F*ck You! No, F*ck You!: Diet Coke + Mentos = Fun?

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Before we get to our little showdown, check out the video in question: It’s the “Diet Coke + Mentos” guys on the Ellen Degeneres show yesterday.

Bob: Okay, we get it: when you drop Mentos into bottles of Diet Coke it causes an explosion. By now we’ve all seen it done online… and hell, most of us have even tried it at home. It’s time to move on. What’s done is done. It’s old already. It’s boring. Enough with all the Mentos & Diet Coke on TV. Enough.
Michelle: I think it’s pretty.
Bob: F*ck You!
Michelle: No, f*ck you!

O.J. Hypothetically Confesses To Hypothetically Killing Two People. Hypothetically.

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Hypothetically, let’s say you murdered two people in the early 90′s. Then, hypothetically, a jury of your peers found you Not Guilty despite damning DNA evidence and an alibi with more holes in it than an old pair of gym socks. Hypothetically, let’s say that regardless of the verdict, everybody still suspects you did it (oh, side note: hypothetically, you were one hell of a running back in the NFL, but that’s besides the point.) Wouldn’t you, hypothetically, write a book about how you would’ve done it (if you did it), and appear in a TV special titled If I Did It, Here’s How It Happened. You would, right? Hypothetically.

Well, O.J. would. And he is, during a two-part interview scheduled to air on Fox. Their website already has a killer sneak peek, with O.J. declaring “I don’t think any two people could be murdered without everybody being covered in blood,” before breaking down in tears. Hypothetical tears, I think.

So set your TIVO’s for November 27 & 29. Fox has dubbed it “the interview that will shake the nation.” Because “the interview that will sneak up on the nation and stab them numerous times” would be just a little too much. Hypothetically.

While You Were Waiting for Your TomKat Wedding Invite…

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  • People Magazine names George Clooney the Sexiest Man Alive. All of America wakes up assuming they’ve secretly time-travelled back to 5 years ago when Clooney mattered, while Patrick Dempsey is put on a suicide watch.
  • What better book to read on the toilet than a book featuring women making toilet?
  • Michelle Rodriguez is outed as a lesbian. But don’t mention it to her or she’ll beat the living sh*t outta you.
  • And in totally, completely, definitely unrelated news, Eva Longoria will not be playing a lesbian in Sofia Coppola‘s Tipping the Velvet.
  • Because we realize this is turning out to be the most depressing day for straight men everywhere, we’ll throw you a bone(r): Check out this video of Queen Elizabeth walking the red carpet at the Casino Royale premiere! HAWT. xoxo Teasa Gibbons.

Best Night Ever: Tuesday, November 14th

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It’s Best Night Ever for Tuesday, November 14th! Adira is here to walk you through the best of Tuesday night tv, including Dancing With the Stars, Friday Night Lights, House, and Show Me the Money!

…Of The Day

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  • “DON’T TRY THIS AT HOME”: If Borat had that warning, maybe kids wouldn’t be crapping in plastic bags. (Defamer)
  • PLAY NICE, GIRLS: Pink thinks Beyonce is a bitch. If Pink was good looking this would have the potential for a sexy cat-fight. (Yeeeah)
  • HORRIBLE USE OF MYSPACE: Posting videos of little kids beating the ever-loving s**t out of each other. I was gonna make a joke about how it reminded me of being a camp counselor, but the video is just too disturbing. (TampaBays10)
  • DRUNKEN PARTY GIRL: Tara Reid has reinvented herself? Some people just won’t accept that. (Gallery Of The Absurd)
  • I LOVE ROCK & ROLL LESBIANS: Carmen Electra and Joan Jett were spotted aggressively kissing & touching. Interestingly enough, Joan is much more masculine than Carmen’s ex-husband Dave Navarro. (Celebitchy)

If You Can’t Beat the Democrats, Beat Your Wife!

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doucheocrat.JPGThis is Republican Congressman Mark Olson from Big Lake, Minnesota. To celebrate his party’s recent battery at the hands of the Democrats, Rep. Olson decided to hand out a beating of his own, allegedly “pushing his wife to the ground three times”, resulting in fresh bruises on her body. Why is it that every time we hear about a politician doing some truly f*cked up sh*t, it’s always a Republican? Sure, the Dems are no angels, and anyone who’s ever seen a Leno monologue knows that the lefties are always boozin’ and whorin’, but why does it seem like every time a kid gets cyber-molested, a racial slur gets hurled, a wife gets beaten, or a country gets needlessly destroyed on account of a wanton disregard for basic humanity, there’s always some shade-ball Republican behind the whole thing? When exactly did sociopathic behavior cease to be bi-partisan? I might never know the answers these rhetorical questions, but I do know that the Distinguished Gentleman from Minnesota is mos def today’s Daily Douche.

(via Wonkette)

ICYMI: What Could These Two Possibly Find So Funny?

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I don’t think anyone could be more stoked about Britney giving K-Fed his walking papers than Jason Alexander and Shar Jackson, the unhappy couple’s respective exes. If only everyone could know the transcendent pleasure of watching the person who broke their heart suffer through a self-destructive, two-year long meltdown, in front of hundreds of millions of people. Sure beats burning a few polaroids.

ICYMI: Things That Make You Go “Boom”

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Emeril Lagasse has “Bam!”, Teen Wolf has “Boof”, and Apple CEO Steve Jobs has “Boom!”, which is not to be confused with, “Boompth”, the sound that my piece of crap Powerbook makes during its yearly crash.

(via BoingBoing)

ICYMI: 9-Year-Old Insists You’re the Best Man She Ever Knew

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Yesterday, we alerted you to the classic 1982 clip of Jennifer Holliday singing “And I Am Telling You” from Dreamgirls. There seems to be concern over whether American Idol star Jennifer Hudson will be able to hold a candle to Holliday, who originated the role on Broadway. But what no one seems to be mentioning is the other girl who vied for the role, Erica Marks. Sure she’s only 9-years-old, and, yes, she’s dressed head-to-toe in Bratz-brand clothing, but listen to her pipes! Look at that finger wavin’! Move over, Jennifer Holliday, there’s a tin-eared little white girl comin’ after yah.
p.s. What we meant to say is 9-year-olds shouldn’t be allowed to sing this song. Particularly Erica Marks. Agreed?

Mel Gibson’s Grass-Roots-ography

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apoc.jpgThe LA Times is reporting that Mel Gibson has launched a grass-roots marketing campaign to garner the support of Latinos and Native Americans for his upcoming film Apocalypto, which depicts the fall of the Mayan Empire. Gibson is clearly banking on the hunch that the growing US Hispanic population, along with the handful of Native Americans we have left, will be interested enough in their sort-of-but-not-really ancient ancestors to give Mel’s latest epic the box office boost he needs to get his post Jew-hating career back on track. Let’s take a look at a few of Mel’s previous grass-roots campaigns to determine his chances of success:

Movie: The Passion of the Christ (2004)
Mel’s Marketing Challenge: “Hmm, it’s a movie about a guy getting tortured relentlessly by evil Jews for two and half hours, and it’s all filmed in a language that hasn’t been spoken for two thousand years.”
Grass-Roots Strategy: “I’ll convince millions of gullible people they’ll go to hell or whatever unless they go see it, over and over, bringing a friend along each time.
Resulting Success: “Thanks for the 300 million bucks, suckers!”

Read more…