We’ve been known to catch a Lifetime original movie every now and again, whilst basting ourselves in Ben N’ Jerry’s “Self-Pitty” and throwing pages of My Mother/My Self onto our emotional fires to stay warm. But pardon us if we cock a suspicious eyebrow towards Lifetime’s latest addition to their estro-genderrific lineup: A movie entitled Why I Wore Lipstick to My Mastectomy, featuring an original song by India.Arie called “I Am Not My Hair”. (Aren’t you, India? Aren’t you?)
Upon further research, this made-for-tv-movie is intended to be a comedy, and is based on the chick-litty book of the same name. (A-phew!) A noony comedy, no doubt. The movie premieres October 23 at 9PM ET*, so feel free to Tivo it and add it to your All-Cancer Film Festival lineup. In the meantime, we’ll be checking for karma-induced tumors in the show-show.
*For the record, we will watch it, and cry for hours.
In an effort to prove to Oprah that Steadman will never love her as much as she does, Gayle King shows off her new ride.
Your turn. Leave your Captions in the Comments now. (via)
The celebrity sleuths over at The National Enquirer have an exclusive story on “one of Hollywood’s most shocking fights ever” (guess someone hasn’t seen the Carter Brothers Battle Royal?) between Grey’s Anatomy co-stars Isaiah “Love Jones” Washington and Patrick “McDreamy” Dempsey, whose heated disagreement escalated into a no-holds-barred on-set deathmatch culminating in a “chokehold”, “shoving” and someone being called “a bitch”. Ah, how frightening it can be when two highly paid pretty boy TV stars throw down in a slapfight of kindergarten playground proportions! Luckily, the violence and bloodshed was finally diffused when Washington “stormed off to his trailer to cool off” whilst Dempsey stood silently in utter “disbelief”. But don’t sigh relief yet, as “insiders” are reporting that “the feud is far from over”. What could these gladiators possibly have in store for round 2 of their raging rumble? Only time will tell, but if peace-keeping efforts aren’t made soon, someone’s agent could end up getting a choicely-worded letter.
There’s been a lot of talk about Barbara Streisand lately — and not just surrounding her oddly come-hither rack. During her record 47th Farewell Tour, Babs attempts some SNL-worthy humor by bringing out a George W. Bush impersonator and a whole lot of political angst. Yentl then had the moxy to tell one heckler to “Shut the f*** up.” Wonder what all the controversy is about? Take a look at some of the cutting edge comedy happening in your parents’ world. We’re still waiting to see Celine Dion riding a tandem bicycle with Condoleeza Rice while singing “Power of Love”.
Memo to the NY Post: If you’re going to include this picture of Scarlett Johansson from Allure magazine in your newspaper, please give the reader fair warning. Something along the lines of “Alert: When you turn the page you’re going to see a semi-nude photograph of the sexiest woman alive (who also happens to be a role model for sexual health. Make sure you’re not eating or drinking anything, for you’ll surely choke, and if you’re a man on the subway, make sure you’re not standing too close to anybody. For obvious reasons.”
We haven’t seen this photo anywhere else online today, so you’re just going to have to enjoy this low-res scanned image. Or you can go buy The Post. It’ll probably be the best $.25 you spend today. Just make sure you’re prepared. You’ve been warned.
While you’re busy splashing fur-bedecked magazine editors with red paint and insisting that chickens each be handed a plush studio-cage, there are live animals – LIVE – who are being tortured out in the open, for all the world to see, and you guys don’t intervene. Look at this pug held by Paris Hilton, clearly being squeezed to death both physically and intellectually. Either this lil’ guy has Graves’ disease, or it’s exhibiting classic “warning signs” in the realm of “I only have a few more hours to live.”
For God’s sake, the pup even tries to slap her himself — and fails.
Please, unzip your bloodstained cow costumes, take a long look in the mirror, and hotfoot it to LA where hundreds of toy animals are experiencing this torture on a daily basis.
The World Including, But Not Limited To, Blind People
When you woke up Monday morning to discover that North Korea is testing real working nuclear weapons, your mind might have been sent reeling with all the fears and questions such a scenario presents. Well, if there’s one person who understands the nuances of global military conflict and diplomacy, it’s the man who brought us Airplane!, Top Secret!, The Naked Gun! and the last 3 Scary Movies(!). Yes, screwball film director David Zucker made a campaign ad outlining all the vaudvillian, slapstick ways in which the Democrats (namely, Madeleine Albright in drag) have single-handedly allowed evil to thrive in the world. For some reason, the Republicans never chose to run the ads, but thanks to the wonders of YouTube, we can all enjoy it here to today. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, and you just might learn something. But mostly you’ll cry.
It’s Best Night Ever for Tuesday, October 10th! Dan Hopper is here to walk you through the best of Tuesday night tv, including Dancing with The Stars, Law & Order and Nip/Tuck!