The above wisdom was doled out by — who else — Law & Order SVU crime victim Elisabeth Hasselbeck. On yesterday’s airing of The View, “Shouldn’t It Be Wo-Menopause”-Comedienne Joy Behar and “I Wipe Myself” Co-Host Hasselbeck came to blows over the comments made by John Kerry regarding improving one’s education to avoid serving in Iraq. Watch for yourself, and take sides in the comments section. (Oh yeah. We’re getting political.)
Nothing pleases us more than being on The Price Is Right beat, so we’d like to pass on the guy Page Six is rumoring to be Bob Barker’s replacement: One meteorologist Dave Price. (Price? Get it? He’s definitely more talented than Cleveland’s most famous traffic reporter, John DePreisis.) We’ve always has a mini-crush on Dave from back in his Fox Weatherman days, even though he looks almost exactly like Arvid from Head of the Class. But choosing a replacement already? For shame CBS! We’re still reeling from the news of Barker’s departure! We would also like to note that, if this picture is any indication, spaying and/or neuturing is the last thing on Mr. Price’s mind. Seriously, if Bob were dead (God forbid, spit three times), he’d be rolling over in his lucite coffin.
On the left, 2006 Latin Recording Academy Person of The Year, aka Ricky Martin. On the right, a Cockatiel. Apparently, when people ask “What ever happened to Ricky Martin?” the answer is “Oh, Ricky? He’s been getting haircuts from the blind for the past 5 or so years.” Then again, take the word “cockatiel”, change the “iel” to an “ease”, and you pretty much have Ricky Martin summed up in a overly-lotioned nutshell.
Our buddy Zach Kahn guest stars in a lot of movies. Unfortunately, most of his cameos get cut out. Check out his newest deleted scene from the movie Saw. I’m not sure why they left this on the cutting room floor (pun completely intended).
Usually, a headline such as the one above would indicate that “rocker”-cum-toothless-hobo Pete Doherty had finally flown too close to the heroin-addled sun and overdosed on drugs. This morning, however, is an exception. As it seems Pete Doherty was rushed to the ER after getting fiance Kate Moss‘s engagement ring stuck on his finger. In an article that reads straight out of the Perfect Strangers handbook, Doherty shoved Kate’s ring on as a goof and quickly realized it wasn’t coming off. This is simple science: When your girlfriend’s hand looks like a reanimated limb from the Grim Reaper himself, ideally you wouldn’t want to put the Cheerio-sized metal loop on your own finger.
Luckily, expert staff at the Princess Grace Hospital were able to use enough Crisco to clip the thing off (the very definition of foreshadowing, if you ask us). We’re not big fans of Doherty, but if he keeps up slapstick antics like this, we’ll have no choice but to love the horribly b.o.’d googly-eyed stard. We hope he accepts our congratulations for his second non-drug related hospital visit in his lifetime. (The first being his birth.)
- According to People, Katie Holmes and Brooke Shields are new best friends. Aww, it’s nice to see a good brainwashing bring two people together like that.
- Madonna has devised a genius marketing method for her new children’s book: “Read it or I’ll adopt you!”
- And this year’s award for best celebrity Halloween costume has to go to Britney Spears for her bold “barely incognito and somewhat bloated spouse of douchebag rapper” ensemble.
- Flavor Flav has successfully produced his seventh offspring. Too bad it wasn’t with his current Flavor of Love sweetheart, because Deelishis Flavor would have been an excellent name.
- Is McDreamy a McWifebeater? You decide!
It’s Best Night Ever for Wednesday, November 1st! Brian Faas is here to walk you through the best of Wednesday night tv, including Lost, The Rich List and 30 Rock!
- B-LIST CLIP: Call Congressman Mark Foley what you will: A liar, a child molester, an elliptical-heavy IM-er, but DON’T call him a bad actor. (Radar Online)
- BUMP: Is Angelina Jolie pregnant? Or did somebody have refried beans for lunch? (Star Magazine)
- MARRIAGE LOTTERY: Ryan Phillippe may have lost wife Reese Witherspoon, but it looks like he’s about to gain an undeserved fortune — they never had a pre-nup! (TMZ.com)
- ANTICIPATED EVENT: We plan on spending the next few weeks blogging outdoors, as we want to be first in line to buy tickets to the Designing Women musical. We’ve been keeping our ring finger vacant until the blessed day comes when we finally meet Meshach Taylor, upon which we will overnight a hoopa to our place of worship (Whittier Daily News).
- FAVORITE HALLOWEEN COSTUME: Gina and Pam from Martin go as Tyra Banks and Miss Jay Alexander — and look scarily good. (ONTD)
Here are some of today’s most memorable pictures. Click the orange “left and right” arrows to flip through them all.
Playboy has some more Halloween pics (fairly SFW).
So our snobby (and newly estrogen-fueled) friends over at Gawker have decided that the phrase “douche” – along all of its wonderous incarnations here on the Intertubes – is now “over” (they even linked to this column as proof supporting their claim – ouch!). The venerable NYC gossip blog, they who so recently created a Douchebag Hall of Fame, have apparently taken a 180 degree turn with their culture-dictating keyboards by suddenly declaring a moratorium on the phrase to which this daily feature owes its name, and calling upon their readers to offer suggestions for a worthy replacement (the resulting comments will be the funniest thing you read all day). Under most circumstances, I would pay no mind to the flighty opinions of my gossip-mongering peers. Though I must confess their sentiments have struck a chord, as I too have recently noticed a sudden overabundance of that word here on the Internets. While I blame this unfortunate circumstance mostly on Jared Leto, I have no choice but seek your counsel, dear readers, as I attempt to determine whether this distingished award for Daily Idiotic Excellence should henceforth be renamed to something Gawker Media would deem more “now” (and if so, what?), or whether it should shoulder on with its present douche-loving moniker. Give me your votes in the poll, your suggestions in the comments, and let us determine once and for all the Destiny of the Douche.