ICYMI: iVillage Live Pioneers Daring New “Bitter Hacky Comedian on the Street” Segment


iVillageLive.com is a new “web-savvy” morning program designed to allow domestic-minded viewers to interact with the caffeine-addled crazy people who host the show. The best part HAD to be this segment, in which “comedian” Bob Oschack (who should just drop the “Osc” from his last name) attempts to compensate for the show’s low star wattage by pretending that the slack-jawed crowd of nearby tourists milling about and gawking at the camera were actually CELEBRITIES such as Alex Rodriguez, K-Fed and Harry Potter, then forcing them to sign the T-shirt of some terrified child. Oschack seems to innately understand that not everyone lives within driving distance of a “Ha Ha Hole” in which they can observe his uncomfortably racist “celebrity you vaguely resemble” material. Be sure to log on to the site and “join the action” by sending a “LOL – brown people no hablan Ingles!” instant message.

Nicole Richie is 5’1″, 85 lbs of Drugged Up Trouble


golden.JPGNicole Richie– daughter of Lionel, girlfriend of Joel, friend of Paris, enemy of carbs– was arrested for driving under the influence at 4:50 this morning. According to TMZ, two motorists called 911 after spotting her SUV driving the wrong way on the 134 freeway in Burbank, California.

FOXNews reports: When the California Highway Patrol responded, Richie was stopped in the carpool lane and was alone in the vehicle. When cops approached the vehicle, Richie was on her cell phone.

“She failed the field sobriety test at the field, so she was placed under arrest,” Workman said. “And she provided a sample for testing later on.”

Perhaps more disturbing than the fact Nicole allegedly admitted to smoking pot and taking Vicodin before getting behind the wheel is the fact that the booking sheet reveals Nicole is 5’1″ and 85 lbs. 85lbs! How heavy is that? Here are some comparisons–CLICK BELOW!
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X-MASHUP: A Very Zach Braff Christmas


As much as we loathe all things Braffian, this Charlie Brown Christmas/Scrubs mash-up – featuring original writing and voice talent from cast members of the show – is pretty amusing and clever. It’s about 10 minutes long, but a definite don’t miss for fans of the show. Though we were mildly disappointed that it didn’t feature Linus standing in the rain and symbolically screaming into a canyon while listening to The Shins.

Tori Spelling Wants to Give You Herpes/Yeastie


TORISPELLING1.JPGAs we reported Friday, Tori Spelling indeed held her garage sale on Friday under the guise of “changing decor in her house”, which is horseface for “rent money.” We pictures there being a handful of 90210 fans out scouring for Brian Austin Green‘s half-eaten Lean Pocket, but this sounds effing retartar:

Tori Spelling was swamped by fans on Friday, who swarmed her Studio City, California home to buy items from her estate sale. Hordes of fans stared queuing as early as 5:30 a.m. for a chance to look through the star’s personal items at her highly-publicized garage sale…

Items up for sale ranged from a used Sephora lip gloss for $1, her dog Mimi La Ru’s shampoo for $20, a used pair of Marc Jacobs designer round-toe shoes for $125 and a pair of white aged Grecian urns for $7,500.

OK, first of all… people camped out at 5:30 to buy Tori Spelling’s stuff? We only wish the “camping out” had been “execution style”, as the world could do without this maniac train.

Second of all, this B*TCH has the nerve to sell a USED tube of Sephora lip gloss (which retails at around $5, b-tee-dubs, and p.s., causes yeast infections) and f***ing DOG SHAMPOO?!?!?! I know timez-r-tuff Tor, but this sale goes from borderline “funny” to downright depressing. Do we need to start a “Save Tori” fund?

LOHANVOLUTION: “Those People” At Celebrity Gossip Art Blog Have Got To Be Stopped


lohanvolutionSMALL.jpgLast week when we told you about the dawn of the Lohanvolution, and you signed your name to the Lohanifesto, we were not just making idle threats and promises. We were embarking upon a proactive commitment to destroying all those inadequite souls who dare to make false accusations in an attempt to put an end to the career of our dear moviestar queen Lindsay Lohan. The latest Enemies of the Movement are failed artists responsible for the Gallery of the Absurd bloggersite, who have taken it upon themselves to apply their lack of talent to creating a blasphemous work depicting our adequite young star in some sort of fake advertisement that attempts to imply that she would use strawberrry-flavored cocaine drugs. This is libelous, wrong and completely unfair. Please help us have this page ripped from the Interblogs by e-mailing your congressman, police chiefs, and Al Gore. See the offending work after the jump!
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apocBO.jpg1. The Jews are definitely responsible for this movie not making any money – $14.2 million

2. This movie is basically like having a peppermint-flavored chocolate, egg nog & Lithium enema – $13.5 million

3. Could someone please make a movie where the Coca-Cola polar bears go rabid and f*cking maim these f*cking penguins already – $12.7 million

4. Nevermind, I’ve got it. For his next movie, James Bond is sent on a super secret spy mission in which he must penetrate the nefarious syndicate of arctic fowl who are intent on total world domination. His tux could be camouflage – $8.8 million

5. It’s hard to take Hollywood seriously when it comes to movies about the morality of jewelry, but we do respect their humanitarian efforts$8.5 million

ICYMI: Mel Gibson’s (Who Hates Jews) Apacalypto


The edgy comedy writing geniuses over at SNL made this topical Mel Gibson’s Apocalypto trailer “re-cut” by simply placing funny Jew-hating subtitles over the actual preview (which is in Mayan). Even though I feel like I’ve already seen this on the Internet a hundred times (as recently as Friday’s startlingly similar version from Eat the Press), you’ve got to hand it to them for resisting the temptation to have the Mayans rapping.

While You Were Hiding Your Mistress’s Xmas Gift