Shuffling Towards The Weekend

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paul ipod.JPGWhen we asked Uncle Grambo from Whatevs.org if he’d like to participate our iPod shuffle this week, he gave the exact response we were hoping for: “Obvs!” The man who represented D-town, created his own language (“bovs on YOUR tees”) and who has an unhealthy obsession with Amanda Bynes currently sits 15 feet away from me and guess what; he doesn’t give a damn about indie-cred. Below are the first 5 songs that popped up on his iPod shuffle. When you’re done reading, add your own Shuffle in the comments. Or don’t. Whatevs.

1) Bob Marley, “Stir It Up” - Well f*ck me in the goat ass. I just knew that revealing the contents of my iPod would turn me into “that guy”. You know, that guy down the hall from you freshman year with the giant subway poster of Bob Marley thumbtacked to his dorm room wall who bought his incense by the gross?
2) Underworld, “Rez” - Great, just great. Apparently now I’ve graduated from weed to ecstasy. Thanks for nothing, iPod!
3) Counting Crows, “Speedway” – I just came to a realization. Why worry about burning my indie cred? It’s not like I had any in the first place. With that in mind, buy me a beer sometime and I’ll give you my dissertation on why “This Desert Life” is of one my all-time favorite LPs.
4) Floyd Cramer, “Last Date” - Right up there with “Sleepwalk” (Santos & Jonny stizz) as one of my all-time fave instrumental jams.
5) Oasis, “Live Forever” – Bonehead and Guigsy, may you rest in peace.

CAPTION THIS! Will Ferr-yells

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Caption This! brought to you by Stranger Than Fiction, in theaters November 10th.
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“GET OFF THE SHED!!!! I WILL DOUSE YOU IN GASOLINE AND LIGHT ON YOU FIRE LIKE THAT BUDDHIST MONK IN VIETNAM IF YOU DON’T GET OFF THAT DAMN SHED!”

Your turn. Leave your best Will Ferrell Captions in the Comments now!

ICYMI: Hilarious 911!

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I’ve always thought that Comedy Central’s Reno 911! was a hit-and-miss show capable of being either boring or hilarious. But by the looks of this trailer, the Miami-based movie version seems to fall firmly in the latter category. Could this be most hilarious thing to happen to cop comedies since Steve Guttenberg last donned his patrolman Blues?

(via DeadFrog)

SIMI-LEBRITIES: Salt N’ Peppa Edition

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We’ve put together four Simi-lebrities for your perusal, who all have the distinguishing feature of looking older than they actually are thanks to their seasoned hair coloring.

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Ted Danson & Bob Barker

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American Idol‘s Taylor Hicks and America’s Sweetheart Bea Arthur

Read more…

Kevin Demands Doritos, Your Continued Attention

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federlineex.jpgThe document wranglers over at The Smoking Gun have obtained a copy of Kevin Federline’s Hospitality Rider, which lists his various demands for the backstage area of his under-attended live performances. While the contents are not particularly surprising (Doritos, cigarettes, Vodka & Red Bull, etc.), what you might not know is this is only the FIRST page of the rider. Through our shadowy network of backstage operatives, BWE.tv has managed to obtain the SECOND page of the document, from which we will share a few of K-Fed’s additional demands:

KEVIN REQUIRES:

A minimum of fifty (50) audience members, paying or otherwise; AND
At least three (3) of which who genuinely want to be there and swear they are not attending to be ironic or funny
One (1) more chance to change Britney’s mind; OR
One (1) capable Divorce Lawyer willing to work pro bono, or in exchange for royalties from sale of future rap songs; OR
One (1) female with functioning genitalia who will voluntarily pleasure Kevin; OR
One (1) paid female escort who will pleasure Kevin for compensation
; OR
One (1) porno movie, with no plot, and a few weeks’ worth of Kleenex

ABSOLUTELY NO:

Heckling, Name-Calling, Insult-Hurling, or Any Other Verbal or Physical Abuse
Fed-Ex packages or logos anywhere, ever
Challenges to Battle by means of Rapping
Posting negative reviews of the show on Craigslist
Use of the phrase “Vanilla Ice”
Discussion of Kevin’s future plans
Text messaging of any sort

Salma Hayek Is Just Taunting Us Now

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salmahayek2.jpgYesterday we posted a picture from Salma’s recent appearance on Ugly Betty. The high definition image, courtesy of MetaDish, has basically rendered us incompetent and unable to complete simple sentences. However, after almost 24 straight hours of staring at it like one of those stupid Magic Eye pictures at a mall kiosk, we were ready to move on. And then this happened:

Taxi Driver Movie.com has a few pictures of Salma stripping her shirt off while trying on clothes. Come on now, Salma. Now you’re just being mean. I never thought I’d say this, but seriously Salma, please just keep your shirt on. How are we expected to go on with our day if you keep disrobing in public? Seriously. Just stop. You’re gonna get me fired.

Cringe at The Office While Avoiding Work At The Office

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THEOFFICEMINDY.JPGAs Michael Scott would say “Spoiler… A-lert.” If you missed The Office last night, NBC has gone out of their way to please us and posted an extended Producer’s Cut of the episode online. Sure, you’ll have a strange craving for the technically undrinkable Sierra Mist afterwards, but it may actually be worth it. In addition, head honcho Greg Daniels live-blogged for about an hour last night, answering fan questions. It’s funny, but fails to seriously answer any of your burning inquiries.

So if you actually saw “Branch Closing”, you’ll agree that it felt a little bit different than normal… in that things actually happened in the plot. Big things. Dare I even say, twists and turns? Jan tells Michael that Dunder Mifflin will be closing the Scranton branch, and that he’ll be out of a job. Without giving too much away, let’s just say that of course Steve Carell isn’t leaving the show. And that America’s Crush© Jim has another big move on his hands. So far, this season is shaping up to get really good… like The Fugitive good. Also, is it weird that we’re rooting for a Michael/Jan romance just as bad as a Pam/Jim hump-a-thon? (Worst way to describe sex? Almost def.)

Finally, last night’s Scene Stealer Award goes to Mindy Kaling, i.e. Kelly, who had by far the biggest laugh moments of the episode. As per usual, post fan-fic/thoughts in the comments.

Spiderman 3 Trailer Premieres on Web (Get It?)

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In case you haven’t already seen it, the Spiderman 3 trailer debuted on the web last night. Our first thought? “Wait, is that the guy from Wings? Crazy.” Our final thought? We love the Spiderman franchise, but fear that this movie might be way over-CGI’d… And not the good Lord of the Rings kind, but the bad Jumanji kind. Check it out below, and trust that no matter what, we’ll be in a theater come May 4, 2007.

While You Were Concluding Your Best Week Ever

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  • An Italian priest has refused to wed Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes because Tom is twice-divorced. Oh, and because their relationship is a sham. But let’s go with that divorce thing, okay?
  • Kevin Federline has turned to cigarettes and alcohol to help him get over Britney Spears. Of course, since all Kevin did when they were together was smoke cigarettes and drink alcohol, it’s unclear as to whether this technically qualifies as a coping mechanism.
  • Val Kilmer confessed he’d rather get with Oprah Winfrey than Nicole Richie. In other news, hey! Oprah producers! Val Kilmer is totally available and would love to do the show sometime. Did you hear him say that he’d f**k her? Come on, give him a call.
  • Two frat boys who made racist and sexist comments in Borat are prepared to sue 20th Century Fox for making them look stupid on camera. This follows the lawsuit filed against their parents for making them look stupid in life.
  • Cameron Diaz wants a nose job because she can’t breathe. Coincidentally, that’s the same reason Justin wants to dump her.