CAPTION THIS: Gay Guevara

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When you’re onstage performing 3rd rate emo anthems for a crowd of tens of adoring adolescent fans, dressed like a member of the Ku Klux Klan, you might be taking your hate-fueled crusade against blogging a little too far. You say Leto, I say Catalano, but one thing is certain – the revolution will not be blogged about.

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Seriously kids, read blogs or end up looking like this:

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(pics via MollyGood)

GAMES: Happy Jew Year, Mel Gibson!

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In honor of the Jewish New Year this past weekend, this week’s game is So You Think You Can Drive, Mel Gibson? Try your best to pick up as many tequila bottles as possible while also avoiding state troopers and those pesky Flying Stars O’David. Sorry, fellas — no flying sugartits in this version… but feel free to bat around some caramel-filled balloons in your cubicle for the ultimate Mel Gibson experience.

Even Jodie Foster Used To Be Fun

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jodie.jpgCityrag stumbled upon this gallery of old candid celebrity photographs on Flickr and reminded us of something we had completely forgotten about: old famous people people used to be fun! Tom Cruise, Mel Gibson and Jodie Foster weren’t always crazy, anti-semetic and boring as all hell. They were like Zach Braff, Colin Farrell and Lindsay Lohan… but talented! What a world!

So that begs the question: which current actor or actress is going to grow up and become a restrained, boring Jodie Foster-of-a-celebrity? Jessica Simpson? Paris? Steve-O? Whoever it is, it’s probably going to surprise us. What’s your guess? (For the record, I’m going with Hilary Duff. Just a hunch.)

Prosthetic Limbs: So Hop Right Now

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AMAZRACEDOLPH.JPGWe here at BWE are noticing an interesting trend: prosthetic limbs. Move over slowly Heather Mills, technology and reality are making prosthetic limbs a hot new accessory. Take The Amazing Race this season, which features a three-legged team: Peter and poor incredibly-strong Sarah. Sarah’s been a real trooper (she’s a motivational speaker, p.s.), hoofing it across continents with a futuristic prosthetic limb that’s lightning fast! Well, when it isn’t leaking hydraulic fluid… and when her boyfriend/weird aggressive dad figure isn’t talking to her like she’s a mentally ill fifth grader… But other than that, that leg is a benefit! Especially when she shows it off to a group of Mongolians by performing a shuttle run and dancing the Roger Rabbit for some pocket change. (The good news it, judging by her upper-bod, Sarah could tear Peter to shreds, which we hope happens in an upcoming epi. We really can’t stand his attitude towards her.)

Today, we learned that an adorable baby dolphin named Winter who lost her tail in an unfortunate human-related accident might be getting a prosthetic tail instead! Ayayay! Poor lil’ Winter will need three different prosthetic tails as she gets bigger, kind of like dolphin training wheels. And while the cost of said tails will exceed $100,000, here’s an idea: why doesn’t a company sponsor the tail? You know, like a racecar? I’d be happy to go out and buy a pool-load of Tide if I knew little Winter’s life depended on it.

ICYMI: Sony Has Balls

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There’s not much to say about this full-length European TV spot for Sony’s new “Bravia” TV other than it combines a Jose Gonzales cover of The Knife and 250,000 bouncing Super Balls to create a mind-blowing symphony of awesomeness.

CINEMA’S GOLDEN AGE: Jackasses

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jackass2_rt.jpg1. “Hey dudes, wouldn’t it be, like, hilarious if I shoved this aardvark halfway up my ass while rollerblading and screaming the lyrics to ‘Knights in White Satin’, and then I fall down?”$28.1 million

2. Watching Chinese people fly around and do karate moves really never gets old, does it? – $10.6 million

3. Yes! Another entry into my favorite film genre, “Movies in which an idealistic teacher must use unconventional methods to get through to violent, unruly inner-city high school students”. I’d say The Rock falls somewhere between Antonio Banderas and Michelle Pfeiffer on the scale of Leadership Figure Effectiveness – $9.7 million

4. You know, someone should really re-make Top Gun, but set it in the twenties have it be a little less gay. Yippee! – $6 million

5. This flick is about two talking squirrels and one underground ant colony metropolis away from being The Greatest Animated Movie of All Month$4.75 million

ICYMI: Vitas, the Russian Clay Aiken

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VITAS.JPGSometimes, we here in America don’t even know how good we have it. Take Russian singing sensation Vitas — pozhaluista! (“please!”) Vitas is a mega-celebrity in the Eastern hemisphere, selling out concerts in Asia, Russia and Eastern Europe. He differetiates himself from the Russian competition by singing cutting edge punk anthems on his acclaimed testosto-albums “The Songs of My Mother”, “Mama”, and “Philosophy….. of a Miracle….” (emphasis ours.) There is a treasure trove of Vitas-related hilarity out there, including, but not limited to, his website’s gallery, and the moonman getups he prefers to perform in. Want to know what all the fuss is about? Please, watch this video and see for yourselves. We don’t want to ruin the surprise.

Something tells us this guy is going to be huge in the States… like Farinelli Furtado, or something. (via ONTD)

ICYMI: Muppets With Attitude

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While the Muppet folks were busy getting their muppet panties up in a bunch over Triumph The Insult Comic Dog (apparently they don’t like it when rubber dogs have their way with Ernie on stage), Kermit and a few of his closest friends were trying their hand at gangsta rap. Check out this hilarious mash-up of the Muppets performing N.W.A’s “F**k The Police”. I know it’s only Monday, but something tells me this is the best thing you’re going to see all week.
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While You Were Piecing Together The Weekend

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  • Aaron Carter has ended his engagement to Playboy model Kari Ann Peniche after just nine days. Apparently it took him that long to determine that “girls are gross.”
  • Kate Moss has reportedly agreed to marry Pete Doherty. No wedding date has been set yet, but the couple has already registered with that shady dude Hector who hangs out in the alley by your apartment and the The Priory rehab center in England.
  • Sorry folks, but K-Fed has decided to leave the track that started it all, “PoPoZao”, off his new album. Fans who want to hear the track can still find it online, or wait until they die and are forced to listen to it on a continuous loop in hell.
  • Paul McCartney says he’s “doing fine” despite the turmoil surrounding the breakup of his marriage. He also pointed out that he’s standing on his own two feet… which is more than his ex can say.
  • Mel Gibson has spoken out against the war in Iraq and says that American civilization is on the decline. Not surprisingly, he said this after getting pulled over in Baghdad, before drunkenly proclaiming that he “owns Tikrit.”

Best Night Ever: Sunday, September 24th

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It’s Best Night Ever for Sunday, September 24th! Lang is here to walk you through the best of Sunday night tv, including The Simpsons, Amazing Race, and Desperate Housewives!