The Battle Of Who Could Care Less, Fool More

by

benfolds2.jpgAt a recent New York City gig, pianoman Ben Folds decided to take a break from singing about abortions long enough to punk a few thousand fans. Suck on that, ticket-buying public!

With the help of Improv Everywhere, Folds fooled a sold out Hammerstein Ballroom into thinking that he and his band had been caught lip syncing. But rather than dance off stage a la Ashlee Simpson, they came up with a much better way to get out of trouble. You know what, I’m not doing this justice. Read about the whole thing here.

Link via Stereogum

While You Were Prepping Your Thanksgiving Dinner Arguments

by

Usher.JPG

…OF THE DAY

by

CARROTTOP.JPG

  • PERSON OF THE YEAR: Time Magazine is only weeks away from naming its coveted “Person Of The Year”, and so far, it’s shaping up to be “You.” No, seriously: YOU. So wipe the Velveeta off your face and put on your “clean” sweats… you’ve got a cover shoot to prepare for! (WWD Online)
  • CATFIGHT: Justin Timberlake rags on an anonymous source in his latest tune, and some skeptics are claiming the song is slamming Janet Jackson. The song goes something like “Hey tinynose/ Hey nippleface/ Flashin yo t*tty/ Yo big ol’ breast right in my faaace…” (MSNBC’s The Scoop)
  • TRANSEXUAL CHOCOLATE: Eddie Murphy claims that acting eased the pain of his divorce… well, that, and the warmth of a gigantic “woman” hand paid to stroke his shoulders in the back of a pick-up. (People Magazine)
  • ROSACEA STONE: All jokes aside, WTF is wrong with Carrot Top‘s face? He’s starting to look like a Richard Simmons… but gay. (Cityrag)
  • NERD SUICIDE WATCH: The newly-svelte Peter Jackson is waywayway too busy doing ab crunches to worry about making The Hobbit into a movie. In a related story, Elijah Wood‘s sex life is quoted as saying it’s “never been happier.” (E! Online)

The Night David Blaine Stole Christmas

by

david blaine1.jpgAfter failing to break the world record for holding his breath underwater on live television with his last stunt, David Blaine has decided to up the stakes. For his next “magic trick,” Blaine will be strapped to a gyroscope in Times Square and has 16 hours to escape. But this time, if he fails he won’t just disappoint his fans… he’ll disappoint those less fortunate too. From The Daily News:

The magician traveled to Times Square on Tuesday for a topsy-turvy Thanksgiving escape, stepping inside a gyroscope where his hands and feet will eventually be shackled. Blaine has until Friday morning to shed his shackles in the spinning scope; if he does, 100 children selected by The Salvation Army will go on a shopping spree.

Now, forget about whether or not David Blaine is going to fail on a grand scale and disappoint one hundred underprivileged kids… I’m more impressed that the guy figured out a way to get out of Thanksgiving dinner with the family. “Sorry guys, I’d love to make it… but I’m gonna be strapped in a gyroscope above Times Squre. For charity. Tell Uncle Jerry I said hi.”

Nice job Blaine! You finally impressed us.

Payless Shoes: Stepping It Up, Star Style!

by

brookepayless.JPGDiscount cobbler Payless ShoeSource is seriously having one of its best days yet. First of all, we learn that Disney has signed on to create a line of shoes featuring various Disney characters. Meaning those Buzz Lightyear patent ankleboots little Sally wants will only set you back a coupla bucks. Then, we learn that high-end fashion designer Lela Rose, known for creating gowns that sell for thousands of dollars, will be designing a line of shoes for the vinyl-loving company — though her designs will rely heavily on fabric, meaning you won’t end up with a stink-bootie after 3 days of wear.

But by far the best thing to happen to Payless today? TMZ has exclusive photos of a major celebrity shopping there — and not just any celebrity, but VH1 Homecoming Princess Brooke Hogan! It’s the kind of candid photo that says “It doesn’t really feel that good to pay less”… that, or “My pearls!” from some bootlegged version of Clue.

But we think we have an explanation — It’s not her bank account forcing her to shop there, rather her humongous hooves. The 5’11″ Brooke sports a robust size 12 shoe — And not that we’d know from experience (we’re not 12′s, we swear), but Payless does go up to a 12, a size stores very rarely carry. We’ll stop defending her now, and send our congrats to Payless for all this “buzz.”

How I Met Your… wait for it… Mother Is Awesome

by

Our pal Lindsayism put it best: “last night’s episode of How I Met Your Mother was, hands down, the BEST EVER.”

It really was. If you haven’t seen it, go watch the full episode on Innertube now. Seriously, do it. If you did see it, here’s the video that brought the show to the next level. Watch it, then meet me at the mall and we’ll talk about how radical it is.

I now have a huge crush on Robin Sparkles. If she was on a poster I’d totally hang it up in my locker.

Tom Has No Idea Where To Find That Loving Feeling

by

topgun.jpgAs we mentioned this morning, Tom Cruise serenaded new bride Katie Holmes at their wedding with a Top Gun-esque rendition of “You Lost That Loving Feeling.” We didn’t think much of it (we’re trying to pretend that everything post-Oprah is just a figment of our imagination anyway), but then something struck us. Have you ever heard the song? Jesus, talk about a downer!

You never close your eyes any more
When I kiss your lips
And there’s no tenderness like before
In your fingertips
You’re trying hard not to show it baby
But baby, baby I know it

You’ve lost that loving feeling
Oh, that loving feeling
You’ve lost that loving feeling
Now it’s gone, gone, gone

Um… this should go without saying, but when you’re singing a song with the lyrics like these at your wedding, your marriage is probably in trouble. I’m just sayin’. Read the rest of the words to this lovely wedding song below.

Read more…