It’s Best Night Ever for Wednesday, November 15th! Lang Fisher is here to walk you through the best of Wednesday night tv, including Next Top Model, Dancing With the Stars, Daybreak, and BET Hip Hop Awards!
Hey Pete Wentz, I know that being a whiny emo mall-punk rocker means wearing guyliner, ironic t-shirts and various other mismatched articles of clothing you purchased at ridiculous prices under the misconception that “vintage” (another way of saying used) means “edgy”, but dude, if you’re going to rock girls’ jeans to make sure your legs are the skinniest thing at the anorexic model coke party, don’t tell the press about it:
E!: “Are you sharing jeans with Ashlee Simpson?”
Pete Wentz: “We would definitely share jeansâ€¦we’re just buddies, though”
Hear that, aspiring totally edgy indie rockers? If you want to be “real” and “street”, the Mick Jagger Huskies aren’t gonna cut it. You’re going to need to get yourselves some straight up Simpson Sister spandex leggings, or else your music won’t mean sh*t, and you’ll never get to be the Daily Douche.
I know… shocking!!! Don’t believe us? Have Bob Saget sing it to you himself, to the tune of “I Want It That Way”. No, really, listen. Any fan of Full House needs to hear it. Seriously. He talks about Kimmy Gibbler sex. Shudder.
(via eagle-eyed posters at ONTD)
The only real news about Katie Holmes’ upcoming betrothal to Tom Cruise and his Love Cult that is coming out of Italy is the news that the media actually creates itself out of a desperate need to cover something that has been meticulously designed to be a private affair. So when CBS’s The Insider told us to visit Italian-Weddings.com to get a better gander at the wedding castle chosen to mark the spot of this most intergalactic of unions, you knows we did that sh*t. But as we gazed fawningly at the wedding slideshow, hoping that we too can someday find a place equally as charming for our own fake marriage, something jumped out at us. Specifically, Kevin Nealon jumped out at us. So this weekend, as you’re getting all wrapped up in the TomKat marriage media circus, just know that the Nealonator boated those waters first.
As shouting at suitcases under the watchful gaze of Howie Mandel is a little too “low brow” for some people, our good friends at ABC have unveiled their latest attempt to up the bar of what we can expect from prime time TV game shows (a bar that is already set pretty high). So what CAN we expect? How about The Shat, a SUPER stoked gay guy, maniacal screaming, unnecessary dancing, awkward banter and a whole team of clueless showgirls who seem to have no idea what they’re doing there, all combined with the artful precision of a master composer to create a symphony of mind-blowing game show awesomeness.
Recognize this girl to your left? Well, unless you’re a member of the snobby L.A. Hollywood elite, you shouldn’t. Because the girl to your left, up until now, was nothing more than the child of a famous person. That is until the clouds parted, the heavens erupted into angelic chanting, and god reached down and anointed her flaxen-head as Miss Golden Globe 2007! She has a lot to look forward to — for over 40 years, MGG has featured some of the best and brightest spoiled celebrity kin, including Melanie Griffith and Laura Dern. The duties of Miss Golden Globe are exhausting: After putting on a highly-ornate gown (sometimes weight nearly 11 pounds), Miss Golden Globe is forced to stand on-stage and smile behind presenters/winners for upwards of three hours! Sometimes, she even carries the most coveted award in the universe on stage! Upon request, an oiled man in a terry-cloth diaper will follow her around the stage with an oversized fan and smelling salts, in case the duties become too much to bear.
So wonder who this lucky lady is? Can you guess? Here’s a hint: Her father is a mega-star, and her mother used to be a cocktail waitress who hit the sperm lottery. Find out the answer after the jump!
Clyde always wore blue socks to the gym, lest the guys saw his unsitely flipper fungus problem.
Hey! A penguin in socks! Caption it in the comments!
Our older readers might best remember Willie Aames as “Buddy Lembeck”, the wacky-but-lovable best “buddy” of Scott Baio’s character Charles, who’s in charge, on Charles In Charge. In the years following his star-making turn on the seminal sitcom about the challenges of babysitting, Aames went down the cliched path of child star excess and salvation – drinking and drugging himself all the way to Christ. He now lives a quiet, if slightly curious, Ted Nugent-like life in suburban Kansas, where he is an ordained minister and the host of a hunting show (all ordained ministers are required, by holy law and the laws of the State of Kansas, to be avid hunters). ANYWAY, as this Aames character has been flaunting his celebrity in our faces for so long now (it seems like every time we turn on the TV it’s Willie Aames this, Willie Aames that!), the ex-pseudo-celebrity crusaders over at RADAR really pulled one over on Willie, prank-calling and convincing him to lend his celebrity endoresement to a power sander that doesn’t even exist, causing hilarity to ensue. Oh man, this is even better than the time they toilet-papered the lawn of the fat kid from Monster Squad who didn’t think that wolfman had nards!