Can A Bidder Get A Table Dance?

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rodman.JPGDennis Rodman is a World Champion. He’s an actor. He’s a part-time professional wrestler. He’s an author. He’s an occasional cross-dresser, a reality TV star, a ladies’ man, a competitive wife-carrier, and in 2005 he was named Commissioner of the Lingerie Football League. And now, for the low low price of $7,500, he can be your strip club buddy.

That’s right, The Worm is auctioning himself off on eBay. The winner (and two of their closest friends) get to eat dinner with the former NBA Superstar and follow it up with a visit to Rodman’s second home: Scores.

THE NIGHT WILL BE SPENT AT SCORES LAS VEGAS, A GENTELMANS CLUB LOCATED IN THE HEART OF SIN CITY. SCORES IS LAS VEGAS’ ONE STOP SHOP WHERE YOUR FANTASY WILL BECOME REALITY.

A SIT DOWN DINNER WITH DENNIS WILL KICK OFF THE NIGHT AND THEN TO THE VIP SECTION OF SCORES FOR THE DURATION. WILD WOULD NOT GIVE THIS NIGHT ENOUGH CREDIT. PICTURES WILL BE ALLOWED.

Somehow, despite promises of your fantasy becoming a reality and the wildest night of your life, there still haven’t been any bids. Maybe he should throw in a signed copy of Double Team.

While You Were Eating for Two…

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  • Today’s Most Subliminally Homoerotic Headline Goes To: George Clooney Named No. 1 Man’s Man.
  • Never have the movies 28 Days and 28 Days Later been more confusing than when rehab regular Pete Doherty spars with Italian photographers and ends up looking like the walking dead.
  • During a routine marijuana search of Snoop Dogg at a California airport yesterday, police stumbled upon something they’re pretty sure you can’t smoke: a 21-inch collapsable baton. We bet it’s a bong.
  • The red carpet is laid down for the Borat premiere at Mann’s Chinese Theater. It’s so close you can almost smell the B.O.!
  • Daniel Radcliffe, aka Harry Potter, is struggling to find a girlfriend because of his fame. Only one more year til he’s legal, ladies!

Christian Finnegan Will Punch You In the Funnybone

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christian_finnegan_two_for_flinching.jpgWhen Christian Finnegan isn’t sitting in front of neon-colored screens and serving up bon mots about Britney’s latest birthing binge, he’s been known to grace stages across the country to perform his hilarious brand of stand-up comedy (how do you think we found him?). But if you don’t live in New York City, a college town or anywhere with a nearby Ha Ha Hole, you’ll be glad to know that Christian’s first full-length comedy CD “Two For Flinching” came out today, now making it easy for anyone anywhere to enjoy the humor of this svelte, beautiful specimen of a man. Dead Frog has a preview of the funny for you, and Christian’s album is now available on Amazon. Buy it or Dane Cook wins.

SPOILER ALERT: What’s Going On Tonight?

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This summer when we were struggling through So You Think You Could Dance marathons and awful reality shows like The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency, it seemed like television was at an all time low. But then, out of nowhere, the networks got their s**t together. Suddenly, there are too many great shows on TV. How the hell did that happen? With so many must-see shows to choose from, we’d like to help. Here’s a little rundown of what’s happening on TV tonight.

  • Jane Seymour guest stars on How I Met Your Mother.
  • Why I Wore Lipstick To My Mastectomy– a tearjerker starring the loveable girl from Scrubs– airs on Lifetime.
  • Sucre turns traitor and escapes with $5 million on Prison Break.
  • Whoopi Goldberg returns to Everybody Hates Chris
  • Jordan McDeer gets all boozy on Studio 60
  • On Heroes we find out who was abducted: Niki or Nathan.
  • CSI: Miami gets Halloween on your ass w/ a creepy cursed coffin episode.

Let us know what you’re watching by leaving Comments all night long. We don’t have the time to watch everything, so let us know what we’re missing.

…Of The Day

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  • BEST 4 MINUTES YOU COULD ASK FOR: The first 4 minutes of the Borat movie have hit the web. Probably not by accident. (Filmwad)
  • GOOD USE OF 911: If you see anything– from a house to a human being– smoking in Omaha, call 911. (WorldNetDaily)
  • OUTTAKES: Can’t get enough of Suri Cruise? Eww. Well, here are some more photos of the adopted Asian kid. (A Socialite’s Life)
  • STRIPPED DOWN TALK SHOW: Conan O’Brien is gonna be bonier than usual on Halloween night. (Gothamist)
  • ALLURING PHOTOSHOOT: Scarlett Johansson’s Allure spread has finally hit the web. Finally. (Metadish)

THE DAILY DOUCHE: American Douchery

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This Page Six story is like that plastic bag floating around in American Beauty, except it is a bag of douche, and it isn’t particularly beautiful. Basically, big-shot movie director Ed Zwick, along with his crack team of douchebag Hollywood “producer”-types, waltzed into an impoverished third-world country, told some underpaid PA’s to round up a bunch of the village’s teenage amputee oppression-victims to essentially play themselves as extras (CGI-ing off limbs ain’t cheap, guys!), then promised to buy said children prosthetic limbs in addition to the standard “background” day rate (probably some sunflower seeds), all in a showy stunt to scare up some good press for this Leo DiCaprio vanity picture that they’re maybe worried might be a little too “Human Rightsy” to fill theater seats. By Hollywood standards, even this absurd level of exploitation wouldn’t be particularly surprising, but things just get audaciously douchebaggy in the part where they DON’T EVEN GIVE THE POOR KIDS THE LIMBS THEY WERE PROMISED. Excerpt from the so-f’d-up it’s-almost-funny story:

Young Nkululo Mnisi – whose arms and legs were cut off by machete-wielding rebels – used to be taunted by cruel classmates as “baboon” because of the way he ran on his stumps and crutches. Mnisi told a South African newspaper that the dream that kept him going was the promise of getting artificial limbs so he’d be able to play soccer like a normal child.

But months after filming ended, Mnisi and his fellow amputees were still waiting. [...]

A rep for Warner Bros. told Page Six, “We’re working on it.”

“Sometimes…there’s so much douchery in the world…that your head feels like it’s going to explode.” Way to go, Team Zwick – you guys are today’s Daily Douchesquad!

SHOW AND TELL: Skin Deep

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They say a picture is worth a thousand words, so here’s a 9000-word-long way of saying, “Ugh”. Click the orange “left and right” arrows to flip through them all.

SIZZLER: Pete & Kate To ‘F**k Forever’

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Look what happens when Pete Doherty is able to keep his ass out of rehab & prison for a couple of months. According to Rolling Stone’s Rock & Roll Daily countdown clock, the man’s gone a full 73 days without getting his mugshot taken, and well… it looks like he’s used this time wisely. The Daily Mail reports that Pete and GF Kate Moss are engaged and expecting. Engaged to each other (not in illegal activities) and expecting a baby (not a drug bust.) It’s a proud, incredibly terrifying day for us all.

(Oh, and by the way; the title of this post is a play on a Babyshambles song by the same name. But you knew that already.)