SIZZLER: Nicole Richie’s Cat Tries to End It All!

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nicolecat.JPGIt would seem that the various pressures of feline fame finally became too much for Nicole Richie’s cat to bear, as Monday night The Simple Life star’s little whiskered friend plunged ten stories from the balcony of an apartment building in an unsuccessful attempt to take its own life. While we are delighted to hear that the cat is still alive (it must have accidentally landed on its feet), one can only imagine the prolonged period of sadness that could have driven a cute little kitty-cat to such a tragic end. Could it have been the sudden return of Paris’ punk-ass chihuahua to its life? Or the tabby’s ongoing concern over the welfare of its rehab-ridden owner? Maybe the puss was just starving (if Nicole can hardly manage to feed herself, one shudders to think how well she keeps her pets nourished). No matter what the reasons, this is the most tragic thing to happen to celebrity house pets since “Buddy” Clinton was hit by a car and turned into Republican roadkill.

Eddie Izzard Takes 24 Literally

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EDDIEIZZARD.JPGWe’ve long been fans of British drag comedian Eddie Izzard, who seems to have hit a career stride with roles in the upcoming Oceans 13 and Beatles’ musical Accross the Universe. So it didn’t really surprise us when we learned that Izzard accomplished the seemingly impossibly feat we’ve long wished to take part in: Going to tape your scenes for the hit Fox show 24 (we’re assuming he’s playing Elisha Cuthbert‘s long-lost twin) and getting fired after a single day of filming. Meaning the man somehow managed to film 24 in 24! While producers blame the reason for his firing on “scheduling issues”, clearly the real reason was to avoid any future Grey’s Anatomy-style hate-mongering/strangling. In the meantime, someone get this man a key to the city! The city that is my heart.

BWE-VERTISING: If the Shoe Fits, Throw That Sh*t!

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buckwild.JPGDid you enjoy the last season of Vh1′s hit show Flava of Love? Do you remember when “Buckwild” threw her shoe at “New York’s” head on the Season 2 Reunion episode? Would you like to own that shoe? If the answer to these questions is yes, then it’s your lucky day, because over on eBay, starting at the low-low-price of $300, you can bid to purchase for yourself the ACTUAL piece of low-end, off-brand, highly-worn footwear that was used as a weapon by one of the show’s classier contestants in the heat of embarassing reality show fame-seeking desperation. While the other non-violent high-heeled shoe is not included in the auction, the winning bidder may do with the shoe as they see fit: whether that’s wearing it as part of mis-matched pair, or using it as an object of destruction against a fellow human being. But whatever you do, don’t miss your chance to own this very special part of human indignity memorbilia!

(Source)

ICYMI: Wow, Shalit Really Let Himself Go

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Frankly, we have no idea what’s going on in this clip from yesterday’s SUPER-spooky episode of The Today Show. We gather that Matt “No Socks” Lauer is playing Captain Jack Sparrow across Al Roker’s portrayal of ghost pirate Davy Jones (though at first we thought Gene Shalit was just neglecting his personal grooming again) in some sort of ill-conceived Pirates of the Caribbean spoof out in front of the Dean & Deluca. The rest is of this filmed enigma we leave to you to decipher.

Cindy Margolis Gets Slightly More Naked Than Usual

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cindymargolis.jpgIn an effort to make us all forget about her short lived stint on Celebrity Cooking Showdown, internet star Cindy Margolis will be posing butt-ass naked in the upcoming issue of Playboy. For those of us who have followed Cindy’s career since she crowned herself “The Most Downloaded Person On The Internet”, this means we’ll finally get to see the .8% of Cindy that’s been covered by her miniscule bathing suits for all these years.

Apparently we’re not the only people excited about seeing a 41-year-old’s naughty parts. ABC News let their inner 15-year-old boy out by reporting the story with the headline Cindy Margolis Takes it All Off, Finally, while everybody else is commending her for stripping down for a good cause; Margolis did the shoot to raise money for Resolve, the nationality infirtility organization… and also to give dudes boners. But more importantly, that Resolve thing.

To see the NSFW pics sans-Paul Scheer’s strategically placed head, go on over to the Drunken Stepfather now. Perverts. It’s for a good cause.

ICYMI: Ren Gives It To Stimpy. Hard.

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ren and stimpy.jpg

Gorillamask calls this clip that definitively proves once and for all that Ren & Stimpy were gay “the opposite of subtle.” I think that’s an understatment.

As a child who loved Ren & Stimpy, it never dawned on me that my two favorite cartoon characters were sleeping together. I wonder who else was “doing it” right in front of my unsuspecting eyes. He-Man & Ram Man? It all makes sense now.

Memo 2 God: Give Anna Nicole a Small Break

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annanicole daniel.JPGNever does a public feel guiltier than when one of their favorite Hollywood battering rams suffers through a heart-breaking tragedy. Such is the case with Anna Nicole Smith, aka The Smothers Brothers of Yo-Yo Dieting, the flightly blonde bimbo who’s self-titled E! show forever branded her as barely capable of wiping herself. An easy target, she was, until early September when her 20-year-old son Daniel passed away, three days after the birth of her baby girl.

But the tragic news just keeps on rolling in. Just days after Daniel’s death, a paternity debate erupted over the father of her new baby girl — one that had even Maury Povich being all “too soon.” Now, today, TMZ is reporting that Anna Nicole has been ADMITTED TO A BAHAMIAN HOSPITAL WITH PNUEMONIA. (Emphasis ours.) THE PNUEMONES!

So Memo 2 God: Please, we’re begging you, lay off the poor woman. As we speak, it’s gonna take another 15 years to ever make a joke about her again — maybe longer — and the more heartache and illness you doom her with, the more years we have to tack on to that number. Plus, you know, there’s also the issue of her being miserable, sad, etc. etc., so, you know… I think we all agree the woman has paid her inconsolable grievance debt to society. Thank U!

Then again, she may have dyed her baby’s hair. We are so torn right now.

Liveblogging Borat: No Spoilers, We Swear

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ROOSTER.JPGThe CMJ Festival kicked off here in New York yesterday, and in addition to the 40,000 indie rock bands playing in the city this week, there is also the added bonus of a CMJ Film Festival. The Festival is previewing some of the hottest movies coming out this season, including Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny and The Fountain. Yesterday evening, they kicked off the festival with a screening of Borat, featuring an appearance by the moustachioed misogynist himself. “Hello journalists and prostitutes,” he announced, “If you have to make dirt from anus, there is a gypsy boy with a box by exit. Hurry, box fill quickly.” The lights dimmed, and the most anticipated movie of the year began rolling. So we liveblogged!

6:30 Kazakhstani music rolls.
6:31 Haha.
6:38 Oh ahahahaaaaa!
6:40 No, oh nononononono.
6:42-7:02 Lollllz.
7:03 (Loud groaning.)
7:10-7:40 No! Haaaaa.
7:40-11:54: Laughing to myself.
11:55: Chuckling softly.
11:56: Sleep.
11:57: Haaaaaa.

Verdict: No one was more sick of looking at Borat’s face than us. Even still, the movie lives up to the hype and then some. Though we do feel as though we’ve eaten too much candy today.