ICYMI: Jake Gyllenhaal Is Comfortable With His Sexuality

by

We are proud to announce that Jake Gyllenhaal has finally broken his live sketch comedy cherry, hosting Saturday Night Live and giving the world 2 coveted tickets to his ever-expanding gun show. And in a bid to make us love him slightly more, Gyllenhaal treated us to a high pitched, strangely erotic song performance from the motion picture you must see, Dreamgirls. We’re not going to point to any conspiracies (check out Queer Beacon for those), but we’ll just leave you with this video — likely to be pulled by NBC in negative 3 seconds — and to your own fantasies. He must work out.

While You Were Having A Dream

by

    beckham.jpg
  • David Beckham asked buddy Tom Cruise for advice before signing with the L.A. Galaxy. Tom reportedly pushed him to take the money, move to Los Angeles, and stop wearing those bothersome shirts in public all the damn time.
  • Newsweek obtained a chapter from O.J. Simpson’s “fictional” book If I Did It that describes how he *might* have killed his ex-wife if he was the murderer. The pages were mailed to them in an anonymous envelope labeled “If I Wanted To Drum Up Publicity For My Book/Confession, Here’s How I’d Leak A Few Pages.”
  • Kelly Osbourne says being Ozzy’s daughter ruined her pop career Because her average looks and subpar voice would’ve taken her so much further if her daddy wasn’t a famous musician. Naturally.
  • Britney Spears and her new boyfriend reportedly spent the night together in the $40,000/night Hugh Hefner suite at the Palms in Vegas. Coincidentally, K-Fed spent the night passed out with a Playboy magazine open across his face on his friend’s couch in Fresno.
  • Jimmy Fallon says he’s done performing good deeds after a recent act of heroism went unappreciated. America now desperately waits for Jimmy to announce he’s done performing, period, after his recent act of awfulness went unappreciated in Taxi.

Best Night Ever for Sunday, January 14th!

by

It’s Best Night Ever for Sunday, January 14th! Desiree Burch is here to walk you through the best moments of Sunday night TV, including: Extras, Desperate Housewives, Beauty and the Geek, and part one of the 4 hour premire of 24!

Best of the Best Week Ever

by

adequite.JPG

HERESY!: A Nipplistic Abomination Before God On The CW, Hellfire And Brimstone To Follow

by

nipgategeek.jpgTVGasm has blown the lid off the CW Nipplegate Scandal of ’07 with exclusive pictures of lthe 1/100th of a nipple that managed to slip into last night’s episode of Beauty and the Geek on account of some very poor camera framing. As a survivor of the Janet Jackson Superbowl Mammary Crisis of ’04, I will not stand for this flagrant assault upon decency – it shakes the very foundation of the standards and practices we hold dear as a nation, and it will NOT be tolerated. Now is the time to pick up your pens and write your representatives demanding swift justice to the heathens who allowed this sliver of an areola to find its way into the minds of America’s children.

Because She Needs The Money

by

posh.jpgNow that Victoria “Seriously… do people still call her Posh Spice?” Beckham’s husband is all set to make a paltry $250 million playing soccer in the U.S., it’s time for the former “singer” to put her plastic surgery-enhanced ass to work. And what better way to say, “Look out Los Angeles, here I am!” than by posing naked in Playboy.

According to Hollyscoop: Victoria ‘Posh’ Beckham has a job lined up for her once she moves to LA, that is if she accepts the offer. Hugh Hefner gave Posh an offer to pose for Playboy magazine.

Hugh’s ‘girlfriends’ are even excited about the news. Bridget Marquardt and Holly Madison immediately offered Mrs. Beckham the chance to join them on a photoshoot in LA.

Bridget said: “She should do a pictorial with us. We’ve got big plans for her!

Do we actually think this is going to come to fruition? Of course not. But it’s fun to pretend. And anyway, if you wanted to imagine what she looks like naked, just grab a stick of gum and crazy glue two oranges in the middle. That’ll do the trick. Trust me. ;-)

TIM GUNN GETS A TV SHOW! (as does paula abdul.)

by

TIMGUNN.JPGYES. Bravo, the channel that brings us Butter-Faced MILF‘s and Wolverine-Haired Chefs, has heard your nagging pleas for more Tim Gunn, and made your screams a reality. They’ve also thrown a bone to Paula Abdul, giving the inebriated seal-clapper her own 30 minutes of shine time in a show, literally, called Hey, Paula. The deets:

The network signed Project Runway den daddy Tim Gunn and pop star-turned American Idol judge Paul Abdul to series of their own. Tim Gunn’s Guide to Style will profile Gunn as he solves people’s fashion dilemmas by helping them get makeovers. While it’s still unresolved whether Gunn will return to Runway for its fourth season, his own show debuts as he is set to publish a book on style and taste in May 2007.

Abdul’s show will be a documentary-style look behind the scenes at her life. The show, tentatively called Hey Paula, is set to debut later in 2007 and will profile the choreographer/singer/perennial worst-dressed candidate at work and with friends.

OMG, her show is just gonna be about her? Our guess is the title stems from an encounter in the first episode that goes something like “Hey, Paula, could you step out of your tanning bed, put down your Sloe Gin Fizz trough, and pretend to know something about music? THX, Management.”

The sad news is Queer Eye for the Straight Guy has been cancelled. Pour a sip out of your cosmos for Carson Kressley and the gang. Does this mean gays are, like, totally “out”? Not like “out” out but “out” like “not in the fashion”? As God is our witness, we will continue posting Zarf clips until they are totes back “in”.

CAPTION THIS: Hot Heir

by

Whether its his frosted blond hair, his shiny purple lycra shirt, his gaudy Barbara Streisand glasses or the dainty way he’s holding that cigarette, one thing is for sure: Brandon Davis’ brother Jason is first-class Hollywood royalty. He looks like a gluttonous Robert Evans on ecstasy.

JasonDavisCaption.jpg