…OF THE DAY

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  • EXPLANATION: Failing to even mention New Orleans or Katrina in last night’s State of the Union Address, President Bush clearly still doesn’t care about black people, but he did reveal his secret weapon for drafting foreign policy and learning to correctly pronounce the word “entrepreneur”: Baby Einstein. (Click video at right to play)
  • INSULT: Responding to an ad in which K-Fed plays a fast food employee, actual fast food employees take offense to being associated with that kind of trash. (People)
  • INTERVENTION: Speaking of, K-Fed is reportedly begging Britney Spears to go to rehab. If that’s not a rock bottom, I’m not sure what is. (The Scoop)
  • ADDITION TO MY WISHLIST: The autobiography of Scott Baio, entitled (and I’m not making this up) BaioWatch: How I Dated and Loved Hollywood’s Most Beautiful Women and Ended Up Alone. (RADAR)
  • TRAVEL SOLUTION: What better way to guard your valuables than keep them hidden in underwear with fake skidmarks? That’s what I do. (Boing Boing)
  • AFTERTHOUGHT: Oh yeah, singer Brandy killed someone. (TMZ)

BWE Exclusive: Breslin v. Fanning, Showdown of the Ages!

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They’re cute, they’re small, they’re constantly compared to one another… they’re Abigail Breslin and Dakota Fanning. Both are making headlines this week: Breslin for her Oscar nomination as Supporting Actress in Little Miss Sunshine, and Fanning for her rape scene in the upcoming movie Hounddog. But who of the two would win in a showdown matching up their careers and personality? We put them to the test with a little game we’re calling “Breslin v. Fanning: Showdown of the Ages.”

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UNEMPLOYMENT CHECK: Global Warming Can’t Come Soon Enough

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Okay, my turn. As much as I’d love to put this “Queen” in a “Half Nelson”, instead I’m going to write a “Letter” in the “Pursuit” of getting “Little Miss Sunshine” to stop “Babel”ing. He strikes me as the type who’s into “Little Children.”

Actually, I take everything back. I get it now. This is fun.

SIZZLER: Latest Scandalous “Paris Site” Confirms Everything We Already Knew About Paris Hilton

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Even though the majority of us could draw every nuance of every crevice of Paris Hilton’s “private parts” in our sleep, an entreprenurial new website called ParisExposed.com is peddling the wares and underwears recovered from the unpaid storage unit of America’s least mysterious poptard. Our freinds over at Radar took one for the team and paid the absurd 40 dollars required to gain access to SHOCKING, SCANDALOUS content such as Paris kissing a girl, Paris’ boobs, Paris’ boobs being held by Girls Gone Wild creator Joe Francis, and my personal favorite, a bunch of blow poured out all over some meathead’s chest (Andy Dick’s wildest fantasy come true!). So there you have it – sift through a little of Paris’ trashy trash and have your minds blown by all the documented evidence suggesting that she’s kind of slutty and stupid.

George Bush Is Over The Top, Stallone Style

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I missed the State Of The Union address last night (not because I had something better to do, but because I’ve given up), so I’m just going to have to comment on what I see here instead of basing it on any “facts” or any “research” that I’ve done.

I commend George W. for challenging Nancy Pelosi to an Over The Top-esque arm wrestling competition in order to test out whether she has what it takes to be the first female Speaker of the House. Sure, it’s a little bit shady that W. was holding onto the desk for leverage, but with the way his popularity has dipped recently you can’t blame the man for trying to gain any possible advantage he can get, can you? Of course not.

After scouring through a few political blogs and newspapers I can’t seem to find any definitive answer as to who won the bout. All I learned is that Pelosi blinked a lot, it put John McCain to sleep and Dikembe Mutombo got winner. If anybody can tell me who won The State of the Union, I’d really appreciate it.

Politics are so much more fun when you don’t really pay attention.

ICYMI: Drunk Nolte Is the Sundance Kid

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The following audio recording of a HOUSED Nick Nolte at the Sundance Film Festival sounds kind of like a retarded polar bear that just got shot with a tranq dart, and it…is…amazing. You can keep your Mel Gibsons and Paula Abduls, because nobody does incoherent intoxication like Nolte. The man is a master. (recording via The Hamish and Andy Show)

We Don’t Like The Road Penny Lane Is Taking

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Last year’s Kate Hudson / Chris Robinson break-up affected us more than we could’ve predicted. Yes, we were well aware that Kate was physically superior and could probably land a better looking guy, but c’mon. He wrote “She Talks To Angels.” He earned her. We were also a bit worried that after they broke up Kate would make like her character Penny Lane and bounce around from rock star to rock star (you know the saying: Once you go Black Crowes you never go back… yo?) Sadly, it looks like we were right. According to Life & Style Weekly, Kate was spotted kissing and holding hands with the lead singer of Jet. And while yes, he may be a little better looking than Chris, we’re afraid that this is a step in the wrong direction musically. If she continues down this path, who knows who will come next. The guy from Train? A Baha Man? Hootie? We don’t even want to think about it. This whole thing is too hard to handle.
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TRAILER MIX: Even Stoned, This Will Suck

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If you haven’t heard of the new movie Smiley Face, here’s the fastest way to explain it: It’s Dazed and Confused Minus All The Funny Parts and Ben Affleck. In fact, after watching this trailer, we’re still not really sure what this movie is about. Is it about a girl who gets high, goes broke, and travels? Or maybe a klutzy loveable stoner having a mid-20′s crisis? Alls we knows is, upon seeing Adam Brody in dreads and The Office‘s John Krasinski looking dreadful, we decided we hate this movie the same way we hated Follow That Bird as a child. Enjoy.

(via ONTD)