According to our friends over at I Don’t Like You In That Way (via HowardStern.com and OhNoTheyDidn’t), Girls Gone Wild founder/ sleazeball Joe Francis called into the Howard Stern Show Wednesday morning to
brag about banging most of young Hollywood complain about Parisexposed.com and talk about his pending lawsuit. Of course, since Joe isn’t exactly the private type and Howard isn’t exactly the shy type, we ended up learning a lot. More than we wanted to, actually. We learned things like:
- Joe has slept with Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, Kimberly Stewart and Tara Reid
- Paris is better at going downtown than Lindsay
- Tara is terrible in bed
- Tara is terrible in bed, potentially because Joe “only used protection” with her
- Tara is terrible in bed, potentially because she just laid there
- Tara is terrible in bed, potentially because she has a “big smelly loose vagina”
- Joe doesn’t plan on sleeping with Paris again now that he’s seen her medical records
And so much more! Of course, according to the person who reported listening to this, Joe sounded “extremely drugged up, or hungover, or still drunk” so who knows if any of this is true or not. We don’t know what to believe. Well, except for the Tara Reid vagina part. We have a feeling that’s right on the money.
Unless you spent the last week in a sensory deprivation chamber, the chances are that some blog, magazine, website, jackass co-worker, TV show, Bravo themselves, or any combination thereof ruined the outcome of this season of Top Chef for you by breathlessly announcing the winner prior to last night’s finale. If you haven’t already tasted the exquisite flavor of having a season’s worth of suspense spoiled for you, allow me: Ilan Hall out-foamed, out-fried and out-fricasseed Marcel Vigneron all the way to the title of Top Chef! After last week’s shocking misjudgements, the big showdown (two guys who are sort of d*cks to each other FACE OFF!) ended up feeling sort of anti-climactic, even for devoted fans of the show. However, the night was not without it’s highlights, which include:
- Ilan trying to pee on Marcel after the Oompa Loompa/Wolverine hybrid got himself stung by a jellyfish.
- Sam and Michael punking Marcel by choosing to work on his team solely for the purpose of taking a few more jabs at him.
- Betty proving, once again, that she’s the most universally unlikeable personality in the biz.
- Marcel thinking the Top Chef finale is the appropriate venue to d*ck around with his experimental recipe for “salad dressing encapsulated in crystallized unicorn tears”.
Sure, we all know Kevin Federline is making his Superbowl Ad debut this Sunday, as a fast food worker for Nationwide. But did you know he’s actually starring in two commercials? Crazy, right? Here’s the other, lesser known commersh. We think it’s some of his finest work!
UPDATE: Really, folks? Cammannnnnm.
In his self-parodying Super Bowl commercial, Kevin Federline called down the fast food industry thunder and now’s he’s got it. Greg Creed, President of Taco Bell and the man who brought us the Grilled Stuffed Fiesta Burrito, has said “f*ck it, let’s get in on some of this sweet Federline publicity”, thrown down the gordita gauntlet and written an open letter challenging the Fresnoian wannabe rapper to work one eighth of a single shift at a Taco Bell of his choosing:
Come work for us, just for a one hour shift. We’ll get you a uniform, a custom name tag and show you what a great place Taco Bell is to work. We’ll even reward customers who visit that restaurant with an order of our new Carne Asada Steak Grilled Taquitos for free.
Your watering mouth is most certainly the result of imagining a fantasy world in which you served a delicious Carne Asada Steak Grilled Taquito, free of charge, for simply being fearless enough to allow a smiling Kevin Federline to prepare your food. “Yo quiero” indeed.
In case you haven’t heard, some people over at Turner Broadcasting are in a teensy weensy bit of trouble because of an Aqua Teen Hunger Force guerilla marketing campaign gone wrong. Yesterday a couple of struggling artists in Boston were arrested for hanging up blinking electronic signs to promote the Aqua Teen movie. Of course, since Bostonians love to create drama (Um, Boston Tea Party anybody? Hel-lo), somebody thought the city was under attack by terrorists and panic ensued. Apparently it was “wicked scary.” Anyway, here’s a video of the two dudes hanging the ads around Boston. Or, as the prosecution will call it, Exhibit A.
Great job, Boston. Way to be on top of terrorism… now.
Just when you think “Can he get anymore annoying?”, and just when you think “Oh, he’s in anger management! Thank god, it looks like the end!”, news comes out that Andy Bernard, the most annoying character in Office history and Michael Scott‘s stalker, has been upped to regular cast member. Regular. Freaaakin. Cast. Member. Meaning that there will be no shortage of a cappella related jokes and smarmy flirtations with Pam in the near future.
Our feelings on this news are mixed. On the one hand, we’ve always liked Ed Helms, but on the other hand, the Andy character is so absolutely annoying it’s kind of a bummer to learn he’ll always be around. For one thing, ever since his arrival on the show, Michael’s been acting depressed… and poor Dwight will have a permanent nemesis to work against. When will it end? He was a fun change for a few months, a new broom in the Dunder Mifflin cog, but we have trouble picturing our favorite cast functioning as regularly scheduled with his included presence. For God’s sake, why couldn’t they make Todd Packer a regular??? Check out this clip from tonight’s brand new episode of Todd and tell us you wouldn’t mind seeing that in Scranton every week. Also, no word on how much longer Karen will be there, but hopefully the answer is not much longer, if you catch our drift.
Itâ€™s the Best Night Ever for Wednesday, January 31st! Shea Hess is here to walk you through the best moments of Wednesday night TV, including: American Idol, Knights of Prosperity, and with the end of Top Chef brings us the beginning of Top Design!
“But of course he’s seen a talk show!” you say. Then I’m like “Really? That’s funny, because check this out!” And then you’re all “Click play”:
We know he’s busy, but what did he just save? Like 5 seconds? On second though, that’s about $4 million in Bill Gates time. Ne’er mind. (With thanks to Valleywag)