Happy 40th Birthday: Kiefer Sutherland


kiefer.JPGIt’s December 21, 2006. For most people, 4 calendar notches away from the birth of God’s son, but to some, the 21st rings in the birthday of one of the godliest men on Earth: Kiefer Sutherland. Men want to be him, women want to “do it” to him. Today, TVTattle informs us that the man who plays Jack Bauer on 24, the man we’ve seen go from young punk to older, grizzlier punk, turns 40. Meaning that along with Brad Pitt, George Clooney and Jon Stewart, Hollywood’s hottest guys are all past the dreaded four-zero, and looking better than ever. (Don’t get us started on our feelings for 71-year-old pappy Donald Sutherland… me-ow.)

So to celebrate the birth of this man, this legend, we’ve scoured the internet in search of the Worst Kiefer Sutherland Tribute Video possible… and by golly, we think we’ve found it. So please, sit back for the next minute, light a small candle, turn your volume down, and enjoy this really really awful tribute video in honor of Kiefer’s 40th B-Day.

ICYMI: White & Dirty


Check out this clip of Weird Al sitting down and rapping with the one person in the world whose hip hop flow is even funnier than his own: Kevin Federline.

On Tonight’s Bones: Lara Flynn Boyle Marries!


corpsebride.JPGActress and collagen-enthusiast Lara Flynn Boyle has seen the ups-and-downs of love… mostly downs. We can’t imagine the sort of images burned into the girl’s memory, from Jack Nicholson‘s claw hands copping a feel to her being the “big spoon” in post-coital cuddling with David Spade. Which is why we are pleased to report that Lara has gotten married… and her new husband is not some comedic Hollywood persona, but instead the rather bland sounding “Donald Thomas of San Antonio.” Bo-ringgg. A source at the honeymoon hotel (read: Bellhop who was tipped a little too much) told Star Magazine that Lara looked “thin and pretty”, adding “She had big lips, but they didn’t look weird.” Nice touch, paid source. Glad to see the Restalyne finally evened itself out. Congrats to the happy couple!

Britney Spears: Mother Of The Year


britney strip.jpg

Have you ever stumbled upon an old photo album and discovered old pictures of your parents when they were kids? It’s always a bit strange, seeing how they dressed, looked, and acted when they were your age, isn’t it? It makes you realize that even though they’re older and they come from a different generation, maybe you’re not all that different after all. Right?

Well, on that note, I pray that Sean Preston and Jayden James never come to that realization. Because if they’re flipping through an old photo album in 25 years and they come upon photos of Mama Britney’s ill-advised striptease at 40 Deuce and think “Wow, we’re just like our mama!” then we didn’t do our job as a society. We should probably get these pictures over to child services sooner rather than later… because I don’t want to see Jayden stripping down to his birthday suit in 2032. It’s not too late, people. It’s not too late.

For more Britney Spears: Mother Of The Year photos, click here.

LOHANVOLUTION: A Very Adequite Xmas!


Friends and followers of the Lohanvolution! As you’re settling down for your long winter’s naps, Our Dear Lindsay has prepared for us this heartwarming holiday video about Christmas in her own home. Pour yourselves a tall glass of Egg Nog & crushed up Xanax, roast a doobie over the open fire, and call your white Christmas dealers – it’s time for a Lohan Holiday!



Why, is it Christmas morning? Because we here at BWE feel as if God has delivered the most amazing gift ever: a genuine throw-down between two of the fattest heads in the universe, Rosie O’Donnell and Donald Trump!!! It all began yesterday on The View, when Rosie launched into her typical morning rant chiding Trump for allowing Miss USA to keep her crown, even though the underage beauty queen had been drinking and snorting her way through the New York club scene. She called Trump a “snake-oil salesman”, accused him of being an adulterer, announced that Trump had actually gone bankrupt, and threw in a little “Miss America Can Kick Miss USA’s Ass” in for good measure.

Without ruining this, please, we beg, check out Trump’s response on Entertainment Tonight (In a nutshell, it’s 2 minutes of fat jokes and threats to kidnap Rosie’s girlfriend, but please… just relax and watch):

(Video via Defamer)

Fat pockets indeed. Well, it didn’t take long for Rosie to leave a response on her blog, copying and pasting a Wikipedia entry documenting Donald’s financial woes, and tacking on a tidy little haiku at the end:

i will let u know if the donald sues me
or if kelli leaves me for one of his pals

We hate to say it… no seriously, it hurts us… but are we taking Rosie’s side? Trump is such an a**hole! But hell, we love the bastard. This is going to be a-soo much funnn!

While You Were Realizing You Should Probably Start Your Holiday Shopping



  • Donald Trump is threatening to sue Rosie O’Donnell after she discussed his finances and called him a “snake-oil salesman” on The View yesterday. Trump found that offensive, though he admitted that if he was a snake-oil salesman he’d be the “biggest and best snake-oil salesman in the entire world.”
  • A Canadian stripper has dropped her defamation lawsuit against Matt LeBlanc. And to make things fair, LeBlanc dropped her an extra $20.
  • Jessica Simpson conducts her relationships over the phone in an effort to protect her boyfriends from the paparazzi. So they get the good Jessica Simpson conversation, without all the Jessica Simpson touching and physical contact? What a great deal!
  • Before his first rehab stint Ozzy Osbourne was under the impression that the Betty Ford Center would teach him how to drink better, not force him to quit. No joke here; just wanted to remind you that Ozzy Osbourne is AWESOME.
  • Danny DeVito says it’s good to start drinking early on Christmas morning. Of course, he later added that it’s good to live every day like it’s Christmas, so take that as you may.

Best Night Ever: Wednesday, December 20th!


It’s Best Night Ever for Wednesday, December 20th! Shea Hess is here to walk you through the best of Wednesday night TV, including: The Real World Denver, Mythbusters [holiday edition], Psychic Detectives, and the two hour clip show of Next Top Model: British Invasion!

…Of The Day



  • JESUS FREAK: Sylvester Stallone is saying that the script for Rocky Balboa was inspired by the teachings of Jesus. Like turning the other cheek. (SF Gate)
  • SLOPPY SECONDS: Britney Spears’ friendship with Paris Hilton is rumored to have cooled because the pop princess was involved with one of Paris’ exes? Though in Brit’s defense, is there anyone who ISN’T one of Paris’ exes? (The Scoop)
  • SERIAL DIVORCEE: Eminem’s latest divorce from Kim Mathers has been finalized, making the rapper the only person in the world who has been divorced more than they’ve been married. (E! Online)
  • TERROR ALERT: In these uncertain times, we can never be too cautious of the threat of terrorists. Therefore, the TSA is now requiring all babies be X-rayed at security checkpoints. (CBS News)
  • REASON IT’S HARD OUT HERE FOR A PIMP: A convicted pimp has made an educational video warning teen girls about the dangers of prostitution. The biggest danger is not bringin’ enough of that money back to yo’ pimp. (AZ Star)