LISTEN UP: Nude & Rude

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  • Uberdrivel posted a 12-year-old Jesus And Mary Chain concert to get you all geared up for their Coachella reunion. As if you weren’t geared up already.
  • If you can’t get enough of LCD Soundsystem, head over to A Best Truth- they have a handful of tracks, including the super-catchy “Daft Punk Is Playing At My House”.
  • Disco:Very thinks that “Now I Hollar” by Plastic Little featuring Spank Rock is the “‘me so horny’ for the new millennium.” What do you think?
  • Who Killed The Mixtape has posted two tracks by The Little Ones that will be stuck in your head all day. Well, only if you listen to them. Otherwise you’ll be fine.
  • And finally, Unarocks features a 12-track-long mix today that includes the new Iggy & The Stooges song “Idea of Fun”, new Bloc Party, Primal Scream and more.

SIMI-LEBRITIES: Neverending Scary

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We might be going out on a limb here, but do any of you guys ever think Tara Reid looks sort of like Morla the Swamp Tortoise from Neverending Story?

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Liveblogging “Fat” Tyra Banks: Tomorrow at 5!

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Tomorrow will be a great day in the world of ridiculous television, when ex-supermodel and “fiveheader” Tyra Banks dons a granny bathing suit to prove to the world that she’s not fat. Ever since tabloids have accused the girl of “ballooning” to 161 pounds, she’s gone out of her way to prove that she can still girdle her way into Dolce & Gabbana, writing open letters denouncing her denouncers, and devoting an entire show to her figure. So, we decided to liveblog it! Why? Because the world needs to know the truth about Tyra’s slightly-large-but-not-huge ass! We actually think her body looks good. Now, if she would only devote an hour explaining some of her weave choices, we’d be getting somewhere.

Here’s a preview of the insanity!

p.s. Could somebody please explain to me what the headline “Tyra Pork Chops” means? Spanx! And check back with us tomorrow at 5 pm for minute by minute updates.

The Most Incredibly Thorough, Mind-Boggling Domino-Falley Video

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By minute 1 of this video, we were all: This is amazing! By minute 3, we were all: Wow, these people had a lot of time/adderall on their hands. By minute 4, it was like: Jeez, it’s almost annoying. By minute 5, it was like: Guhh… when does it eeeendddddd…. and by minute 6, we were starring in our own Excedrin commercial. So we thought we’d share it with you! Enjoy the grainy madness.

Joy Behar Eagerly Anticipates Crappy Cell Phone Video of Anna Wintour’s Dangling Corpse

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saddam2.jpgYou gotta love the ladies of The View- they don’t hold back.

On today’s show, our hosts were predictably peeved over the media’s fascination with Tyra Banks’ weight gain. As expected, they pointed out how absurd it was to criticize a supermodel for putting on a couple of pounds and, naturally, it was the fashion industry that deserves most of the blame. But it wasn’t until Joy Behar called the folks at Vogue and Elle magazine “war criminals” that the conversation went from clichéd to AWESOME. Check it out here.

ICYMI: Donald Trump Emerges As Greatest Pro Wrestling Jackass Millionaire Since Ted DiBiase

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trumpWWE.JPGLast night Donald Trump followed in K-Fed’s FUBU footsteps as the latest celebuclown to show up on WWE Raw. Apropos of nothing, Trump appeared on a large video monitor and launched into one of his classic blowhardy “I’m a rich successful businessman” speeches, then dropped a bunch of cash down from the ceiling onto the rednecky audience, many of whom had likely never even SEEN a hundred dollar bill before, much less stood in the midst of a money shower sent from the Event Center heavens by His Holiness the Donald. This display of pseudo-generosity sent WWE ownder Vince McMahon into a predictable Professional Wrestling fury, defeatedly stalking backstage like a hunchback with the worst case of hemorrhoids in recorded human history. The Donald’s bizarre appearance set many wrestling insiders’ tongues a-wagging with speculation of Trump reviving the Million Dollar Man character once portrayed by Ted DiBiase for the upcoming Summer Slam, featuring a no-holds-barred cage match in which he would completely decimate Rosie O’Donnell and her fat face.

PROPPED: Zombie Wedding Absolutely Terrifying

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Back when I worked as a caterer in college I ended up bartending a ton of weddings. It was fun making cocktails for grown-ups and teenagers with bad fake ID’s (I’m just kidding, I never asked for ID) and then watching them hit the dance floor. But it was around that time that I made a very important decision: When I get married, white people aren’t allowed to dance at my wedding. We never, ever, ever look cool. This video of an entire wedding party doing the Michael Jackson “Thriller” dance only proves my point.

Okay, maybe that was cool. I can’t tell.

Yeah, it’s old, but it was Propped by roxdy so we thought we’d post it. Do you have something you want us to see? Drop it now!

What’s The Point Of Making Another “Best Superbowl Commercials” List?

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It seems like every year a handful of websites, newspapers and magazines make a list of the 10 Best Superbowl Commercials ever. And since we’ve been trained to believe that Superbowl commercials are somehow more important than regular commercials, whenever we see these lists we’re instantly inclined to check them out. Like we’re going to learn something. Or like the list of commercials isn’t also kind of a commercial itself. Well, I propose that we stop paying attention to these lists. Why? Because every year it’s the EXACT SAME THING! The Budweiser Frogs, Mean Joe Greene, MJ vs. Larry Bird. And, without fail, the number 1 commercial is this Apple ad from 1984 (below). Enough is enough. I refuse to read another word about Superbowl ads until we find a new number 1. Come on. Back when MTV played music videos, even they would bounce back and forth between “Smells Like Teen Spirit” and “Thriller”. Variety is good. Let’s work on that.

Skoo-Be-Doo Michael Bublé Is a Be-Boo-Bop A-Hole

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BUBLE.JPGThere is a lot that bothers us about the NY Daily News‘ report on Michael Bublé‘s (aka the Poor Man’s Matt Dillon) Grammy-related antics, but before we delve into our cauldron of Haterade, here is the report:

Poor Emily Blunt won’t get to wear her Grammy frock. Her boyfriend, singer Michael Bublé, is refusing to go to the Feb. 11 awards ceremony in L.A. In the first place, he says, his category doesn’t get any TV time. “They give away our Best Traditional Pop award at a dinner before the Grammys, so I just think that’s bull-,” Bublé told the Canadian Press. “I think it’s absolute crap.” But he also confesses, “Why should I go to the Grammys? Because I’ll lose. They might as well have already scratched Tony Bennett‘s name into the damn thing. I’m not going.”

Bublé did accompany Blunt to the Golden Globes when she was nominated for her scene-stealing turn in “The Devil Wears Prada,” but he wasn’t there when she clinched Best Supporting Actress. “When she won the thing, I was outside having a cigarette,” he declared.

Let’s start off with the fact that his last name is Bublé, with an accent mark. Meaning that whenever I want to shoot out a hate mail, I gotta use MS Word symbols, taking me an extra 10 seconds. But more than that, could the guy have a worse attitude? He’s crooning adult contemporary easy listening music, not rewriting the Book of Love. Admittedly, the Grammy’s have horrible taste in music (Fergie‘s got a slew of em, right?), but you bet your ass even I was nominated for “Best Native American Grammy” I’d gladly don my glitziest headdress and sidle up next to Chris Isaak or whoever else was at my table. And you know what? When the Little Jeans Band is called up to accept their award 7 hours before the actual televised ceremony, I’d clap my hands til they bled. And if Tony Bennett won? I’d join a cult and kill myself. Out of joy.

But perhaps the worst cardinal sin is what an a-hole of a boyfriend he is to Emily Blunt! Not only is he denying her the single opportunity to flirt with real musicians, but he’s completely indifferent about missing her big Golden Globe win. Are crooners even allowed to smoke? Tony Bennett is rolling over in his 24K Gold isolation chamber right now.