Itâ€™s the Best Night Ever for Thursday, February 1st! Dan Hopper is here to walk you through the best moments of Thursday night TV, including: 30 Rock, The Office, Ugly Betty, Best Evidence, and The [soon to be ending...] OC!
Check out Dan’s sketch group, A Week of Kindness
Hi folks!!! Liveblogging Fat Tyra begiiiiiiiins…. now:
- 5:01 PM: She’s in her bathing suit telling us not to believe things you read on the internet. Pshaw! Also, she has gained 10 pounds since her infamous paaaanty paaaaarty. Do you believe us? Do.
- 5:03: Tyra assures us she loves to eat, but she didn’t gain 40 pounds in 2 months. Cue Phil Collins‘ “Against All Odds” folks, and take a look at her now. Thankfully, she also tells us that with the way she’s eating, she will one day look like she does in the fat pic.
- 5:03: She just mocking said the word “America”, as in “What ‘Ameeerica’ thinks is beautiful.” Not 4 minutes in already, she’s schooling us on working the photo angle. Thanks for the tip, Monica Lewisnki.
- 5:05: Our first reference to “America’s Next Top Waddle” and the still confusing “Tyra Porkchops”.
- 5:06: It’s official: Tyra Banks has visited PerezHilton.com, though she refuses to name the site. Thankfully, the retarded 2nd grader scrawling over the photo summed it up fairly nicely.
- 5:07: Don’t ever doubt this! TYRA LOVES HER MOMMA. Uh oh, we know what’s coming… she’s about to cry…
- 5:08: SHE JUST CRIED AND TOLD EVERYONE TO KISS HER FAT ASS!!! Then she threw her fist up in the air like a Black Panther. This is awesome.
UPDATE: SAID RANT!!
Hey! I think I’m one of those women!! Rep-ree-ZEhNT!
More liveblogging after the jump, including pictures of Rexies and Fatties. Eff the Superbowl, this is the real showdown of the year.
This is it. The is the video. The best CNN prank we have ever seen. It began innocently enough: We heard the term “stable boy”, “erotic” and “Harry Potter” used in the same sentence, and immediately turned our attention toward the TV. Then we thought, “Wow, Daniel Radcliffe kind of looks like some 33-year-old AV dork with a ponytail reading the Jerry Lawler book.”
And so it was. Brilliant? Quite. We only pray that CNN execs are too busy peeing in their pants to actually fire anyone.
Diddy does it all. He’s a rapper. A producer. An actor. A designer. A reality TV show host. A marathon runner. An award show host. A champion of democracy. A restaurant owner. And so much more.
But all of that pales in comparison to his latest feat. Judging by this photograph to the left from Hello magazine, apparently he’s also the first man to successfully deliver twin baby girls. Just look at how happy longterm girlfriend Kim Porter is as she gazes at the brave, anatomically amazing bearer of her children. The man really can do it all.
Congratulations Diddy. You consistently find new ways to amaze us (and to make sure you’re the one getting all the attention.) You’re an inspiration to us all.
Can you name this actor? No hints this time. Chase your instincts, and give it a Leto thought.
Answer after the jump!
To help you though this uncertain post-9/11 time where cartoon marketing schemes can be mistaken for acts of terrorism, we have prepared for you a list of items we reccomend not just leave laying around your city all willy nilly, lest you find YOURSELF involved in the next LiteBriteGate scandal:
Lite Brite – Little kids using tiny pegs to make shapes they think looks like a butterfly (even though it really doesn’t) seems harmless enough, but you stick it under a freeway overpass and you’ve got yourself a death-dealing warhead of fear.
Stuffed Animals – Cute teddy bears might seem like the last place you’d hide a weapon of mass destruction, but if you’re an evil terrorist, they’re the FIRST place you’d hide it.
VCR – There’s the right way to switch your home entertainment center over to DVD (place obsolete VCR into box DVD player came in and clearly mark contents), and there’s the FREEDOM-HATING TERRORIST WAY (just setting it out on the street where it will terrify people).
Poisonous Snakes – Nature’s original terrorists.
We give Britney Shmears nee Spears a lot of crap. And frankly, when we caught this video of her on X17 pumping her own gas and waiting to use the bathroom, we set our Rock N’ Roll Rooster alarm clocks, pulled a nightcap over our face, and expected to pass out for eternity. But what ended up happening came as an extreme shock… because, we started to actually feel bad for Britney. Wait, wait let us finish.
See, the thing about the video is, we put ourselves in her place. If we rolled into an LA gas station, and were met with a throng of Serbian paparazzi screaming broken English at us, we would let loose a stream of Hungarian curse words that would make even the sleaziest of gay porn stars blush. Here is a loose transcript of things yelled at Britney during the encounter:
You like me to help you to put gas for you? So you don’t wanna say anything for us? So you don’t wanna say anything for us, Britney? You wanna me to get da keys to da restroom? Don’t worry abouta car, we take-a care for you. You want my jacket? I need to let mah wahf know!
We’d be pissed! But not Britney. Hey, is she wearing a rhinestoned necktie with a sheer tunic? Yes. And was she with her kids? No, she wasn’t. They probably wouldn’t want to be around her diarrhea attack anyway (she did stop at 4 separate rest stops, after all.)
But you can’t take the shine out of that attitude folks! What a doll.
On a recent deep sea fishing excursion, Denise Richards landed herself a beautiful Richie Sambora Land Crab (not to be confused with the Richie Sambora Pants Crab).
(via X17 Online)