While You Were Worshipping False Idols

by

tara_conner_miss_usa_002.jpg

  • Miss USA admitted to using cocaine, then said, “the more that I get it off my chest, the better I feel about myself”. Whatever, we liked her better when she still had coke all over her chest.
  • K-Fed has reportedly turned down a $25 million offer from Britney to give up custody of their kids. THAT is how concerned he is about leaving them in her care.
  • Brandy is being sued for $50 million in a wrongful death suit filed by the family of ther woman killed in her December car accident. The sum reflects the $40 million they would have sued her for a month ago when the accident happened, plus a $5 million “cover-up fee”, plus $5 million interest.
  • Here’s a video of Paris Hilton singing a racist song while some douchebag looks on hoping he will get to have sex with her later.
  • A clubgoer who tried to take pictures of P. Diddy and Sienna Miller had her memory card taken by one of Diddy’s security goons. She did, however, get to keep the memory of watching those two drunkenly dance together, which will be burned into her brain forever.

Best Night Ever for Tuesday, January 30th!

by

It’s the Best Night Ever for Tuesday, January 30th! Mindy Raf is here to walk you through the best moments of Tuesday night TV, including: American Idol, Big Day, The Real Housewives of Orange County and the new season of Road Rules: Viewers Revenge!

…Of The Day

by

    scarjo.jpg
  • PUDDING POPS: Ben Stiller and Scarlett Johansson are this year’s recipients of the Harvard theater group’s Hasty Pudding Award. Not sure why that matters, but it’s a good excuse to post a Scar-Jo pic. (Yahoo)
  • MORE THAN JUST GREAT PROSTITUTES: It turns out Kazhakstan is damn good at hockey too, as indicated by their 52-1 drubbing of Thailand. (Deadspin)
  • OUT WITH THE OLD, IN WITH THE CRAZY: Does American Idol plan on replacing Paula Abdul with Courtney Love? Um, I really, really hope so. (Faded Youth)
  • SCREECHED!: Apparently Dustin Diamond is not a pleasure to work with. But we knew that after watching his sex tape. (Celebrity Warship)
  • WINO: Teri Hatcher likes to bathe in wine. So there’s another thing that Teri Hatcher has in common with that homeless guy who sleeps in front of your building. (I’m Not Obsessed)

UNEMPLOYMENT CHECK: The Mighty, They Fall

by

Usually, we love watching models tumble to the ground (examples here, here and here). But little did we know that the model falling down the stairs on today’s Good Morning America was not just any model, but rather an intern at Vogue. And you can imagine our shock to learn that this “intern” was actually Whitney, star of MTV’s The Hills. We’re surprised Andre Leon Talley would dare let an intern set a decrepit foot in his Christian Louboutin’s! To her credit, she is a million times less nightmarish than the girl in the Streisand outfit, who actually never blinks.

A Sad Day for The Jews

by

BRITNEYSHMEARS.JPGTwo bits of info out today have us convinced that today, January 30, 2007, is a bad day for the Jews.

First off, we can’t bring ourselves to shell out 40 corporate bucks a month for a Paris Exposed account (probably because I myself am a Jew), but luckily it seems most of the info is being leaked through other sources. And while smoking a tampon is Hilarie Clinton (as well as Dangerousell Crowe), my ancestral heritage is more offended by this nugget discovered in the secret stash. On a trip to Amsterdam, Paris Hilton took the time to visit Anne Frank‘s attic. Right after learning how to use mushrooms, and before enrolling (so to speak) in Cannabis College. The idea of that girl’s race-hating ass-goiter trolling around in Anne Frank’s house makes us sick — my great-grandparents are rolling over in their mass-graves, for real. But I’ll tell myself that Paris is just a big fan of Bridget Jones’ Diary and wanted to pay her respects.

In other news, X17 caught Britney Spears sporting a Mr. T worthy Star of David round her neck, along with a tres shtetle hair color. Could this be the influence of boyfriend Isaac Cohen? And more importantly, will she change her name to Britney Shmears?

The BWE.tv Bloggers: Social Lepers Who Are Too Socially Awkward For VH1

by

Oh, hey VH1… what’s up?

teambwe2.JPGSo listen, we really don’t want to make things weird. It’s just that today, while we surfing the internet looking for more pictures of Paris Hilton’s rack and Cisco Adler’s ballz we stumbled upon a post over at Jossip about a new VH1 show… about bloggers. In the post, Jossip mentions

“Last month, VH1 fired off invitations to audition to what seemed like anyone who had put their fingers on a keyboard and launched a blog mildly related to entertainment. Blogs including Just Jared, Hollywood Tuna, and even our own MollyGood and Jossip were pitched for the series.”

Um… so yeah… VH1… we’re just wondering… why didn’t you ask us? I mean, you held auditions in New York and, well, you know we work here… right? In fact, we’re probably in the same building. Hell, I bet we’re on the same floor. Surely we could’ve taken a couple of minutes out of our busy day of watching The View and All My Children to swing by the audition room and “hang out” for a little while. It really wouldn’t have been that big of a problem. And if it was “forced snark and humor” you were looking for… um, HELLO, have you ever read this site? We love snark more than Isaiah Washington hates gay people. Did you happen to noticed how forced that was? Forced snark, baby! That’s what we do!

Anyway, I guess it’s cool that you’re just not that into us. Whatever. We’re already over it. Good luck with HushHush or whatever you’re calling your stupid blogger show. Now if you’ll excuse us, we have a 5 o’clock meeting with some people over at E! that we probably shouldn’t miss.

ICYMI: F%@k Club

by

What if Fight Club was actually a gay bar run by Brad Pitt named F%@k Club? Well, the movie would probably be 5% gayer than it already is. But check out this parody anyway- It’s definitely the best gay movie trailer mash-up since The Great Brokeback Mountain Mash-Up Trend of ’06. Ahh, the good ol’ days. (Audio NSFW!)

Link via Gorillamask

LISTEN UP: Tied To The 90′s

by

    bte.jpg
  • You heard it here first: The 90′s are coming back in 2007. Why else would Speed of Dark have a bunch of Better Than Ezra tracks today? Come on, give me one good reason.
  • Recidivism has so many tracks posted today– everything from The Rolling Stones to Soul Asylum to The Ponys– that I don’t even know where to begin.
  • Fluxblog attended the Peter, Bjorn and John show last night at Mercury Lounge and has an mp3 of “Paris 2004″ to prove it.
  • FreeIndie has a handful of great Thermals tracks today. Like there’s any other kind.
  • And finally, head over to Chicago Soundcheck to grab a couple of Albert Hammond Jr. tracks… and more importantly, to see a ridiculous photo of Albert in a sombrero.