Bam! Here’s A List Of Lines You’ve Quoted At Some Point In Life. Admit It.

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dynomite.JPG“You’re fired!” “Schwing!” “I’m Rick James, bitch!” No, those aren’t just the annoying catchphrases that the awkward guy in your office blurts out whenever given the opportunity– they’re also 3 of the top 100 TV catchphrases of all time.

TV Land will count down the phrases we all know and love over 5 days, beginning December 11th. You can check out the list here. It has plenty of lines that belong (“Whatchoo talkin’ bout Willis?”), and a couple that don’t (“God’ll get you for that”– never heard it), but it’s definitely missing some. Where’s Sophia’s “Picture it, Sicily…” or Seinfeld’s “Not that there’s anything wrong with that”? Come on! What do you think is missing? Give us your suggestions now.

PROPPED: Starbucks Actually Started Their “Get the World Addicted To Caffeine” Campaign Long Ago

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Thanks to reader thednafish for dropping this enlightening – and very YouTubular – clip from a 1980′s commercial from the National Coffee Association. The advertisement, set to the sounds of some super peppy 80′s music, encourages the viewer to become a “Coffee Achiever” – along with the likes of David Bowie, the Cincinnati Bengals, Kurt Vonnnegut, the Electric Light Orchestra, Jane Curtain and Cicely Tyson – by enjoying the “calming yet energizing” effects of coffee as part of the New American Society. Good thing I just finished slamming my second triple grande non-fat sugar-free vanilla latte of the day!

Rachael Ray Sucks… The Life Out Of You

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rachaelray.JPGThis Thanksgiving, when a friend served a delicious eggplant curry with jasmin rice that was made in a flash, we had to know “Where’d you get the recipe?” Well, we nearly spit the food right back into a baby bird’s mouth when we learned it was Rachael Ray. Most of the recipes we’ve seen her make on her morning talk show include “Take some Doritos, mash em up, and throw em in a Cup o’ Noodles” style preparation. But it wasn’t even her food we disliked so much as her tiny-armed hobbity presence and larger than life Chupacabra mouth. We know we won’t make friend when we say this, but Rachael Ray kinda sucks.

Which is why we were elaaaated when TV Tattle pointed us towards an entire Livejournal community of people who also think Rachael Ray sucks! Called Rachael Ray Sucks, it includes over 1,000 people who agree that she is a “talentless twit.” Fans of Ray should take a look and see if they don’t find one thing to agree on (like the genius invention of a Rachael Ray Mouth Guard.) But seriously, if I have to watch the girl chew one more thing on live TV, I’m going to lose it.

SIZZLER: Anorexic Finger Pointing Escalates To Poorly Worded, Error-Ridden MySpace Blog

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zoe2_richie_getty_tmz_300.jpgNicole Richie fired her stylist, who fired back claiming that she left voluntarily, which pissed off some publicists, and blah blah blah, Nicole wrote this on her MySpace blog:

BLIND ITEM: What 35 year old raisin face whispers her order of 3 peices of asparagus for dinner at Chateau everynight, and hides her deathly disorder by pointing the finger at me, and used her last paycheck I wrote her to pay for a publisist instead of a nutritionist?

HINT: Her nickname is lettucecup…


BLIND ITEM: What 26 year-old blogger doesn’t remotely give a sh*t about some spoiled trainwreck celebutard’s idiotic feud with her drug-addled ex-”stylist”, and feels ashamed for humanity that such inane garbage could possibly be considered “news”?

HINT: He regretfully wrote this post.

Hey Britney… Pick One!

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Post-Federline, we the American public have been forced to accept several different versions of Miss Britney Spears. In the few weeks since her split the woman has re-invented herself more times than Madonna. From the cleaned-up mother of two to the cootch-flashing party girl to the intellectual bookworm, Britney is keeping us on our toes. In fact, we have no idea what to expect next. Tomorrow the paparazzi could snap a pic of Britney dressed like a nun, fighting ninjas or even wearing blackface and we wouldn’t blink. Well… maybe we’d blink a little.

The point is, we’re tired of being f’d around with. Britney… please… pick one. Be classy, be a whore or be… well, whatever it is you are when you wear glasses and a stupid hat. Just be yourself, okay? We’ll love you no matter what (but especially if you choose “whore.”)

Fat Kids Doing Dorky Stuff Turns Out To Be Way More Popular Than Paris Giving A Bad BJ

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Our nerdy step sibling over at Web Junk has discovered a list of the top ten Internet “Viral Vidz” of all time, based on the number of times each clip has been viewed. Coming it an the top spot, with over 900 MILLION views, is the legendary “Star Wars Kid”, in which a portly young fellow wages a suprisingly skilled lightsaber battle against no one in particular (we’ve posted the clip below in honor of his Jedi-like achievement). At number two we have the infamous “Numa Numa Kid” clip, depicting an equally husky young lad (in fact, they could almost be brothers) executing a flawless choreographed dance routine to a Romanian techno song, all while sitting down in front of his computer. And the bronze medal, with 400 million views, is “One Night In Paris”, the hilarious tale of some spoiled whore who allowed a sleazy producer-type to film her sexual incompetence. Way to go, kids!

While You Were Secretly Enjoying Global Warming

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  • Britney Spears and Paris Hilton were inseparable over the Thanksgiving weekend, hitting the clubs together every night and shopping with Britney’s kids during the day. It’s all part of Britney’s plan to win custody of her kids… for Kevin.
  • Kid Rock was so enraged about his soon to be ex-wife Pamela Anderson’s involvement in the Borat movie he yelled, “You’re nothing but a whore! You’re a slut! How could you do that in a movie?” He didn’t know how to deal with his woman wearing clothes and not blowing any drummers on film.
  • The Reverend Jesse Jackson is calling for everybody to boycott the Seinfeld season 7 DVD as a way to punish Michael Richards. And as a way to protect people who have forgetten how bad the seventh season was.
  • Jennifer Love Hewitt has sparked rumors that she’s pregnant after posing for photographers in what appeared to be a maternity dress. It’s a logical assumption when you consider Love hasn’t been photographed in anything other than bikini’s and tube tops for the past 12 years.
  • Producer Jordan Kerner has bought the rights to put together a Smurfs movie trilogy. Fans of the show are already worried that it’s going to smurf big time.

Best Night Ever: Monday, November 27th

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It’s Best Night Ever for Monday, November 27th! Brian Faas is here to walk you through the best of Monday night tv, including The Bachelor: Rome, How I Met Your Mother, Studio 60, and Wifeswap!

…Of The Day

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  • COMPLETE BULLSH*T THING WE WISH WERE NOT: A Jessica Simpson sex tape. Riiiiight, and be sure to look out next week for the Jessica Alba/Biel/Simpson lesbian 3-way video. Besides, everyone knows Jessica’s dad only shoots stills. (Gullible Bloggers)
  • VAN DAMMIT: Jean Claude Van Damme will not be starring in Rush Hour 3, which means we will not be seeing Rush Hour 3. (Empire Online)
  • CASUAL ENCOUNTER: Some Fortune 500 CEO gets understandably blackmailed by a hot young thing he met on Craigslist. (The Smoking Gun)
  • HARD TIME: OJ Simpson isn’t nearly as good at golf as he is at murdering people. (TMZ)
  • PORN FOR PARIS HILTON: Here’s how cocaine is made. Keep hoovering it up, kiddies! (Cityrag)