Mac Man Dies, PC Guy Lives On

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mac pc.jpgProving once and for all that PC’s have a better shelf life than Mac’s, Apple has ditched Justin “I’m a Mac” Long in a new series of ads.

A rep for Long told Radar that the reason Justin won’t be reprising his role as Mr. Mac is because “Justin’s a movie star, not a commercial guy.” She’s right. Though if he keeps making movies like these, “commercial guy” is going to sound really good in a couple of years.

No word yet as to who will be taking on the role as the new Mac guy. We recommend Nick Kroll, naturally.

BWE: The Adam Duritz Back-Tat Hall Of Fame

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Today Gawker posted a photograph of a woman who has clearly earned the title of “Anderson Cooper’s #1 Fan.” It reminded us of our favorite celebrity tattoo: the Adam Duritz Back-Tat. With all the bad celebrity ink out there, it’s clear that somebody has to start documenting it. That’s why we present to you The Adam Duritz Back-Tat Hall Of Fame. Do you have a picture of a celeb permanently sketched into your body? Send it to us today! You’ll be in good company; here’s the inaugural HOF class (click to enlarge):
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Weird Al Tat via Type Brighter
Maddox Jolie Tat via CityRag
Send your nominees to info@bwe.tv

SIZZLER: Was the Sex Tape K-Fed’s Fail-Safe?

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britstorms.jpgAs we scramble to make sense of the divorce bombshell the Spederlines dropped on us yesterday, and with shocking developments still breaking, here’s what we’ve been able to ascertain about the sequence of events thus far:

  • Britney mysteriously appears on Letterman for another one of her random PR stunts, faking us out by seemingly heralding her return to hotness, though in light of latter events, it would actually appear as if she was very publicly clearing her throat to get our attention so that she might set into motion “Operation Fed-Ex”.
  • Out of nowhere, while we’re all looking the other way at Election Day coverage, TMZ quietly posts an exclusive report that Britney has filed for divorce. Our minds are blown and our worlds are rocked like Pearl Harbor and the JFK Assassination happening simultaneously.
  • Ten minutes later, we’re looking at the actual divorce filing papers, along with a genuine copy of their prenuptual agreement. We have no idea how we’ve obtained these documents so quickly, we no longer care about the United States electoral process, and it is starting to dawn on us that maybe this is all playing out like a carefully designed plan, the type concocted by, say, a high-powered entertainment attorney.
  • Fifteen minutes later, Us Weekly is running a surprisingly detailed account of the personal events leading up to the destruction of this most sacred of marriages. We’re now, perhaps naively belated, totally positive that this stuff isn’t all happening by coincidence.
  • Coincidentally, we stumble across more evidence of Kevin Federline’s unbearable awfulness. While it is in no way related to the situation at hand, we post it anyway.
  • We imagine that K-Fed was “chillin” (probably in a wife-beater, and probably high) yesterday when he heard the news that Britney was closing the mine-shaft from which he’s been digging his gold. Kevin immediately puts down his morning bowl of Olde English and Frosted Flakes, and leaps into action by retreiving a Cubic Zirconia-encrusted suitcase and depressing the red Doomsday Button that triggers his long-planned – and recently legalized – Fail-Safe scenario.
  • This morning, footage of what appears to be either Britney Spears (or her evil – and awesome – twin sister) giving an enthusiastic BJ appears on the Internets (NSFW, obvs) with frighteningly coincidental timing.

If this were the pop culture equivalent of 9/11, think of BWE.tv as CNN. We’re indefinitely going to be “All Britney, All the Time”.

The View Knows How to Hook A Bitch Up!

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One of our favorite teams on The Amazing Race, Coalminer David and wife Mary, were sadly “Philiminated” from the show this past Sunday. And while we always appreciated them, we don’t even came close to the borderline obsession exhibited by View host Rosie O’Donnell. The following is a clip from earlier this week when the team visited the show, and while the interview is nice enough (learn how the couple met, how cute they think gays are), we were not even prepaaaared for what happens at the end. It’s a serious OMG-squealing moment!

GAMES: I Am Such a Logo Whore!

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AMAZON1.JPGThe name of the game? Guess the Logo. The objective seems simple enough: 10 questions featuring logos you see on a nearly everyday basis — only each one looks a little different. Can you guess the right one? “No problem!” you say. Then you actually play the game and realize you have no idea what anything looks like anymore. We’ve played it roughly 2,398 times and still can’t figure out the differences in the Yahoo! emblem.

The game also has a strangely addictive quality — play it a few times, and see how fast you can pick all of the logos correctly. We’ll even challenge you to guess them all under 10 seconds, punk. Leave your highest scores in the comments section, as well as helpful tips! (via BoingBoing)

Brit 2 K-Fed: It’s Ova. ROTFL. KIT!

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Listen people: if you’re already sick of hearing about Britney & K-Fed, you might want to take the day off from BWE.tv. If you thought we talked too much about Borat, just wait until you see what we do with these two. We have no choice. It’s in our blood. Deal with it.

Here’s a video we found over at WWTDD profiling America’s Most Hated. In the clip, we learn that K-Fed may have actually found out Britney was leaving him via text message. LOL indeed.

Michael Jackson to Ruin Remaining Happy Memory

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MICHAELJACKSON.JPGIf there is one word we would never think to use for singer-cum-skeledemon Michael Jackson it’s this: Self-aware. Which is why he probably has no idea just how scarring his latest career move is. Jackson plans on recreating the entire video including famous graveyard scene from his hit music video Thriller at the Chopard Diamond Awards in London, given to artists who’ve sold over 100 million records. See, here’s the thing about that. 25 years ago, we knew that those zombies in the video were just actors in 80s-era makeup, and that Michael’s spooky appearance were thanks to yellow contact lenses.

Now, however, we fear that Michael Jackson singing and dancing as a reanimated zombie to Thriller would seem all too real. His albino 88-pound frame springing up from a freshly dug grave, his Skeletor face searing its image in the minds of millions of children unfamiliar with the original… will he still be serenading Ola Ray with yellow contacts and whiskers?!? (Cue full bodied horror chills.) It’s either going to be the single most disturbing performance ever, or the most hilarious thing we’ve ever seen.

While You Were Dealing w/ Your Election Hangover

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  • Britney Spears appeared upbeat in New York City just hours after filing for divorce. Ex-husband what’s-his-name also appeared somewhere feeling something, but already nobody cares.
  • Lindsay Lohan was reportedly involved in another car accident caused by the paparazzi after leaving Hyde last night. She’s now been rear-ended outside of Hyde almost as often as she’s been rear-ended inside.
  • John Kerry told an audience in Philadelphia that “attacking Patrick Murphy for his [military] service is a little bit like Jessica Simpson attacking Albert Einstein’s IQ.” He then took a pause, looked around the room, and added “Take my wife, please!”
  • President Bush announced that he planned on staying up past his bedtime to watch election results last night. It was the first time he saw the sunset in 6 1/2 years.
  • Simon Cowell was booed offstage while giving his best man speech at a friend’s wedding. Ahh… sweet, sweet revenge.

…OF THE DAY

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  • DAMAGED GOODS: Britney Spears, when one takes a gander at the pics “Before and After” K-Fed laid waste to once fertile lands. (CollegeHumor)
  • CRAPPY SERVICE: A Greyhound bus emptied its latrine in traffic, covering an Ohio family in human waste. And we thought nothing could be more disgusting than sitting next to the drunk old hobo who just peed himself. (The Smoking Gun)
  • FOLEY FACTS: The Unit’s Scott Foley is engaged. Washington’s Mark Foley is still a pedophile. (People)
  • GOOD NEWS FOR POST-APOCALYPTIC JEWS: Mel Gibson will not be reprising the rold of Mad Max in the fourth intallment of the film franchise. (DigitalSpy)
  • BWE PANELIST PASTIME: Giving interviews to comedy blogs, such as Frangela on The Apiary and Christian Finnegan on Dead Frog. (The Apiary, Dead Frog)
  • IN TOO DEEP: Genesis is reuniting, but “not for the money”. It’s actually more for the things they will be able to buy with the money. (BBC)