A few days ago, we learned of an incident at Walt Disney World where Tigger, Pooh’s best friend and/or an unemployed actor in a giant tiger costume, slapping some kid across the face — and that the whole affair was caught on tape. Well, brace yourselves, because the tape has finally become public. Check it out, and then read our analysis.
1. It seems to us the kid either did something to provoke the tiger, or, considering the man is in a 100-pound plush unisuit, Tigger didn’t realize he was hitting the kid in the face. Actually, as some have pointed out, Tigger is clearly losing his balance and about to fall over the fence.
2. That being said, the kid will likely still get a good amount of money. Disney is obsessed with their sugar-coated image — take, for example, their phenomenon of exporting corpses off premises before they’re pronounced dead, so that they may tout: Disneyworld: No Dead People in 50 Years! Point being, they’ll pay this kid to shut him up…
3. And good thinking. What an annoying a-hole that teen is! We would’ve hit him to. Without the benefit of a plush-padded paw.
4. Our favorite quote: “Everyone has apologize to me but Tigger. He won’t be a man about it.”
Okay, we’ve had it with this Donald Trump / Rosie O’Donnell fight. Enough is enough. Unless the words “steel cage match” or “fight to the death” are added to this feud, we don’t want to read another word about it. Got it? Got it.
If you’re as sick of Rosie and Donald as we are, get out some frustration by playing this Rosie vs. Donald Street Fighter game. You can punch, kick, and insult your opponent into submission. If only it was that easy.
(note: Despite the fact that I just wrote about how I don’t want to read about this feud any longer, that does NOT mean that I’m not going to write about these idiots again. I have to. Like brushing my teeth, drinking my morning coffee and watching Judge Hatchett, it’s a part of my life that I just can’t ignore. Please don’t hold that against me. Thank you for understanding.)
Itâ€™s Best Night Ever for Monday, January 8th! Brian Faas is here to walk you through the best moments of Monday night TV, including: Gay, Straight, or Taken, How I Met Your Mother, Deal or No Deal, and the Flavor of Love Spin Off I Love New York!
On the left, an inbred white tiger. On the right, actor Luis GuzmÃ¡n.
Coincidence? Or retarded tiger twinnies? You decide.
There’s nothing we enjoy less than a round of “When should the troops come home” on The View. But you know what’s worse than sitting through Hasselbeck‘s furrowed brow? Capping off the liberal convo with a commercial… FOR THE ARMY. What you are about to see is exactly what was shown on ABC this morning. We cut the best quotes to give you an idea of their conversation, but keep watching… we’re dumbstruck.
If you’ve ever visited Splash News, you’d know that their bread and butter is taking pictures of celebrities doing things 24/7. (look! Courtney Cox is walking a dog! Jackpot!) Recently, though, a couple of photographers got some unexpected excitement when Paris Hilton ran out of gas; proving once and for all that she really does lead a Simple Life. Do your best not to laugh when the socialite whines “I’ve never put gas in this car. I forgot” in her trying-to-be-adorable baby voice. You’ll only encourage her.
If you want to watch the video of Paris’ car stalling, click here. But if you want to watch the video of Paris’ career stalling, click here instead.
You know how everytime you see RenÃ©e Zellweger, you’re all “who farted?” Well, it turns out, RenÃ©e’s laziness farted, as the actress finally took the time to explain her perma-stink expression:
The ‘Miss Potter’ actress has been so busy with work and away from her home so much recently she has completely neglected her domestic responsibilities.
She said: “I need to clean my house! It’s so messy now it’s practically uninhabitable. There are probably mice and cockroaches there by now!”
So now you know. RenÃ©e Zellweger lives like a hobo with a Prada bindle. You may continue on with your duties of the day.
Did you watch last night’s premiere of the new season of The Apprentice? Neither did I. In fact, last night was the lowest rated season premiere in the show’s history, finishing in third place after Desperate Housewives and Cold Case (which I’ve never even heard of). So now that “Operation: Total Jackass” – in which Donald Trump spent the entire holiday season tirelessly appearing on every celebrity news program in existence to call Rosie O’Donnell childish names – has clearly failed to drum up enough “scandal” publicity to jump-charge the flat-lining ratings for his show, The Donald must head back to the drawing board to cobble together yet another fake-harebrained scheme for getting people to watch a reality program about whether or not a bunch of aspiring yuppie d-bags can convince one enormous yuppie d-bag to give them a spot in his bloated empire of yuppie d-baggery (this year, it’s set in LA!). So far, “Plan B” publicity ideas include a) calling Anderson Cooper a “faggot” during a primetime CNN interview, b) slipping footage of a coked up Miss USA having a lesbian 3-way into the show, and c) finding “The Nielsons” (whoever they are) and having them killed.