble. You know what, I’m not doing this justice. Read about the whole thing here.

Link via Stereogum

While You Were Prepping Your Thanksgiving Dinner Arguments

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