Prosthetic Limbs: So Hop Right Now

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AMAZRACEDOLPH.JPGWe here at BWE are noticing an interesting trend: prosthetic limbs. Move over slowly Heather Mills, technology and reality are making prosthetic limbs a hot new accessory. Take The Amazing Race this season, which features a three-legged team: Peter and poor incredibly-strong Sarah. Sarah’s been a real trooper (she’s a motivational speaker, p.s.), hoofing it across continents with a futuristic prosthetic limb that’s lightning fast! Well, when it isn’t leaking hydraulic fluid… and when her boyfriend/weird aggressive dad figure isn’t talking to her like she’s a mentally ill fifth grader… But other than that, that leg is a benefit! Especially when she shows it off to a group of Mongolians by performing a shuttle run and dancing the Roger Rabbit for some pocket change. (The good news it, judging by her upper-bod, Sarah could tear Peter to shreds, which we hope happens in an upcoming epi. We really can’t stand his attitude towards her.)

Today, we learned that an adorable baby dolphin named Winter who lost her tail in an unfortunate human-related accident might be getting a prosthetic tail instead! Ayayay! Poor lil’ Winter will need three different prosthetic tails as she gets bigger, kind of like dolphin training wheels. And while the cost of said tails will exceed $100,000, here’s an idea: why doesn’t a company sponsor the tail? You know, like a racecar? I’d be happy to go out and buy a pool-load of Tide if I knew little Winter’s life depended on it.

ICYMI: Sony Has Balls

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There’s not much to say about this full-length European TV spot for Sony’s new “Bravia” TV other than it combines a Jose Gonzales cover of The Knife and 250,000 bouncing Super Balls to create a mind-blowing symphony of awesomeness.

CINEMA’S GOLDEN AGE: Jackasses

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jackass2_rt.jpg1. “Hey dudes, wouldn’t it be, like, hilarious if I shoved this aardvark halfway up my ass while rollerblading and screaming the lyrics to ‘Knights in White Satin’, and then I fall down?”$28.1 million

2. Watching Chinese people fly around and do karate moves really never gets old, does it? – $10.6 million

3. Yes! Another entry into my favorite film genre, “Movies in which an idealistic teacher must use unconventional methods to get through to violent, unruly inner-city high school students”. I’d say The Rock falls somewhere between Antonio Banderas and Michelle Pfeiffer on the scale of Leadership Figure Effectiveness – $9.7 million

4. You know, someone should really re-make Top Gun, but set it in the twenties have it be a little less gay. Yippee! – $6 million

5. This flick is about two talking squirrels and one underground ant colony metropolis away from being The Greatest Animated Movie of All Month$4.75 million

ICYMI: Vitas, the Russian Clay Aiken

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VITAS.JPGSometimes, we here in America don’t even know how good we have it. Take Russian singing sensation Vitas — pozhaluista! (“please!”) Vitas is a mega-celebrity in the Eastern hemisphere, selling out concerts in Asia, Russia and Eastern Europe. He differetiates himself from the Russian competition by singing cutting edge punk anthems on his acclaimed testosto-albums “The Songs of My Mother”, “Mama”, and “Philosophy….. of a Miracle….” (emphasis ours.) There is a treasure trove of Vitas-related hilarity out there, including, but not limited to, his website’s gallery, and the moonman getups he prefers to perform in. Want to know what all the fuss is about? Please, watch this video and see for yourselves. We don’t want to ruin the surprise.

Something tells us this guy is going to be huge in the States… like Farinelli Furtado, or something. (via ONTD)

ICYMI: Muppets With Attitude

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While the Muppet folks were busy getting their muppet panties up in a bunch over Triumph The Insult Comic Dog (apparently they don’t like it when rubber dogs have their way with Ernie on stage), Kermit and a few of his closest friends were trying their hand at gangsta rap. Check out this hilarious mash-up of the Muppets performing N.W.A’s “F**k The Police”. I know it’s only Monday, but something tells me this is the best thing you’re going to see all week.
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While You Were Piecing Together The Weekend

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  • Aaron Carter has ended his engagement to Playboy model Kari Ann Peniche after just nine days. Apparently it took him that long to determine that “girls are gross.”
  • Kate Moss has reportedly agreed to marry Pete Doherty. No wedding date has been set yet, but the couple has already registered with that shady dude Hector who hangs out in the alley by your apartment and the The Priory rehab center in England.
  • Sorry folks, but K-Fed has decided to leave the track that started it all, “PoPoZao”, off his new album. Fans who want to hear the track can still find it online, or wait until they die and are forced to listen to it on a continuous loop in hell.
  • Paul McCartney says he’s “doing fine” despite the turmoil surrounding the breakup of his marriage. He also pointed out that he’s standing on his own two feet… which is more than his ex can say.
  • Mel Gibson has spoken out against the war in Iraq and says that American civilization is on the decline. Not surprisingly, he said this after getting pulled over in Baghdad, before drunkenly proclaiming that he “owns Tikrit.”

Best Night Ever: Sunday, September 24th

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It’s Best Night Ever for Sunday, September 24th! Lang is here to walk you through the best of Sunday night tv, including The Simpsons, Amazing Race, and Desperate Housewives!

Best of the Best Week Ever: Do You Think He’s an Elmo-Sexual?

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Elmo.JPGWhat did we learn this week kids? Well, we learned that:

Make sure to tune into Vh1 tonight at 11 pm for an all new episode of Best Week Ever! Tonight’s drinking game is: “Things Children Like.” So whenever you see something a child likes, honor that spark in a younguns eye by taking a sip of straight vodka and passing out on your blankie.

Lindsay & Harry: Did They Ever Have A Chance?

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lindsay_lohan.jpgThought we’d always be together,
I was sure our love would last.
Here I am, all alone, wond’rin’ what went wrong.
Did we ever have a chance?

Did they ever have a chance? That’s the question on the lips of so many Americans today as the news of Lindsay Lohan and Harry Morton’s breakup spreads around the country. Two youngsters so full of promise and so full of love, splitting and going their own separate ways on this crazy planet we call Earth. Optimists will say that they are young, and perhaps this breakup is nothing but a stepping stone for the pair- an obstacle that the two will overcome that will ultimately strengthen their bond. Others will say that this is it for MortHan (if that happens to be what you call them), and that even though they weren’t right for each other, the experience of being together will make them better people and provide them with memories that will last a lifetime. Either way; that crazy little thing called love died a little bit today. And nobody– nobody– could ever say otherwise. MortHan… you will be missed.

What did we promise to each other?
What were the words we said?
Lookin’ back to yesterday,
When we started off,
Did we ever have a clue what love was all about?

You said it, Zack Attack. You said it.

YOUTUBULAR: Saturday Morning Cartoon Fever

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I have no idea what this video is, where it came from or what it means, but it’s insanely awesome and it’s Friday and you really need to see it. Anyone who can translate it so I can figure out what the hell’s going on gets a special prize. (via CC Insider)